How young is too young?

[Mystic Jericho]

~Small story time with the Gent'~
Flashback to earlier this year, about 3/4 into my freshman school year(I had come out to my friends, and ONLY my friends, as being gay about 1/2 through the year). I was hanging out with a couple of people, at a friend's house. There was me, two other gay guys(but openly together), and two female friends(One straight, the other bisexual). Well we all decided to go for ice cream. Everyone makes their way out, except for me because I am REALLY slow at putting on shoes, and my friend that lived there. Well her mom was sitting by the door, and as the other two gay guys left, she made the comment "I don't know how someone can come to the conclusion that they are gay at such a young age", one of the guys was 17, the other 18. Me being just 15 at the time, awkwardly agreed with her, and hurried out.
So, what do you think of her comment? Should someone be a certain age before they come to the conclusion that they are gay/bi/or whatever else?  

[Anne Vampire Lover]

I think her comment was kind of out of line, who is to say that it's too young to figure out you're gay I mean people realize they're straight at a young age so why can't they figure out they're gay? To be honest I think it's kind of good to realize you're gay when you're relatively young so you don't end up marring and starting a family with someone of the opposite gender than realizing you're gay and having to decide between ending it or to continue lying to yourself and your family. (I have yet to really see a situation where it ends well when that happens but I hope to see it soon.) For bisexuals I've noticed it's different bi's seem to be more accepted in the world than completely liking the same gender (sad I know but true.). I don't really think there is a perfect answer for this like everything in life, but yeah I think it is better to figure your orientation out young but make sure it's right before you come out.  

[Lady Kayura]

TheCaringGentleman

So, what do you think of her comment? Should someone be a certain age before they come to the conclusion that they are gay/bi/or whatever else?

I think it's pretty damn ignorant.

Straight people know they're straight at a young age. Age isn't what determines it.  

[NegaScott_7x7]

I don't understand the comment because age isn't really something that helps determine sexual orientation. I can honestly say I knew when I was 5 years old and I haven't changed. Its different for some people, they do change, but I think when you know, you know, no matter the age. And by the time you're 18, you definently know. Its sounds like that was quite a double standard.  

[LesserDog]

It's not so much as homophobic as it is discriminating against youth. The comment, made it seem as though that mother knows how we feel, better than us.  

[PeachPunk]

Timid Mishu

It's not so much as homophobic as it is discriminating against youth. The comment, made it seem as though that mother knows how we feel, better than us.

I totally agree with this. I think at least 15 is a good age to come out. However, a friend of my brother's is around 12 and claims to be gay, which kind of irks me.Most kids around that age aren't really interested in dating at all. I mean, sure, some of them may have a few dates but it's never anything serious for the most part. And sure, they can identify an attractive person when they see one, but their thoughts about them are pretty tame and they haven't fully developed the idea of what sex is and if they want to do it with said attractive person. I just know that at that when I was that age I thought I might be bisexual, but was kind of unsure. Of course, as I got older I found that I was right on the ball, however, that being said, it's not the case for everyone. For example, this kid may think he's gay now, but realize he's something else, whether it be straight, bisexual, or asexual, later.  

[LesserDog]

Sunshine Peach-Heart

Well, most studies show there really isn't bisexuality in guys, if not rare. Males usually say they are bisexual to avoid being made fun of. So, someone usually knows what they're talking about when they say they're gay.
HOWEVER I will not deny that straight males will say they're gay for some odd reason, whether they're questioning or whatever else.

(I'm sorry if I offended anyone while talking about this)  

[xXHazukashiiXx]

Ok, when it comes to younger teens, there are cases where a teenager wants to explore their sexuality. Now exploration is fine, but they shouldn't go around labeling themselves. I'm not saying one should surpress there homosexuality or anything, but they shouldn't rush it if they are just exploring. Unlike me who was 16 when I first came out. I had a feeling and knew I was gay, but my parents convinced me somehow that I was just exploring and I was actually straight. That worked for about 3 years until I came back from Basic Training with the Army. I then began to go through depression, and I didn't know why. I understood finally why I was experiencing depression. I had surpressed my true self for so long that I finally was tired of hiding it. I came back out to my parents who kinda knew that I was always gay (doesn't help that they said otherwise). So I'm now happily with my mate and going on with life with knew happiness. :3 I'm twenty now and couldn't be happier.  

[PeachPunk]

Timid Mishu

Sunshine Peach-Heart

Well, most studies show there really isn't bisexuality in guys, if not rare. Males usually say they are bisexual to avoid being made fun of. So, someone usually knows what they're talking about when they say they're gay.
HOWEVER I will not deny that straight males will say they're gay for some odd reason, whether they're questioning or whatever else.

(I'm sorry if I offended anyone while talking about this)

I wouldn't really say bisexuality is rare in men, it's just not very many of them label themselves as such. Many men feel they're too macho to say they're bi, and they think it's just something people say when they don't have the balls to admit they're gay. They think it's a cop-out.
To be honest, I'm not even sure this kid knows what being gay means. I feel he just thinks he's gay because most of his closest friends are girls and society has told him that that's what being gay means. At that time, I didn't really have a grasp on what gay meant either. I knew men could fall in love with men, and women could fall in love with women, but I didn't know what that type of thing was called. When people accused each other of being gay I thought it just meant...different somehow. Anyway, this frame of mind may be similar to mine at that age.  

[LesserDog]

Sunshine Peach-Heart

I wouldn't really say bisexuality is rare in men, it's just not very many of them label themselves as such. Many men feel they're too macho to say they're bi, and they think it's just something people say when they don't have the balls to admit they're gay. They think it's a cop-out.
To be honest, I'm not even sure this kid knows what being gay means. I feel he just thinks he's gay because most of his closest friends are girls and society has told him that that's what being gay means. At that time, I didn't really have a grasp on what gay meant either. I knew men could fall in love with men, and women could fall in love with women, but I didn't know what that type of thing was called. When people accused each other of being gay I thought it just meant...different somehow. Anyway, this frame of mind may be similar to mine at that age.

It's different for guys. Girl's sexuality is a lot more fluid, and there can be exceptions. Guys however, we're stuck with it. If we hold it in and keep it secret, it kills us inside. We just know, and we can't cover it up.

Another point I like to make, is that most "bisexual" males, eventually come out as gay. And never has a gay male ever came out as bisexual.

I know this may seem rude but, being a gay male myself, I know more on the subject.  

[iDERZY]

I knew at an young age that I had some attraction to women. I will say that some times at a young age you may not understand the feelings or anything as much as you would when you are older; however, this is true for anything.

As far as someone who had said that bisexuals are accepted more, I have actually heard the opposite. Many people in the homosexual community hate the idea of bisexuals (from what I hear from a few gay people I know and some others). Many straight people do not like the idea of bisexuals, call them greedy, and assume that all they want is sex, sex, and more sex. They assume that if you are bisexual, then you can't make up your mind and more prone to cheating.


I agree with not labeling yourself until you are of an age where you truly understand the feelings.

When I was younger, I kept getting worried and frantic about my sexuality that I couldn't really focus on anything else. Eventually I just put it on the back burner and moved on until I was older to understand.

My mother is one of those people who doesn't seem to understand sexuality or anything. Plenty of times, privately, she has made the comment about how bisexuals can't make up their mind, are greedy, or they choose to be straight or gay.

As far as men being bisexual, I know plenty of men who are bisexual. They love women and men equally.  

[Taeryyn]

Timid Mishu

It's different for guys. Girl's sexuality is a lot more fluid, and there can be exceptions. Guys however, we're stuck with it. If we hold it in and keep it secret, it kills us inside. We just know, and we can't cover it up.

Another point I like to make, is that most "bisexual" males, eventually come out as gay. And never has a gay male ever came out as bisexual.

I know this may seem rude but, being a gay male myself, I know more on the subject.

Never? smile

You know, I initially figured I was bisexual, and then, later in my teens, came to the conclusion that I was gay. Now in my mid-twenties, I generally identify simply as "queer", but I like women as well as men, so I suppose that makes me bisexual, doesn't it? Pansexual might be more accurate, but I don't really use either term to describe myself. It's beside the point, anyway.

It may not be as common, but I can't possibly be the only one who has identified as gay, and then later (in my case, with a greater understanding of myself) identified as bi or pansexual.

I would remind you that being gay yourself doesn't make you an expert on the subject. Everyone has a different experience, and while some things may be more common, there are few absolutes. Human sexuality being as complex as it is, I would wager that it's unwise to use "never" or "always" to describe behaviours or identities. 3nodding  

[LesserDog]

Taeryyn

I knew this was going to offend someone! gonk
I didn't mean it like that. But there HAVE been studies on this sort of thing. Bisexuality is either non-existent or extremely rare. I can't say I know you, and who knows, you probably ARE actually bisexual, but I stand by what I say because the majority of the bisexual community consists of closeted gays.

I completely agree on your statement, saying that human sexuality is complex, and at most times, unpredictable. I only stand next to what I say because of studies that have been made, and personal experiences. And I know you're probably thinking that I'm too young to make an assumption off of personal experiences, but please know that I've been through a lot and that I know many people that have as well.

And I apologize for saying what I said. I truly don't mean to offend.  

[xXbelovedXxx]

I disagree with her comment completely. Realistically, most people can determine their sexual orientation around puberty, like me. But of course, there are exceptions. Some people have known since they were very young children. Others struggle with it for their entire lives. This isn't something that can or should really be tracked with time, especially since everyone is unique.

 

[Invincible Youth]

The South Korean model and commercial actress Kwon Tooyoung is 17 years old.