Someone help me...I'm lost

[mekutataki]

My husband and I got separated after 1.5 years of marriage and almost 5 years together totally. We recently decided to work things out but I get the feeling he's still not being faithful. He's getting all these IM from girls in Germany where he's stationed he is in the Army), and when I ask them questions they clam up. And I seem to be getting the same "routine" from him before I caught him last time... I care about him but I really don't think I deserve to be not only treated this way, nor do i deserve to have to deal with his infidelity. I've suggested therapy and I've suggested me moving to Germany so we can at least be together to try and work it out. But I don;t wanna get stuck out there and have to get a divorce... Any advice? I'll answer any other questions anyone of you may have, but I need advice big time!  

[Satsu - kun 13]

it would be an error, miss. stare
men doesnt works at the same way as women, if he found his self in a paradise or a chance to change his life, he'll do lady, u can bet...
sorry for you, but if u want some advice take this:
enjoy your life ... like tomorow is your last day
and try to be happy every moment, cause if he did it to u, u deserve to be happy!
Fight against your heart ache, see ya! cool  

[DizzeeCubed]

Maybe you should let go. Don't pursue him and just see what happens. Even though it's been like forever in relationship terms its just not worth being unhappy like that. If he really was In Love with you then he would do everything in his power to keep you happy. I won't say that he Doesn't love you but maybe that IN LOVE phase has passed. Every relationship has its ups and downs but it's up to you to descide if you still want to ride that roller coaster til you puke.

Just my opinion.  

[JewelElise]

The infidelity is bad enough, but I truly cannot abide a liar... especially between a married couple. I honestly don't know what to tell you to do, but I seriously doubt moving to Germany would change him or the situation... Good luck, hope something works out.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

In my opinion, once someone cheats, the relationship is over. I know this isn't true for most people and they try to work things out, but to me, cheating is unforgivable, most especially after marriage.

If my mate cheated on me, sure I would not be able to bring myself to detach at that very moment, but I would also not be able to continue the relationship knowing they were so selfish and uncaring to be with another. I would rather live the rest of my life a bachelor than stay with a cheater.





.... my advice probably isn't the best to be following sweatdrop  

[boopsie63]

crying been there done that. If you can not learn to trust, do not get back togather with this man even if you love him. If you do you will end up killing your soul.If he wants to work this out then both of you need to see a marriage counciler. Im prayer for you both.  

[Lil Brat]

I'm sad to say that I've found the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" to usually be true... Thus my happily un-married state... not to say that it wouldn't be nice to be in a relationship, but I'd rather be on my own than miserable with someone else.  

[Mikiba]

It sounds like he hasn't changed. I know you want to work it out and if you feel you need to move, then do what you feel is right. But if you're having second thoughts, chances are it's not the right thing for you to do. I don't really care for cheaters or liars and usually they will end up cheating or lying again.

If you want to work it out, you guys need to have a meaningful conversation. If he can't stop what he's doing, then maybe it's time for you to move on. Don't dwell too much, time is too precious for that.  

[bbydaeriel93]

Be honest. His ways are causing you grief that you shouldn't allow yourself to deal with long term. If he cares about staying with you he will quit doing things that make you feel insecure even if they are innocent.

(There's a reason a married friend doesn't hang out with a single person of the opposite sex alone. Even if nothing happens, there is always a suspicion of impropriety; and therefore, it's not right, or healthy.)

If he's not willing to work on the relationship when it costs him, that says it all.  

[Aisiya]

Hi there,

I feel for ya honey. You know trust is a very BIG issue in relationships. If you don't trust him then why bother? It takes two to keep a marriage going and growing. His actions say he has made other choices. Moving to Germany for a cheater is a recipe for disaster.

Love is an action word for him as well. A lot of women don't trust their instincts to their own detriment. Don't discount them. Yours are probably right on the mark...  

[DizzeeCubed]

I've always seen it like lil brat. I would rather be happily un-married than unhappily married. Love is something that should not hurt in a bad way.  

[reality-revised]

maybe its the "i can fix him" syndrome.
been there, done that, for 2 yrs.
you have a lot of love to give. i know. thats why you want to fix it with him.
its scary starting over, but you deserve so much better than a guy that doesnt have you as his #1 only one.  

[YACHlRU]

Don't move, hun. just let him go, sounds like you're better off without him. Even if he stops now, what's to say he's not doing it again later down the line?
It may be tough by yourself for a while, but once your out of it, you'll turn round and look at yourself in a different light.

When you do divorce, I hope it all goes smoothly. I'm still waiting for the b******d to sign the papers, he refuses and I don't want details of my depression dragged through the courts - just 2 years to wait then he doesn't have a say in it  

[Xx velvet petals xX]

Listen to your gut, if your feeling it then it is prob true. Sadly men do not view things as we do and as women we tend to view situations more with our heart.

Long story short.. Life is way to precious and short live it to the fullest if your miserable get yourself out of your situation. There are way too many people in the world, dont waste it on him when there is someone waiting that will be worth the effort

I say this after 11 years of being married and trying to make it work, im divorced now <4 yrs smile > I am a happier person now 4laugh