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Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:16 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:23 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:41 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:09 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 3:12 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:15 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:21 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:23 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 9:57 pm
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I might be offering a slightly different perspective here. Bear with me, a lot of this is personal experience, and therefore not necessarily every case.
My best friend is adopted. She was a "local" adoption, meaning that she was born in the USA, and actually in the same city that her adopted parents (henceforth referred to simply as "parents". Biological parents will be referred to as such or as "birth mother/father")
On adopting from other countries:
Adoption is a complicated process. It is Very Very Very expensive. At the time my best friend was born, I believe it was about equivalent to the fees you would normally pay throughout pregnancy, with all of the prenatal exams, the ultrasounds, and then the hospital visit for the delivery. From what I understand, it is much more now. I can't give you a figure, because I don't have any idea. I just know that it is horrendously expensive. International adoptions are even more. I believe someone told me that it was somewhere around $50-75K to adopt a child from China, but that could be wrong. Many countries that previously allowed international adoption are now putting a halt to it. Romania is one. It was one of the requirements for them to join the EU because international adoption (children from that country being adopted by people in other countries) implies instability in the economic and governmental structures. Basically, it says that they are not able to take care of their own problems and have to send them off to someone else. Ending international adoptions in Romania, however, caused their already packed orphanages to overflow, and the level of malnutrition to skyrocket. Basically, Romania's desperate need to get into the EU has ******** it's children over. Seriously. But that's another topic altogether really. Sorry for the tangent.
There are thousands of children in this country ("locally") that need families. These children are no more or less in need than those from other countries, and it is no more or less noble to adopt locally than it is to adopt internationally. However, there are some drawbacks.
Local adoption can be heartbreaking. It is sad to say, but the American legal system wants to see a child with its biological parents if at all possible. I have heard of a family with a 10 year old adopted boy. His mother was strung out on drugs when he was born and gave him up for adoption. After she got cleaned up, she sued to get custody of the child. And won. The parents had to surrender the boy that they raised for 10 years, who had been a part of their family and who they loved more than anything. It doesn't happen often. But it does happen. The risk of this in international adoptions is considerably lower.
Rich people putting their kids up for adoption:
I have to completely disagree with you on this. I respect your right to your opinion, but I do not agree with it in the least. Anyone who does not want to be a parent, is not going to make a good parent. There are people who want to be parents who would jump for joy at the chance to adopt a healthy child. Here's the part where my friend's story comes in.
My best friend's birth mother went through a divorce during her pregnancy. It began before that, but was finalized while she was pregnant. The pregnancy was a result of an affair with another man who was also going through a divorce at the time. He and his wife reconciled. My friend's birth mother and her ex husband did not. Her birth mother already had a son, and was financially stable enough that she would have been able to raise another daughter. However, she wanted her daughter to grow up with a family. Her family participated in what is known as an "open adoption". My friend has always known that she was adopted, and has always had contact with her birth mother. At first, it was only letters, and her birth mother was very good about not pushing for information, visitations, pictures, or anything. My friend's mom was very good about sending her pictures and updates, because they knew how hard it was for her to give up her daughter. Her little sister's birth mom was a little pushier, wanted phone numbers, e-mails, things like that, but my friend's birth mom was happy to go at her pace. They met for the first time when she was 15. I met her last summer while we were on a road trip together. She is a very nice woman. I see a lot of my friend's wonderful traits in her. Would my friend have preferred it another way? When she was younger and she'd get angry at her parents, she might have, but those were just a small child's whims. She knows that she has had so many more opportunities because of her family. She loves the life that she has lived, and loves her parents and her younger sister and all of the extended family that goes with them. I love them as well, I've been "adopted" into the family, lol.
So no, I don't think that people who are capable of raising the child should have to "buck up" and deal with it. Sometimes things happen unexpectedly. Birth control fails. People who were told that they were infertile miraculously conceive. And accidents happen. People make mistakes. I do think that people need to take responsibility for their mistakes, but I don't think that it should have to change the entire course of their lives. I personally do not agree with abortions (I am pro-choice, because I think people should have the right to an option, but I do not agree with them) and I don't think they should be considered an option to "fix" a mistake. There are people out there who want to raise a child and love it and support it. Why not give them a chance, if you don't want to yourself? My friend's parents are wonderful parents, but her mother had a hysterectomy when she was young and could not have any children of her own.
Requiring a potential parent to meet certain requirements to put their child up for adoption seems similar to having requirements for an abortion. Would you say the same for a person aborting their child? That if they have the money to raise them, they should not be able to? As much as I don't like abortion, I believe it should be equally available to all women, not just those on a higher or lower economic level. The same should be true for adoption. Is a child growing up knowing that they are unwanted really so much better than a child growing up in poverty?
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Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 10:11 pm
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 10:55 am
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:47 pm
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Lieutenant Shotgun Eccentric, I don't understand this: eccentricanomaly My dad was adopted. He doesn't mind it. He adopted 6 of my half siblings. Not at birth, though . . . Five were through marriage. If someone gets married to someone who already has kids, it's not adoption. Or is it? I'm not too sure. However, if the original parent didn't adopt the children, then it's not really an adoption, is it? Legally, maybe, but family-wise, it really isn't.
If you're parents get divorced and re-married, and the one of them has young kids. Then technically they can still be adopted and take the last name of either parent.
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 9:24 am
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 9:32 am
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 9:14 pm
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