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  • Artist Info:
    January 29th, 2025.
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    Dear profile visitor:<br />
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    Let me put you in context:<br />
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    My name is Nat. I'm Mexican, living in Santiago de Chile since August 2024. I'm a musician: jazz musician. Pianist, drummer, arranger, composer, songwriter and bandleader. And I'm rebuilding my life after so many wrong choices I've done within the past 10 years. I'm in a beautiful relationship with a chilean woman, that's the main reason I migrated here. The other reason is that I got tired of México and life there. As simple as that. <br />
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    Whoever you are, I'm quite impressed that you made it into my profile. <br />
    As you can see on the profile information, I registered here on June 16th, 2009. That was 15 years ago, as of today's date. <br />
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    This year, this profile will turn 16 years old and all I can say is that, naturally, I no longer use it. I'm writing this letter(?) mostly for myself and whoever comes into this profile because of nostalgia. I have some hearty words to say while doing so and I'll begin with my oldest memory of this place,<br />
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    I registered here because of my online girlfriend from that time. I was a 15 years old back then; a little old for this site, for the medium age for the users back then was around 12 or 13 years old. In that very begining I couldn't speak a fluent english, neither write it. I still cannot speak it quite properly but in 16 years it's only logical that I do way better.<br />
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    This site was a magical place for me, in where I could be romantic and fantastic without feeling judged at all. My online girlfriend back then was so close to me, so attached that I couldn't say "no" to her. I wasn't going to register, but she insisted. And as soon as I did, I got a lot of fun and happiness. This site was my go-to site when I was bored back then, and eventually it became my priority. The years passed, I met some people here... People I was very close to, such as reef2, choices, Jarcol Humor and "Davey". People I still remember with a lot of love in my heart, even though they may not remember me, we were as close as an oreo cookie.<br />
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    In this site I learnt about my sexuality; once thinking I was gay, now knowing that I'm not and I was just trying to fit in. This site was my world; I had very close friends, I had very beautiful moments, I had drama as well (I was a teenager after all), I got into roleplaying, I got in contests, I even dared myself to push my limits and learnt to draw for commissions. This site was everything to me. <br />
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    I'll never forget the closest people I met here and I have a few words for them. I don't expect them to come here after so many years, but if someday they do and they come to my profile, they'll know I still think of you from time to time, I keep you in my heart as I said so many years ago and I just wish that... We could still be friends. <br />
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    I'll begin with the one I loved the most: reef2. <br />
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    Reefy, my dear Reefy. You know I loved you madly. You were my best friend here. One of the first persons I met here and the one who became the closest for the following few years. I remember our nights in Chatzy and how you could come online only 2 times a week, every 2 days. Rules were weird back then. You were very beautiful as well, I remember you dearly; your blue eyes and your long hair, and I used to say you looked like Matilda. I keep forever the good moments we had together, in Windows Live Messenger, having calls that lasted hours and how you mocked me about my Spanish accent, and how I couldn't speak a proper English. Personally, as of today, I don't understand why we separated. I don't remember either, but all I can think of is that it happened because of a very weird egoist and narcisist phase I had, in where I didn't treat people kindly. I believe I did that to you as well, and I want to tell you that I'm profoundly sorry and that I really wish I didn't give you some trauma or something that lasted longer after we separated. You really were the bee's knees. I remember you quite often, to tell you the truth, for you gave me so many joy and so many good times, for so many time that It is just impossible to forget you. <br />
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    I remember telling you many times that I would never, ever forget you. And that is true, it remains true and it will remain like that for the rest of my life, for you were really a most important person during a hard time in my life. <br />
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    You were my friend. And friends are a blessing. I say this at this age now, that I've lived so many things and I've gone through so many ups and downs... Today, having a friend is a wholesome blessing, and I only wish we still were friends. <br />
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    I miss you, my love. And I'll do so for the rest of my life. I hope you have a sane life.<br />
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    Next, I'd like to call on choices: <br />
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    Choices, my dearest friend; reefy's partner for years. You were there whenever I had bad moments with reefy. You were there to hug me, to hear me, to comfort me whenever I felt bad and reefy wasn't around. You definitely became a most important part of my life as well, I cannot deny that. You might think that I saw you as "reefy's girlfriend" but the truth is that I always saw you and I see you as "Em". From the Chatzy group, you were the kindest, the most mature, the most self-centered and I remember how you really helped me out when I was going on through the time I discovered I liked men. You were kind, you were soft and loving and you became like a sister to me. A very close and dear sister. We never ever fought, I can remember that perfectly, you were always kind with me and never a bad feeling. I've seen your facebook profile from time to time, out of nostalgia, and I think of speaking to you, but I then think it's just too many years and it would be awkward. <br />
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    Life has it's changes and I don't doubt we've changed too. I just wish you're having a normal, quiet and non-stressful life. I love you. <br />
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    Next, I'd like to call out on Jarcol Humor. This will be in Spanish: <br />
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    Hola, Mami. Cómo está? Ahora vivo en tu tierra y en tu ciudad, y sé que te dije que iba a venir y te propuse que nos conocieramos, pero hice sentido común y pensé que sería demasiado extraño y no sabría si tú quisieras. Eso sigue siendo muy vigente, y no te lo dije pero lo puedes leer aquí si algún día vuelves y entras a mi perfil. <br />
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    Admitiré que estuve muy enamorado de ti por años, mas nunca te lo dije. Me parecía que iba a ser imposible tener una relación contigo y puse límites. Nos habremos casado en Gaia y todo, pero no era buena idea ir más allá. Me conociste en una época muy trágica de mi vida, demasiado trágica y accidentada y estabas ahí cuando todo iba mal. Me escuchabas, me abrazabas, me amabas de juego, pero lo hacías. Tengo muy bellos recuerdos de ti, y como una persona que influenció mi vida, quiero agradecerte todo lo que hiciste por mi. Ahora vivimos en la misma ciudad y la tentación de buscarte está ahí, pero prefiero mantener la distancia.<br />
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    Te quiero mucho. <br />
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    And finally, my most tragic love: Davey. <br />
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    You little son of a bitch, you were my everything. My first boyfriend, the one who got me into trying out with men, the first one I crushed with, the first one I wanted to feel and romance as a man-to-man contact. And oh, boy, was that a big old high school drama. You were nice to me, but you also were a jerk. I know I was a jerk too, which I'm sorry; everyone's a jerk when they're teenagers. But you were the one who got me into pride zone. <br />
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    You were so influential in my life, I liked you so much, I was so attracted to you as well, you were so enigmatic to me, so exotic... It was everything so new and "wrong" that I wanted to do it, with you. Everything. I did love you, that is a fact; I did fall in love with you, real feeling, even though you never believed me. I wanted you so much in my life, but everything was so toxic that I just had to get away from you, even though I tried to be in contact with you again a few years ago, I decided not to. I left with a bad image of you, years ago. Of course, that bad image was out of my narcisistic and egocentric ideas; those ideas that I do not have anymore, thanks to therapy. I also want to tell you that I'm sorry for the bad things I did to you; the bad treating, the drama, the insults, the jealousy, the toxicity; I was so wrong, but I wanted you so bad that I just had to call for your attention. It's so good that people grow up. I also remember you with my heart, and I will for the rest of my life. Love you, man. Hope you have a great life. <br />
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    And well, after those words to all these people, I'll write the next words for whoever comes into my profile:<br />
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    I'm quite sure whoever you are, you must be someone who knew me and came out of nostalgia. Because I cannot think of any other way you got into my profile if I'm inactive since before the pandemic. But I want to thank you for remembering me. I want to show you my respect and my most sincere confussion because you must be over 30 or about to turn 30 and you're still in Gaia. Still that's cool. <br />
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    This is a Good-bye letter. I might return from time to time to see if I have any comments or anything; nostalgia is a real bitch from time to time. Although I doubt I get any comments or activity here. So, as today; I want to say thanks to everyone and everything about this site. I'll never, ever forget this. <br />
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    Thank you, Gaiaonline, for keeping me alive during some of my hardest moments in life. <br />
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    Thank you everyone.<br />
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    I love you.
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    <br />
    Nat~ heart
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