I dunno what's wrong...

[thetinykiwi]

Well, I dunno if anything is wrong with me, really.
I dunno if this is even a life issue.
But it issss causing some issues.

It's like... one day, my brain literally flipped a switch and I stopped caring. It's like I have this "s**t happens" attitude about EVERYTHING. When my dog died, I was all "meh" until my mom cried.
I cried about her crying.
I was "meh" about my friend's grandma dying (who was like my third grandma) until I heard her crying. I didn't cry at all during the funeral until she started crying.
I mean, my mom always said I was a distant child. I never was a kid who wanted to be hugged or held. I always wanted to be left alone in my room, ya know?
And now, I'm sitting here with more and more anxiety, and I just want to tell people to leave me alone allll the time. I get so annoyed. I'm so impatient except for games, and books... and cooking and art.
Mom thinks it's this place we're living. I was never so fed up with everything until we came to Georgia. She thinks I'm suffering depression but I feel so HAPPY when I'm alone with my art or anything I just listed. I'm all laughs and everything if I'm around just my mom, too.
But even if I'm around one of my closest friends for more than two hours, I become a total arse without meaning too. And it isn't fair to them. But at the moment it happens, I don't care if I upset them. It's like... they irritated me and they deserve to know they did.
That's how my mind processes it.


And I dunno why I do it. It's almost like I wanna be cold and push people away so I have no reason NOT to be alone.
Which is confusing.
I'm confused so none of what I said made sense, I know.

Also, I wasn't traumatized as a child or anything. My family is very loving.
Though as I grew older I got a lot of scrutinizing on the fact that I wasn't very huggy with family. And my family just agitated me a lot as my mind grew more open and theirs only seemed to get more narrow. OTHER THAN THAT... they were a great family. So that isn't the reason. o.o  

[TheDarkest_DayInMay]

Go to a psychiatrist and ask them for answers. Its what my friend did. She felt better after getting diagnosed because then she didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if there was something wrong or not  

[thetinykiwi]

TheDarkest_DayInMay

Go to a psychiatrist and ask them for answers. Its what my friend did. She felt better after getting diagnosed because then she didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if there was something wrong or not

See, I agree that I need to go see one.
Sadly, we REALLY can't afford one right now.
My mom is a licensed psychologist and could probably tell me, but she also suffers from some problems and I don't really wanna stress her, ya know?
Plus, I don't want to think of her as my shrink more than my mom x.x  

[TheDarkest_DayInMay]

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

Go to a psychiatrist and ask them for answers. Its what my friend did. She felt better after getting diagnosed because then she didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if there was something wrong or not

See, I agree that I need to go see one.
Sadly, we REALLY can't afford one right now.
My mom is a licensed psychologist and could probably tell me, but she also suffers from some problems and I don't really wanna stress her, ya know?
Plus, I don't want to think of her as my shrink more than my mom x.x

Never go to a psychiatrist from your family, they won't be able to be objective no matter how professional they may be. Ah i see. Its different in Korea because our university had free healthcare for students. That person saw my friend and recommended her to a psychiatrist that could better help her and also spoke English xD  

[thetinykiwi]

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

Go to a psychiatrist and ask them for answers. Its what my friend did. She felt better after getting diagnosed because then she didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if there was something wrong or not

See, I agree that I need to go see one.
Sadly, we REALLY can't afford one right now.
My mom is a licensed psychologist and could probably tell me, but she also suffers from some problems and I don't really wanna stress her, ya know?
Plus, I don't want to think of her as my shrink more than my mom x.x

Never go to a psychiatrist from your family, they won't be able to be objective no matter how professional they may be. Ah i see. Its different in Korea because our university had free healthcare for students. That person saw my friend and recommended her to a psychiatrist that could better help her and also spoke English xD

Nah, in America psychiatrists tend to be a lot of money.
Especially now with this Obamacare "universal" healthcare plan.
I wish American universities were that generous o:  

[TheDarkest_DayInMay]

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

Go to a psychiatrist and ask them for answers. Its what my friend did. She felt better after getting diagnosed because then she didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if there was something wrong or not

See, I agree that I need to go see one.
Sadly, we REALLY can't afford one right now.
My mom is a licensed psychologist and could probably tell me, but she also suffers from some problems and I don't really wanna stress her, ya know?
Plus, I don't want to think of her as my shrink more than my mom x.x

Never go to a psychiatrist from your family, they won't be able to be objective no matter how professional they may be. Ah i see. Its different in Korea because our university had free healthcare for students. That person saw my friend and recommended her to a psychiatrist that could better help her and also spoke English xD

Nah, in America psychiatrists tend to be a lot of money.
Especially now with this Obamacare "universal" healthcare plan.
I wish American universities were that generous o:

Its because the Uni me and my friend are in take about 4k a semester xp
We gotta at least get free healthcare for that much xD
but even with that mental health is a very sensitive issue in korea so people are very cautious about going anywhere for help
my friend only went because i was supportive and went with her
wasn't Obamacare supposed to make healthcare more affordable? How has it done the opposite? D:  

[thetinykiwi]

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

Go to a psychiatrist and ask them for answers. Its what my friend did. She felt better after getting diagnosed because then she didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if there was something wrong or not

See, I agree that I need to go see one.
Sadly, we REALLY can't afford one right now.
My mom is a licensed psychologist and could probably tell me, but she also suffers from some problems and I don't really wanna stress her, ya know?
Plus, I don't want to think of her as my shrink more than my mom x.x

Never go to a psychiatrist from your family, they won't be able to be objective no matter how professional they may be. Ah i see. Its different in Korea because our university had free healthcare for students. That person saw my friend and recommended her to a psychiatrist that could better help her and also spoke English xD

Nah, in America psychiatrists tend to be a lot of money.
Especially now with this Obamacare "universal" healthcare plan.
I wish American universities were that generous o:

Its because the Uni me and my friend are in take about 4k a semester xp
We gotta at least get free healthcare for that much xD
but even with that mental health is a very sensitive issue in korea so people are very cautious about going anywhere for help
my friend only went because i was supportive and went with her
wasn't Obamacare supposed to make healthcare more affordable? How has it done the opposite? D:

Not everyone can get it for one. It isn't really "universal"...
My family got denied for it, for instance.
The policies actually cost A LOTTT more.
Out of pocket payments are increased. For example, my cousin is under Obamacare, and she has to pay an extra $50-$80 per visit to her psychiatrist appointments.
Obamacare also limits your choice of doctors, and most of the ones allowed are more expensive.

Those are a few things lol. I mean, universal healthcare wouldn't be that bad if they did it >right<.

But it is good that you encouraged your friend to go.
I dunno much of Korean culture, sadly. So I can't say much x.x
In America, there's a stigma on mental health, at least in the southern region, but not nearly as bad it would seem.  

[TheDarkest_DayInMay]

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

Go to a psychiatrist and ask them for answers. Its what my friend did. She felt better after getting diagnosed because then she didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if there was something wrong or not

See, I agree that I need to go see one.
Sadly, we REALLY can't afford one right now.
My mom is a licensed psychologist and could probably tell me, but she also suffers from some problems and I don't really wanna stress her, ya know?
Plus, I don't want to think of her as my shrink more than my mom x.x

Never go to a psychiatrist from your family, they won't be able to be objective no matter how professional they may be. Ah i see. Its different in Korea because our university had free healthcare for students. That person saw my friend and recommended her to a psychiatrist that could better help her and also spoke English xD

Nah, in America psychiatrists tend to be a lot of money.
Especially now with this Obamacare "universal" healthcare plan.
I wish American universities were that generous o:

Its because the Uni me and my friend are in take about 4k a semester xp
We gotta at least get free healthcare for that much xD
but even with that mental health is a very sensitive issue in korea so people are very cautious about going anywhere for help
my friend only went because i was supportive and went with her
wasn't Obamacare supposed to make healthcare more affordable? How has it done the opposite? D:

Not everyone can get it for one. It isn't really "universal"...
My family got denied for it, for instance.
The policies actually cost A LOTTT more.
Out of pocket payments are increased. For example, my cousin is under Obamacare, and she has to pay an extra $50-$80 per visit to her psychiatrist appointments.
Obamacare also limits your choice of doctors, and most of the ones allowed are more expensive.

Those are a few things lol. I mean, universal healthcare wouldn't be that bad if they did it >right<.

But it is good that you encouraged your friend to go.
I dunno much of Korean culture, sadly. So I can't say much x.x
In America, there's a stigma on mental health, at least in the southern region, but not nearly as bad it would seem.

Oh no D:
and very true. They were very unprepared to roll out obamacare =(
I think its a stigma everywhere, just that there are places where its totally taboo and places where its openly acknowledged  

[thetinykiwi]

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

Never go to a psychiatrist from your family, they won't be able to be objective no matter how professional they may be. Ah i see. Its different in Korea because our university had free healthcare for students. That person saw my friend and recommended her to a psychiatrist that could better help her and also spoke English xD

Nah, in America psychiatrists tend to be a lot of money.
Especially now with this Obamacare "universal" healthcare plan.
I wish American universities were that generous o:

Its because the Uni me and my friend are in take about 4k a semester xp
We gotta at least get free healthcare for that much xD
but even with that mental health is a very sensitive issue in korea so people are very cautious about going anywhere for help
my friend only went because i was supportive and went with her
wasn't Obamacare supposed to make healthcare more affordable? How has it done the opposite? D:

Not everyone can get it for one. It isn't really "universal"...
My family got denied for it, for instance.
The policies actually cost A LOTTT more.
Out of pocket payments are increased. For example, my cousin is under Obamacare, and she has to pay an extra $50-$80 per visit to her psychiatrist appointments.
Obamacare also limits your choice of doctors, and most of the ones allowed are more expensive.

Those are a few things lol. I mean, universal healthcare wouldn't be that bad if they did it >right<.

But it is good that you encouraged your friend to go.
I dunno much of Korean culture, sadly. So I can't say much x.x
In America, there's a stigma on mental health, at least in the southern region, but not nearly as bad it would seem.

Oh no D:
and very true. They were very unprepared to roll out obamacare =(
I think its a stigma everywhere, just that there are places where its totally taboo and places where its openly acknowledged

I just wanna leave America cause we're going downhill fast, ya know?
Sadly.
Most countries are just "Americans are fat and lazy and stupid. Get out >.>"
At least from what I hear.
So I dunno where to even go. XD  

[TheDarkest_DayInMay]

British Waffeelz

I just wanna leave America cause we're going downhill fast, ya know?
Sadly.
Most countries are just "Americans are fat and lazy and stupid. Get out >.>"
At least from what I hear.
So I dunno where to even go. XD

Well, all countries have their stereotypes xD
i'm asian and i suck at math xD
hows Canada then? compared to america?  

[thetinykiwi]

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

I just wanna leave America cause we're going downhill fast, ya know?
Sadly.
Most countries are just "Americans are fat and lazy and stupid. Get out >.>"
At least from what I hear.
So I dunno where to even go. XD

Well, all countries have their stereotypes xD
i'm asian and i suck at math xD
hows Canada then? compared to america?

Can't really say that much.
More peaceful I suppose?
Seems a lot more peaceful.... And colder XD
But they say we don't have it so bad with all this Obama stuff.
And I say
Come live here yourself in a lower-middle class family and see. ._.  

[TheDarkest_DayInMay]

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

I just wanna leave America cause we're going downhill fast, ya know?
Sadly.
Most countries are just "Americans are fat and lazy and stupid. Get out >.>"
At least from what I hear.
So I dunno where to even go. XD

Well, all countries have their stereotypes xD
i'm asian and i suck at math xD
hows Canada then? compared to america?

Can't really say that much.
More peaceful I suppose?
Seems a lot more peaceful.... And colder XD
But they say we don't have it so bad with all this Obama stuff.
And I say
Come live here yourself in a lower-middle class family and see. ._.

yeah, people can't say something is bad or not bad unless they experienced it :3
so what are you going to do?  

[thetinykiwi]

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

TheDarkest_DayInMay

British Waffeelz

I just wanna leave America cause we're going downhill fast, ya know?
Sadly.
Most countries are just "Americans are fat and lazy and stupid. Get out >.>"
At least from what I hear.
So I dunno where to even go. XD

Well, all countries have their stereotypes xD
i'm asian and i suck at math xD
hows Canada then? compared to america?

Can't really say that much.
More peaceful I suppose?
Seems a lot more peaceful.... And colder XD
But they say we don't have it so bad with all this Obama stuff.
And I say
Come live here yourself in a lower-middle class family and see. ._.

yeah, people can't say something is bad or not bad unless they experienced it :3
so what are you going to do?

I suppose deal with it until I come by the funds to get help. o.o
It's about my only choice, ya know?  

[NanoAer]

show spoilerhide spoiler

British Waffeelz

Well, I dunno if anything is wrong with me, really.
I dunno if this is even a life issue.
But it issss causing some issues.

It's like... one day, my brain literally flipped a switch and I stopped caring. It's like I have this "s**t happens" attitude about EVERYTHING. When my dog died, I was all "meh" until my mom cried.
I cried about her crying.
I was "meh" about my friend's grandma dying (who was like my third grandma) until I heard her crying. I didn't cry at all during the funeral until she started crying.
I mean, my mom always said I was a distant child. I never was a kid who wanted to be hugged or held. I always wanted to be left alone in my room, ya know?
And now, I'm sitting here with more and more anxiety, and I just want to tell people to leave me alone allll the time. I get so annoyed. I'm so impatient except for games, and books... and cooking and art.
Mom thinks it's this place we're living. I was never so fed up with everything until we came to Georgia. She thinks I'm suffering depression but I feel so HAPPY when I'm alone with my art or anything I just listed. I'm all laughs and everything if I'm around just my mom, too.
But even if I'm around one of my closest friends for more than two hours, I become a total arse without meaning too. And it isn't fair to them. But at the moment it happens, I don't care if I upset them. It's like... they irritated me and they deserve to know they did.
That's how my mind processes it.


And I dunno why I do it. It's almost like I wanna be cold and push people away so I have no reason NOT to be alone.
Which is confusing.
I'm confused so none of what I said made sense, I know.

Also, I wasn't traumatized as a child or anything. My family is very loving.
Though as I grew older I got a lot of scrutinizing on the fact that I wasn't very huggy with family. And my family just agitated me a lot as my mind grew more open and theirs only seemed to get more narrow. OTHER THAN THAT... they were a great family. So that isn't the reason. o.o

Hi, My name is Ally and When I read your first post it was like looking at on of my many journal entries. Everything you just described is exactly how I felt at the beginning of the year- and still off an on today.
Spontaneous frustration and mood swings, The uncaring demeanor when otherwise an emotion 'should' be present.
I tend to keep to myself too and whenever someone, somehow invades my "space" (whether it be physically or by phone call or anything really,) if I'm in a mood where I don't want interruptions, I snap and become uncharacteristically irritable and bitter. But put me back in my "space" and it's like nothing happened.

I can relate to your anxiety, it's like a it's building up over time and some unlucky friend or family member accidentally puts the cheery bomb on top causing everything to just.... "Insert frustrated growl or scream here*

Then it's like your only really happy or content when you are in the company of yourself and your hobbies. For me its games, music and writing. Anything to take me away from all that's causing grief.

It's not confusing to say that part of you wants to push everyone away while the other part doesn't really share the same idea. I spent most of last year doing that. All my my friends who graduated from high school with me went on to other schools and colleges, but I stayed home. I shut people out, I never left my room. Heck , I still never leave my room.

I realized -late- that my problem was that I shut myself off so much That I didn't realize how lonely I really was. I'd become sad for no reason -or- I'd want to feel sad and would force myself to cry. My irritability would rise so much that I become violent. Luckily it doesn't sound like you are that bad sweatdrop

I express these feelings to my Parents and I'm whisked away to a therapist and put on anti-psychotics. Which to be honest, really only keep my anxiety down. *blah*

You mentioned having moved recently? Same here. We went from a quiet old farm house to a busy, kid populated neighborhood. Maybe the issue was that the change was something we didn't want to embrace so we preferred to stay were things were familiar. I know my problem is because I haven't taken that step of independence yet. *Is mentally 13* So I often fall into moods where I just want to disappear and travel off to a world that isn't normal earth life. Seems like things now a days are too depended on things like money or anything else superficial and what should be unimportant. -_-

I might be rambling -sorry I do that sometimes- But I wanted to let you know that your not the only one with confusing and possibly contradicting emotional blankness.
I wouldn't say there was anything wrong with you. But you are right this kind of thing can be and is troublesome. Have you tried talking about it to a good friend or your mother? I think it's great how you can be positive and happy around her, it might make things easier to talk about~

^u^

 

[thetinykiwi]

Arillena

show spoilerhide spoiler

British Waffeelz

Well, I dunno if anything is wrong with me, really.
I dunno if this is even a life issue.
But it issss causing some issues.

It's like... one day, my brain literally flipped a switch and I stopped caring. It's like I have this "s**t happens" attitude about EVERYTHING. When my dog died, I was all "meh" until my mom cried.
I cried about her crying.
I was "meh" about my friend's grandma dying (who was like my third grandma) until I heard her crying. I didn't cry at all during the funeral until she started crying.
I mean, my mom always said I was a distant child. I never was a kid who wanted to be hugged or held. I always wanted to be left alone in my room, ya know?
And now, I'm sitting here with more and more anxiety, and I just want to tell people to leave me alone allll the time. I get so annoyed. I'm so impatient except for games, and books... and cooking and art.
Mom thinks it's this place we're living. I was never so fed up with everything until we came to Georgia. She thinks I'm suffering depression but I feel so HAPPY when I'm alone with my art or anything I just listed. I'm all laughs and everything if I'm around just my mom, too.
But even if I'm around one of my closest friends for more than two hours, I become a total arse without meaning too. And it isn't fair to them. But at the moment it happens, I don't care if I upset them. It's like... they irritated me and they deserve to know they did.
That's how my mind processes it.


And I dunno why I do it. It's almost like I wanna be cold and push people away so I have no reason NOT to be alone.
Which is confusing.
I'm confused so none of what I said made sense, I know.

Also, I wasn't traumatized as a child or anything. My family is very loving.
Though as I grew older I got a lot of scrutinizing on the fact that I wasn't very huggy with family. And my family just agitated me a lot as my mind grew more open and theirs only seemed to get more narrow. OTHER THAN THAT... they were a great family. So that isn't the reason. o.o

Hi, My name is Ally and When I read your first post it was like looking at on of my many journal entries. Everything you just described is exactly how I felt at the beginning of the year- and still off an on today.
Spontaneous frustration and mood swings, The uncaring demeanor when otherwise an emotion 'should' be present.
I tend to keep to myself too and whenever someone, somehow invades my "space" (whether it be physically or by phone call or anything really,) if I'm in a mood where I don't want interruptions, I snap and become uncharacteristically irritable and bitter. But put me back in my "space" and it's like nothing happened.

I can relate to your anxiety, it's like a it's building up over time and some unlucky friend or family member accidentally puts the cheery bomb on top causing everything to just.... "Insert frustrated growl or scream here*

Then it's like your only really happy or content when you are in the company of yourself and your hobbies. For me its games, music and writing. Anything to take me away from all that's causing grief.

It's not confusing to say that part of you wants to push everyone away while the other part doesn't really share the same idea. I spent most of last year doing that. All my my friends who graduated from high school with me went on to other schools and colleges, but I stayed home. I shut people out, I never left my room. Heck , I still never leave my room.

I realized -late- that my problem was that I shut myself off so much That I didn't realize how lonely I really was. I'd become sad for no reason -or- I'd want to feel sad and would force myself to cry. My irritability would rise so much that I become violent. Luckily it doesn't sound like you are that bad sweatdrop

I express these feelings to my Parents and I'm whisked away to a therapist and put on anti-psychotics. Which to be honest, really only keep my anxiety down. *blah*

You mentioned having moved recently? Same here. We went from a quiet old farm house to a busy, kid populated neighborhood. Maybe the issue was that the change was something we didn't want to embrace so we preferred to stay were things were familiar. I know my problem is because I haven't taken that step of independence yet. *Is mentally 13* So I often fall into moods where I just want to disappear and travel off to a world that isn't normal earth life. Seems like things now a days are too depended on things like money or anything else superficial and what should be unimportant. -_-

I might be rambling -sorry I do that sometimes- But I wanted to let you know that your not the only one with confusing and possibly contradicting emotional blankness.
I wouldn't say there was anything wrong with you. But you are right this kind of thing can be and is troublesome. Have you tried talking about it to a good friend or your mother? I think it's great how you can be positive and happy around her, it might make things easier to talk about~

^u^

It's exactly like that though.
But it's like... when I go to hang out with someone, I want to leave five minutes after I get there.
I have talked to my mom, and she says I'm just tired of this place. That we've been stuck in the same boring town for too long and it's driving me up the wall. She thinks I'll be better once I'm in college.