my so called "BFF" and me

[DvnT]

okay, jade and me've been friends for longer then we can remember. we cant live without each other. we've been best friends for 5 years. we've done everything with eachother and she knows more about me then i do, and vica-verca. and life was awesome for a while.

but this year shes been doing really dumb stuff:
-peircing her bellie button even though her parents wont allow.
-taking perscriptions that arnt hers.
-writing suicide notes.
-cutting.
and i dont know what to do. this is all just stuff i know for 100% she did do because she told me. theres been other stuff she's done that im not sure but i've heard rumors. and now i'me scared. i cant talk to her about it because she gets mad at me and yet i cant just ignore it. and just today i was goofing off like we always do and she said if i anyone finds out what we do like this, she'll (quote unquote) "disown you as a friend." but we've tried to stop hanging out, but we were both miserable.

what should i do? im scared to lose her, but i cant keep her like this...  

[Ragnius]

Well D,

she's like to worst-case of what Aaron, my former best bud is like

Aaron's problems lie within his uncontroleld "guy side"

As for Jade, she's wanting to fit in, and quite frankly she's not, thus the peircing, Meds and Sui notes/attepmts

my only advice to offer yo uto offer her,

tell her this

"what you're doing is the wrong way, if you wanna fit in so bad that you'd go the route of suicide, then make your own trend"

or,

"we've been friends for----and quite frankly you've drifted aways form our little sisterhood, i'd like to help you, but i need to know EVERYTHING in order to do so, if not, then you're condemning yourslef to go on like this forever, and that doenst work in oru society"

but as for the seocnd one DONT SAY"you need help" - that'll set her off

and idea: if not already, get involved in a good church, and bring her in, but do so at concerts your church goes to, eventually, she'll see God's plans for her and make her choice  

[DvnT]

the thing with the church is: she has her own church, and she thinks that, just because shes now out of communion, she only should go to fill out "Lord Sheets" so she can do stuff with her youth group, like go to concerts, play games ect... and she doesnt really "believe" so she doesnt care. she thinks, just because she goes to church once and a while, she'll go to heaven, and she's "happy".

and like i said before, she gets angry with me when i try to talk to her. the first time i did it, i pointed it out in a note i sent her, and she blew up! and she has grown out of a couple of those things, but i do know for a fact that if a certain person in her life were to go back, so would she. let me explain:
in our group, it started out we all were the depressed ones at our schools. and we had good reasons : moms almost dieing, abusing step dads, uncaring families... then add all the stress of everyday life and wants... ugh... but then jade and i had found God . and we turned into the staples in the group. we helped everyone, just like councilers that understand. but our worlds have all become us. and thats it. its just us and no one else matters. so when one person does something, we need to fit in or get them to fit in. and we were okay with that. so when she saw all these people doing things she'd never thought of, she wanted to do it because these people were her world. and she needed to fit in.


thats why shes doing this, and we're all still young, trying to figure out what we're doing in this world. and i cant talk to her, she's already seeing 3 diffrent councilers regularly, so i cant point this out to adults because the councilers dont help they make it worse.
the first time she went to see a counciler it was because of a suicide note, and after that is when she started cutting. second time, she started rebelling, (like peircing her bellie....)



(sorry im on a rant here)

thats why we're like this (according to me). i want to know what to do about it. i know it takes 5 years to change a personality, but i dont know if we have five years... i need to change this now.  

[Calypsophia]

the piercing I believe is wanting to fit in and honestly it's the least of the issues you pointed out. the suicide notes I'm thinking is a cry for attention. if someone is seriously thinking of killing themselves, they dont make it known.. they just do it.

'cutting' and taking prescription drugs is pretty damn serious. I dont believe people cut themselves just to fit in. cutters cut to divert their attention for a deeper more emotional pain. and whether they do it for attention or in response to a deeper problem, they need professional help. messing with prescription drugs is just as dangerous as messing with illegal drugs as many of them are highly addictive, and can have adverse effects such as depression.

ever thought of talking to her parents? I know that is a breach of trust, and could ruin your friendship with her, but if you really care about this person and want to help her then that might be the way you have to go. if not her parents then someone else in her family.. someone close to her, that maybe can influence her and get to the bottom of what's going on and get her the help she may need.  

[DvnT]

Calypsophia

the piercing I believe is wanting to fit in and honestly it's the least of the issues you pointed out. the suicide notes I'm thinking is a cry for attention. if someone is seriously thinking of killing themselves, they dont make it known.. they just do it.

i know that, but she was asking for help, just in her own way, and that was her way, she was perfecting the note she would leave, and i found one...

Calypsophia

'cutting' and taking prescription drugs is pretty damn serious. I dont believe people cut themselves just to fit in. cutters cut to divert their attention for a deeper more emotional pain. and whether they do it for attention or in response to a deeper problem, they need professional help. messing with prescription drugs is just as dangerous as messing with illegal drugs as many of them are highly addictive, and can have adverse effects such as depression.

the professional help doesnt work though, thats whats making it worse! she's currently seeing 3 different councilers (1 from school, 1 for anger(family 'doctor') and 1 for depression (another family 'doctor')). and they just seem to make it worse! because she cant keep her anger under controll all the time. most the time she does great, but when it gets too much, she explodes... and the depression one just basicly says "think happy thoughts..."

Calypsophia

ever thought of talking to her parents? I know that is a breach of trust, and could ruin your friendship with her, but if you really care about this person and want to help her then that might be the way you have to go. if not her parents then someone else in her family.. someone close to her, that maybe can influence her and get to the bottom of what's going on and get her the help she may need.

if i tell her parents, they yell and she gets more 'help' from the psycologists. and then if that doesnt work, her step-dad abuses her, but its not illegal, because it doesnt leave a mark (the law in our state says its illegal abusing if it leaves a mark... stressed ). so telling her parents is out of the question.  

[kyoshiro2]

What kind of meds has she been taking... Stupid pills... Fitting in is not everything... Yeah sure you're young and it seems that you have to... But ask her to think about it, she has/had her group that she fits into... Why go changing it just because you think the other ones cooler... I understand that it might be a way of life but what use is it if you end up hurting others and yourself... And the fact tha she goes to church for whatever... If you don't believe then why think you will go to heaven just because you go like twice... Your friend needs to sort out her life and stop making it hard for others... I hate the fact that people resort to suicide as an answer... Sorry if it sounds harsh but it's what I think... Your friend needs to get her life on track...
Ask her what is more important fitting in or her life... Because the way she is going she's not going to have one for long....  

[shani26]

She is going to 3 different doctors?!?
no wonder her life suck. i am sure all these doctors doesn't talk to each other. this reminds me the time i went to school and had to many teacher, and they never knew what homework i got from the other teacher and they didn't care.
Start with telling your friend to chose only one doctor. Doctor she feel close to and help her with all her problem.
Then she will start to feel more normal...  

[DvnT]

well, she cant just go to one, because:

one is an anger management one.

one is a depression therapist.

one is from the school that keeps checking in because of the notes.

so she cant really go to just one. and none really help her...... rawer  

[shani26]

Then she should ask all the doctors to talk to each other at list. The more info one doctor have the better he can help.
Your friend could easily stop controlling her life and give all the powers to the doctors, it is dangers for her. no one can help someone who doesn't want to help them self.
Doctors job is not to cure patient, it is to show you how to do that yourself.  

[Card_King1]

I think that while you did nothing wrong an I certainly am not accusing you of anything I think that you could try and be a even closer friend than you have been before. I have had a friend that was going through a lot of similar problems. She was diagnosed with clinical depression and now is on the path back to normal. She said to me not too long ago that the biggest difference in her life was my just being there and not letting this cause problems between us. She said that by just being there and not preaching to her or telling her she is hurting herself was what made the difference to allow her to make the turn upward. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but just be there and never stop caring for the person.
I hope this helps,
Benjamin  

[DvnT]

Card_King1

I think that while you did nothing wrong an I certainly am not accusing you of anything I think that you could try and be a even closer friend than you have been before. I have had a friend that was going through a lot of similar problems. She was diagnosed with clinical depression and now is on the path back to normal. She said to me not too long ago that the biggest difference in her life was my just being there and not letting this cause problems between us. She said that by just being there and not preaching to her or telling her she is hurting herself was what made the difference to allow her to make the turn upward. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but just be there and never stop caring for the person.
I hope this helps,
Benjamin

okay, that doesnt help, but it is a new view. one person says i should leave her, while the rest think i should ditch her, or, like, yell at her?  

[shani26]

Don't leave her, she need your support, and yelling will get you no where. most people don't listen when you yell at them. They do hear you when you talk to them.
If you feel you can't help her problem i think you should just be there for her. I mean friendship is about being there, and not about try to be someones doctor.  

[fairywaif]

Honestly, letting her know you're there for her might be the best thing for her now. Tell you care for her and you don't want her to hurt herself.  

[lahdolphin]

OK here are a few things that could be happening...
1-she is being bullied
2-she is mentaly ill
3-she is having famiy problems

ok here is what you can do!
1-Talk to her
2-if that does not work tell guidance
3-do both

hope it gets better  

[DvnT]

lahdolphin

OK here are a few things that could be happening...
1-she is being bullied
2-she is mentaly ill
3-she is having famiy problems

okay, somethings about that:
1-no one has ever thought of bulling her. she would do things twice as bad back to them and not give it a second thought.
2-this one is actually possible, but wouldnt i have been able to see symptoms earlier in life? i mean, 5 years is longenough to see them, dont you think?
3-she does have minor 'family problems'. but just little things that she blows waay outof preportion. like, her step dad does plays favriots, but she says that he makes her do every chore, every piece of laundry. but ive seen him, and he doesnt do that. or that she gets to see her dad - who is in and out of jail every few weeks/months- every 6->8 weeks. but she says its more like years. so the family problems is just minor stuff.

lahdolphin

ok here is what you can do!
1-Talk to her
2-if that does not work tell guidance
3-do both
hope it gets better

okay, ive done all of these. and nothing works.:
1- she yelled at me and said shes always been like this and does everything because she wants to-not because someone else did it.
2- as i said before, she's already seeing 3 guidence counclers, and councilers dont help anything.they say stuff like "think happy thoughts." to a chemicaly depressed person who is inable to 'think happy thoughts.' i know what im talking about because ive been to councilers, my mom has been to councilers, my sister has been to councilers, and now jade has 3! so they dont work. we all need to know this!

jade absolutly refuses to see how this effects others. she says we are the ones changing, and she has always been like this, but before last year, she didnt care a rats butt about who thought what about her- as long as she had a boyfriend and her bestfriend. now nothing is the same but she thinks it is and GAH!

thinking about how much we've all changed is hard, shes changed soo much, and ive just adapted. and i cant just get rid of her as a friend, she and i cant go two days without talking. if we do, its waaay hard on us.

she knows were i stand on all of this. but she doesnt care. she does it, hopes that i dont hear about it, then still hangs out with me.

sorry, that was really long. thanks for all your help guys.

dvn