The golden joke

[Nei1]

 

[Pink Fregia]

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

I must confess it took me a moment....then I woke hubby with my laughing.  

[Pink Fregia]

14,000 people are having sex right now.

25,000 are kissing,

50,000 are hugging.

And you....well you're reading this.



Trust me, I'm not happy about it either.  

[Nei1]

Pink Fregia

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

I must confess it took me a moment....then I woke hubby with my laughing.

Well, he did say fire at "WILL". So it just to Commander William RIker.  

[Queentintin]

http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CN4QS&Funny_Pictures=I_read_your_journal
http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CN79X&Funny_Pictures=silly_stormtroopers
http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CL70M&Funny_Pictures=Special_Brother
http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CLH9M&Funny_Pictures=The_Dog_Bowl  

[Pink Fregia]

An elephant and a naked man stand staring at each other, when the elephant says "Hey, that's kinda cute, but can it pick up nuts?"

rofl rofl rofl rofl  

[Nei1]

Back in the 90's I was at SFGA waiting for my brother to get off a ride when couple a girls asked me "Where is Medusa?" without batting an eye I replied, "Just follow the stone statues."  

[Pink Fregia]

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....

You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?"

"Here it comes."  

[Nei1]

*looks into a mirror*

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. sad  

[Pink Fregia]

A mother-in-law drops in and finds her son-in-law furious, packing his suitcase.

"What happened"?? she asks.

The distraught man screamed, "What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife saying that I was coming home from my trip today. When I got home guess what I found? My wife, yes my Rachel, your daughter, with a naked guy in our marital bed! This is the end of our marriage. I'm leaving!"

"Calm down!" says the mother-in-law. "There's something odd about this story. My Rachel would never do such a thing! Wait a minute while I check what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law returns with a big smile. "You see, I knew that there must be a simple explanation.........

Rachel never received your email."  

[Nei1]

A woman goes into a ice cream shop and orders chocolate. The guy behind the counter tells her that there no more chocolate.

"Fine, then let me get the chocolate." responded the woman.

Urk, the guy once again tells the woman that he has no more chocolate.

"That's fine, give me the chocolate." returns the woman.

Then the guy gets an idea, "Spell VAN as in vanilla."

The woman stares and him quizzically, "V.a.n."

"Spell STRAW as in "strawberry."

"S.t.r.a.w."

"Spell ******** as in chocolate."

The lady pauses for a bit, "There is no ******** in chocolate"

The guy exclaims, "THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!"  

[Queentintin]

Ronald McDonald in a Nudist Colony
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?

A: Look for sesame seed buns.

Classic Booty Call... Airport
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Is there an airport nearby, or is that my heart taking off?  

[Nei1]

I had a joke a few days ago, but it seem to have been lost with my fever.  

[Pink Fregia]

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 22-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset—I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 22 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 22 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 22. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.  

[Queentintin]

Found this! =)