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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:43 pm
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4/15/2010 So, since yesterday my father broke his ankle severely in an accident at work including a truck and a scissor lift, I have decided to keep a journal tracking his medical progress. Long story short, he and a co-worker were moving a scissor lift from a truck being used to transport it. It teetered and managed to fall on my father. Luckily, he was able to direct the fall of it enough so that the majority of the force landed on his left leg and ankle, rather than a more vital area. After being rushed to the hospital, several hours later he received reconstructive surgery resulting in the use of ten screws, one metal plate and a cast in order to repair the two broken bones, and severely stretched (and possibly torn?) ligaments. Now that he's in the hospital and constantly taking some form of pain medication, he's doing okay. His left arm and right leg are achy due to some deep bruising, but nothing is broken thankfully. That doesn't really help the fact that he sounds like a pile -o- crap when he speaks. Tired, bored, feeling like crap, drugged up. Bleh. I just really, REALLY hope that he doesn't feel guilty seeing that this happened just a few days before my birthday. I could care less about that, I just worry about him feeling comfortable. Doctors have said that since the damage included ligaments, he won't be able to put any pressure on that ankle at all for the next three months. And even after that, it has to be gradual with the aid of physical therapy. Luckily, they did say that if he is diligent about taking care of how he walks and his therapy, his ankle should heal to damn near close to normal. I guess only time will tell...
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:02 pm
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6-1-10 So, today I came to revelation. I think. Or at least I hope. I realized that I really haven't been happy since I hit college. I mean, the college in itself is amazing, but I'm not. Well, my choices aren't. I haven't enjoyed the great majority of my classes, like I've been forcing myself to go through with them. If I'm not enjoying the classes for my major and not doing well in them, what makes me think that the career I'm aiming for will be any better? Thinking long and hard about it, I've tried to think of the things in the past decade that I've really enjoyed learning. Then my mentorship at ACCAD came into mind. Was I really happy with what I was doing then? I think I was. A major in art, then grad program studying digital animation... It didn't sound unreachable. It actually sounds plausible. If not DOable. I wouldn't have to deal with F-ing Physics or Chemistry. I could maybe minor in English. This sounds like fun.
The main reason why I always ruled out art is because I never felt I was good enough for it, always comparing myself to others. But I realized that I had little to no instruction and aid since middle school. Everything has been academics. When I try to teach myself something, I catch on pretty quickly. I'm always wasting my time on Photoshop, Flash or other related programs. I've been using imaging software since I was nine-ish and before. I know how to use my tablet that I've had since middle school. I might be able to pull this off.
Buuut... Then the doubt sets back in. I should just get back to work now...
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Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:53 am
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6-8-10
I hate having so many doubts about myself, but I really can't help it. I'm not an optimistic, bubbly person as much as I'd like to think I am at times. I feel like my being in college is a waste of time and money. I have no confidence in my abilities in anything, because while in public school, I never showed promise with anything. I'm not extraordinary, just ordinary. I've been at college for two years straight, without even taking a break for summer. Bad idea. My brain is fried, and my grades have suffered big time for it. I'm dreading the moment that my dad looks up my grades ad shares with mom. I only gave him my password so that he could help me get my financial information straightened out when he improperly filled that form out last year. But ********. Seriously, getting into my grades without even TELLING me first? I swear my paranoia over them looming over my shoulders constantly is just making everything worse. Technically parents aren't supposed to have access to any of that information unless I explicitly tell the student offices that I give them permission to show my parents. But I know that a** soon as I change my password, he'll tell mom and they'll blow up saying "We're your parents! Blah blah blah. Are you afraid of us finding something out? Blah blah blah. Are we that much of failures? Blah blah blah." They have me so paranoid right now that it's stressing me out to hell and back. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't stay out late. I don't party. I don't have a boyfriend. Hell, I don't even have friends. I'm not a bad kid, I just don't have any confidence, resilience, or motivation right now and it's eating me from the inside out. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know anything about myself. I even considered using the 10 free counciling sessions we're supposed to get every year on this. I took that stupid questionnaire thing that the SCHOOL'S self-help site linked to. It said I have the chance of having anxiety issues and depression. I knew about the anxiety already, but damn, depression too? It would make sense. Thing is, if I did go through with it, I know that my mother would think "Oh, first my husband is in therapy, now my only daughter, too? I'm such a failure."
Sigh...
I wish that life was simple again. Maybe a summer off with a mindless job will help. Maybe I'll make a friend or two and actually be happy for once. Maybe that will get me back into shape.
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Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 7:59 pm
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Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:32 pm
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Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:32 am
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Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 9:52 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 1:23 pm
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 1:18 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:38 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:02 am
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8/20/2010 So, I've been in a relationship for about a month and half now. And... I'm actually pretty happy. It's not too unrealistic, seeing as we've had our ups and downs, but things are always resolved. I finally understand the girlfriend role and the slight jealousy that comes with it. >//> I mean, he put a picture of himself on his profile... My first reaction was a bit of jealousy over his female friends and roleplay partners. I mean, when he first showed me a picture of himself, he told be that he usually likes to stay less personal if that makes any sense. So when I see him put one up plain as day, I can't help but feel a little off about it. But, he must feel some sort of confidence in how he looks, so I'm happy for that though.
Siiiiighhhh. Having him is great, but I already think too much. I just want one day of simple fluff. D:
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Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 11:21 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:09 am
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Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 2:19 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:29 am
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