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For as long as I could remember, I was unable to remember anything more then bits and pieces of my childhood. Everything up until I was ten is just an opaque mess where I can't recall much but a few pieces. A few of the memories are me recalling being hit by my babysitters adult daughter. One, the most I remember the clearest, was being hit across the head with a wooden spoon, yelled at, and shut in a stuffy room. I don't remember much more of anything except the mother, who was a lump on the sofa, only watched. She never tried to help me.
I've finally begun to remember more things from the past. In fact I had somewhat of a recall in class. I think I scared my classmates.
Now, I know I was often left places as a little kid, like the grocery story and numerous babysitting places. I've been trying to remember for my mother who asked me to try and recall the incidents. The real reason behind this is because my sister was raped and there is the possibility I may have been too, or just molested. (I feel sick when I think about it, but I still keep at trying to remember.)
But the problem is, the 'abuser' (quoted, mainly because it was all mental) was partially my grandmothers fault. How do I tell my mom her own mom mentally abused/disturbed me? I can't tell my mom that my grandmother ever let anything happen. My grandmother is just a haggard old lady with poor memory today. Even if she was malicious then, I'm certain she'd die if my mom ever took her to court. As it is, I don't want their bond to break apart any further. But I feel like Ill break if I don't tell someone. (Please don't as me what she did or said.)
The next bit I remember is (I was four.. or five) pretending I was a cute little pink pig, because I saw one walking on all fours in a picture book. I was running around the carpet in the same room as the babysitters young son. He was a messed up kid, let me tell you now. I remember the window was above me and there was a door behind me that went to either a closet or a bathroom. Hell, I even tell you that the carpet was a shag-type carpeting the same color as vomit. I remember I was wearing only a shirt to big for me and a pair of underwear. Should just have been ordinary for a little kid to wear, but I guess it wasn't. I remember being hurt by the son. I don't remember much more expect it hurt and it was in my lower area. I've narrowed it down to several assaults: rape, fingering or he slapped my butt. Those are the ones I think may be the most likely.
Is there any way to find out, like a scan or a physical? I really just want to know what happened then. Now, I've never told my mom this one in case her mind goes back when I was a kid. It bugs me when she looks at me as a kid, don't ask why. I want to have a solid answer before I tell her, but telling her is the only way I may ever get one. What should I do?

Im sorry that happened to you sad
The only thing I can think of to do is sit down with your mom and explain to her that you dont fully recall all that happened, you just have certain theories from what your memory allows. And make it a point that you dont want her to sever ties with her mother, (your grandmother), but that you just have to tell someone who may have answers. I would honestly think the son may have fingered you. It may have been too traumatic, but usually full on rape is remembered with minimal effort because even as the most traumatic, the brain doesnt normally forget the full on. Not saying it isnt possible, just more likely. And if he only slapped your butt, still just as traumatic, but normally people who do those things dont stop at that easily. But idk if Im even helping Im more so rambling .-. Sorry! Honestly though, sometimes all you can do is tell someone the truth and hope everything works out alright. Also, if you can find a good psychologist, they can help. To me, a good psychologist is someone who just sits, listens, doesnt judge and tries to give you different angles. Everyone likes different kinds of help. Dont be afraid, if you do ever turn to sessions like that, to switch psychologists or therapists until you find the right one for you c: