♥Yousei's Dairy♥ (Comments are Welcome)

[Zelda Faye]

Things in here, things that I post, may be personal things, rants, raves, daily things, random posts about pictures, my art, ect.

I am usually to the point.. and sometimes I can be confusing.

I may just write a 12 page rant on something or it could be just a word on how I feel on that day in particular.

Anyway I welcome you to my online Gaia journal ♥~ enjoy your stay!

 

[Zelda Faye]

Entry 1
Date: 6/15/2012
Time: 12:17 am

Subject: Thyroid.

Today is like any other day in my world. I have a condition that is called graves' disease, and it messes with me more than one way.
It makes it hard for me to live, it hurts me, it makes me feel not normal.

I thrive on my emotions, they give me incite to things, move me to create and let me be who I am. And while my thyroid, being how it is, makes me unstable... It makes it hard to feel emotions sometimes or other times it makes me feel emotions that are out of control. It makes me out of control.
I have night terrors because of it sometimes..
I'd wake up and scream at something, that normally isn't scary to me.

I have problems being in public because of it as well. I already have issues being in public because I have PDS (post dramatic syndrome) from me being sexually assaulted 2 years ago. But it makes it worse... as if sadness or being afraid isn't enough.

I was given a pill to subdue it a lil so that I could feel better. And for a time, it worked.
That time.. is over, and now I have to deal with it again.
I am a slave to my thyroid until I can have surgery on it or go through radiation so that I can finally feel better.

I will always have to take pills after they get rid of my thyroid, that's a given.
And when I want to have children I will have to be monitored more than a regular woman would when going through pregnancy... It makes me upset that I can't be normal..

But I am going to do all I can to make myself think of good things, good feelings.
I also try to preoccupy myself with playing zOMG and playing on IMVU, dressing my avi's seem to keep my mind off of stressful things.
Drawing helps too.

I hope I can sleep tonight, its hard to breathe when I sleep because my thyroid enlarges and closes off my breathing tube...
All I can do right now is pray.

A good positive thought for today is that I got to work on carving with my boyfriend and finally was able to help him with certain tasks. They are cute little bears with raccoon on branches and that inspired me a little.
I may be able to post up pictures on what is being worked on.
I may also take pictures of the land that I live on because it is beautiful.♥~

~Kassy♥  

[Zelda Faye]

Entry 2
Date: 6/15/2012
Time: 9:39 am

Subject: Woken up.

Today I was woken up by my boyfriend, talking on the phone with his dad on carving.
I love to carve and all but their schedule on doing anything important like this is all jumbled up and last minute. It kinda drives me up the wall sometimes.

Today I need to get some more of my thyroid prescribed pills today, I just hope that we can do it today... no... we HAVE to do it today because without my pills I may get worse T.T and I already feel bad as it is. I really do not want to get worse.. I can barely handle what I am going through now! T.T
Just gotta pray for me to get better...

I will do my best today to try to get me better. I may do some meditation outside while I have my camera to take pictures so I can post them up to show you.

A positive thought today is: (I always try to end my posts on a good note so I have a positive outlook on things) I got to see more pictures of my nieces and nephew playing together. That always makes me happy. I just wish I could see them and play with them like I got to last year... I wish I lived closer..  

[Faebella]

Found it. smile

I'm sorry you're going through this with your Thyroid. I feel your pain.
I was told I will always need to be on medication, though I feel I can help treat it naturally. So, I don't take mine.

So, if I may ask, have you thought the removal? Like, you have a choice between the two, surgery and radiation, don't you? Which you prefer to have?  

[Zelda Faye]

Faebella

Found it. smile

I'm sorry you're going through this with your Thyroid. I feel your pain.
I was told I will always need to be on medication, though I feel I can help treat it naturally. So, I don't take mine.

So, if I may ask, have you thought the removal? Like, you have a choice between the two, surgery and radiation, don't you? Which you prefer to have?

Hey there ^^
Well, radiation screwed my mom up really bad and threw her into diabetes hard so I think I may do the opposite and try surgery. I have had surgery on my face before so I know how it will be like close to my neck so I feel most comfortable with surgery at the moment.

I still will try to ask around and see about how they felt after surgery so that I have more of a feel of what may go on when it does happen.

 

[Zelda Faye]

Entry 3
Date: 6/15/2012
Time: 9:13 pm

Subject: Nails.

I plan on painting my nails something... But I am not sure what color.
I have been wanting to paint them for a while now but my body being the way that it has been it's been hard to remember anything. So I go about my day looking at my nails and asking myself.. " Hmm I wonder what I should color my nails... oh! I know!" and then I go on a rant on what I would like then my ADD kicks in and then my thyroid kicks in as well and makes me forget completely and then it goes over yet again... with " Hmm.... what color my nails.. Oh! I know!! wait have I done this already??" Turns out I do this quite a lot during my day and it hurts me because it lets me know how bad my body is at the moment..

But I am tough as nails ( and I am not talking about finger nails ooh no)
And I will do my best to keep me going till I can't no more.

Next week is my appointment to go to the doctor its Wednesday in the morning and hopefully he can give me some news so that I can feel better about. *Please let it be good!*

A positive picture I have found:

 

[Zelda Faye]

Entry 4
Date: 6/16/2012
Time: 2:11 am

Subject: Can't sleep/Coconut oil

So I am excited about something I have learned recently. cat_biggrin

One of the girls on here ( emotion_kirakira Faebella /Vice Captain emotion_bigheart ) has very sweetly given me some advice on my thyroid that I don't think that I would have ever found out by my self on.

It's about, virgin coconut oil. I read that there are over 100 uses for it all and I don't see anyone on any site that I have gone to say bad things about it at all! I was impressed! cat_biggrin
But I am also skeptical, cat_ninja because I have never tried Coconut oil, people always told me to never use it because of the fat that it has in it. cat_surprised (Even my HS teacher pointed that out! cat_eek ) I agree that there is a lot of saturated fat in it but apparently that isn't the kind of fat that you are supposed to be fretting about in the first place. It's trans fat that you are supposed to watch for, like the stuff that comes from fast food joints and all that.
But I know how bad that fat is its no good at all for you! cat_3nodding


But I do have some faith in it, because a while back when I was a baby, my mom was told to not breast feed me and it screwed me up so bad... I was minutes from death... cat_scream cat_gonk cat_crying Till my Grandpa gave me Goat's milk and that stuff has a loooooot of fat in it! But! It also had a lot of nutrients and stuff to fight back all the nasties and help my immune system out cat_biggrin . Much like the coconut oil I am hearing about!
So there is faith in that.
I hope I can get to bed soon though, I know my body must be craving sleep at this moment ... cat_sweatdrop

A positive thing to know is that I will be covered in pillows and blankets that are soft and comfy soon cat_3nodding ^^.(Also! That I bought some online! cat_mrgreen And it will be coming in a few days! cat_4laugh although it could be more than a few... cat_stare but either way! ^^ its coming! cat_biggrin )  

[Zelda Faye]

Entry 5
Date: 6/17/2012
Time: 1:19pm

Subject: Overly Stressed..

I have so many things that I am dealing with today.. it's rather a bother..

This morning I had a bad dream and it dealt with zombies.... God do I ever hate those things.. They dont please me at all...
They really do make it hard to be happy at all..

Anyway... apparently the reason why I had nightmares of them was bc my book said that it cautions me about psychological manipulations.
Now I have a few ideas on what it means.. But I cant be for sure on it. I just wish that it wouldnt be so hurtful to me...

There was another thing that has happened to me.. that was stressful.
My stalker is trying to communicate with me by making multiple accounts... I keep on blocking him but I have no idea what to do other than that T.T
My boyfriend tells me that he has called the Wisconsin PD but I really dont think he did...
I think he just said that to make me feel better..

I just want things to get better... thats all I ask...



A good positive quote: Simply, just be. (Me)  

[Zelda Faye]

Entry: 6
Date: 6/19/2012
Time: 6:09 am

Subject: Feelings... cat_cry cat_emo cat_crying cat_sweatdrop cat_gonk cat_gonk cat_stare cat_talk2hand cat_surprised cat_stressed cat_scream cat_sad


To be honest... sigh*
I have had a lot of feelings this week, a lot of them deal with my friends.
A lot of distrust, hurt feelings, new feelings, weird feelings, cut to the bone feelings, no feelings.... Ect..

 

[Zelda Faye]

Entry: 7
Date: 6/21/2012
Time: 1:22 pm

Subject: Emotional Roller-coaster.

Sigh.... So a lot has happened... most of it I don't even know what the heck is going on with.
All I know is that my heart can't keep this whole thing up...
I feel like imma crack sometime soon or something.
My dreams are weird and I haven't been feeling myself for a while now cause of my stupid thyroid being out of wack.


But the good thing is that I went to my doctor to get things checked on and come to find out that I needed my pills readjusted because it was sending me into hypothyroidism and that is bad so I only take one pill a day now, YAY!
I hate taking so many pills that it makes me feel sick...

Other than that I have been feeling okay.

A positive thing to think about today is : That lastnight I posted an RP intro that was awesome as hell!