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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:20 am
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Even as a small child, I always dreamed of parenting. I still do. I love raising kids. (After I've done stuff with my life and been places, once I've settled down) But my children will be raised with two gay parents. Growing up with the LGBT stigma you get in a small country town, I know fully well that my husband's and my sexuality will be the cause of a lot of bullying for my children. As a parent, or thinking as one, the idea of that is heartbreaking. I don't want my children to be hurt at all, much less because of me. Almost makes me want to not have kids. Also, sometimes I wonder what titles to use. I mean, I'm not gonna say "No, you don't have two dads", but what would we use to differentiate the parents? I don't really wanna be called mother, but I'm not exactly against it. But I can't think of any other title to use.
Eh, this is just what I think about when I'm sleep deprived.
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 11:17 am
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:23 pm
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I grew up with Mom and my stepmom since I was in third grade, when they got together. I wasn't bullied about them ever--then again, I'd stopped being super-open about the fact Mom was with Rina by about fifth grade, when I was bullied (mostly about looks, nothing else). Now I'm completely open about my parents, and try to fight for their equality--even back then, I wouldn't have stood for any mean comments about my family....I guess what I'm trying to say is I've never really been embarrassed by my amazing parents, and my adopted cousins seem to be growing up fine, well-behaved, and healthy with their two moms.
Taeryyn's suggestion of Dad and Papa actually makes sense to me. It kinda has a ring to it almost. Well, Taeryyn's comment in general made a lot of sense...Except for the small town I'd been in until age 7 wouldn't have applied.
Sorry, I'm sleep-deprived too, but I hope as an ally kid of gay parents, I could contribute at least a little something...
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:51 am
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:12 am
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Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 2:34 pm
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:23 pm
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 5:01 pm
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 9:34 pm
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Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2012 5:10 am
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When I was about 6 my parents split and my mom came out. I think the only real problem that posed for me was the crap my father and my other mom's ex-husband started being not just a**holes, but completely psychotic. My other mom's kids weren't very keen on merging as a family and that did cause some domestic problems that contributed to my moms eventual splitting apart. Your kids won't have to deal with any of that cat_xd
I don't know how close in your life you are to having kids, but I think it's great that you are thinking ahead. If you live in a very homophobic town, maybe it might be for the best to move if you think it would really present a danger to your kids. If you get harassed or face discrimination regularly now, that would be the same thing they would likely face growing up although things can change over the years, responding to social trends and political climate.
As for what they would call you, calling two people "dad" would be confusing and get annoying, particularly when your kid says "Hey dad" and gets either two responses or none, each of you thinking that they meant the other.
For us, we just called our other mom by her first name because that's how we were introduced to her. Occasionally we would throw in a "Mom" just to be sure that she knew that we felt that way.
Some families will take custom from each side and have one Dad and one Pa, Pere, Oudere or Otosan; or one Mom and one Ama, Mere, Moeder or Okaasan. There's no reason you even have to be "dad" either.
Personally I would not go with "Mom" or "Mother" in the case of two male parents because of the confusion that could cause and I would really hate to feed that misconception that in a gay relation ship someone has to be the "man" and someone has to be the "woman" or reinforce the stereotype that all relationships have a dom and a sub or a femme to butch aspect. Being happy, comfortable and proud of who you are helps your kids learn to feel that way about themselves
The important thing is that the child/children have someone who loves and cares for them. If there are two people together that love each other, that even better.
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Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:37 pm
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 7:23 am
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:28 pm
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