Was anyone else here in denial?

[CuriousColt]

I have just recently come to terms with my sexuality at the age of 18 now for the last few years in high school I have been putting it off and telling myself my family and my friends I am straight and even when they asked why I did not have a girl friend I put it off and told them I just wanted to be single and when they put it out there that I might be gay I went so far as to say I hate faggots etc... and now I don't know what to do or where to start my family is religious and it would let them down my friends might make fun of me because of the things I have said and on top of all this I just enlisted in the army even though I don't leave for basic till I leave high school I still don't know if I should say anything, I don't even know how to go about meeting other guys. If any one could give me some tips on how to go about any of these changes that would be great. Also tell me if you were in denial.  

[Symptom_of_Society]

I wasn't ever in denial thinking I was straight, but I did convince myself for a time that I was asexual.  

[CuriousColt]

Xx_LunaJade_xX

I wasn't ever in denial thinking I was straight, but I did convince myself for a time that I was asexual.

Being straight is not really looked down upon though.

Edit: I should not say that, what I mean is it is not looked down upon where im from.  

[Purple Robot Queen]

I was in denial for a long time. It took about 15 years after my first crush on a guy before I started coming out. One important thing is to find one person you can really trust and tell them first. That way you can start building a small support network before you just tell everybody. Also, don't let yourself feel rushed into coming out by anyone.

I posted a full set of useful guidelines for coming out a while back, if I can find it I'll repeat it here.  

[CuriousColt]

Purple Robot King

I was in denial for a long time. It took about 15 years after my first crush on a guy before I started coming out. One important thing is to find one person you can really trust and tell them first. That way you can start building a small support network before you just tell everybody. Also, don't let yourself feel rushed into coming out by anyone.

I posted a full set of useful guidelines for coming out a while back, if I can find it I'll repeat it here.

thank you!  

[Shanna66]

from middle school through highschool i tried to lie to myself that i was straight, even when i had a girlfriend in highschool. i really regret the way i treated her during that time

it wasnt until college that i accepted myself and started telling people i liked women aswell when they asked

for me it was easier to come out to stranger and coworkers than it was to come out to family and close friends. i had told a good friend in highschool and it ended our friendship which made me want to hide in the closet even more. looking back at it now im happy it ended our friendship because it just meant she wasnt a real friend anyways  

[CuriousColt]

Shanna66

from middle school through highschool i tried to lie to myself that i was straight, even when i had a girlfriend in highschool. i really regret the way i treated her during that time

it wasnt until college that i accepted myself and started telling people i liked women aswell when they asked

for me it was easier to come out to stranger and coworkers than it was to come out to family and close friends. i had told a good friend in highschool and it ended our friendship which made me want to hide in the closet even more. looking back at it now im happy it ended our friendship because it just meant she wasnt a real friend anyways

It feels weird to ignore it for so long and then now finally admit it..but I agree it seems a stranger would be easier to tell  

[xXHazukashiiXx]

CuriousColt

Well hun, I'm very similar to you :3 I questioned if I was gay when I was 16. My family basically flipped s**t and began to get "heart problems" and ect. Well, for their sake, I went back to being straight. I put it off until after I got back from basic training with the Army at Fort Benning, GA. I was 19 when I got back and I started thinking about it again. I then fell into depression for some reason not fully knowing. I discovered it was because I was drowning my real self for the sake of everyone else. I then came back out to my parents who openly accepted me after they discovered what I was going through. Hun, it's not good to drown any part of yourself. You can't help who you are. And trust me, there are TONS of gay guys in the Army, and lesbians as well. I'm a gay infantryman who serves his country. I'm only 20. Don't deny who you are :3  

[CuriousColt]

Onato

CuriousColt

Well hun, I'm very similar to you :3 I questioned if I was gay when I was 16. My family basically flipped s**t and began to get "heart problems" and ect. Well, for their sake, I went back to being straight. I put it off until after I got back from basic training with the Army at Fort Benning, GA. I was 19 when I got back and I started thinking about it again. I then fell into depression for some reason not fully knowing. I discovered it was because I was drowning my real self for the sake of everyone else. I then came back out to my parents who openly accepted me after they discovered what I was going through. Hun, it's not good to drown any part of yourself. You can't help who you are. And trust me, there are TONS of gay guys in the Army, and lesbians as well. I'm a gay infantryman who serves his country. I'm only 20. Don't deny who you are :3

This was a huge help! After you finally came to accept it how did you start meeting guys? I had a friend who went to benning last summer and I dont ship till june sad but I will be going to Fort Leonard wood misery as they call it biggrin For basic and AIT for MP  

[xXHazukashiiXx]

CuriousColt

Onato

CuriousColt

Well hun, I'm very similar to you :3 I questioned if I was gay when I was 16. My family basically flipped s**t and began to get "heart problems" and ect. Well, for their sake, I went back to being straight. I put it off until after I got back from basic training with the Army at Fort Benning, GA. I was 19 when I got back and I started thinking about it again. I then fell into depression for some reason not fully knowing. I discovered it was because I was drowning my real self for the sake of everyone else. I then came back out to my parents who openly accepted me after they discovered what I was going through. Hun, it's not good to drown any part of yourself. You can't help who you are. And trust me, there are TONS of gay guys in the Army, and lesbians as well. I'm a gay infantryman who serves his country. I'm only 20. Don't deny who you are :3

This was a huge help! After you finally came to accept it how did you start meeting guys? I had a friend who went to benning last summer and I dont ship till june sad but I will be going to Fort Leonard wood misery as they call it biggrin For basic and AIT for MP

Ah, Mp. I hate MPs ;p hehe no offense. But I started meeting guys just by hanging out with people and being straight up with myself. Any friends I had, I told them I was gay. They all accepted me :3 but you'll find them, trust me.  

[lenon01]

In denial? Not really, although I went through that "Oh, I'm bisexual" thing that a lot of people seem to go through. I think I was mistakenly confusing my appreciation for a woman's figure for attraction. It's actually a huge difference.

I attempted telling my mother once, and she was in more denial than I was. xp It was almost funny, but ever since I've been feeling more and more distance grow between us, and it's been something like three to five years. Now she just agitates me, but I think it's because I know that a lot of things that I am or that I believe are opposed to her way of thinking.
(Sometimes it's hilarious, like that one time she tried using "Well if humans evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?" even though the topic was atheism and not, by any means, evolution. It's funny but it still drives another wedge between us.)

Right now I just don't care to tell my family because of some stuff that they're going through where other people whose beliefs concerning the gay community are not discernible to me could make their lives terrible because they wouldn't be able to keep their stupid mouths shut. sweatdrop

Anyway; I digress, back on topic. mrgreen
I suppose the biggest 'denial' thing that I ever had to deal with was the Roman Catholic view on homosexuality. I'm not Christian anymore, but for a while I was attempting to reconcile the two. It wasn't 'denial', per say, but that's really the closest I ever came to it.  

[Okaminoyuri]

I went off the deep end. Totally gave up on transitioning, gave up on these forums, my writing... All of it.

Recently someone put me back together. Feeling all sorts of clarity. Now I just need to find a girlfriend.

Any takers!?  

[Lady Kayura]

CuriousColt

but I agree it seems a stranger would be easier to tell

I've always found strangers easier to tell. Online friends are easier to tell compared to those I speak to in person. Or at least, that's how it was for me.  

[Shanna66]

Lady Kayura

CuriousColt

but I agree it seems a stranger would be easier to tell

I've always found strangers easier to tell. Online friends are easier to tell compared to those I speak to in person. Or at least, that's how it was for me.

same. im so much more open with my online friends about my emotions and everything than i am with most people i know in real life  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

Don't know if it was denial or just didn't really give it much thought. I never really dated anyone. I had physical attraction and checked out many different people (not just guys), though I am not sexual with anyone (I think those feelings come when I start getting close to someone. Not quite asexual).

I am not the type to really go out and talk to people. Even when questioning and still doing so, it isn't something I can go up and talk to my family about it. I know they don't any anyone that is LGBT, but they think it is a lifestyle/choice and don't agree with it. My mom is religious and don't really always get along as it is.