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Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 11:27 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:00 pm
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Some a little more tame... sweatdrop
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:01 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:03 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:48 am
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:46 pm
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Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 8:33 pm
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Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 8:34 pm
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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 8:16 am
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A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes...
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
He gets her name, address, tax reference number, etc. and then asks, "What's your occupation?"
"I'm a prostitute," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to re-phrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised 650 cocks last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 10:15 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:05 pm
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 5:52 am
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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, Tattooed biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, with his fist in my face. As I burst into tears the biker says, "Come on, man," "I didn't think you'd CRY, dude I was just messin with ya" "This is the worst day of my life," I say. Everything has gone wrong, I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! But hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:36 pm
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