a note to ******** things up worse.

[Kogru]

so i was sitting on my couch playing gaia puzzle. and i hear a knocking on my door. my sister said it was one of my friends, so i peeked out to see who. it was sam and chris (a kid i've had a crush on for a while.) so i was like "pwee" so i threw on some shoes and jumped out the door. we ended up getting chris's older brother (who is a homophobe ><), so i ended up not being thrilled. we went to sams house (no one was home but us) and sam and mike (chris's brother) layed together on the big couch while me and chris sat on the other couch (he sat in the middle of the couch and i sat on the right side.) after about 40 mins they left to go get dinner real fast. mike re-appeared so i left, why sit and whatch them make out? so i told sam i just needed to go home, it was time for me to go. i ended up going to chris's house (like 10 feet away) and we chatted, and i ended up going into this little bush-covered area that blocked others views from us. It was really cold so i ended up grabbing chris and holding him, claiming to be becuase i wnated to stay warm, when really i just wanted to hold him. so we did that for about a half hour... then we both had to go.

so, i really do like him... but he's kinda freaky... like.. he get's into this mood where he is like phsyco freaky... but i know he would never dare hurt me, cuz he knows i'd kick his a**. none of my friends but sam like him as a friend, so of course they all make fun of him, and when i told a few i had a crush on him they flipped. so i said i didn't anymore becuase i was afraid i'd hit one of them out of frustration. but i still like him...

none of my friends really talk to me anymore but chris and sam... so i'm tempted to just go for it and attempt to get with chris... (i mean make out. not ********.. XD)

should i? i don't know =/. i'm going to ask sam for advice tomaro morn when she comes over, we are going roller blading for my cousins b-day party. spot out a few boyz. lol.  

[CrimsonxXxSolace]

I think you should, because you like him. You can't let some of your other friends stop you from doing what you want just because they don't like him. They're certainly not dating him, you will be dating him. Besides, if those friends that don't like chris doesn't talk to you much, can you really call them friends? Can what they think really mean that much to you?

I think that you should got out with Chris, if you really like him, don't let some one hold you back because you never know what would happened.  

[cheerchik]

i say go for it
just because your friends dont like him
doesnt mean you shouldnt
go for what you want
and be happy =]  

[Tarrien]

I'd be cautious if I were you....it sounds like you don't know if chris likes you. Maybe you should tell him how you feel and let it sink in before trying anything, he seems like he'd be cool with it. See how he feels about you then go for it if he feels the same. If not, just stay friends.

It's a lot of just common sense but I hope it does help in some way  

[Sotur]

i think you should go for it. if u don't, u might end up regretting having let go of the chance. besides, what's the worst that can happen? that u guys don't end up together? well, it wasn't gonna happen anyway if u never tried. so i think u should go for it  

[Kogru]

tanks for all the advice... i was hanging with him sam and a friend today...

my friend is outly gay and all...

before he showed (the kid) i was hanging over chris, laying on him (because he doesn't object to it.) so i was just liike "bleh... pillow" and all... and my friend sam left for a few and we got to talking, and i said something about him being bisexual and he said he wasn't. i told him he def is, look at us. (atm my head was basicaly in his crotch). he gave me a look and said whatever. well 20 mins alter my friend showed up, so we went to get him, i got rape hugged... we went back to the laundry room.

i beggan throwing my interest instead of at the boy that barely cares that i like him to the boy i used to like and could actualy start something with.

so chris just up and left after seeing that small change... so i think he was jelouse so does sam... i don't know really...

so... me and the other kdi (tim) and sam went to the park. it was dark out (8ish) and we were justchilling... and out of no where tim grabs me and pulls me on him... we were freezing.. but that kept us warm... so we sat with me laying back on him and him laying on the play gorund thing for a bit. sam came and layed near us... after a while he kept making sexual jesture things towards me and sam was like "do you want me to leave?" and tim was like "yes... go over there" so she did, and like 5 seconds after she got out of view he grabbed me and sarted kissing me. i was like "WOAH!! slow it down bud." so i pushed him back and was like "woah, tim." and he was like "what?" so we chatted for a few mins... and we ended out making out for like a half hour. sam ended up sleeping voer my hosue (her parents locked her out.) and we were chatting, and he IMed me... it was my first time making out (i mena toung and all) so he was like "Was that your first time making out?" and i was like "yea..." and he was like "aww."

so he asked me not to tell anyone that he did that... which makes me think he is ashamed he had to stoop so low to make out with a freshman, he said it wasn't that it was that he didn't want drama to build up between him and his friends that live near me... i don't know...

i like chris.. but he doesn't seem interested... but tim seems a bit whorey...

i don't know... rawr. i hate men!! damn them and their good looks!!  

[Spikin]

I'd love to help but seeing as how i'm a guy and how I'm now excersieing these qualities of manhood in being blunt and useing my short attention span...Can I get the man's shorthand version PMed to me?  

[Kogru]

lol ok. i did.  

[Kogru]

@the people who said "don't let other people's opinions hold you back".

it wasn't mainly that... it was... he's like.. kinda weird.. he likes destroying things (thena gian so do i, but he likes it at a level where he's held a knife to my throat... of course i grabbed the knives and chucked them across the room..)

so i dunno... if we do date he's going to have to change a little bit... be a little more cuddle-able.  

[Spikin]

people don't change dear, you have to decide between the homicidal pssosiopath or someone else.  

[Kogru]

Mister Death

people don't change dear, you have to decide between the homicidal pssosiopath or someone else.

i mean as in he won't be using any sharp objects around me... and cut down on smoking. icky smoking lips = bad kissing lips. but ti smoke too.  

[Kogru]

Ok, so today was the "National Day of Silence" for the gay kids in my school, i'll tell a bit about that in a few in a new post. ANyway, o i signed up for it, and i went and got a white erase borad thing and a marker. and i went to C hall and chris was walking into the school via-back door. he was just smoking, i could smell it from where i was. He didn't used to smoke, he started recently... i guess from depression. Well i walking into C-hall greeted by my usual hug from a few friends. Chris came up beihind me and was like "hey" and i was like "... -writes hey on my board-" he laughed and asked what was up. i gave him this paper i was given incase someone asked about it. he read it and understood. i decided i couldn't stand much longer and went and sat next ot my friend and her boy friend (i hat her bf... but w/e) and he followed me. he sat next to me and kept tlaking, i wrote "you smell like smoke" and he told me to shut up. i wrote "you need to stop. no kidding" and he looked at me and was like "yea yea... i'm trying... i'm gunna slowly cut down.. i usualy smoke 2 a day... i'll try and cut down to 1... then 1/2... and so on.." and i just smiled. so i kinda went into this position i go into when i get cold and i'm sitting. he skootched a bit closer, i smiled but tried to play things cool. nia got up, gave me a hug and went off with her boyfriend. and chris continued talking.. no idea what about. he said somethign like he's gaining weight, and i turned. i wrote that he needs to stfu, he weighs like 106 lbs. and i wrote "i only like scrawny white boiz ;D" and he said "good another reson to gain weight. i kinda got a little upset from that. i decided to get up and leave, so i stood and began walking off. He immediatly followed. I went to my friend Somer and gave her a hug. he followed still and said hello to her. i turned abrubtly and went the other way, i heard a friends voice and wanted to go ... write to her. lol. he still followed. the five minute bell rung (meaning i have 5 mins to get to homeroom) i let out a sigh and began to go towards the end of the hall to move to B hall. He followed and stopped me. Asking where my homeroom was. i wrote "B-14" and he was like "that's like really close, i'll walk with you." so i was like "..." and he followed. i went to my locker and bent down to throw things in my messenger bag. he stood watching, and waited for me to stand. he gave me a hug and whispered that he had to go to homeroom. i smiled and nodded. he left. i walked into homeroom, to see the other boy i've had a crush on since like... mid-summer last year. he just gave me this.. look. bleh. so i went through school silently. cursing at people via-the board. in german some kid was making fun of me for being gay, i wanted to just turn and tell him to stfu. the girl behind me did it for me. She was like "you know that's really rude..." and he laughed. he doesn't care. if he says anything tomaro i'ma tell him to shut his little straiget fatt a** the hell up.

so i got through the day. whoopie. i got home... blah. had things to do. around 5:30ish my friend megan wanted to hang, so i went ove rher hourse, we went out aorund town... i found out Dj (the kid from my homeroom i've had a crush on) hates me with a burning passion, she said everytime he is over she is like "...i'm gunna call TJ up! he can come chill with us." and DJ is always like "ewww nooooo" DJ is the kinda kid everyone KNOWS is gay/bi but refuses to admit it. i think he isn't. i wish he was, but he isn't. i want him... but w.e... thanks to that i'm now depressed. i also found out chris likes this girl i know. so i'm like "wtf..." yea... bleh...

love sucks. lifes a b***h... and god hates me... oh well. so is life...

Nation Day Of Silence is a day that all gay/bi/lezbian people (and supporters) are silent, to show how gay/bi/lezbian people have had to be silent all their lives, weather it be because they like someone, or because they have to put up with torment. It's really sad... i went horugh 8 years of my life as a lie... and i'm still living my life as a partial lie, but it's for my safety. i'm not telling ym family, my cousins have already threatened to beat me up if i was... bleh... i ahte liiife.  

[Kogru]

Thanks for the comments on my last post >_>

Ok... so i've been grounded... lol. still am... sweet talked my mom to let me on today. Since it's a saterday and all. And i have a few 'updates'!!

Ok... so i've had to go the the school library my lunch study-hall this week. It's only like... 22 mins long... but better then nothing (even though i found nothing). Chris followed me there, skipping where he was supposed to be. (can we say 'detention'?) And he kinda talked a bit while i read. He asked me a few odd questions. And one was something like "do you think i'm cute?" and stuff. Of course i played it off and said "why would my opinion matter? I'm not you, i don't know what YOU are." well i ended up writting him a note saying i think he is attractive. Blah blah blah. After that... he began to be a bit more friendly. Yesterday at the library he gave me a hug from behind, and left his arms there. He was just trying to make it so i couldn't hit him (because he smacked my a**) but i grabbed his c**k =]. I ended up sitting on the floor checking the bottom part of the bookshelf (we were in the back of the library where no one was btw.) he grabbed my arm and pulled me on him. I was at such an odd position. so i began laughing. i gigled and told him i could make him cry in one move. He asked how... i told him i could A) kiss him B) knee him in the balls or C) grab his c**k again. He kinda smiled but stood up. He told me "if you don't go to our dads... i'll do something special for you..." and i was like "O_o..." so i stayed home ;D lol. he hasn't shown up at my door yet...  

[Sotur]

well...what do u think he was talking about? and do u think he was serious? are u dissapointed he hasn't showed up?  

[Kogru]

i dunno... yea... yes.

he showed up... but couldn't stay. he wanted me to walk back with him home... but that's like 2 streets away... and i was in my pajamas... he called and told me to come over and i'm like "there are like 10 people.. in a 2 room apartment.. i'm clostaphobic (sp?) so no thanks. come over HERE, it's just me and my mom. we can chill upstairs in my moms room... (where i get internet and stuff)." and he said no. then i heard him ask his mom if i could come over. and i was like "Wtf. stfu chris." and hung up. that was... an hour or so ago... and he hasn't called back XD.

so i guess he wasn't serious, and he doesn't like me. bleh. oh well. i don't care >_>