|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 12:30 pm
Not the show, but people and Facebook friend requests.
Backstory:
K and I were "BFFs" from the time we met in kindergarten until our big falling out near the end of grade 12. Like all friendships, we had our ups and downs, especially when we became teenagers, but we managed to pull through it all. The friendship ultimately ended, though. My parents were getting a divorce, and my mum had asked me not to tell her, on account of her parents are family friends and mum wanted to tell her mom first-hand when she was ready (didn't want it to slip). I chose to respect mum's wishes and didn't tell K.
When mum was ready, she told K's mom, who told K. K flipped out because "I don't trust her" and whatnot, bringing up that a similar such occurance had happened the year before (grandma was diagnosed with cancer, again mum didn't want it all over so I respected that; and K and I were going through a non-friends-stage at the same point we found out). Friendship ended.
A few months later, she started messaging me, saying it was stupid to throw away our friendship and whatnot; I ignored the messages. Around New Years, she wrote my mum a letter saying she'd been trying to contact me and I hadn't answered, including some lies in how she'd tried to do so, and including a letter for me, which I again didn't answer. She started messaging me again the following fall, I believe, still no answering on my part. I haven't heard from her since.
Until today. I check my email and it says that she's sent me a friend request on Facebook. I'm not sure if I should just say "not now" and leave it be with things as they are, or if I should give her a chance. The chances of us ever being "BFFs" again are quite slim; I simply don't want that. I don't know if being aquaintances is worth it, though (the chances of us running into each other again is highly possible, as it's a small community [her parents still live here], and our mom's are still friends). I'm also more curious as to "why now" more than anything, and not sure if I should just message her and ask first, or what..
I'd love opinions. Normally I'd post in the places I've been posting in for forever, but I want some outsider viewpoints for a change of pace.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:11 am
try giving her another chance then make up your mind based on her actions. plus its just facebook, if she starts anything you can easily unfriend her. just take things slow
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:02 pm
That's kind of what I'm leaning towards.. That or sending her a message asking "why"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:57 pm
I would just talk to her on messages for a while. If all doesnt go well you can deny the friend request and then block her from your profile.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 4:15 pm
Kindergarten to Year 12...that's a whole lot of years of friendship to throw away over a fight. She seems to be going to a lot of effort to get in touch with you so she obviously regrets what happened. Without being there it seems to me as though she was hurt by what she thought was you not trusting her...sometimes hurt can manifest itself in strange and occasionally over the top reactions. I always view that as the person having invested quite heavily in their good opinion of the relationship. You don't feel hurt over such things if you don't care. wink
I lost a good friend a few years ago and I still regret it and miss the times we shared, though at the time- and for about a year following the fallout- my feelings on the matter were pretty much 'good riddance'.
Give it another go IMO.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:10 pm
Skeksis Kindergarten to Year 12...that's a whole lot of years of friendship to throw away over a fight. She seems to be going to a lot of effort to get in touch with you so she obviously regrets what happened. Without being there it seems to me as though she was hurt by what she thought was you not trusting her...sometimes hurt can manifest itself in strange and occasionally over the top reactions. I always view that as the person having invested quite heavily in their good opinion of the relationship. You don't feel hurt over such things if you don't care. wink I lost a good friend a few years ago and I still regret it and miss the times we shared, though at the time- and for about a year following the fallout- my feelings on the matter were pretty much 'good riddance'. Give it another go IMO.
The initial communication attempts, I honestly shrugged off. She was the type of person that chose her 'best friend' based on convenience - having a fight with one friend, another automatically takes their place.. I figured it was much of the same and wasn't ready to go back to that sort of relationship.
I don't doubt that she was hurt by everything; I would be too if roles were reversed, but I would also understand a person choosing a parent over an off-and-on friend, especially with issues like I had to choose between. If she'd told me after her mom has specifically asked her to wait, and found out about the request, I'd wonder what other sort of confidences she'd have broken as easily.
I don't regret what happened between us.. It made me realize a lot about her, myself, and the sort of relationship we had, and that for me it was no longer a positive one (not just because of the 'big blowup', but because we had been more off-and-on and not so close the last couple years); it was something I simply didn't need or want to deal with at the time.
I miss the times we shared, but even if we do become friends again, I highly doubt we'll have anything near the same closeness of childhood; we're no longer the people we once were. Nothing can replace the past, and I'm not one to regret it (won't change anything after all). We had a lot of good years as good friends and I wouldn't change anything about that. I also see all the problems we faced as learning experiences that were required.
I have added her to Facebook; the next step is up to her. If she wants to talk to me, she can make the first move.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
