What a great way to introduce myself.. huh?
First post in this guild.. and it's about suicide.. Umm.. I don't know.. I'm just writing what first comes to mind.. so pardon for the scattered thoughts and lots of dots... But, uhh.. I'm starting to not be afraid of the idea of suicide.. Like, the idea before, about me not living anymore used to scare me, because no matter what life was like, and how many times I thought about dying.. I just, couldn't see myself not living.. but, as the days go on.. I'm starting to really think about not living anymore, and it's scaring me. Recently, I've been finding myself holding knives, and holding too many pills in my hands and not even realizing what I'm doing.. I want to empty my bottle of sleeping pills, and just fall asleep and hope god that I don't wake up.
I don't know who.. or what I can turn to to help me figure out why I can't be happy.
I don't get it.. I really don't.. and I'm starting to get scared.. I have a boyfriend who cares about me, I have a family who cares about me, and I'm a nurse at a retirement home, where all my residents adore me.. but no matter how much I try to be happy.. I always end up even more miserable and more secluded than the day before..
I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this..
First post in this guild.. and it's about suicide.. Umm.. I don't know.. I'm just writing what first comes to mind.. so pardon for the scattered thoughts and lots of dots... But, uhh.. I'm starting to not be afraid of the idea of suicide.. Like, the idea before, about me not living anymore used to scare me, because no matter what life was like, and how many times I thought about dying.. I just, couldn't see myself not living.. but, as the days go on.. I'm starting to really think about not living anymore, and it's scaring me. Recently, I've been finding myself holding knives, and holding too many pills in my hands and not even realizing what I'm doing.. I want to empty my bottle of sleeping pills, and just fall asleep and hope god that I don't wake up.
I don't know who.. or what I can turn to to help me figure out why I can't be happy.
I don't get it.. I really don't.. and I'm starting to get scared.. I have a boyfriend who cares about me, I have a family who cares about me, and I'm a nurse at a retirement home, where all my residents adore me.. but no matter how much I try to be happy.. I always end up even more miserable and more secluded than the day before..
I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this..