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That is amazing! The fact you were interested in it at Disney World makes it even the more special! But that is so neat~ I'm glad there are people who still look into other cultures and such ^_^
Agreed! And also agreed, it can be very expensive! What cosplays have you done? I've only done about 3 so far 'cause I don't have much money to spend at the moment!
They are! Are you kidding, they said your art was bad! I love it! ^_^ I think it looks great~ They were just being rude, your art is fantastic : ) Lol I have to say, I love the sexy pose one~
Alto sax? I have never heard of that instrument! Is it just another version of a sax? You should practice your flute again~
Yes, there is never a rush with getting into a relationship! Don't be sad! You have lots to be happy about.
Oh! I can't even pronounce that! Heh. Good for you for loosing that weight! That sounds pretty scary though. I'm glad everything is alright though, and the doctors have been able to help you!
Ooh! That's great : ) I hope you and your mom have some great time this summer then~
Hmm.. I can't really think of anything.. I guess there is one. Have you ever had someone you truly had feelings for, as a friend, and maybe a bit more, move away? I had that recently. By recently I mean around a year ago, but it feels like it wasn't to long ago. I had this friend, let's call her T, her and I had been friends since we were about 8-9 if I recall right, and we were friends ever since, and she recently moved across state. I had developed a "crush" you could say- on her, but I had never told her. I still haven't! She does get to visit each summer and winter break, so yay that she's coming out soon~ But I always hate it when friends move.

Update-so the past few months had it ups and downs.

I got my hair cut and about to have a big performance in August as well as going to San Diego with my family at the end of July.

I had a strange conversation with my mom today. So I was tell my mom about that article about the prom king who had his crown taken away.

She said "Though I don't always agree, I get that some people where born that way or have problems like you do, but you're still a girl."

O.k...thanks mom. I wasn't sure why she brought me up for that and than covered it. Not sure what she was thinking. I just made a comment how my body at times doesn't seem to think so (it's true, it's obvious I have some male traits and expression at times) and said either way, no matter what happens, I probably just adopt kids so it wouldn't matter and left the room.

Oh mom.

The rest of the day so far has been pretty uneventful. My mom was also telling me about some willow bark stuff used for pain like aspirin. Should check that out. Also made some doctors appointments and going to see if I can find some insurance.

So I went to see my Endocrinologist today and my parents came with me this time to talk to him. They tried asking him about CAH as my dad believes I have the non-classical form but the doctor seemed iffy about it and didn't order that specific test but is checking panels for hormone levels in general for the next visit.

My parents were talking and said to just order this test kit, were I guess I to give a saliva sample to labs and they would test for it. If it comes up positive, I'll show my doctor the results and if negative, I guess we will just move on from there. My mom asked me if I still liked my endo. Yes, for thyroid and weight loss, he is really good and helped me a lot and even though he is arguing more for stress than adrenal problems, despite having really high levels of testosterone just not for CAH itself, at least he is trying and willing to check those out (though I might find a specialist just for that depending the results of all the testing). I always believed it was a hormonal problem despite doctors writing it off as ever since puberty, my body didn't function properly like it should and that sounds like more than just stress. I tried hormone therapy with estrogen but that made things worse. It helped with some things but caused a lot of pain and made me feel sick but getting off them, my body's cycle isn't regular. My doctor said it is like a compromise as my body doesn't respond well to it.

Afterwards I went to this health food story and later bought some books from Amazon for my Kindle. Two are just for fun. one is a drawing book and another is from the Discworld series, Mort by Terry Pratchett as all my friends kept recommending the series and start with that book despite not being the first book for the series.

Another book I bought was called Intersex for the lack of a better world. If my condition is still has to do with sex hormones, especially CAH, I would technically be classified as Intersex and my parents told me it might be good to check out. If I don't have, at least I could learn more about it as I am always fascinated to learn more about the human body and mind and study if and if I do have it, I can read how they went through it and might help me. I always felt out of place, so many it could help me either way.

I am just glad my family is listening to me so far and taking it seriously and instead of just writing it off. They might not like everything, but at least they are trying.

Well all in all, it was a long day but I think I am heading on the right track. smile

Something I posted on another guild but since it has to do with how I been feeling and what I have learned over the past few weeks, I will post it here as well.



Besides the book Mort, I bought another one. So last week while preparing for my doctors appoint and report for my class, I found something, something doctors never told me. Due to being a female with overproduction sex hormones, androgen's such as testosterone, I have been classified as intersexed. I been talking to my parents about this and they seem awfully calm about this and encouraging me to do research and talk to my doctor. It's like they were expecting everything. Even when I went out shopping, my mom suggested going to the men's section when the women's clothing wasn't fitting right and I was feeling frustrated.

I ended up buying the book Intersex (for a lack of a better word). I learned more than I ever had and see myself in the author. Her experience with CAH and how we seem to have similar problems. How doctors never told us about being intersexed and forced estrogen pills to get us to appear and have our bodies to be more like a female, though be both think of ourselves as more masculine and aggressive and wonder if these pills were given really to help us or just to get us to fit into their stands.

I was forced to take estrogen pills as well instead of the doctors doing an blood test to even check my hormonal levels and what conditions I may have (I just got off them recently and just gotten proper blood test last year that showed some abnormalities). I can't even take the pills anymore, my parents told me to get off them after they failed to really work for me and cause me more pain. She also got off them later on. We were both teased growing up and felt like outsiders at times and aware of things at an early age yet unaware of other thing until a later age. It's like I am reading about myself, just without all the sex.

I knew I had a problem, but that's all I knew. Kaiser covered a lot of stuff up that I found out just recently, my thyroid and androgen problems being happen in my early to mid teens at least and that my bones fused at the age 13 (I remember just before my middle school graduation, I had an x-ray done and that they said I would be 4'11" for the rest of my life which I found out that was part of CAH).

It scares me and fascinates me at the same time. All I remembered growing up was wanting to be seen as pretty and normal so people would stop calling me a freak for reasons even I didn't quite understand than. A lot of this stuff wasn't stuff people would talk about or really knew about. All those counseling sessions my schools made me attend due to behavioral problems (I was even forced into Special ED until high school, when they actually enrolled me in regular and advance classes and even elected to be part of peer counseling), etc.....I was see as dumb because people never gave me the chance, but I gotten award after award while in grade school despite all this. Even became part of the honor, advanced and jazz band less than I year I started playing the flute and was part of the color/winter guard team. Though I didn't hangout with any of them outside of practices besides a few friends.

The author also said to have behavior problems yet intelligent for her age like other people with CAH with advance brain development. We develop faster but stop developing early and end up really short among other problems.

Another thing we had in common was people kept telling us to lose weight and force on diets that we hate. I just wondered why she got tested for it to find out and why I didn't, especially since so many have PCOS when untreated or that it alone can mimic PCOS and thyroid problems like I have.

People tell you that dreams are your subconsciousness feelings. Mine if often reoccurring and in them I always seemed lost, out of place and not knowing where I am going physically, but I wonder if that is implying now I feel about myself and life.

Amazing what you can learn just from reading books alone. I actually feel I can relate to someone.

I am learning all the effects of hormones, especially androgen while still in the womb, can do to the mind and body and how too much medication or unnecessary medication can be even more dangerous. I read about what happened to a guy in the story that was given too much testosterone as his body wasn't making enough and now facing surgery.

This goes to show you it isn't a choice and depending health conditions, many people can live happy lives without medication or surgery and they should have a choice or say in it when they are old enough. We are not insane,mental, or mistakes. Just part of who we are and we. Many people don't even know they are intersexed and are completely healthy.

Like Lady Gaga says, I was born this way. smile

I can totally understand your frustration. I've been there all too often myself.

Don't lose hope, though. It's alright to be pissed off and angry about it but understand that it's much easier being self-ish than self-less.

You just have to find the right people who are willing to accept you with open arms and listen rather than talk.

They exist, I'm sure of it. I, too, am looking for such persons and if I'm not giving up neither should you.

Definitely speak your mind when the situations come about and don't let them make you feel like the bad guy. Sometimes being a b***h is the only way to get your point across.

Good luck and if you ever need to vent my inbox is always open c:

OMG, last night I spend three hours talking to someone (started with a new friend I made and we were talking about an anime we where watching at first and things went from there).

I never had such long conversations with anyone and we have a lot in common. They even said I was cute and funny and I shared with him some new stuff I started getting into and they seemed interested.

I feel so happy when talking to them and I meant them originally by accidentally finding their comic. ^^