-- ♥ Another Day In My Shoes*

[o0Roxy0o]

Welcome to my journal. I'm just going to post a bit about what's
happening in my life, as well as my thoughts and feelings as I
don't really have anywhere else to let them out. Feel free to post,
ask questions, give your opinion, etc.


PS: This may lean towards the depressing side.
gaia_star

 

[o0Roxy0o]

27 October 2012
The Introduction


I guess you could say that I'm just like every teenager - different. Which
may appear to be contradicting, but yet it is very understandable.
Understandable?
That word just isn't in my life's vocab, since no one really understands
me. With a soft heart and an over working brain, I'm constantly falling
into depression. It's not very obvious to anyone, as I'm surrounded by
'friends', but over the years, I've never had a friend. At least not
someone who qualifies for my idea of friendship.

Born and raised in a small town filled with fake bitches and assholes,
I never knew happiness. Constantly fighting a battle within myself to
choose who I should be. To fit in and fake my way to the top of my
town's food chain or to be myself - by myself? After 16 years of
swinging back and fourth from my alter egos, I decided to stick to
being myself, even if that meant having no one.

I guess you could call this the uncomplicated version of my complicated
life. So welcome to my world, a world where I'm surrounded by many
people, but yet never felt so alone.

 

[o0Roxy0o]

28 October 2012
The Pain That Lies Behind These Green Eyes


Cried my heart out last night. Not a few tears, it was ugly crying. I think
what makes ugly crying the worst is when you aren't quite sure why
you're crying.

My boyfriend did his best to help me and provided with with advice,
but he isn't really good at that. Somehow, he always makes things
worse. So I turned off my cellphone and just lay in bed with my tissues.

I just can't seem to understand why society is so mean. I don't see how
being mean to others can make you happy. I wish I could go back in time
and start fresh, knowing what I know now. I can't handle all this pain and
loneliness. I'm dreading the thought of next year... Who am I going to
sit with at break times and who am I going to hang out with during
weekends?

Why do they all keep saying that they are there for me, when they aren't?

 

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

o0Roxy0o

27 October 2012
The Introduction


I guess you could say that I'm just like every teenager - different. Which
may appear to be contradicting, but yet it is very understandable.
Understandable?
That word just isn't in my life's vocab, since no one really understands
me. With a soft heart and an over working brain, I'm constantly falling
into depression. It's not very obvious to anyone, as I'm surrounded by
'friends', but over the years, I've never had a friend. At least not
someone who qualifies for my idea of friendship.

Born and raised in a small town filled with fake bitches and assholes,
I never knew happiness. Constantly fighting a battle within myself to
choose who I should be. To fit in and fake my way to the top of my
town's food chain or to be myself - by myself? After 16 years of
swinging back and fourth from my alter egos, I decided to stick to
being myself, even if that meant having no one.

I guess you could call this the uncomplicated version of my complicated
life. So welcome to my world, a world where I'm surrounded by many
people, but yet never felt so alone.

I try to make friends.. getting to know someone...
Nobody is perfect. There are things that my friends do and makes me angry.
They are sometimes jealous... But, I don't know anyone who is not jealous of somebody else in this world... (ok, except, maybe my mom and grandma).

My advice is try to make friends. It doesn't mean that you need to share everything in your personal life yet. Just having friends to hang out with and have fun ...  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

o0Roxy0o

28 October 2012
The Pain That Lies Behind These Green Eyes


Cried my heart out last night. Not a few tears, it was ugly crying. I think
what makes ugly crying the worst is when you aren't quite sure why
you're crying.

My boyfriend did his best to help me and provided with with advice,
but he isn't really good at that. Somehow, he always makes things
worse. So I turned off my cellphone and just lay in bed with my tissues.

I just can't seem to understand why society is so mean. I don't see how
being mean to others can make you happy. I wish I could go back in time
and start fresh, knowing what I know now. I can't handle all this pain and
loneliness. I'm dreading the thought of next year... Who am I going to
sit with at break times and who am I going to hang out with during
weekends?

Why do they all keep saying that they are there for me, when they aren't?

I don't know what ''case'' you are referring, but let me tell you this. Society can be mean.. People are mean, but not everybody... Life is never easy. As human, we progress, improve and endure.
It's like the first time you fall. It hurts, you cry. Now, if you fall , will you cry ?
No... You'll just think it hurts and be angry that you fell.  

[o0Roxy0o]

XxAriaxX

My advice is try to make friends.

Like I said, I have loads of 'friends'. But they are all so fake. It seems as
though they need me when nobody needs them... And as soon as their
old friends want them back, they run back to them, forgetting about me.

It's like I'm just a temporary friend to lean on for everyone. I guess it is
a bit of my own fault for being such a giving person, I always try be there
for people, but many people abuse that and use me.

So simply making friends isn't the easiest.

A few months ago, I was going through a tough time at home, with my
boyfriend and at school. My best friend pretty much walked out of my
life instead of helping me, like as though I meant nothing to her, without
a single care. It broke me.

When I make new friends, I trust and open up too quickly and therefore
the last laugh is always on me.

 

[o0Roxy0o]

iiRawr_Destiny

Being by yourself isn't all that bad.

I think that if I could magically disappear during school break times,
I'd be fine. It's just the thought of sitting by myself. I considered sitting
in the bathroom? But I don't think I could manage a year of that.

I could also sit with my boyfriend, but I don't want to spend so much
time with him that I start getting annoyed and irritated with him, you know?

 

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

o0Roxy0o

XxAriaxX

My advice is try to make friends.

Like I said, I have loads of 'friends'. But they are all so fake. It seems as
though they need me when nobody needs them... And as soon as their
old friends want them back, they run back to them, forgetting about me.

It's like I'm just a temporary friend to lean on for everyone. I guess it is
a bit of my own fault for being such a giving person, I always try be there
for people, but many people abuse that and use me.

So simply making friends isn't the easiest.

A few months ago, I was going through a tough time at home, with my
boyfriend and at school. My best friend pretty much walked out of my
life instead of helping me, like as though I meant nothing to her, without
a single care. It broke me.

When I make new friends, I trust and open up too quickly and therefore
the last laugh is always on me.

You have to try...If you open up too quickly try to not...
Otherwise, how are you going to improve the situation ?
Of course, don't stay with people that abuse you, but you gotta meet other people and start to be ''friends'' without opening yourself too much for them. Everybody has some personal barrier.
There was a time I felt I was just a temporary friend, but I didn't give up on those friends. I asked them to go out with me and with time, they realize, I am a good friend to hang out with... and.. the friendship grows...  

[o0Roxy0o]

XxAriaxX

o0Roxy0o

XxAriaxX

My advice is try to make friends.

Like I said, I have loads of 'friends'. But they are all so fake. It seems as
though they need me when nobody needs them... And as soon as their
old friends want them back, they run back to them, forgetting about me.

It's like I'm just a temporary friend to lean on for everyone. I guess it is
a bit of my own fault for being such a giving person, I always try be there
for people, but many people abuse that and use me.

So simply making friends isn't the easiest.

A few months ago, I was going through a tough time at home, with my
boyfriend and at school. My best friend pretty much walked out of my
life instead of helping me, like as though I meant nothing to her, without
a single care. It broke me.

When I make new friends, I trust and open up too quickly and therefore
the last laugh is always on me.

You have to try...If you open up too quickly try to not...
Otherwise, how are you going to improve the situation ?
Of course, don't stay with people that abuse you, but you gotta meet other people and start to be ''friends'' without opening yourself too much for them. Everybody has some personal barrier.
There was a time I felt I was just a temporary friend, but I didn't give up on those friends. I asked them to go out with me and with time, they realize, I am a good friend to hang out with... and.. the friendship grows...

Thanks so much for the advice, I really do appreciate it! I'll definitely
start trying harder! Maybe I've just been a little stubborn and just
worried a bit too much?

emotion_bigheart

 

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

o0Roxy0o

4laugh You're welcome !
It's normal to worry but don't let the worries bring you down too much.
Friends can be selfish (not being there when you need them).
Like, if you keep focusing on the bad, it's hard to concentrate in other important things... For example, doing well at school...

So, put that aside and concentrate on other stuffs. Take the time also to do things that you like (watching tv, reading,drawing...)  

[Noodlechu]

o0Roxy0o

28 October 2012
The Pain That Lies Behind These Green Eyes


Cried my heart out last night. Not a few tears, it was ugly crying. I think
what makes ugly crying the worst is when you aren't quite sure why
you're crying.

My boyfriend did his best to help me and provided with with advice,
but he isn't really good at that. Somehow, he always makes things
worse. So I turned off my cellphone and just lay in bed with my tissues.

I just can't seem to understand why society is so mean. I don't see how
being mean to others can make you happy. I wish I could go back in time
and start fresh, knowing what I know now. I can't handle all this pain and
loneliness. I'm dreading the thought of next year... Who am I going to
sit with at break times and who am I going to hang out with during
weekends?

Why do they all keep saying that they are there for me, when they aren't?

I cant understand why society is beyond mean either, its a mind game that it seems teenagers love to play, who can make who hurt the most and get a kick out of it. That's what i went through at least, i had "friends" just like you they are not real friends who are there for you when your down. They are friends that use you for what they want, and that is all, at least that was my case. I had no one all four years of my high school.. well i had "someone" but she was just there and made fun of me but.. i was ok with it since she was "popular" i cried an cried about it everyday. I was alone in my own little world to the point i sat in the school library.. and studied..studied ect. About the weekend friends, i know its hard to find true people to be around, not fake. To be honest, i dont think many real girls exist much anymore..  

[o0Roxy0o]

P a n d a s P a n t i e s

I cant understand why society is beyond mean either, its a mind game that it seems teenagers love to play, who can make who hurt the most and get a kick out of it. That's what i went through at least, i had "friends" just like you they are not real friends who are there for you when your down. They are friends that use you for what they want, and that is all, at least that was my case. I had no one all four years of my high school.. well i had "someone" but she was just there and made fun of me but.. i was ok with it since she was "popular" i cried an cried about it everyday. I was alone in my own little world to the point i sat in the school library.. and studied..studied ect. About the weekend friends, i know its hard to find true people to be around, not fake. To be honest, i dont think many real girls exist much anymore..

I can honestly relate to what you're saying. I got bullied by a girl who was
my best friend when we were still very young. And the other day I sent
her a facebook message mentioning that we have one year of school left
and that I'd like to stop this unnecessary fighting, thinking she would agree
and leave me alone for once, but instead, she replied with the most horrid,
heartbreaking message I have ever witnessed. I cried so much that night.
The fact that half of her friends used to be mine, and told me how much
they hated her, yet they all 'best friends' now, kills me. How fake can they
be? How can they feel sorry for me, yet not tell her what she's doing is
wrong? She would have lost nothing by agreeing to make peace, but yet
she still had to swoop so low to break someone's confidence.

I think high school is enjoyable for about 10% of the students who rule
the school with falseness and nastiness, the rest of us suffer 5 years
of absolute pain. My only goal in my mind is to get next year down with
and move to university and say goodbye to these fake bitches who are
going nowhere in life!

 

[Noodlechu]

o0Roxy0o

P a n d a s P a n t i e s

I cant understand why society is beyond mean either, its a mind game that it seems teenagers love to play, who can make who hurt the most and get a kick out of it. That's what i went through at least, i had "friends" just like you they are not real friends who are there for you when your down. They are friends that use you for what they want, and that is all, at least that was my case. I had no one all four years of my high school.. well i had "someone" but she was just there and made fun of me but.. i was ok with it since she was "popular" i cried an cried about it everyday. I was alone in my own little world to the point i sat in the school library.. and studied..studied ect. About the weekend friends, i know its hard to find true people to be around, not fake. To be honest, i dont think many real girls exist much anymore..

I can honestly relate to what you're saying. I got bullied by a girl who was
my best friend when we were still very young. And the other day I sent
her a facebook message mentioning that we have one year of school left
and that I'd like to stop this unnecessary fighting, thinking she would agree
and leave me alone for once, but instead, she replied with the most horrid,
heartbreaking message I have ever witnessed. I cried so much that night.
The fact that half of her friends used to be mine, and told me how much
they hated her, yet they all 'best friends' now, kills me. How fake can they
be? How can they feel sorry for me, yet not tell her what she's doing is
wrong? She would have lost nothing by agreeing to make peace, but yet
she still had to swoop so low to break someone's confidence.

I think high school is enjoyable for about 10% of the students who rule
the school with falseness and nastiness, the rest of us suffer 5 years
of absolute pain. My only goal in my mind is to get next year down with
and move to university and say goodbye to these fake bitches who are
going nowhere in life!

I seriously believe we have/had the same life issue with the "bully girl" she thought she could walk over everyone an thought it was good an dandy. And seriously how can someone truly feel sorry for you, if they are just going to turn around and backstab. It i have to say feels soooo great when you can just say goodbye to all the bitches,fakes and rude people at the end of it all. Because just as you said! Its goodbye to them for good, and most likely they will never realize how they have torn people apart throughout the years. I have to say, i have the same goal with the university, because i hear you make a lot of new friends who are so much better than the rude fake ones.

(: if you ever want to talk, im always available.. it seems we both have had similar problems with people.. I went through the same torment, and i can truly say i am so sorry that you have to go through it too sad -hugs-  

[o0Roxy0o]

P a n d a s P a n t i e s

I seriously believe we have/had the same life issue with the "bully girl" she thought she could walk over everyone an thought it was good an dandy. And seriously how can someone truly feel sorry for you, if they are just going to turn around and backstab. It i have to say feels soooo great when you can just say goodbye to all the bitches,fakes and rude people at the end of it all. Because just as you said! Its goodbye to them for good, and most likely they will never realize how they have torn people apart throughout the years. I have to say, i have the same goal with the university, because i hear you make a lot of new friends who are so much better than the rude fake ones.

(: if you ever want to talk, im always available.. it seems we both have had similar problems with people.. I went through the same torment, and i can truly say i am so sorry that you have to go through it too sad -hugs-

It would definitely be easier to deal with if I had some true friends, but
I don't. So I hate to walk past this group every day and I have classes
with them every day. And the fact that I used to be in that group, it hurts
me more. Thanks so much for all the support, it really means a lot. I'll
definitely let you know if I need any advice.

emotion_bigheart