DATE:Sunday, 5 August 2012 TIME:2:28AM
FIRST POST
Since I gather that people will be reading this (scary to saw the least; I feel for ya'lls I really do razz ) I decided that my first post should be describing me, or my past more specifically, and then we'll focus on the day to day stuff. I'll try not to bore ya;ll to much
First things first I won't be using people's real names, sorry but I believe in letting people having their privacy. So here is a small list of people.
Brother (oldest): Wolf
Brother (older): Demon
Me: Dragon
Mom: Mom
Dad: Dad
Cousin (6 months older) Siege
Best Friend/ Cousin: Nekoyaz
The rest I will have to make up as I go along.
Okay, let's get started
Okay, so, HI! I'm Dragon, but then you knew that. I'm 20 years old and am currently on summer vacation from college. where I plan to get a degree in Radiology Technology.
I was born in South Carolina, where I still live. Four years before me my brother, Wolf, was born. And two years before me my brother, Demon, was born. Needless to say I am the only girl and both my parents were happy to have a girl. My mom was happy because she always wanted to have a daughter to dress up and you know that general stuff moms want to do with their daughters. My dad, on the other hand, wanted a daughter because it fit his idea of the perfect American family. He want a perfect wife, a son that was good academically and in sports, and finally a daughter that was both beautiful and smart. I know he wanted this because he told me this himself one day.
My mom is still happy to have a daughter, even if I wasn't the type that liked to be dressed up. I was rather a tomboy growing up, climbing trees and playing in mud holes. Its what I get for being raised in the south I guess. But you know she still thinks me perfect.
My dad was less then thrilled. He ended up with two sons and one daughter. Wolf was the perfect son. He was an A-B student, great in sports, and popular all around. Wolf was the pride and joy of my father. The one child he brag on the most...Lets move on to Demon. Demon wasn't as great a son as Wolf but he still was a shining spot for my dad. Demon was a genius, and I do not take that word likely, but he wasn't at first. My brother had bad grades to begin with and he misbehaved horribly. No one could figure out what was wrong till his 5th grade teacher suggested getting him tested for ADHD. What do you know he had it. My dad wasn't happy about it, he figured it was the same as being retarded, but Demon got on medicine things changed. He slept in class but made straight A's. Thus he redeemed himself in my father's eyes. But Demon gave up his social life to accomplish this. He study every free chance he could and when he wasn't studying he was usually playing a video game. Out of the three of us he was the only one allowed to play video games, though I'm not sure why...Lets move to me *shudders* I was the let down of my father's life. I was not beautiful to say the least and if you asked my dad I was the farthest thing from smart. In fact I was often refereed to as the family retard by him. I struggled through out school, starting in kindergarten. I actually had trouble learning how to tie my shows, remember my address, and remembering my phone number. For whatever reason this worried my teachers and they made me go to summer school. In first grade I struggled to read and I struggled in math. Things really started going wrong in 2nd grade. I was constantly being taken out of class to attend an hour long speech class to help with a speaking problem I had (I actually got kicked out the class for getting in a fist fight with Demon. They made the mistake of putting me and him in the same hour long session and sitting us beside each other.) They always pulled me out of the class during math, so I actually started falling behind and I never learned my fractions. That one thing, not learning fractions, has dragged me down. By fourth grade I had found my strengths in school, English, reading, and history and art. But these things were not considered good subjects by my father. It had to be math and science because reading, writing, and art would get me no where. Thus I was the retard and an embarrassment to my father.
My mom and dad got divorced when I was 18 months old. My mom agreed that my dad should have the kids since his family was a little better off in the finical department. This she has regretted for many years. My dad wasn't really the best father. He bought Wolf new clothes every year, Wolf's old clothes went to Demon, and Demon's old clothes went to me. Have you ever been ten years old and gone to school wearing not just boy clothes but old boys clothes? My dad could afford to buy us all clothes he just didn't want to. The money he got for child support he spend on himself. Also Wolf was the one who had to make sure I had a bath, wake me up at night so that I wouldn't wet the bed, and just do typical parent things like make mine and Demon's lunch. I guess you can say the mental and physical abuse started when I was five, shortly after I first started school. I don't know I guess he thought he could beat smartness into me. The sexual abuse started when I was seven.
That's right I said sexual abuse. My first memory of it was when I was seven, it was night, and my little teddy bear lamp was only lighting up half the room. I was having a hard time falling asleep, and when I finally did I woke a few minutes later to see a shadow in my doorway. I remember pulling the cover up over my head...and the rest just begins many years of bad experiences. My mom didn't know about any of this. We were raised in such a way that we would never dare think of telling. After that night as well I was never allowed to go anywhere that wasn't school, daycare, or some family members house. I had fa few friends but they were not allowed to call and I wasn't allowed to go see them. I kind of became a loner. I had only five friends and depression was ever present. When I was nine I turned to books to as a way of escape.
Few people realize what wonders books are. The world could be going to hell around you but while you hold that book everything is perfect. Instead of this sad excuse for a girl I was a dragon rider, or a great mouse warrior, a wizard at Hogwarts (I wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter I had to sneak the books home and read then under the cover of darkness.). he saddest thing in the world was when I had to tear myself from these books and go back to my sad reality. I also discovered anime this way (Pokemon, DBZ, Sailor Moon, Digimon) and my dad made it clear that we were not to watch these "shows made by the devil himself". I also picked up writing around this time but gave it up when I wrote a story about a girl who ran away from home after discovering she was adopted. I had let a classmate read it and she thought I was talking about myself and I was embarrassed and stopped writing. Another thing that saved me from the darkest depths of depression was going my mom's every other weekend. There I was called smart and allowed to read Harry Potter, watch anime, and play video games. My cousin, Siege, came over a lot and he and Demon were really close. I was always the annoying younger sister/cousin lol.
When Wolf was 17 I think he had the realization that he would be gone in a year and he didn't want to leave me and Demon with my dad. So on Easter weekend when I was 13 my mom found out. I will not go into detail what all happen, only that my dad was sentenced to jail and we ended with my mom.
Being out of my dad's house was nice but you guys have no idea how embarrassing it was when everything came out. The looks some of my family had made me feel ashamed and like I was some kind of monster. I meant that wasn't what they were thinking, they were pissed at my dad but it still is traumatic to go through all that as a child. We were sent to a psychiatrist and a councilor for a year, but it didn't really help. I refused to talk to any of them. And while all this was going my dad's parents and his whole family was trying to say we were lying. It hurts you know, to see half your family act like you were some lying freak, some demon child. Those first few years with my mom were more depressing than anything else. I seriously believe things could of gone very wrong for me if something hadn't of happen.
Living with my mom and going to a new school where i was immediately picked on, I feel into a deep depression. Anime changed everything. Yeah, I guess that sounds stupid but it was what happen. It was summer and I was so bored so I was browesing through some forums (I was never allowed on a computer at my dad's so I didn't knew anything about the internet till I was 14) and I stumbled upon this anime forum. The people there were funny and they directed me to watch some anime. So I started watching Ouran High School Host Club (enlgish subbed). Needless to say I was hooked. I then moved to Fruits Basket, tsubasa, and xxHolic. I don't know what it was about anime but it seemed to help me. I was on a French field trip and I had brought my laptop along and was watching Vandread when all of a sudden this random person sits besides me and starts talking about anime. Thar was how I met my first true friend since moving out of my dad's house. I was 15, two years had passed since moving out. Nekoyaz is crazy and random but she is fun to be around. A year after we became friend we were going to the movies to see Zombieland and I was giving her directions to my house. I happen to mention some of my family that lived nearby and then I found out me and her were actually related. She is my 3rd or 4th cousin.
I got started back writing when I was 14 because I was bored. I never got far though. One day I threw away a story and Wolf dug it out the trash and read it and then told everyone at his work that I was the next J.K. Rowlings. I wasn't to happy. I am not that good at writing-_- he shouldn't of told them that. Well anyway my love of writing has brought me here.
I am now 20 and we are now in the present. I can assure that I currently have a boring life but I will still make posts anyway....Now I must really try and get some sleep lol.
Reply
