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 Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 7:18 am
First off, I'm not the best when it comes to conversation. I tend to lurk instead of post, but this has been bothering me for a while. Secondly, I know this may sound like some high school drama, but sometimes that crosses over into adulthood, which it has in my case...
One of my male friends has been hitting on me since I broke up with last ex about a year and a half ago. And he definitely makes it sound like he's interested in me physically, not emotionally. He lives 4 hours away and mentioned that he was interested in me since we first met through a different friend who I had a crush on, but it turned out that he liked one of my friends. Needless to say, that crush never played out as he chose the other girl over me (most likely because I never vocalized it to him). In fact, something tells me that the crush tried to ease the blow on me by trying to set me up with this guy whom he isn't friends with anymore. He rarely talks to me, but when he does, it's usually pretty sexual and I will play along (though I highly doubt that it will ever happen). Thing is, while it's nice to hear that I'm sexy, cute, or beautiful, I just don't feel it's right with him. Even though I will flirt back. Thing is, my attitude on flirting is that it's like an RP. It's fun and allows me to play a character, exploring concepts that I rarely explore.
Enter the last year. I've got it bad for someone, but he either acts uninterested or unattainable. In July, I caught myself playfully joking with him and completely shut down as soon as he said, "If you're hitting on me, it's not working." Thing is, I felt so embarrassed by this that the recoil kinda hurt. However, recently, I've been feeling more drawn to where I want to just see what would happen if I confessed.
Everything felt so right until the guy who lives 4 hours away started hitting on me again.
So, I told the first guy that there was someone I'm interested in and he's not taking the hint! I mean, I realize that I kinda dug my hole by flirting back, though I'm not feeling it. The thing is, I'm scared to confess also. I don't want to strain the spark of a friendship. I feel so tired and agitated over it to where I'm feeling a bit fatigued and I did cry myself to sleep to wake up three hours later. So, while I know what I need to do, is there a way to do so without completely burning the bridges? Ugh, this really isn't fair...
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 6:47 pm
First thing: Flirting does not equal interest. Flirting is just that. Flirting. I flirt with my pizza guy a lot, doesn't mean I'm interested in him. It's just some fun, silly play we have going on, and he knows it. It doesn't make you a whore or a b***h or any other nasty name you can think of if you enjoy a good flirt.
Second thing: If my pizza man should one day happen to misread my signals and ask me out, I would gently let him know I have no interest in him that way. I appreciate him always bringing my pizza on time and always being so sweet to me, but I don't feel we should peruse anything further. You should do the same with your 4 hour friend. Tell him honestly that you're glad you're both friends, but that's you ever hope to be with him.
Third thing: This guy you have a crush on, don't bother. "If you're hitting on me, it's not working," is not only an insult to you as a woman, but it's pretty much the whole deal right there. He's not interested in a relationship, either with you or possibly not anyone. Don't follow Mr. Jerkface.
Final note: Don't feel bad just because you're in high school and have problems. If you feel sad or lonely or hurt or angry, you have just as much right to talk about your feelings as anyone else. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 10:44 pm
Actually, I'm not in High School. I've been out for several years now (and seriously am thinking of retiring from Gaia within the next year if because of my age). I just couldn't figure a better analogy when I created this thread, so I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I was a bit anxious, possibly experiencing a manic moment after I woke up, so it's possible that I may have overdramatized things.
The truth is, at one time, it felt like someone on my pool team was trying to set me up with the same guy who lives here. I admire him as a pool player, rival, and a teammate, and I deem him to be a great acquaintance with whom I hope to become at least friends with, though the reality is that I'd like more. I am still taken back when I remember the comment from July, but that's also since his humor can be difficult to understand. He really is sweet, though a bit cold. And I told him 3/4ths of what I said here and he took it quite well, so it's a start.
I'm just hesitant on the full blown confession until we have a better opportunity to be alone... And after I can finally shut down the guy who seems only interested in a booty call 4 hours away from him. Apparently, my frumpy sleepwear isn't a deterrent. I mean, sexy pajamas in winter? I want to sleep, not to freeze!
I don't know. The reality is, I love the attention that flirting brings with it, but I hate that every damn thing is meant to be physical in the 4 hour drive dude's style. There's more to me than my physical side and that's about the only thing that has me agitated. In the end, it's a problem that I created by my own device.
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