Mature help required.

[grindol]

It seems everyone has good advice, You need to talk to him and let him know the situation, but the real issue here is not with you and the guy, it is between you and your new house mate, she is PAYING you for the room. That requires that she has a room she can feel comfortable in and that means it needs to be free of 'junk' (i use the term junk loosely here), if you need the money you are getting from here and you respect her then you need to show her that by making sure the room she is moving into is clean, depending on how big your house is or how much storage space you have in your home/garage whatever but your new room mate needs to be able to feel at home, yes it is your house but she is paying to live there and so deserves to feel at home, with that in mind since your bf isn't packing up his own stuff pack it up and ship it to him COD just warn him you will be doing this and explain that it is not out of spit but out of respect for your new housemate, I wont BS you and say you should take my advice over someone else's and to be honest I think you should read what everyone says and then make your decision on your own personal understanding of the situation, after all it is all well and good for people to give advice when they are not in the situation themselves, (and people who have been in a similer situation do not have your experiences nor do they know the situation you find yourself in, so their opinion is biased towards their own personal feelings on the general situation, as mine are) for myself I was basically the guy in this situation, i worked away on a 3-1 rotation (3 on 1 off) and had an accident where i was unable to work and had to move closer to the city, my girlfriend had a great job and lived close to work and didn't want to move, being injured i was unable to move my stuff out and she needed help paying the rent, and so got a friend to move in, i didnt have room at the flat i was stayin at for my stuff and so she packed it up and stuck it all in the garage for safety, but we talked it all over before hand and i knew what she was doing and why, needs must as the devil drives as they say, if you have respect for your self, for him and for your house mate to be the best course of action is to talk to him and explain what your going to do and why and let the girl know what she is getting into, it maybe that the three of you will be able to come to some sort of comprimise if you are all open and honest with each other.

Good luck with it anyway whatever you decide  

[rivka_sparki]

i agree with what's been said, overall. if you love him and want to stay with him, then box his stuff up... store it somewhere, or take a trip to see him and take it to him, or mail it to him, or something. if you've had it with him, still box it up so the new roomie can get moved in... then tell him he has until a given time to come get it or you're throwing it away or donating it to a charity shop or something of that nature. he can't expect you to let it sit there forever.  

[Nikolita]

Catira Norr

I'd say the same. If he's a regular guy, as long as he has a spare T-shirt (and if he's a neat freak, one spare set of underwear) to change into once a week, then he probably isn't missing the stuff you still have.

Pack it up, completely out of your new roomie's way. Take a rough inventory as you do it, so he knows you haven't thrown anything away, then send him the list and ask him to let you know what you can get rid off. When you meet up, make sure that you bring some of his stuff along so you get less clutter each time.

Seconded. After my second ex moved out, we met up awhile later to exchange stuff of mine he'd taken with him, and some things he'd left behind. I still had a couple of electronics of his though, so right before I moved out of town earlier this year, he came by and I gave him the very last of his stuff. I easily could've sold it, but I personally would've felt bad, and so I gave him a chance to claim it but said I was going to give it to charity if he didn't pick it up before I left.  

[Caither]

If he didn't pay rent and left this stuff behind, it's yours. If you don't care about this person anymore, you can sell it to recover some of the rent he owes you.

I was witness this summer to my son's anger and personal distress over just such a situation. His wife's ex-boyfriend, the guy she was with before him (years ago now), phoned her up and said he was going to be in town for one day and would she put her life on hold to make sure he could get his stuff back.

She (and husband) had been kind enough to store it for him for years, boxed up and completely saved, moved with it twice, re-found space for it, etc., without asking for anything in return. We were visiting and had plans for the one day he was going to be in town, things that didn't include sitting around waiting for him to arrive and then helping him pack the boxes into his U-haul. The situation caused the first real fight I've witnessed in the 8 years they've known each other.

We couldn't reschedule our plans on such short notice. Nor could he. Ideally, he should have been MUCH more flexible, but he couldn't be. So, we got dumped on, all of us, because he - a selfish son-of-a-gun when she knew him - imposed on her yet again. And, in doing so, imposed on all of us.

I suggest that, even if you still care about him fervently, set a time limit. After that date, you have the option of selling/dumping whatever he didn't care enough about to come and get.

If he had left it at an apartment without an ex-girlfriend, the landlord would already have dumped it.  

[Taxi Mama]

My sisters and I packed up my ex's stuff and moved it into a storage unit and paid the first 30 days. When he came by to whine and complain about it, I handed him the contract and the keys and told him to be glad I hadn't thrown it all out in the street and set it on fire.  

[obe1ball]

Dear Bella; If i was you i would ask him nicely to come get his stuff out of the apartment! If he still does not get it i would have a yard sale and make is a** buy his own stuff back!!!  

[sweet txn]

If he is this uncaring about how this is effecting you then I would break up.
I would pack his stuff and take it too him. I would tell him you need to move on and get a fresh start .
He sounds really unreliable probly not a good trait for a lonfg term relationship.  

[otakuskater]

Taxi Mama

My sisters and I packed up my ex's stuff and moved it into a storage unit and paid the first 30 days. When he came by to whine and complain about it, I handed him the contract and the keys and told him to be glad I hadn't thrown it all out in the street and set it on fire.

I agree!  

[Dani Hyrosha]

I have never understood bf/gf living together when they aren't married, so I don't think I can give any adivse other than what's been given.

Post and let us know how things have turned out smile  

[ladyshari]

I would say pack up his stuff and if you can send it to him.. or tell him to get friends and have them pick up his stuff..You have a roommate coming and you need the space wouldnt hurt..  

[medea malfoy]

there are a lot of factors to explore here. i haven't seen any really bad advice; however, the details of the situation must be observed. you don't want to overreact. by all means pack up his stuff to make room for the paying roomate. keep an open dialogue to advise him what you are doing or lay down the ground rules for keeping his stuff for him, if you choose to keep it. to cover yourself, PLEASE do an inventory of what you pack with witnesses in case things go badly with him. i work as a rental clerk and the few times i've had to reposess a car i do an inventory of what i find in the car. one creep was living in the rental when it was taken back, i filled up four BIG boxes of stuff from that car. the crackhead then claims i stole his beer! (i packed one case, he claimed there were two!)  

[Puck the Elf]

It would probably be best to just pack up his things and clean up the room. Being vindictive or mean won't help the situation and may even make it more volatile.  

[katana68]

Lil Brat

If you have another space to store his junk, and you aren't sure you want to completely end the relationship, then I'd say box it and store it - and definitely keep an inventory sheet to save yourself trouble down the road.

I'd also give him a deadline to come pick up his things... leaving it open-ended allows him to continue to take advantage of your good nature.

Be firm - Make sure he understands that if he can't stick to the deadlines, his stuff will go to the Salvation Army, Good Will, Local Homeless Shelter... and if he doesn't follow-through - donate it.

I agree! A friend of mine went through the same thing, only her ex owes her $$$$ that she will probably never get. Go with the deadline and don't feel guilty if he doesn't follow through.  

[KaShash]

The reason I suggest boxing the stuff up is two fold:

1. You don't need whatever other troubles tossing his stuff out can cause (I've heard that it can lead to trouble with the police in some instances... at least... down south...) Not to mention, if it ticks him off, he may try and let you know how ticked off he is, and you don't need that.

2. If your new roommate feels welcome she may be more understanding of the situation. A mess on the lawn isn't exactly inviting, no matter the mitigating circumstances. sweatdrop


Also, go ahead and put a little bit more heat under him about his stuff. Move it into the garage or something and tell him so. He may worry that he will get mice or items may get damaged due to weather temperatures.

If he really can't then it's unfortunate. I know what it's like being stuck 8 hours away from home and unable to go and pick up my stuff from there. sad  

[Kisaki Kitsune-Hi]

The same thing (kinda) happened to a friend of mine.

She was sharing her apartment with her boyfriend and his friend. Well, they broke up and he left, and left ALL his stuff there. Then his friend moved out and left a big mess that she had to clean up before she could move too.

She had to store all her ex's things in a storage unit, and ended up paying for it all (which she never got the money back for, thank you very much.) But he was forced to come back and get all his stuff when she moved in with someone else b/c she couldn't pay the bill for the unit any more.

So my best advice would be to pack his s**t up in boxes/bags, whatever, and set them aside. If the stuff ends up in your way, tell the guy he has 1 week to come get it or it's going in the trash/good will.

You're not his keeper and he's an adult and resposible for his own things. Let him know and he'll find means to come get it.