 Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2022 7:16 am
It had been a long time since Pumpkin Spice had thought about the Blood Moon Carnival and all that had happened to her during her stay in that place. Most times when the thoughts wormed their way back into the forefront of her thoughts the orange mare just shoved them away refusing to deal with them, but lately she'd be coming to terms with a lot of her past. Her father had returned from across the sea, and while she's found herself hating him for the longest time eventually she took the time to listen to his story and realized she'd misjudged him gravely. After that they'd spent a lot of time together catching up and just living life to the fullest as only a father and daughter could.
Now once again as the world turned and the seasons changed the thoughts returned. Intrusive as usual but instead of instinctively shoving them away she examined them more thoroughly. She felt her nostrils flare and the phantom scents of carnival food, sweets and other such junk to draw in the crowds, fill them but the underlying scents of blood and pain and fear... Those were the scents she remembered more. So much more... A shiver started in her lower legs as the memories flooded her, the limbs shaking as if she'd run for miles without end. She felt the fur along her spine raise. Yet somehow the worst of them all she felt the burn once again. The brand in the middle of her forehead searing with remembered pain. She couldn't take it anymore. She screamed and like waking from a nightmare everything faded slowly away once again, the remnants locked within her own mind.
Panting violently, her breath steaming in the early morning air, she shook her head back and forth. It always came to this. The fear would build anytime she tried to examine these god awful memories. Why did she keep trying? She didn't know, but some part of her wanted closure. She'd be rescued from that awful place sure but many others hadn't been and had been forced to move on when the Carnival left these lands behind... She'd been lucky...
----
As the day wore on Pumpkin found herself thinking back to the Carnival more and more and finally, by the next morning, she knew that she'd have to return there. To the remnants of that awful place to face whatever horrors might still be waiting. She spent some time conversing with her father about what she planned to do and while the old Cerynei stallion was worried greatly he knew he couldn't stop her. He'd even offered to accompany her but she'd not hear it. She appreciated his thought but if she didn't face it herself she'd never be able to let it go. She wasn't even sure if she'd be able to let it go when she went. A sigh erupted from her as her father watched her carefully, and worriedly.
"Oh dad... I'll be fine. Stop giving me that look." She forced a smile onto her face and hoped it was convincing enough. He looked her up and down before sighing, "Och, alright lass... I ken that I cannae change yer mind but just... Be careful out there will ye?" She smiled, this time more genuine, before offering him a comforting cheek brush with her nose. "I will."
----
It took her about two weeks of travel before she reached the clearing where the Carnival once stood. Though the main tents and stalls were gone but there had been some things left behind. A collapsed living tent, an old food stall, a few of the makeshift game corners. Not a lot but enough to give life to it once her memories kicked in. She could hear it, could smell it. Food, blood, sweets, sweat, fear... Oh the fear. Or maybe it was her own fear she was smelling. Her nostrils were flared wide, her breathing picked up, her legs began to shake once again. "I can do this... I can do this..." She had to repeat to herself over and over. One step at a time. One step forward to help herself live again.
She perused the remnants of the Carnival, all the while the phantoms around her swirled, using her memories as fodder to project the sights and sounds around her. Memories could be powerful things after all.
She heard him before she saw him. That boisterous but somehow sinister laugh. The Ringmaster. The shaking in her limbs intensified as her memories painted him upon the landscape. He strolled forward, that ever present grin on his face as he watched the phantom people go through his Carnival, enjoying the sights and sounds and food.
Pumpkin shook her head violently dispelling the image of him. Her breathing was shaky and shallow. Her heartbeat rapid, heavy, and painful.
She had to stop and control herself as well as possible. It took a lot of willpower and even more time but she calmed enough that she didn't feel fit to die any minute of heart failure.
"Facing your fears eh?" She said to herself with a cynical tone to her voice. "Harder than it seems..." She paused, breathed deeply, and continued moving through the remains of her nightmare. Her memories kept painting sights and sounds upon the land, bringing it to life in ways that were both wondrous and terrifying. She did see him a few more times, but each time she banished his shade before he could effect her like before. She was here to face her fears, and face them she would. It would involve facing him at the last but she wasn't ready for it just yet.
----
The night slowly faded into dawn, the sun having not yet broken over the mountains. She'd walked circles around this place, the evidence easily seen in the fresh broken ground covered in new hoof prints. She'd remembered everything down to the last. Being forced to walk the tight rope high above the gasping crowds, no net below her to catch her should she fall. The Ringmaster had never liked nets or safety equipment. The reality of it drew the crowds like no other after all!
She remembered being herded back to the cages where she and the other young ones slept when they weren't on the line up to risk their lives for the enjoyment of others. She could see her and her twin sister curled up together on the cold floor, the bars surrounding them letting in far too much light and keeping out none of the cold. Her forehead had burned and kept burning the whole time she was here. The mark had been placed long ago when she was still a filly but being here caused it to light up like the wound was fresh again.
After her long walk in circles around the area she had to force herself to understand that she had nothing left to explore or recall. Nothing except him...
She turned and looked at the central most location of the Carnival grounds, and could see the phantom of the main tent, with him in the center calling to the crowds. All part of the act. He was very much a showman when he was in the center of that ring. Charismatic was a good word, but outside of it he was mean as a snake and cruel to boot. He'd not hesitate to take the whip to someone should they show any form of rebellion. She had a few scars on her backside for proof of that part of him.
The phantom Ringmaster turned and sneered at her as he walked from the tent. She knew this was just her own memories and imagination coloring him into being. He wasn't here, hadn't been here for a long time, but the effect even a memory phantom had on her was very real. Heartbeat increased, overheated, shaking like a leaf.
"Come back to your home have you girl?" She startled. There was no way. No way at all. He couldn't be speaking to her. This wasn't physically possible. "Heh heh... The mind is a powerful thing... Didn't you say so yourself?" She felt her knees lock so she couldn't run even if she wanted to. "You've gotten fat girl. Can't have you walking the tight rope anymore can I? I'm sure you've still got some use though..." The phantom walked around her, studying her, assessing her for uses. He sneered the whole while, doing mental calculations.
She felt like she was dying. The fear, it was all too much. It was far too much! She couldn't take it anymore. 'No, no, no, no, no....' She shook her head back and forth. 'Make it stop. Please! MAKE IT STOP!' She screamed in her head, her voice frozen in her throat.
From behind her a voice rang out, "Lassie! Ye can do this. Fight mah girl!" The warm, rich, heavily accented voice of her father.
Startled out of her memories she turned to look at him, his glowing golden eyes lighting up his face. Tears started leaking from hers at the sight of him. "Daddy..." He was there to help, not to save her. His voice lending her strength she desperately needed.
She turned back to the circling phantom Ringmaster and yelled directly at him, "You have no power over me anymore! I am not your slave!" The effect was almost immediate. The phantom cringed and backed away from her. She kept screaming the words at him, each time it caused him to slip more and more away until she was standing by herself in the clearing, her father's comforting presence behind her. She was panting, her sides heaving with the strain of yelling but there was a satisfied smile on her face.
She had done it. Faced the devils of her past and won. Not by herself of course but there was nothing shameful about relying on the ones she loved to help her through the hard times.
She felt freer than she ever had as she turned to her father, him with an equally big smile on his face. "That's my girl." He said full of pride.
The sun broke over the mountains at last, filling the valley below with warm light, as the two turned and made the long journey back home.
Word Count: 1,732
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