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 Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:33 pm
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Groom Kicks Brother Out Of Engagement Party After He Insinuates Fiancée Is A Gold Digger
by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
Nattanon Kanchak/Getty Images
When we start dating someone new, we always hope that our closest friends and our family will like and accept our new partner.
But when the time comes to marry them, we especially want our partners to feel accepted and loved.
It doesn’t always work out that way, though, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Engagementx1234 was fed up at his own engagement party when some derogatory things about his fiancée.
When he was criticized, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he overreacted.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for kicking my brother out of my engagement party for what he said about my fiancée?”
The OP wanted to introduce his girlfriend to his family.
“I ([Male] 31) met my now fiancee at the clinic I work in (I’m a dentist).”
“She works a lower-paying job at the clinic.”
“She’s the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She’s smart, humble, and has a beautiful smile.”
“It was a love of first sight for me and I was lucky that she felt the same way about me.”
“I introduced her to my family after 8 months of dating (she wanted to wait because of her fear that my family wouldn’t accept her).”
“My sister became her best friend instantly.”
“My mom admired her personality and became friends with her mom.”
Not everyone liked her, though.
“But my dad and brother kept their distance and made some pretty hurtful comments about how ‘incompatible’ my fiancee and I were and how I should keep it moving and look for someone ‘with a better background’. They never said anything in front of her though.”
“I ignored them completely and tried to protect my fiancee from their snide comments, but because mom and others wanted us to visit, then we didn’t have much choice.”
It came up again at their engagement party.
“Last week we had our engagement party at the restaurant.”
“I didn’t want my dad or my brother there, but my mom told me to let my dad and brother come since my fiance would notice I didn’t invite them and ask questions about it.”
“I decided to invite them after mom promised they remain civil and respectful.”
“My family arrived together.”
“My dad remained quiet then started talking with other guests, so things were going pretty well.”
The OP’s brother persisted.
“When dinner arrived, my brother sat with us at the table, asking how much money ‘I lost’ to make this dinner happen then how much my fiancee contributed ‘at all’.”
“My fiancee and I were talking about her engagement ring, and my brother randomly started singing, ‘I ain’t saying she a gold digger.'”
“My fiancee and her mom stared at him, and he stopped.”
“I gave him a look as a warning for him to knock it off.”
“Then I got up from my seat to make a toast, and my brother interrupted me loudly, coughing, ‘Prenup!’ and everyone heard him and stared awkwardly.”
“I was livid. I put my drink down and asked him to see me outside.”
“I had an argument with him and told him to leave.”
“He acted dumb about how he behaved and Mom got involved.”
“I demanded him to leave, and he did after calling me nuts, and Mom and Dad said I shouldn’t have kicked him out.”
“Dad left shortly after, which made Mom say I caused a scene and ruined my own dinner by kicking my brother out.”
“My fiancee was hurt by that, but Mom said my brother cried because I kicked him out and wants us to meet and talk.”
“My brother is older than me, he’s 37 and divorced.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe the disrespect the OP’s brother and dad showed.
“NTA – how dare they disrespect your fiancé, that is crossing the line. I do believe your Dad and brother must talk about their dislike for her A LOT if he had the balls to embarrass you and her at your own party.”
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“He deserved to get kicked out and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all, nor would I even worry about meeting up with them.” – lilyintx
“They didn’t disrespect just his fiancé, they disrespected her entire side of the family. Completely unacceptable. Good on OP for not glossing it over, or she’d never have known if she could trust him to be her partner.” – Dread314r8Bob
“And how childish was it to blame OP for ruining his own dinner? ‘He didn’t ruin your dinner…YOU ruined it. NAH NAH NAH NA BOO BOO!!!'”
“In reality, OP saved his dinner by getting rid of the trash person who couldn’t and wouldn’t behave themselves (despite promising to do so).” – pcnauta
“Yeah, brother knew exactly what he was doing. He intended to ruin your party. Do not invite him to the wedding and tell your mom and dad if they aren’t on board they can join him on the uninvited list.” – KickballW**re
Others said the brother was divorced and shouldn’t speak on someone else’s marriage.
“Maybe a nice retort after the ‘prenup’ cough could have been – ‘look – I’m happy. I’m celebrating. and your failed marriage won’t change that.'” – effyoucreeps
“Came here to say similar: his marriage failed so he’s maybe looking at the world through those lenses. No excuse for acting like he did and not expecting repercussions though. NTA” – Goateed_chocolate
“And the brother is divorced, so he’s not one to lecture about marriage.”
“Maybe he got clobbered financially in the settlement and that’s why he’s so bitter and rude, but it’s absolutely no excuse to publicly disrespect the fiancée by calling her a gold-digger, disrespecting OP by implying he’s a sucker who’s being taken for his money, and also the fiancée’s family by default.”
“Neither the brother nor dad should be allowed at the wedding when it finally happens. The brother is lucky that he was only asked to leave when OP took him outside; I doubt a lot of people would have had that much self-control. NTA” – Far_Administration41
Though the OP was pressured to apologize to his brother, the subReddit thought the brother, father, and maybe even the mother, had another thing coming. Disrespecting someone’s partner like that, at an event they organized and paid for, is anything but kind.
The OP and his fiancée likely would need to set new boundaries for visiting with family, not to mention who would be invited to the wedding.
Read More
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:33 pm
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,
Groom Kicks Brother Out Of Engagement Party After He Insinuates Fiancée Is A Gold Digger
by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
Nattanon Kanchak/Getty Images
When we start dating someone new, we always hope that our closest friends and our family will like and accept our new partner.
But when the time comes to marry them, we especially want our partners to feel accepted and loved.
It doesn’t always work out that way, though, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Engagementx1234 was fed up at his own engagement party when some derogatory things about his fiancée.
When he was criticized, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he overreacted.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for kicking my brother out of my engagement party for what he said about my fiancée?”
The OP wanted to introduce his girlfriend to his family.
“I ([Male] 31) met my now fiancee at the clinic I work in (I’m a dentist).”
“She works a lower-paying job at the clinic.”
“She’s the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She’s smart, humble, and has a beautiful smile.”
“It was a love of first sight for me and I was lucky that she felt the same way about me.”
“I introduced her to my family after 8 months of dating (she wanted to wait because of her fear that my family wouldn’t accept her).”
“My sister became her best friend instantly.”
“My mom admired her personality and became friends with her mom.”
Not everyone liked her, though.
“But my dad and brother kept their distance and made some pretty hurtful comments about how ‘incompatible’ my fiancee and I were and how I should keep it moving and look for someone ‘with a better background’. They never said anything in front of her though.”
“I ignored them completely and tried to protect my fiancee from their snide comments, but because mom and others wanted us to visit, then we didn’t have much choice.”
It came up again at their engagement party.
“Last week we had our engagement party at the restaurant.”
“I didn’t want my dad or my brother there, but my mom told me to let my dad and brother come since my fiance would notice I didn’t invite them and ask questions about it.”
“I decided to invite them after mom promised they remain civil and respectful.”
“My family arrived together.”
“My dad remained quiet then started talking with other guests, so things were going pretty well.”
The OP’s brother persisted.
“When dinner arrived, my brother sat with us at the table, asking how much money ‘I lost’ to make this dinner happen then how much my fiancee contributed ‘at all’.”
“My fiancee and I were talking about her engagement ring, and my brother randomly started singing, ‘I ain’t saying she a gold digger.'”
“My fiancee and her mom stared at him, and he stopped.”
“I gave him a look as a warning for him to knock it off.”
“Then I got up from my seat to make a toast, and my brother interrupted me loudly, coughing, ‘Prenup!’ and everyone heard him and stared awkwardly.”
“I was livid. I put my drink down and asked him to see me outside.”
“I had an argument with him and told him to leave.”
“He acted dumb about how he behaved and Mom got involved.”
“I demanded him to leave, and he did after calling me nuts, and Mom and Dad said I shouldn’t have kicked him out.”
“Dad left shortly after, which made Mom say I caused a scene and ruined my own dinner by kicking my brother out.”
“My fiancee was hurt by that, but Mom said my brother cried because I kicked him out and wants us to meet and talk.”
“My brother is older than me, he’s 37 and divorced.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe the disrespect the OP’s brother and dad showed.
“NTA – how dare they disrespect your fiancé, that is crossing the line. I do believe your Dad and brother must talk about their dislike for her A LOT if he had the balls to embarrass you and her at your own party.”
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“He deserved to get kicked out and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all, nor would I even worry about meeting up with them.” – lilyintx
“They didn’t disrespect just his fiancé, they disrespected her entire side of the family. Completely unacceptable. Good on OP for not glossing it over, or she’d never have known if she could trust him to be her partner.” – Dread314r8Bob
“And how childish was it to blame OP for ruining his own dinner? ‘He didn’t ruin your dinner…YOU ruined it. NAH NAH NAH NA BOO BOO!!!'”
“In reality, OP saved his dinner by getting rid of the trash person who couldn’t and wouldn’t behave themselves (despite promising to do so).” – pcnauta
“Yeah, brother knew exactly what he was doing. He intended to ruin your party. Do not invite him to the wedding and tell your mom and dad if they aren’t on board they can join him on the uninvited list.” – KickballW**re
Others said the brother was divorced and shouldn’t speak on someone else’s marriage.
“Maybe a nice retort after the ‘prenup’ cough could have been – ‘look – I’m happy. I’m celebrating. and your failed marriage won’t change that.'” – effyoucreeps
“Came here to say similar: his marriage failed so he’s maybe looking at the world through those lenses. No excuse for acting like he did and not expecting repercussions though. NTA” – Goateed_chocolate
“And the brother is divorced, so he’s not one to lecture about marriage.”
“Maybe he got clobbered financially in the settlement and that’s why he’s so bitter and rude, but it’s absolutely no excuse to publicly disrespect the fiancée by calling her a gold-digger, disrespecting OP by implying he’s a sucker who’s being taken for his money, and also the fiancée’s family by default.”
“Neither the brother nor dad should be allowed at the wedding when it finally happens. The brother is lucky that he was only asked to leave when OP took him outside; I doubt a lot of people would have had that much self-control. NTA” – Far_Administration41
Though the OP was pressured to apologize to his brother, the subReddit thought the brother, father, and maybe even the mother, had another thing coming. Disrespecting someone’s partner like that, at an event they organized and paid for, is anything but kind.
The OP and his fiancée likely would need to set new boundaries for visiting with family, not to mention who would be invited to the wedding.
Read More
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:33 pm
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,
Groom Kicks Brother Out Of Engagement Party After He Insinuates Fiancée Is A Gold Digger
by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
Nattanon Kanchak/Getty Images
When we start dating someone new, we always hope that our closest friends and our family will like and accept our new partner.
But when the time comes to marry them, we especially want our partners to feel accepted and loved.
It doesn’t always work out that way, though, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Engagementx1234 was fed up at his own engagement party when some derogatory things about his fiancée.
When he was criticized, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he overreacted.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for kicking my brother out of my engagement party for what he said about my fiancée?”
The OP wanted to introduce his girlfriend to his family.
“I ([Male] 31) met my now fiancee at the clinic I work in (I’m a dentist).”
“She works a lower-paying job at the clinic.”
“She’s the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She’s smart, humble, and has a beautiful smile.”
“It was a love of first sight for me and I was lucky that she felt the same way about me.”
“I introduced her to my family after 8 months of dating (she wanted to wait because of her fear that my family wouldn’t accept her).”
“My sister became her best friend instantly.”
“My mom admired her personality and became friends with her mom.”
Not everyone liked her, though.
“But my dad and brother kept their distance and made some pretty hurtful comments about how ‘incompatible’ my fiancee and I were and how I should keep it moving and look for someone ‘with a better background’. They never said anything in front of her though.”
“I ignored them completely and tried to protect my fiancee from their snide comments, but because mom and others wanted us to visit, then we didn’t have much choice.”
It came up again at their engagement party.
“Last week we had our engagement party at the restaurant.”
“I didn’t want my dad or my brother there, but my mom told me to let my dad and brother come since my fiance would notice I didn’t invite them and ask questions about it.”
“I decided to invite them after mom promised they remain civil and respectful.”
“My family arrived together.”
“My dad remained quiet then started talking with other guests, so things were going pretty well.”
The OP’s brother persisted.
“When dinner arrived, my brother sat with us at the table, asking how much money ‘I lost’ to make this dinner happen then how much my fiancee contributed ‘at all’.”
“My fiancee and I were talking about her engagement ring, and my brother randomly started singing, ‘I ain’t saying she a gold digger.'”
“My fiancee and her mom stared at him, and he stopped.”
“I gave him a look as a warning for him to knock it off.”
“Then I got up from my seat to make a toast, and my brother interrupted me loudly, coughing, ‘Prenup!’ and everyone heard him and stared awkwardly.”
“I was livid. I put my drink down and asked him to see me outside.”
“I had an argument with him and told him to leave.”
“He acted dumb about how he behaved and Mom got involved.”
“I demanded him to leave, and he did after calling me nuts, and Mom and Dad said I shouldn’t have kicked him out.”
“Dad left shortly after, which made Mom say I caused a scene and ruined my own dinner by kicking my brother out.”
“My fiancee was hurt by that, but Mom said my brother cried because I kicked him out and wants us to meet and talk.”
“My brother is older than me, he’s 37 and divorced.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe the disrespect the OP’s brother and dad showed.
“NTA – how dare they disrespect your fiancé, that is crossing the line. I do believe your Dad and brother must talk about their dislike for her A LOT if he had the balls to embarrass you and her at your own party.”
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“He deserved to get kicked out and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all, nor would I even worry about meeting up with them.” – lilyintx
“They didn’t disrespect just his fiancé, they disrespected her entire side of the family. Completely unacceptable. Good on OP for not glossing it over, or she’d never have known if she could trust him to be her partner.” – Dread314r8Bob
“And how childish was it to blame OP for ruining his own dinner? ‘He didn’t ruin your dinner…YOU ruined it. NAH NAH NAH NA BOO BOO!!!'”
“In reality, OP saved his dinner by getting rid of the trash person who couldn’t and wouldn’t behave themselves (despite promising to do so).” – pcnauta
“Yeah, brother knew exactly what he was doing. He intended to ruin your party. Do not invite him to the wedding and tell your mom and dad if they aren’t on board they can join him on the uninvited list.” – KickballW**re
Others said the brother was divorced and shouldn’t speak on someone else’s marriage.
“Maybe a nice retort after the ‘prenup’ cough could have been – ‘look – I’m happy. I’m celebrating. and your failed marriage won’t change that.'” – effyoucreeps
“Came here to say similar: his marriage failed so he’s maybe looking at the world through those lenses. No excuse for acting like he did and not expecting repercussions though. NTA” – Goateed_chocolate
“And the brother is divorced, so he’s not one to lecture about marriage.”
“Maybe he got clobbered financially in the settlement and that’s why he’s so bitter and rude, but it’s absolutely no excuse to publicly disrespect the fiancée by calling her a gold-digger, disrespecting OP by implying he’s a sucker who’s being taken for his money, and also the fiancée’s family by default.”
“Neither the brother nor dad should be allowed at the wedding when it finally happens. The brother is lucky that he was only asked to leave when OP took him outside; I doubt a lot of people would have had that much self-control. NTA” – Far_Administration41
Though the OP was pressured to apologize to his brother, the subReddit thought the brother, father, and maybe even the mother, had another thing coming. Disrespecting someone’s partner like that, at an event they organized and paid for, is anything but kind.
The OP and his fiancée likely would need to set new boundaries for visiting with family, not to mention who would be invited to the wedding.
Read More
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:41 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:41 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:41 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:41 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
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“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
Sponsored Links
New Therapies Give Hope to Communities Affected by HIV
The Star
“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
Sponsored Links
New Therapies Give Hope to Communities Affected by HIV
The Star
“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
Sponsored Links
New Therapies Give Hope to Communities Affected by HIV
The Star
“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
Sponsored Links
New Therapies Give Hope to Communities Affected by HIV
The Star
“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
Sponsored Links
New Therapies Give Hope to Communities Affected by HIV
The Star
“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
Sponsored Links
New Therapies Give Hope to Communities Affected by HIV
The Star
“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:42 pm
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started a kitchen fire?”
The OP invited his girlfriend to move in.
“I am 30 [male] homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25 [female] for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.”
“So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.”
“She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.”
But the OP was angry after she made a mistake.
“She was cooking soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.”
“So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.”
“I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an a**hole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.”
“I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on, I started yelling.”
“I yelled at her until she woke up. I said, ‘What the ******** do you think you are doing?'”
“She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I said, ‘You almost burn my house down and you think ‘I didn’t mean to’ is an okay excuse?'”
“She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.”
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“I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove.”
“She said she did not like being talked to like a child.”
“I replied, ‘Act like a child, get treated like one.'”
The OP’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate this.
“That was the last thing I said, and I saw an instant change come over her.”
“She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen.”
“After a few minutes, I felt sorry and went to help her clean up, and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.”
“I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes, I saw her car pulling out and her leaving.”
“I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry, so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.”
The OP then wondered if he reacted appropriately.
“Night came and I didn’t hear from her. I texted and then called to see if she was okay, but there was no reply.”
“I then started calling some of her friends and family members.”
“Then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.”
“I went to sleep, got up, went to work, and came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone.”
“I tried to call her, and I was blocked on every form of communication.”
“I haven’t heard from her since then, and it was several weeks ago.”
“What I’m wondering is, was I really such an a**hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction?”
“I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not appreciate how the OP talked about his girlfriend.
“The way he described his ex-girlfriend makes me glad she left. That is very telling, how a person talks about their partner.”
“OP shouldn’t be with anyone until he gets some serious anger management therapy, but honestly, that girl deserves better than being talked down to.”
“He also makes every excuse in the book for himself but tries to spin it like she shouldn’t have accidentally fallen asleep while cooking (true but s**t happens) so she deserves to get yelled at and berated?”
“Why couldn’t OP wake her up calmly to have a conversation and make a new rule about not leaving the kitchen with the stove on, and a timer on her phone should be set for food in the oven?” – gulsangfugl
“My first thought was ‘way to let her know you see it as a landlord/tenant arrangement.’ The dude treats her like a child, lets her know the property is more important to him than her safety, and that he’s going to be controlling when he feels ‘justified’ in doing so.”
“Good for her. Hope she stays away from this guy.” – Go_easy_on_me_folks
“I still can’t believe that his primary reason for being upset was ‘you could have ruined my house’ instead of ‘you could have killed yourself.'”
“As much as I care about my house and my things, I care about my loved ones more.” – oldmanpuzzles
Others thought the OP was totally wrong in how he handled the situation.
“The second I saw grad school AND a FT (full-time) job, I knew what happened to ‘almost burn the house down.’ The woman is tired and probably a little stressed, it happens especially for someone working essentially 2 full-time jobs.”
“I’d love to see OP work as much as she is and think he wouldn’t just pass out accidentally. I’m proud of her for knowing her worth.”
“I fell asleep baking an apple pie for Thanksgiving after working constant 65+ hour weeks. I was so upset the crust was overbaked and burnt in some spots that I almost cried.”
“My husband told me it was barely noticeable AND he made a point of mentioning to his family I was worried about having ruined dessert by falling asleep while baking it.”
“When I came in the room, I was thanked for bringing it, since they know how busy I am, and that it was delicious. THAT is what a good significant other should do.” – crystalnoellyn
“And the ‘I saw an instant change come over her’ equals ‘I said something that totally f**ked me over.'”
“But it was a rash statement, a stupid and rash statement. You should have apologized immediately, sincerely, and profusely. Good luck.” – effyoucreeps
“‘Geeze, be careful next time,’ and this whole situation doesn’t happen.”
“I’d leave too if I were her. OP sounded like a parent scolding their kid, not someone talking to their partner.” – IceDragon77
Our Community
2,415
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“YTA.”
“It sounds to me like your girlfriend didn’t appreciate being talked down to, insulted, and screamed at for making a mistake that nearly all of us have done at some point.”
“Yes, it could have been disastrous — but it wasn’t. Your house didn’t burn down, nor did it even come close to that. Not once were you concerned with her safety or that she could be hurt. You berated her for something that didn’t even happen — but could have happened.”
“She set her boundary, made a choice, and decided that a relationship wasn’t worth it. It isn’t a brutal reaction — it’s one that clearly defines that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who responds to her the way that you did.”
“She apologized to you, and it wasn’t good enough.”
“She has returned the same courtesy.” – TheLinguistalRooster
One Redditor offered a thorough description of issues they saw in the relationship.
“This is exactly why people say, ‘When a person shows you who they really are, believe them.'”
“Op WAY overreacted. I’m a home cook myself, and I’ve done this before too. It doesn’t take much for water to evaporate too quickly in a soup and for a pan to burn. Usually, it takes a lot for them to ‘catch on fire’ though. Not like his GF (girlfriend) put paper towels in the oven or tin foil in the microwave!”
“And he even said: they both work full-time, and she ALSO goes to school. And yet she still cooks for OP, can you blame her for dozing off? It’s why you have a partner to be there just in case, and a fire alarm ffs (for f**k’s sake)!”
“She was likely overworked and exhausted, and made a mistake, so he crucified her ON the stake! She even legit apologized, but ‘it wasn’t good enough.’ What is good enough, OP? A grounding or spanking? Pleading for forgiveness?”
“Because she was scolded like she was a bad kid. If this is how he reacts to her making a mistake, even if she is owning up to it and being sorry, what about the rest of their life? If she gets in a car accident, breaks an object, or worse? Will she have to apologize for everything? Ask permission just to cook?”
“As if OP has never made a mistake! Sheesh! And what’s worse, all because he ‘almost lost his house to a forest fire.’ Okay, but you didn’t lose your house. The fire never affected you really.”
“So essentially, he was taking it out on and yelling at someone for an accident based on being traumatized by something that never really happened to him (he even said his prior house was fine).”
“At any rate, she definitely saw his true colors, realizing she’d likely wind up a situation constantly walking on glass, asking permission for everything, and apologizing for her mere presence. She realized it was a glimpse of her future, and not one she wanted. Quite possibly it wasn’t the first time.”
“So you get what you get, OP. instead of being a good, understanding, and concerned partner, he’s now alone. And only he is to blame. She apparently wasn’t happy but handled it appropriately. No drama, no fighting, she just took her stuff and left.”
“If you can’t give your partner some semblance of kindness and decency regardless of a mistake or disagreement, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship where compromise and empathy is a huge part of the deal.” – whisky_biscuit
Though the OP was fairly convinced he had reacted appropriately in the moment, the subReddit said he had another thing coming. Not only did he react to a near event, instead of an actual event, but he didn’t treat his girlfriend as an adult. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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