Aqua Springs ~ ART GALLERY OPEN! ~ Geezerville

[FireSpark]

Daniel just shrugged.

"I guess that's true. Sorry. Just been trying to sort through this jumble that's shown up in my head. It's like someone returned a thousand books to a library, but none of them have labels. So there's no easy way to tell what shelf they go on, or in what order."

Daniel refocused on his note pad and resumed scribbling. Occasionally he would stop and tilt his head, or the pad, trying to see things at a different angle.  

[Jessi_Deramis]

Jessi tilted her head to the side and sighed softly. "Daniel, I know it's got to be hard, but you should give yourself a break and just take things slowly. Nothing's going to get accomplished if you get so stressed about it. The stress could block out more things. Just let things happen naturally."

She smiled kindly at him and then looked at the pad he was drawing on. "Are you trying to draw out your memories?"  

[FireSpark]

Daniel stopped for a moment.

"Kind of. I've already got a couple things out, but considering how little I know about cultures, the doodles don't mean much more than that to me. Doodles. And unfortunately, I can't afford to just let them happen naturally. The more I can learn, and the sooner I can learn it, the better my chances of...well, the better my chances get."  

[Jessi_Deramis]

Jessi sighed and sat back in her chair further. "Have you tried just letting it happen? I mean, have you just tried to relax and not focus on your past? You know Daniel, a lot of people think that the past is just that, the past. For you, time is relative, but maybe you should focus on your present right now."  

[FireSpark]

Daniel rolled his eyes to himself as he stopped scribbling. Tearing the page off, he crumpled it and tossed it into a nearby waste bin. He made as if to start again, but suddenly nothing came. In frustration he flipped the pad closed and stuffed it back in a shirt pocket.

"Look, I know you're trying to help, but I just don't have the time. If I can't shake loose something important soon...ugh. I don't know. Just, maybe, something on the use of my abilities. Surely I can do something other than bounce around in time."

Daniel came out of his chair, starting to pace the small lobby.  

[Jessi_Deramis]

Jessi nodded and watched as Daniel got up from his chair and started to pace. She obviously wasn't helping right now, so she turned back to her computer and started doing the membership cards again. It was a good thing it was mindless work because she didn't have the focus to do anything more than that right now.  

[FireSpark]

Daniel walked to the glass doors and stared out them at the traffic on the road beyond. He was so frustrated that he wanted to boil over, but he had no idea why, and that made it worse.

"I just need something. Anything. Just making sense of any of this would help. Least I'd feel like less of a chertovskiĭ proval."  

[Jessi_Deramis]

Jessi looked up and took what he said seriously, but she had to bite her lip to keep from giggling at the last thing he said. She had no idea what he had said and it made her want to laugh.

"Uh, what does that last part mean?"  

[FireSpark]

Daniel spun on Jessi, his eyes incredulous. Was she mocking him? His hackles rose and his chest tightend, and before could even help himself he snapped.

"Well unless it's gotten a new definition since I last checked, failure means to fall short of what is needed, to not be good enough. A damned failure is the same thing, just worse. Glad it was amusing."

He spun back to look outside, his arms crossed over his chest.  

[Jessi_Deramis]

Jessi scowled and stood up from her chair. Her own patience was wearing thin.

"Well excuse me, but when someone speaks a different language, I usually don't know what they're saying. If you wanted me to know what you were talking about, then you should have spoken in English. And I know you're going through a lot right now... but dammit! You're alive and healthy! After being near death, don't you think you should enjoy life a little more?"  

[FireSpark]

Daniel spun around, now upset and confused.

"What are you talking about? Other language? I said what I said as clear as I am now. But yes, I am alive. Can I enjoy it? No. No, I have to carry on, stumbling in the dark, with the threat of halál und unichtozhenie hanging over my head. And possibly not just my own, but for everyone, and everything."

Daniel's voice was raising now, anger seeping into his face and tone. He spun back away, breathing heavily through clenched teeth.

"And I'm angry. I'm furious! I failed. On multiple occasions, that I get. But I don't what? And I'm angry for that, and I don't why. I just want it to stop!"  

[Jessi_Deramis]

Jessi's anger quickly faded and she quickly grew worried. He wasn't making any sense right now.

"Daniel, stop. Stop! You're not making any sense right now. Your words are jumbling up, your sentences don't make sense, and you're dropping into other languages."  

[FireSpark]

Daniel's arms began to shake from the tension he held them under. His hands began to ache from being clinched under his armpits. He tried desperately to reign his anger, to control this emotional flood, but again, he failed. And thus he fed his own fire. Spinning back again, his face contorted with pain and anger, he faced Jessi. Still clinching his arms before him.

"And so what if I am? What will it matter? If I can't get a grip on all of this, then I'm useless here, and may very well endanger us all! Maybe I was never supposed to leave Vienna! Maybe that woman changed things to her advantage, who knows! Maybe everything would be safer if I hadn't."  

[Jessi_Deramis]

Jessi shrank back slightly and was genuinely afraid of Daniel right now. He looked absolutely furious and seemed to barely keep it in. He seemed like he was going to burst at any moment, and she didn't want to be there when he did. She didn't want him here when he did around all these families.

"Daniel... I think you should leave. I think you should leave for the night and calm down. Come back when you've cooled off."  

[FireSpark]

Daniel's entire body shook now. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would help to stem the tide of self ridicule repeating in his head. The anger, loathing, the regret. All of it aimed at himself. He looked back up, trembling, eyes bloodshot, and his chest heaving. He felt as if he would burst from within.

"Nadya méritait mieux que moi!"

His eyes shot wide in cold realization of the words he spoke. He still trembled, but he knew the words he spoke. Emotion momentarily drained from his face.

"She deserved...deserved better...than..."

Daniel's hands rose to his head as he fought to regain control. The pain was for a reason. He was uncomfortable around people for a reason. The anguish that began flowing, the sorrow that poured through him, it was all for a reason. Daniel collapsed to his knees, his head spinning. He could see though. Could Jessi there, looking at him in fear. As she should. I'm dangerous to be around. What? With a wordless roar Daniel spun and threw himself through the doorway and vanished. On the floor where he had fallen, lay a single scrap of folded paper.