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Your situation? |
Lost a loved one |
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58% |
[ 21 ] |
In the process of losing a loved one (to either drugs or an illness) |
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13% |
[ 5 ] |
Just here to listen and help |
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13% |
[ 5 ] |
other |
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8% |
[ 3 ] |
damn poll whores.... |
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5% |
[ 2 ] |
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Total Votes : 36 |
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:24 am
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:46 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:59 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:35 am
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My deepest sympathies to those who posted before me, & to those who will post after heart & *HUGS*
I despise this time of year. My birthday is on 10/15, & on 10/19 it will be the 9 year anniversary of my mother's passing. She passed away just after my 15th birthday, from Lou Gherig's Disease (aka ALS). Since it plagues my mind every year, I'll get it out of my system here.. She started getting sick about a year prior, the Thanksgiving after my 14th bday. My father is, well, his own man ~ Not very emotional or affectionate, & he & my mother weren't on the best of terms despite being married for about 15 years at the time. throughout the year she was sick, he didn't really take care of her; it was all on little 14 year old me, which is kinda ******** up, IMO (pardon my language). I spent that summer taking care of her, mainly feeding her through a tube in her stomach because her tongue had become paralyzed, as well as translating what she would try to say to people. I remember the night she passed away like it was yesterday, not 10 years ago. By that time, my aunt & uncle had temporarily moved into our house to help take care of her so I could try to focus on school. I remember.. We'd had dinner, I'd hid in my room, door closed, Rancid blaring on my radio; my mom had a hospital bed set up in the living room. In between songs, I heard a weird noise coming from the living room, so I pressed my ear up against the door, scared to open it, & debated on whether or not to ignore it or see what was going on. I finally got up the courage to go out there after a minute, to find that something had caused her to choke on her own blood. My father & aunt were crying. My dad noticed I was standing at the doorway to the living room trying to get a grip on what was going on, & he came right over, gave me a hug, & told me he was sorry. That was the only time I'd ever seen my father show any emotion, even to this day. I walked over to my aunt, who was sitting on the bed beside my mom, & she grabbed onto me, crying hystarically, saying "I'm soo sorry, I did everything I could!" I took care of her ~ Held her, told her I knew she did what she could & that it was for the better that she was no longer suffering. I still hadn't shed a tear ~ I was more concerned about making sure everyone else was ok. After a minute, my father & uncle went outside to smoke a cigarette, & my aunt went into the kitchen to call the coroner. I sat on the couch, alone, in front of my mom, & started to think, "What do I do now?! How the hell do I deal with this?!" Then I realized that my family had seemingly abandoned me, leaving me sitting alone with my mom's body, 4 days after my 15th birthday; I realized that I was pretty much raising myself from that point on, as I have no siblings. That's when I started screaming & crying.
I guess I turned out alright, though cry wink Apparently sending me to Catholic school for 4 years embedded some good morals in my brain, & getting slapped in the face for disrespecting my mum a few times taught me to watch my mouth a bit lol But autumn hits me hard, & I dread the winter.
The Green Day song, "Wake Me Up When September Ends", hits really close to home for me, as Billie Joe's father passed away in early September when he was 10 years old, if my memory is correct (yea, I've been a fan since I was, like, 9, so razz lol) Since I must, I'll share some of the lyrics & hope that it provides some solace for someone else as it does for me :
"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day
heart X 1million
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:52 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:47 pm
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