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 Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:49 pm
How long should it take you boyfriend to get used to your family??
My boyfriend was invited on our family trip this Thanksgiving holiday. And well, I'd understand if he didn't wanna go because he's spending it with his own family, but he moved out of his home a month ago and is currently living with a friend from school (a family that hates me for unknown reasons). He refuses to spend time with my family because he feels insecure. He says my family is too "successful". My family went to school and college, while he dropped out of school for two years and is a twenty year old senior in high school. (He's not lazy OR stupid! He is the smartest and most loving man I've ever met! He dropped out for two years to take care of his mom! She died of cancer, then he decided to go back to school a year later.) (The story is a lot more sad and dramatic than that, so that isn't the only reason why he did so bad at school at first)
Well, anyway, he just flat out refuses to spend the holidays with us and I just don't know why. We're twenty years old and have been dating for over a year. I need advice
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:57 pm
If he's not comfortable around them then he just isn't. In his mind he probably thinks they will look down on him and not only does he not want to go through that he probably doesn't want to worry that they will say stuff about him that you might agree with.
This is all just speculation of course but obviously he has some issues he needs to work out before he can deal with your family. Just be glad that you have someone who loves you who you love back. Oftentimes families seem to make relationships more complicated than they have to be trust me I should know.
Also if something went bad with his family (since you say he doesn't talk to them or whatever) maybe that is another reason he doesn't want to spend time with them. If his family situation was hurtful maybe he is afraid of getting close to your family because they may hurt him as well.
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The_9th_Doctors_Rose Crew
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:10 pm
RainbowPop26 If he's not comfortable around them then he just isn't. In his mind he probably thinks they will look down on him and not only does he not want to go through that he probably doesn't want to worry that they will say stuff about him that you might agree with. This is all just speculation of course but obviously he has some issues he needs to work out before he can deal with your family. Just be glad that you have someone who loves you who you love back. Oftentimes families seem to make relationships more complicated than they have to be trust me I should know. Also if something went bad with his family (since you say he doesn't talk to them or whatever) maybe that is another reason he doesn't want to spend time with them. If his family situation was hurtful maybe he is afraid of getting close to your family because they may hurt him as well. Well, that's the thing, my family absolutely LOVES him. Everyone. Not even exaggerating. They say he's a hardworking, wonderful boy and they BEG me to bring him to family outings and such. Despite everything that's happened to him, he has a wonderful sense of humor and is the happiest person in the world. And it isn't that his he doesn't talk to his family... His whole family is pretty much dead. Except his brother, aunt and cousin. His real mom and dad didn't want him, so his grandparents took him in. He lost both of his grandparents to cancer, then when his real dad came back he lost him to cancer. His sister was murdered then lost a brother in the army. Which, he also wants to go into the army, so that's another reason why my family adores him.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:23 pm
o.O I really don't know what to tell you then sad
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The_9th_Doctors_Rose Crew
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:36 pm
RainbowPop26 o.O I really don't know what to tell you then sad I was afraid of that... I don't know what to do.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:38 pm
 He sounds insecure and flaky. Make it clear that if he wants to be with you that he needs to suck it up and meet your family and get to know them.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:59 pm
dont worry about he prob just likes time with his fam
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:42 pm
RainbowLightro dont worry about he prob just likes time with his fam He doesnt have any family here. They're gone. ....
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:48 pm
Subliminal Aftermath He sounds insecure and flaky. Make it clear that if he wants to be with you that he needs to suck it up and meet your family and get to know them. THANK YOU!! That's what I've been telling him!!
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:00 pm
Its nice that your family loves him, Maybe if they got together and did something really goofy and humbling he can relax more and see them as regular folks.
If only he was another year older they could all get drunk.
Its not really a situation where you need to ultimatum him or call him weak even if you really want to, just change his perspectives around.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:03 pm
Taylamazing RainbowLightro dont worry about he prob just likes time with his fam He doesnt have any family here. They're gone. .... with his boys then idk ask him not to get you paranoid or anything but he might have commitment issues n not want to get to serious
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 11:58 pm
Taylamazing Subliminal Aftermath He sounds insecure and flaky. Make it clear that if he wants to be with you that he needs to suck it up and meet your family and get to know them. THANK YOU!! That's what I've been telling him!! Put your foot down tell him that if he doesn't start making an effort then it isn't going to work. Quit playing his game and be the boss.
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THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 1:26 am
Moving to the boys sub-forum
heart
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Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 1:13 pm
You should really just tell him that your family really does like him and wants to know him better.
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Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 6:11 pm
My husband had the same problem while we were dating. He still isn't used to my family. But we pretty much agreed that in order to be together then there are certain things that need to be done. Sort of a necessary evil kind of thing. Didn't help that at first my mother treated him like crap. (he is from a lower middle class family, his family hunts, and he is on medication for his chemical anxiety and my mother doesn't believe in medication) But I think that you should convince him to go with you so that your family can see you as a couple. A joint asset if you will. Because even if his insecurities are unfounded you both need to go in as a couple and come out as a couple and pretty much be joined at the hip so that he knows even if something is actually said at his expense you will be there for him. I am not sure if that helped but that is what I would do.
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