• I'm sitting silently gazing out this window
    My mind's going crazy
    And this vein doesn't quite compliment the sadness in my face
    These people who all have dreams try to shatter any hope I have of achieving mine
    All I have now are the memories that are making my mind work nine times harder than if I didn't care

    These people who surround me and talk s**t
    Are nothing but stupid hoes to me
    At least if I were Nicki Minaj people would open their mouths to opinons that I wouldn't hear
    But I would still be successful without people knowing a damn thing about me

    And here I sit wondering how much these people see
    The girl that's in the books for eight hours a day and messes around when she wants
    That's the girl that I use as a cover to shield the pain that I feel when Sac High is no longer part of my day
    Being a teenager and feeling this kind of pain is like being ten and watching my sister being held down by the man I'm supposed to call dad
    Or being beat by the same hands until my legs were the color of the lanyard I wear on my neck

    I was careful to not cry until I knew that I was alone in my mind
    But not one tear was because I felt sorry for myself
    I felt sorry for those who couldn't shut their mouths for a second
    And imagine what I've been through in the last sixteen years

    Sixteen years
    Of being stabbed by the same knife but by a different person
    Because the wound left by the last person gets deeper each time
    Each time I want to scream and run to a different place
    I wasn't raised in the ghetto but I've felt the pain of a million women
    When I was molested at the age of fifteen

    I've heard that running away can't solve the world's problems
    But if I can run away from false love I'd do it in a second
    Because what is love but a lie told by two people who probably never mean it
    I'd be damned if I ever met a man who meant the words that he said
    And may God help me find that man who can tell me the truth no matter how much it hurts
    A man who would commit to me and show me that I was the one his heart belongs to
    And a man who won't make these wounds any deeper than they've already gotten

    Now that my heart's been burned and turned to ashes
    I can start fresh in a cold new world
    Where a sweet girl in me would be rare to find unless I trusted you
    Because being sweet to everyone has gotten me to where I am now
    I'm nothing but a sophmore who's confused and looking for herself
    But it's taking a lot of pain to find me

    For now I can walk with my head higher
    Because I know that my problems won't be solved overnight
    But the rain sometimes looks better than the sun
    And in my mind even when it's sunny outside I can see the rain
    So I might as well go outside and get myself wet
    Because God sent me the message that pain can't be avoided