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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 12:11 am
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I only want to be...
![User Image](https://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h73/gi-chan2007/americasan.png) ![User Image](https://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x285/zira1991/Axis Powers Hetalia/APH2-35.png) ![User Image](https://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h73/gi-chan2007/het_ep12_08.png) it's america/england.. omg i love this thing it's hilarious!! thank you!
A Luminous Occurrence
America paced up and down, jiggling his hand. His very good friend, Mary Sue T.v., had arranged to meet him here in a room. "I have something lovely to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue T.v. was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, America expected to see her bounce up, her soft hair streaming behind her and her sweet eyes aglow.
America heard footsteps, but they seemed rather cold for a delicate and awesome girl like Mary Sue T.v., whose tread was clumsy. He turned around and found England staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" England said slowly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
America had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so sweetly. "Mary Sue T.v. asked to meet me here." As he gazed at England, his eye began to throb bashfully.
"Oh," England said, softly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," America said and caught England by his face. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," England said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like Italy eats pasta.
From behind a lamp, Mary Sue T.v. watched with a tender light in her passionate eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "America/England". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the cat from extinction.![User Image](https://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii146/moedertje_2008/border.jpg)
...With you once again.
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 2:33 am
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Jesus.
The Heavy Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Ludwig and Gilbert went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Ludwig hit Gilbert in his arm with a big sadistic iceball. It hurt a lot, but Ludwig kissed it powerfully and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really beautiful snow man!" Ludwig said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Gilbert said. "That would be more warm and politically correct."
"I know," Ludwig said. "We can make a snow chick. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up ominously and made a thick snow chick. Ludwig put on a rope for the n****e. The chick was almost as big as Gilbert.
"It looks lumenescent," Ludwig said violently. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Gilbert said and held up a delicious floor. "I found this under a table." He put the floor onto the chick's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the chick, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a fat kid loves cake.
Gilbert screamed roughly and ran but the snow chick chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow chick licked him huskily.
"Nobody does that to my little Large Ceiling Fan," Ludwig screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow chick through the chest. It fell down and Ludwig kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Gilbert said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The floor lay in the yard until a blue child picked it up and took it home.
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 1:53 pm
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A Sexy Day To Trounce
Arthur stepped hoarsely out into the strong sunshine, and admired Alfred's tongue. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a crazy sight."
Alfred climbed off the gem and walked quietly across the grass to greet his lover. Arthur patted Alfred on the hip and then tried to trounce him wildly, but without success.
"That's all right," Alfred said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not firm," Arthur. "Not as firm as the time we trounced under the bed."
Alfred nodded firmly. "We were sunny back in those days."
"Our noses were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Arthur said. "Everything seems fast and chilly when you're young."
"Of course," Alfred said. "But now we're round, we can still have fun. If we go about it bravely."
"Bravely?" Arthur said . "But how?"
"With this," Alfred said and held out a cozy tea. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to trounce."
Arthur swallowed the tea at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to trounce bravely. They trounced like a pure white unicorn, radiating goodness. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
(I DIED laughing. I am dead now.)
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 6:58 pm
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Oh my XD
The Cute Stranger
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Ivan strode along the path, making for Comfortable Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Lovely Gun, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Hand.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his glowing vodka bottle just in time to face the iridescent man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck roughly, and Ivan barely raised his vodka bottle to meet the attack. They fought long and huskily until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Ivan found himself forced to one knee, the man's vodka bottle pressed to his troubled mouth. "I am Toris of Comfortable Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Lovely Gun. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on the floor."
But Ivan had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his vodka bottle with a twist, overpowered Toris and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Ivan said, looking down upon him.
Toris' butt shimmered like sparkling vodka. "I have underestimated you, Ivan. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Ivan's desire was enflamed. His mouth throbbed and all his thoughts were to kiss Toris like a cat. Ivan caressed Toris' courteous butt and he responded. They came together softly, and their joining was as dazzling as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet pipe!" Ivan groaned and molested Toris as firmly as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Ivan said. "That's where I put the Lovely Gun for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed hotly on the grass, forgetful of all but their amazing love. "We will stay together forever," Ivan said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Hand never got the Lovely Gun and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 7:20 pm
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Clumsily Tripping
China tripped along happily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Russia, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a Kitty-chan hopping along, carrying a Shinatty-chan in its mouth.
China was almost on a hill when he came across a dreamy cake, lying alone on a dark plate. "That must be a treat from my red bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked light, so he ate it.
It gave him the most violet tingling sensation in his arm. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Russia.
When Russia came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" China cried cheerfully.
"Your leg! And your head!" Russia said. "They're beautiful! Can't you feel it?"
China felt his leg and his head. They were indeed quite beautiful. "Oh, no!" China said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that dreamy cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Russia said. "I got you a pipe. It must have been that golden man who lives nearby. He acts a little stubbornly, ever since he kissed a scarf."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" China sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Russia said lovingly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your leg is really cold like that."
"Really?" China dried her tears. China kissed Russia and it was an entirely hot sensation, As delicate as a budding sunflower.
They spent the night having entirely hot sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
AHAHAHAHA! OMFG I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING~ xDDDDDDDDDD
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 5:48 am
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I made two I Saw Feleciano Kissing Santa Claus
Ludwig woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one pretty box that looked like a pasta.
Then Ludwig noticed that Feleciano was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Ludwig thought that he would surprise Feleciano. Maybe even sneak up behind him and kiss him on his iridescent neck. That always made Feleciano hot.
Ludwig crept rapidly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its bloby lights, and the presents, heaped up flutterly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Feleciano. Kissing someone.
Ludwig was so angry, he picked up a beer from a table and threw it hurridly on one another.
They both looked around.
"Feleciano, you cool German shepard!" Ludwig yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Ludwig looked and then rubbed his mouth and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Feleciano said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a rainbow kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Ludwig said juantly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be cute."
That seemed reasonable. Ludwig went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a lion stalking his prey on the savannah. He made Ludwig's foot feel all slimy.
"You see?" Feleciano said huskily and Ludwig saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 5:50 am
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here's another one
The Miracle Of The Cat
Spain hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a drowned cat in a river. He loathed it.
Every December, Spain would feel himself getting all hot inside. He refused to put up a Christmas pizza, he snapped at anyone timidly enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Spain had to go to the mall to buy an intense tomato. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing shyly around and so much Christmas music blaring wryly, he thought his torso would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a cold man collecting for charity. Spain never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the cold man dropped his bells and ran in a river. There was an opaque cat right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the cold man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Spain rushed out and huskily pushed them both out of the way. There was a fancy bang and then everything went dark.
When Spain woke up, he was in an awesome room. There was a Christmas pizza in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Spain's arm hurt. A lot.
The cold man came into the room. "I'm so iridescent!" he said. "You're awake. My name is South Italy. You saved me from the truck. But your arm is broken."
Spain hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas pizza up and his arm was broken, he felt quite cool, especially when he looked at South Italy.
"Your arm must hurt hautily," South Italy said. "I think this will help." And he munched Spain several times.
Now Spain felt very cool indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved South Italy. "I love you," he said, and kissed South Italy coolly.
"I love you too," said South Italy. Just then, the cat ran into the room and nuzzled Spain's neck. "I brought him home with us," South Italy said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Spain said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever. (I laughed , SO hard on this one.)
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 6:42 am
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The Wurst Prince
Gilbert was walking through a proud meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a fabulous little wurst lying under a tree.
Gilbert skipped over to see the dear thing and was hysterical to find that he was hurt! A ladder had pierced his agonizing little arm and he whimpered interestingly with the pain.
"My hard little friend," Gilbert said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the ladder, as awkwardly as he could. The wurst cried out and Gilbert's heart ached, like the awesomest of all awesomes in the world. "You'll be all right," Gilbert whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Ludwig and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Ludwig up in his arms, Gilbert carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Gilbert nursed Ludwig, cleaning his arm and feeding him Beer mug-brand wurst chow.
On the eighth night, Ludwig climbed into bed with Gilbert. He burrowed under the covers and amazingly shagged Gilbert's hand. It made Gilbert giggle and he cuddled close to Ludwig, stroking his 5 meter manhood and singing swiftly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Gilbert hurried home so he could curl up with Ludwig. It gave him a brawny feeling whenever Ludwig shagged his hand.
Then one night, Ludwig looked up at Gilbert and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an awesome prince."
Gilbert screamed quickly, he was so surprised. How could a wurst talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Ludwig said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Gilbert said and kissed Ludwig on his 5 meter manhood. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an awesome prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Ludwig," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Gilbert said.
"See?" Ludwig said and showed Gilbert the scar from the ladder on his arm. Then he kissed Gilbert and they tumbled against the wall and did a lot of very idiotic things, some of them involving a crazy teddy bear.
"I love you," Ludwig said when they were done. Gilbert clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Ludwig had stashed away.
And if Ludwig didn't know about Gilbert's visits to the wurst sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
( .... OMG. THE CRACK. IT KILLS. -dies- )
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Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:42 pm
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Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:58 pm
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another one. same pairing. made me rofl XD
The Battle For The Inter-tube
In the room, Francis fidgeted his inter-tube. He had been busy with the inter-tube for hours and now wanted nothing more than a smexeh cuddle or a shining massage from his lover Arthur.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his peculiar Arthur appeared at the door, grinning amazingly.
"Put down the inter-tube," Arthur said unseasonably. "Unless you want me to fidget that inter-tube on your head."
Francis put down the inter-tube. He was heaping. He had never seen Arthur so azure before and it made him hilarious.
Arthur picked up the inter-tube, then withdrew a rock from his back. "Don't be so heaping," Arthur said with an azure grimace. "A squid bit my leg this morning, and everything became grotesque. Now with this inter-tube and this rock I can unseasonably rule the world!"
Francis clutched his mushy leg loudly. This was his lover, his peculiar Arthur, now staring at him with an azure back.
"Fight it!" Francis shouted. "The squid just wants the inter-tube for his own peculiar devices! He doesn't love you, not the smexeh way I do!"
Francis could see Arthur trembling loudly. Francis reached out his head and touched Arthur's back unseasonably. He was peculiar, so peculiar, but he knew only his mushy love for Arthur would break the squid's spell.
Sure enough, Arthur dropped the inter-tube with a thunk. "Oh, Francis," he squealed. "I'm so smexeh, can you ever forgive me?"
But Francis had already moved in the room. Like being hit in the face with a wet squirrel, he pressed his head into Arthur's back. And as they fell together in a grotesque fit of love, the inter-tube lay on the floor, hilarious and forgotten.
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Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:02 pm
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Mine! : ) (If you get the stiiiiick reference I'll love you forever!)
The Two Headed Eagle Prince
Ivan was walking through a hot meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a lickable little two headed eagle lying under a tree.
Ivan skipped over to see the dear thing and was turnable to find that he was hurt! A Arthur had pierced his regretable little a** and he whimpered sexibly with the pain.
"My bitter little friend," Ivan said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the Arthur, as highly as he could. The two headed eagle cried out and Ivan's heart ached,...sparkly like the a**s of a Care Bear. "You'll be all right," Ivan whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Gilbert and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Gilbert up in his arms, Ivan carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Ivan nursed Gilbert, cleaning his a** and feeding him Moscow-brand two headed eagle chow.
On the eighth night, Gilbert climbed into bed with Ivan. He burrowed under the covers and rapidly ******** Ivan's leg. It made Ivan giggle and he cuddled close to Gilbert, stroking his foot and singing huskily to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Ivan hurried home so he could curl up with Gilbert. It gave him a scared feeling whenever Gilbert ******** his leg.
Then one night, Gilbert looked up at Ivan and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a kickable prince."
Ivan screamed stupidly, he was so surprised. How could a two headed eagle talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Gilbert said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Ivan said and kissed Gilbert on his foot. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a kickable prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Gilbert," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Ivan said.
"See?" Gilbert said and showed Ivan the scar from the Arthur on his a**. Then he kissed Ivan and they tumbled on a stiiiiiiick. and did a lot of very kissable things, some of them involving a ******** Prussia.
"I love you," Gilbert said when they were done. Ivan clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Gilbert had stashed away.
And if Gilbert didn't know about Ivan's visits to the two headed eagle sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
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Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:57 pm
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Lol. I tried changing the words a few times but this one is the best so far. Oh geebus! -chest hurts- O-Ow! Man. Things you can do with France. xd
The Miracle Of The Swallow
France hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it an event that wasn't meant to be. He loathed it.
Every December, France would feel himself getting all rough inside. He refused to put up a Christmas paddle, he snapped at anyone curious enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, France had to go to the mall to buy a soft rose. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing sweetly around and so much Christmas music blaring blinding, he thought his elbow would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a dark woman collecting for charity. France never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the dark woman dropped his bells and ran in the woods. There was a big swallow right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the dark woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
France rushed out and swift pushed them both out of the way. There was a wonderful bang and then everything went dark.
When France woke up, he was in a mysterious room. There was a Christmas paddle in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, France's ankle hurt. A lot.
The dark woman came into the room. "I'm so quiet!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Vietnam. You saved me from the truck. But your ankle is broken."
France hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas paddle up and his ankle was broken, he felt quite sweet, especially when he looked at Vietnam.
"Your ankle must hurt quickly," Vietnam said. "I think this will help." And she kicked France several times.
Now France felt very sweet indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Vietnam. "I love you," he said, and kissed Vietnam growing.
"I love you too," said Vietnam. Just then, the swallow ran into the room and nuzzled France's leg. "I brought him home with us," Vietnam said.
"We'll call him Miracle," France said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
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Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 3:30 pm
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I'm Dreaming Of A Petite Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Feliciano sat loudly on the floor, sipping sexy eggnog.
He looked at the nude chocolate hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Ludwig had hung it there, just before they looked at each other happily and then fell into each other's arms and spanked each other's curl.
If only I hadn't been so straight, Feliciano thought, pouring a kinky amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Ludwig might not have got so addicted and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away an eager tear and held his forehead in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a perverted voice lifted lovingly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a petite Christmas
Just like a drunk Ivan out of vodka at night
Feliciano ran to the door. It was Ludwig, looking decadent all over with snow.
"I missed you deliberately," Ludwig said. "And I wanted to invade your curl again."
Feliciano hugged Ludwig and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Ludwig said.
"I think so too," Feliciano said and they spanked each other's curl until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted dog a** and lived mischievously until Feliciano got drunk again.
A random piece that made me choke nearly to death when I saw the phrase 'I want to invade your curl'... rofl < Lol, I want to draw that sooo bad !! OwO Other were... too explicit to post them without violating the ToS. whee
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 6:58 pm
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