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 Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 9:33 pm
(fist off: thank u for opening this, it really means alot, thank u so much <3) ok, see, recently i reunited with a child-hood friend, and childhood crush,it was great caching up and laughing, then he starting flirting, i didnt know how to feel about that since im absolutely crazy about this other guy, but hes impossible to get since hes graduating soon, so, like an idiot, i decided to see where it took me, so when he asked if i liked him i said "i think i could" next day he asked me out, i didnt, and still dont, really want a boyfriend, but i didnt wanna let what i thought was a "great chance" pass me by, so i agreed to a date to "get to know him better" 2 buy some time 2 figure my feelings out.he kissed me,i thought, "ok, what ever, i guess its only fair since im making him wait..." & let it go, then he starts coming 2 school same time i do(6:00am, when no ones really there yet)then he would push me into a wall or grab my face & make me kiss him,i was in shock and not used to that treatment so i didnt know if i should fight back or what,or even if thats what normal people do in highschool.(im a freshmen & not really into the whole couple-lovely-dovey stuff,so all new to me)so i didnt really kiss back and tried to laugh it off, but he shoves his tounge, his frickin tounge!, in my mouth, now, i know thats what maybe some long-time couple or something do, but it was a very not-happy feeling to me,so i push off him and try not to scream, & he just holds me saying how he cant wait 4 our date & how i shouldnt worry,its normal 2 feel this way i do, which only confused me more,cause i didnt, & still dont really, know if i like him, or dislike him.so i shut up, tried to think,& gave in.then my best friends,alot of them, tell me how he said he only wants 2 date me 2 throw me in bed (sounds more gross then that frickin tounge)& how he was messing with another girl at a party same day he did all this,& how he slept with some of my good friends,this was an over-load 4 me, i hate gossip & dont want 2 believe in it, but i was afraid,i didnt wanna face that situation, but my friends dont know my lack of being able 2 handal "heated" situations,so i tried 2 confront him about it, he told me it wasnt as bad as there saying, how he would make it up to me, & that i was beautiful ect, my head was in a fog and i was confused, so i said ok, well talk... so we went to the movies tonight, he told me his ver. of what happend, hardly anything like my friends,bought me popcorn and everything,said it was a date (never had a date, which only put me more in a fog & worry)& in the theater... when it got dark... i only got more over whelmed, he put me on his lap, kissed my sholder, played with my bra strap and kissed my neck and ear and reached up the back of my shirt, i gasped, i tried to scramble away. so i got up 2 get my drink & act like i cared about the movie, but then he cradled me & pushed me into the bottom of the seat and held my cheek so i coulnt turn away and shoved his tounge in my mouth again, & it caused the most got-aweful noises,then he stoped & put me gently across his chest holding me sweetly, it was comfy and i was dizzy and felt helpless but i thought "maybe this means i like it...?" & tried to stay calm, he did this over and i had to push myself onto the floor to get up and out of the theater in the end, but i could still feel his finger tips on my bare thigh, his lips on my mouth, i was in a haze. now im sitting here, feeling a mix of sick,hyper,nervous & pure huge rush. & idk what to do, i dont know what he is to me,what i am to him,if this is good,bad,normal. & now the school knows he kissed me so if i dont i will be labled easy & a slut forever, & i just manged to get that off my back from my last school. (my name is breezy, so people would say "easy breezy" and some guys thought it was literal) & i know he expect more, & i know i cant really fight back or think correctly whenever im confronted with that kind of situation, but i know i dont wanna...go far... its in genral a sicking idea to me. but idk,hes a good person, i think, & its not like he raped me,he could have,(i felt a blunge in his pants when he pulled me close, now i realize what it was....ew.) but he didnt, & i cant say i said no cause i was in shock, i dont know what 2 do. & now people r saying how i should go 4 the boy who i know i absolutely adore, but i dont know what to do with mr.tounge, or if i should go after the one i know is impossible if i have someone i know wants me. & part of me knows hes a "player" and wants to teach him a lesson and treat him the same hes trying to treat me, to keep other girls from getting hurt by him by making him feel that pain, but then i argue with myself and i still cant think clearly & im just... so damn confused and dont have a clue of what to do, i... im so afriad, i dont know what to do or what im feeling, im terrified of where is this going and where this has gone and who i am right now, please, please, please, anything u can tell me? any adive? ....anything, please, im completly over whelmed and confused and i cant get his sent off me which is driving me insane, please, help.... i dont even know how to describe what im feeling.... please...
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:44 pm
Wow. That's a lot to take in. I'll try to hit everything I thought though.
1) A huge red flag here. If you aren't wanting to kiss him, or do anything (make-out, have him reach up your shirt, or Heaven forbid other places) that you aren't 100% comfortable with, then make him stop. Do whatever you have to to make him. If you try to pull away, or tell him to stop, and he ignores you then hit him where the sun don't shine. If he, or any other person, doesn't have your okay to do something, especially if you aren't comfortable or sure about your feelings, and he continues, its considered sexual abuse or assault (depending on where you are).
2) Don't let him tell you how you're supposed to feel. Like when he told you "it's normal to feel the way you do," when you were unsure. Yes, if you've never been in a situation like that before than that is pretty normal, but don't let him take advantage of it.
3) I can tell you dislike him forcing you to do stuff, like at the movies or at school, so tell him. Don't be gentle about it either. And if he doesn't like it, then tough cookies. If he really wants to be with you, then he'll listen to you and not do it again, but if he doesn't, then drop him. Honestly, you don't need a boy who isn't going to respect you and your wishes.4) Quote: i was dizzy and felt helpless but i thought "maybe this means i like it...?"
5) As for you trying to teach him a lesson, chances are, you won't. If he's the person I think he is (judging from what you've said, I think he is only wanting to use you for sex) then he isn't going to change, and you won't make him feel the way he's made others feel. Don't take it upon yourself to try and teach someone a lesson, or even to try and change them, because it probably won't turn out the way you want.
6) Just because you kiss a guy and don't date him doesn't make you "easy" or a "slut." You would have to sleep around with quite a few guys in order to be called that and it be true. And yes you can fight back. Just because he "expects more" from you doesn't mean you should sit there and let him have his way. Stand up for yourself, and tell him to back off and give you some time to get to know him before you make a decision. You can't figure out how you feel about a person in just a few days. If he doesn't give you that time, or keeps forcing himself on you, drop him and let others know not to let him near you.
7) If you are willing to get to know him better, don't go out on a date with him alone till you are sure of your feelings for him and that he will listen to what you have to say (as I said above). Go on group dates or have him hang out with you while you're with friends. That will significantly decrease any chances of him repeating the event that happened at the movies. And be sure to let your friends know that if he tries anything you don't like, to get him away.
8 ) If you really like this other guy, the "impossible one," then you should be going for him, not the one that is forcing you to move too fast. Nothing is impossible, trust me. Even if you go for him, and nothing comes of it, you're only a freshman. You still have three years of high school, and then however many years of college to date people. And just to show you an example that nothing is impossible, I'll tell you a story about my life.
Back when I was a sophomore (I'm a freshmen in college now) this guy moved to my school in Korea from the States. I showed him around the first day and had one of those "hey he's cute" crushes on him. I found out that day that he was dating someone back in the States, so I was like "crap...oh well" and moved on to other crushed. A year and a half later, they broke up and we started dating a few weeks later (me and him had become great friends about 4 months earlier and I liked him and he liked me). Now, we're engaged and going to college together.
So even if you go after this "impossible" guy and nothing happens, you never know what'll happen further down the line.
Honestly, I think you should tell this guy who was your childhood friend to leave you alone, and go for the other one.
I hope I helped you in some way. =3
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 11:15 pm
Ok, this is a really big sign that he is a player and takes advantage of people. That in a relationship is never good. Let me break it down for you.
1) Believe your friends. They all have the same story, and they are the more reliable source of information, rather than from the the guy himself.
2) ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS make your 'first date' with a guy, a group date, especially when in high school. It is a lot safer, and it helps you to get to know the social side of the person better.
3) Always make your personal boundaries and limits heard. If you have to yell in the theater, then so be it. But if he is mistreating you, then you have the right to yell.
4) Don't trust him if he is forceful. If he says that it's normal, and he is pushing you around, then it's totally not normal
5) A piece of advice. You can always tell that a relationship is wrong when it feels as though the other person is overpowering you and controlling you. A good relationship should be a symbiotic one, where both are independent, yet depend on each other.
I hope this helps. To tell you the truth, I am also a freshman in high school and have never been in a relationship. But I have heard enough stories and have enough common sense [and learned about this stuff in health class] that I can tell when something isn't right. Tell him to back off, and don't do it alone. Get your friends with you so that he is outnumbered. If you are firm with him and confident in yourself, then he should back off. And if he doesn't, you can tell the school, and they can get him to leave you alone, if it isn't already enough to put him to the police.
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 12:16 pm
Thank you both so much for your advice, ill really take it to heart i promise and try to get away and not give in next time im cornerd by him, thank u so much. and 2 Charms 26, im so glad it worked out with and ur crush. smile
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