Dating someone closeted?

[kanterella]

So I was just wanting an opinion cause I have only told a couple of people and want to try and ask someone out. I don't know how they would feel about it cause I think they are out and I don't want things to be weird. Do you think someone would be interested in trying to have a realtionship with someone who hasn't come out yet? Not that I plan on never coming out just that I want to finish school and stuff first but would like to be in a relationship before then.  

[Shameless Smile]

I dated a closeted girl once (before my ftm transition) who was in the military before the don't ask don't tell junk. Bluntly, it was terrible. The problem is, if you spend too much time around this person, people will eventually figure it out or make rumors. If you don't spend time around this person, then it causes problems with the relationship. You will also be hiding it from your parents, which makes it more difficult to see them (unless they think you're just friends). I also had a lot of jealousy issues since everyone thought this girl was single when I was very happy to be dating her. Eventually, she gave up on hiding the relationship and decided to cheat on me with someone of the opposite gender. Yup. The end.  

[Saint Sims]

It's certainly possible but the main issue is having to hide who you are and the fact that you love that person.

Naturally, it might be easier for two closeted individuals to be in a relationship together but for someone who has been outed to date someone who is closeted, they might feel some resentment or inhibition in the person they love since they cannot openly express their feelings and have the need to hide from prying eyes to keep said person closeted.

It will all really depend on the individual person so I wouldn't worry all too much about the generalizations. Just keep a positive attitude c:

 

[Purple Robot Queen]

It's hard to say in broad terms, since it's really a case-by-case issue. I'd say it will limit your options somewhat because some people won't want to date somebody in the closet, while others will be okay with it. And it may be somewhat restrictive in terms of what you can do and where you can go, depending on the circumstances. As with most relationship issues, it's really all about what you can make work for your unique situation.  

[Taeryyn]

As the others have already stated, it isn't a guaranteed deal-breaker, but it can present some difficulties. Not everyone's gonna want to deal with it. Personally, at this point in my life, I really don't think I would want to try and maintain a relationship with someone closeted, but it would have been less of an issue for me when I was younger.  

[StopLightLesbian]

My girl hasn't come out yet. It's hard sometimes to deal with sometimes, her folks think we're just best friends. I love her and would do anything for her, but she's planning on coming out to her family in the near future. I guess it would depend on how attached you're willing to become and maybe you'd consider coming out for her benefit.  

[castrillo]

It really depends. I for example, wouldn't mind dating a guy who is closeted, then again I'm closeted myself. But even if I was out I still wouldn't frown at the idea because I know everyones situation is different. Some people just CANT come out at that moment in time.

But I mean, if you plan staying hidden for the rest of your life, you'll most likely not be able to find a long term relationship.


But don't take it too personal if someone doesn't want to get involved with someone closeted. You have to think, some of these people probably just came out themselves, and they're excited about a future where they dont have to hide things anymore.  

[Raeiko]

if they have strong feelings for you it shouldnt matter  

[CuriousColt]

I am also interested in reading answers as I am a closeted gay male. Regards  

[Tyshia2]

I say go for it. If a relationship happens, the two of you can figure out your individual comfort levels together.  

[kanterella]

Thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciate them all. I do understand someone being out not wanting to hide it. I don't plan on being closeted forever. Just right now if I came out I would be jobless and homeless. I don't wanna have to wait till then to find love when I feel like knowing I have that support could help with everything. Knowing i'm losing my family but have someone who loves me would not make it as scary. I have a few friends who are crazy awesome but just a drastic change like that is scary knowing that at that point im giving up so much to try and find love and happiness.  

[Jisatsu_no_Tenshi]

I've been there and done that. It wasn't fun.