CHEATED

[lucystar]

First of all this is my first time posting something personal on any thread or forum on this site it seems I never did before cause I felt people would judge me or be critical of what I would say. But being around girls I hope it would go somewhat better sweatdrop

Anyways here's my issue, I have a bf who also plays gaia and yesterday I saw him posting in the CB forum so I decided to join him and maybe post on his thread and whatnot. Well I sort of notice this chick flirting with him but what bothered me the most was that it wasnt just some random flirtation it was sex sort of flirtation stuff and even worse he flirted back. Anyways I asked him and he told me that he had to delete some of her post cause she had become to "bold" I now wonder if he also deleted his own replies to her boldness. We fought or better yet i got HURT like crazy. In the end we just sort of worked it out. Today though he asked me that if deleting her from his friend list would make it all go away and better for me. So that's when I realized that he not only befriend her but that he was pming her so I asked him if he cyber with her or rped with her "sexually" and he told me I knew that I had know all along. So that meant yesterday when we talked about it he also lied saying he hadn't done anything with her. I'm so heart broken, i feel like he not only lied but cheated on me even if it was all online. I'm I wrong with how I feel? Is it right I feel he cheated on me?? What should I do?  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

I once heard cheating defined as "anything you feel you have to hide from your partner". If he was actively trying to hide what he was doing from you, then yes, it counts as cheating. Actually, you feel it was cheating, so yes, it was cheating.

HOWEVER, men in general don't seem to think of cybersex as cheating. So in his mind he was being truthful. He was even considerate enough to ask if you'd feel better if he un-friended her. That tells me he really does care about you.

The question is, are you willing/able to trust him again? It's not going to be right away, of course, you're still processing it. But later, think about it then decide what's best for you.

emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug  

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

I think you are pretty justified in calling it cheating...

emotion_hug

I'm sorry you are having to go through that...

I know that my ex started out by cheating on me via phone sex... eventually it escalated to him cheating on me in the "real" world...not saying that will happen here just telling you its happened to me and I hope it doesn't happen to you...keep your eyes peeled and your heart guarded emotion_hug

 

[lucystar]

Gigi Deveraux

I once heard cheating defined as "anything you feel you have to hide from your partner". If he was actively trying to hide what he was doing from you, then yes, it counts as cheating. Actually, you feel it was cheating, so yes, it was cheating.

HOWEVER, men in general don't seem to think of cybersex as cheating. So in his mind he was being truthful. He was even considerate enough to ask if you'd feel better if he un-friended her. That tells me he really does care about you.

The question is, are you willing/able to trust him again? It's not going to be right away, of course, you're still processing it. But later, think about it then decide what's best for you.

emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug

Thank you for your words. I do agree with what you said men do feel that most of the things they do aren't consider cheating, maybe I'm making a big deal out of him cybering but when I think about it it is something I can't over look cause if he did it this once wouldn't he do it again?? And more importantly wouldn't he someday think its ok for him to be having sex with others so wouldn't he then do it for reals?? Maybe I'm over exagerating things or digging a hole but I know i wouldn't even dare cyber with anyone. I dont only feel he broke my trust for him but that he didn't not respect out relationship and what I suppose to mean to him. I guess I'm wrong huh?/  

[lucystar]

RainbowPop26

I think you are pretty justified in calling it cheating...

emotion_hug

I'm sorry you are having to go through that...

I know that my ex started out by cheating on me via phone sex... eventually it escalated to him cheating on me in the "real" world...not saying that will happen here just telling you its happened to me and I hope it doesn't happen to you...keep your eyes peeled and your heart guarded emotion_hug

Thanks for the reply, and I feel the same way. When i think about it I feel he just started with cybering but who is to tell me he won't go beyond that after wards. Or maybe I'm just being dramatic out of the entire thing yet my heart is the one in just a misery since it all happen  

[THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS]

Umm i actually read about this in the chatterbox yesterday sweatdrop the girl he was talking to created a thread complaining that you had taken it seriously sweatdrop , she clearly thought it was all a massive joke.

It sounds like neither of them were taking it seriously, hopefully now your boyfriends seen how upset it makes you he won't do it again. He'll have realised he crossed the line 3nodding  

[Digital Fiend]

A lot of people are of the mentality that if it's not "real" {actual touching, yatta yatta}, then it doesn't qualify as cheating, it's more of a fantasy thing.

I don't agree with that myself, but it sounds like something that should be discussed, and if you feel like you can live with the knowledge that this happened and not let it rule you and you really care about him, give him another chance. Maybe having a "boundaries" talk about what makes each of you comfortable and uncomfortable might help. It could also help not create really bad misunderstandings.

*Huggles* This is a sucky situation, just think about what you want right now. If you want to break up or if you want to work things out. The ball is in your court right now. Good luck!  

[lucystar]

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

Umm i actually read about this in the chatterbox yesterday sweatdrop the girl he was talking to created a thread complaining that you had taken it seriously sweatdrop , she clearly thought it was all a massive joke.

It sounds like neither of them were taking it seriously, hopefully now your boyfriends seen how upset it makes you he won't do it again. He'll have realised he crossed the line 3nodding

Yes, I just saw her thread so now I'm a ridicule to many crying  

[lucystar]

Digital Fiend

A lot of people are of the mentality that if it's not "real" {actual touching, yatta yatta}, then it doesn't qualify as cheating, it's more of a fantasy thing.

I don't agree with that myself, but it sounds like something that should be discussed, and if you feel like you can live with the knowledge that this happened and not let it rule you and you really care about him, give him another chance. Maybe having a "boundaries" talk about what makes each of you comfortable and uncomfortable might help. It could also help not create really bad misunderstandings.

*Huggles* This is a sucky situation, just think about what you want right now. If you want to break up or if you want to work things out. The ball is in your court right now. Good luck!

Thank you I suppose to many what you said is right maybe I'm just some sensitive idiot after all  

[THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS]

lucystar

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

Umm i actually read about this in the chatterbox yesterday sweatdrop the girl he was talking to created a thread complaining that you had taken it seriously sweatdrop , she clearly thought it was all a massive joke.

It sounds like neither of them were taking it seriously, hopefully now your boyfriends seen how upset it makes you he won't do it again. He'll have realised he crossed the line 3nodding

Yes, I just saw her thread so now I'm a ridicule to many crying

Sorry gonk it was a really bitchy thing for her to do, no one on chatterbox takes anything seriously, they ridicule everyone  

[lucystar]

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

lucystar

THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS

Umm i actually read about this in the chatterbox yesterday sweatdrop the girl he was talking to created a thread complaining that you had taken it seriously sweatdrop , she clearly thought it was all a massive joke.

It sounds like neither of them were taking it seriously, hopefully now your boyfriends seen how upset it makes you he won't do it again. He'll have realised he crossed the line 3nodding

Yes, I just saw her thread so now I'm a ridicule to many crying

Sorry gonk it was a really bitchy thing for her to do, no one on chatterbox takes anything seriously, they ridicule everyone

I went to her in private she should had done the same thing but more importantly why place me on ridicule if she suposebly didn't do anything with him she should had just let it be crying  

[TH3_G1ITCH_]

TheAristocratSays:
She's pretty childish since she went on CB to spread this to others.
That and mostly likely hungry for attention that CB will undoubtedly give her.

I don't have much to add to the situation since it's already been answered a few times but i just wanted to give you hugs and hope things work out for you.

emotion_hug

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Digital Fiend

A lot of people are of the mentality that if it's not "real" {actual touching, yatta yatta}, then it doesn't qualify as cheating, it's more of a fantasy thing.

I don't agree with that myself, but it sounds like something that should be discussed, and if you feel like you can live with the knowledge that this happened and not let it rule you and you really care about him, give him another chance. Maybe having a "boundaries" talk about what makes each of you comfortable and uncomfortable might help. It could also help not create really bad misunderstandings.

*Huggles* This is a sucky situation, just think about what you want right now. If you want to break up or if you want to work things out. The ball is in your court right now. Good luck!

Well, there's such a thing as an emotional affair, but that's a more complicated thing, takes more time and a lot more emotional intimacy than what we're discussing - but I digress.

I agree with DF on the talk about boundaries. I do think that it should have taken place earlier - but hindsight is always 20/20, right?

Since he actually offered to break off contact with her (whether he did or not is another thing), I'd say he's serious about taking your feelings into consideration.

As for that other whatsername, she just proved the kind of person she is by splattering everything out in the CB. You just keep your cool and don't stoop to her level by replying to anything. The scum may ridicule you, but the smart people will side with you when they see you're the one acting like the adult here.

emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug

 

[lucystar]

Aristocrat In Pink

TheAristocratSays:
She's pretty childish since she went on CB to spread this to others.
That and mostly likely hungry for attention that CB will undoubtedly give her.

I don't have much to add to the situation since it's already been answered a few times but i just wanted to give you hugs and hope things work out for you.

emotion_hug

Thanks a lot for the hug and for the good wishes as of nothing I feel worse than before. I have even started to think that maybe I should just quit the site and let it all behind, but I'm so confused and I'm not sure if that will even make me feel better.  

[lucystar]

Quote:

Well, there's such a thing as an emotional affair, but that's a more complicated thing, takes more time and a lot more emotional intimacy than what we're discussing - but I digress.

I agree with DF on the talk about boundaries. I do think that it should have taken place earlier - but hindsight is always 20/20, right?

Since he actually offered to break off contact with her (whether he did or not is another thing), I'd say he's serious about taking your feelings into consideration.

As for that other whatsername, she just proved the kind of person she is by splattering everything out in the CB. You just keep your cool and don't stoop to her level by replying to anything. The scum may ridicule you, but the smart people will side with you when they see you're the one acting like the adult here.

emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug

I haven't said anything else to her or posted on her thread though she did quoted me so I was able to see what she had done, and others did so as well. Reading something i sent her privately now out in the open for others to laugh about me is hurting just as much as what he did with her. I don't think I have to justify me reaching out to her and telling her what I felt in the time when I was hurting the most. Is not like I insulted her, called her names, or took it out in the open like she herself did. Besides didn't I had a right to let her know what she did or better yet let her know what they both did to me??

Maybe I'm just wrong in the whole situation all I know is that I am hurting and now aside of the hurt I feel shame, embarrassed and I feel horrible seeing all those people laughing at my situation. I guess someone's feelings is a laughing matter to others. crying