What's wrong with me?

[simsboarder]

I would suggest going to see a counselor, what you are describing seems to me to be clinical depression and if your parents aren't seeing it then they probably aren't fit to be parents, you should try atleast talking to a school counselor or the british version of that (am from USA) and tell them what you put on here, they can and hopefully will help you, or atleast try.  

[K1T3]

Myst Kyaana

I've been having a hard couple of months. I was bullied for six years before I moved school, now, two years later, I'm still affected by it, all it takes is for one comment from someone saying something like 'Oh go away!', even though it's always in a jokey manner, and i go straight from happiness, to severe sadness. I always feel like running away and running into a brick wall over and over again. I used to self harm, but I made myself stop because I was worrying my parents, but I self harmed again the other day and I feel so guilty about it now, I have long scratches along my legs and every time I look at them I feel so bad, the self harm only helped for a split second where I could focus on the pain in my legs and forget about everything else.
I'm a happy person, as long as I'm with people that I'm friends with, but there are times when I seem to slow down and everyone keeps on going happily, but I just feel so bad.
I've talked to Connexions online and they've told me to go see a counseller, but my Mum and Dad disagree, they say I'm overreacting and that I shouldn't waste someone's time.
I've been having recurring dreams recently about people dying, in different situations and it different ways, but it keeps happening. I dream about mass murders and accidental murders, bordering on suicides. They're really scary and disturbing but I don't really view them as nightmares, I see them more as, I don't know, warnings? I'm not sure...
I've also had recurring dreams in the last two years about me being trapped somewhere and I need to get out, but all the exits are way too small for me and I'm scared about going through them. Everyone else can go through except me.
I've just figured out that I'm bisexual and I'm so scared of telling anyone. I'm paranoid that everyone will be disgusted and the chavs at my school will bully me again. I wouldn't be strong enough to go through that again. Only two of my friends know about me being bi. My friend from my old school who I had a relationship with and my lesbian friend from America (I live in Britain). My paranoia helped end my relationship with my boyfriend.
Please help me, I don't think I can live with myself for much longer.

for teh recurring dreams. tell this to yourself every night before you sleep. "i can control my dreams they don't control me."

about the bullies. counselor police. w/e it takes to make you feel safe. that's what the adults want. theya re there to protect you. use that option!!!

about being bi it's fine. just don't advertise it. don't tell teh entire world just tell yourself "if they don't like me for who i am they can find someone else."

you can lvie with yourself. you just need to remember what options you have. ok?

ps: there's always room for pepper spray or a tazer which can be found at your local weapons shop ^.^  

[Armadia]

well, as far as seeing a therapist, it is never a waste of time (unless you're seeing mine, lol) but sometimes just finding someone who you're comfortable talking to, who you don't have any close connection to, can really help because you don't worry about anything you say making them angry or upset with you.
as for the dreams...I've often felt that dreams tend to be a reflection of some inner turmoil...I know that in my dreams I'm always being chased or trying to escape from someone... maybe your dreams, especially the one about being trapped is a reflection of you feeling like everyone seems to be moving about you but your life seems to be standing still.
From what you've written, it seems to me that you've suffered some major emotional abuse from being bullied. If you don't want to see a councilor you could always try a self help book, because they'll often have exercises that you can do that help you to analyze your thoughts and feelings.
I know when I was younger I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with someone and I know what kind of a beating your emotions must have taken, and I really think that having a professional to talk to would be in your best interest. Emotional trauma isn't something you can just "get over"...it takes time and a lot of hard work.
I hope that was helpful, and best of luck to you *hugs*  

[Myst Kyaana]

Armadia- Thank you so much for your advice, I've stopped having the dreams now, but it seems like I'm still spiralling deeper and deeper. I really want to see a counciller but my parents simply don't believe me and councillers cost a lot of money. Thank you very much for your advice though, I might buy a self-help book. Thank you
Everyone else- Thank you for your help, also, KIT3- pepper spray and tazers are illegal in Britain sweatdrop but thanks for the thought.  

[OMG-JuliaJean]

Well maybe you should talk to someone you trust. Like a friend or teacher or your mom or dad. And remember you are NOT ALONE. When you're feeling stressed out just take a deep breath and clear your mind. And another thing don't let bullies ruin your life! And think maybe a counselor could really help you. Or maybe a school counselor. Hope my advice has helped you! heart

 

[Kyakume]

Oh, I remember being in your position last year. If I start writing now I'll get too absorbed and take up a whole page, so I'm going to stop myself here. PM me if you need someone to talk to. Don't worry, you won't "burden" me with anything. I always keep things confidential if that helps.