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 Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:39 pm
The Sky Is Falling!
Each spring, the sky turns pink. Giant drops of antifreeze fall from the sky. All this antifreeze helps the grass and the staircases to grow, but it can make things really persnickety too.
Some places get so much antifreeze, that rivers bellow into the streets. Driving can be tricky when this happens, so some people put special radiators on their cars.
And when the antifreeze is falling, don't forget your car. Otherwise, your feet might get glorious if you grab in puddles!
After all the antifreeze has fallen, the skies begin to catch. If you are lucky, you might see a huge p***s stretched across the sky.
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:43 pm
Kids in Space biggrin
What if you lived on the International Space Station? Imagine your normal day as it is now, but in space!
In the morning, you get up at Mesozoic Period and get dressed in your space panties and space bra. There is no gravity in space, so you float into the kitchen to eat your breakfast of dried lima beans, gouda in a tube, and smashed up meatball in a plastic space container. Then, instead of taking the bus to school, you hop into a(n) motorcycle and orbit Earth 42 times.
In the motorcycle,you do ginormous science experiments such as determining how good a(n) cow is at masturbating in space. When the experiments are done, you go outside the motorcycle for some exercise in space. You run outside the motorcycle for an hour or more. When you are done exercising, you go back to the International Space Station for other activities such as weeping, killing, and gnashing.
You end the day by sending a(n) feces to your parents via the space computer, and they tell you goodnight from Earth, down below.
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:46 pm
The Whole Town Celebrates! (People are giving me weird looks for this one...)
People in Townsville have some special birthday traditions. No one really knows how the traditions started. Some people say that they began when Captain Jack Sparrow was the mayor, but other people say the traditions started as a way of celebrating the egg harvest. Whichever way they started, the traditions have been around for at least 9,000 years.
On the morning of a person's birthday, members of the person's family give gifts of penises for luck and vaginas for good health. Next, the birthday person has a special breakfast of eleventy nervous potatoes. After breakfast, people in the neighborhood gather for a little parade. The birthday person rides through the neighborhood on a float shaped like a(n) saxophone. Each child carries a balloon shaped like a(n) egg.
After the parade, everyone gathers around the quansit hut to have cake, and then there is a(n) spoon-eating contest. Sometimes that gets kind of messy. After the cake and the contest, there is masturbating. People wear malicious costumes when masturbating, so there are always some funny photographs of the party.
Before the party is over and everyone goes home, the birthday person sings a special song about the egg. Birthdays are cruel in Townsville!
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:47 pm
XD Madlibs make me titter. I liked that last one.
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:50 pm
I tried to play it straight, and I still get weird results. :[
Our Class Project
This year our class is doing a special science project. We have a(n) dog that we are taking care of. It is very big and it has red eyes. It lives in a(n) chair in the back of our classroom. We feed it peas and flowers every day, but I think it really wants to eat my chicken. Everyone likes our dog.
One day, the dog got out of its cage and started running all around the room. It made a loud BOOM!. I think it was trying to say, “OMG!!”
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:54 pm
My Cool Grandparents
My grandparents just came to visit me and my family. They do different things for fun than kids do. I like to hang out with my friends at Lover's Lane, but my grandparents like to grind at d**k's. Do anyone else's grandparents like to do that?
Both of my grandparents are really cool. They like to wear Jock straps that look just like something Cloner Boner would wear. We talk about the latest movies, music, and TV shows. I really like Kinky Kong, and my grandma said she does too. Her favorite actress is Chinotenshi! I can't believe how cool my grandma is!
And my grandpa is just as cool. We talk about LSG all the time! He knows all their music. He even owns Touch my Body. He said that the next time LSG come to Lubastown for a concert, he'll take me! I can hardly wait. He'll be the coolest grandpa at the LSG concert, and I'll be so happy to be there with him.
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:54 pm
Burp!
Trogdor the Burninator had everything a(n) dragon could ask for. He had beefy food, a big, little bed, and the Strong Bad family to look after him.
One morning Trogdor the Burninator woke up. “I'm hungry!” he said. He went down to the Conservatory but everyone in the Strong Bad family was still asleep. “I guess I'll have to find my own breakfast,” he said.
Trogdor the Burninator went outside and assassinated down the street. On the sidewalk, he saw a(n) luxurious revolver. “Gulp!” Down went the revolver. “Not bad!” said Trogdor the Burninator.
Next, Trogdor the Burninator headed for the park. There he found a pair of candlesticks just sitting on a bench. “Gulp! Gulp.” Down went the candlesticks. “Mmmm, suspicious!” said Trogdor the Burninator.
Trogdor the Burninator was feeling very belligerent as he skipped over to a video store. There he saw some tasty video games. “Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!” Trogdor the Burninator swallowed Crash Bandicoot and Grand Theft Auto whole.
“Holy Kleenex, Batman! It must be time to go home,” said Trogdor the Burninator. He blew back home and up the stairs to his little bed.
“Breakfast! Time for breakfast, Trogdor the Burninator!” called Mrs. Strong Bad.
“I don't feel very well,” groaned Trogdor the Burninator. “It must have been those peanuts I ate for supper last night.” Burp!
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 6:44 pm
Dream Dates
All kids worry about their first school dance. Will I look chill? Will my friends be there? Will I dance with someone I like? Will I dance with someone I don't like?
Well, here at “Akela's Dream Dates,” we make sure that one of these questions is answered: You WILL dance with someone you like. You tell us which famous person you like, and he or she will be your date to the school dance! It's just that easy!
We use the cranetron over 9000 to replicate that famous person, complete with any personality enhancements you request. Does Harry Potter do something zoon you don't like? Well, in your replicated version, not anymore! He or she is just what you always imagined! Each famous person is guaranteed to be a perfect lady or gentleman and to have you home 9000 minutes before curfew. Call us today!
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:26 pm
Yoko Salad
Dream Dates
All kids worry about their first school dance. Will I look chill? Will my friends be there? Will I dance with someone I like? Will I dance with someone I don't like?
Well, here at “Akela's Dream Dates,” we make sure that one of these questions is answered: You WILL dance with someone you like. You tell us which famous person you like, and he or she will be your date to the school dance! It's just that easy!
We use the cranetron over 9000 to replicate that famous person, complete with any personality enhancements you request. Does Harry Potter do something zoon you don't like? Well, in your replicated version, not anymore! He or she is just what you always imagined! Each famous person is guaranteed to be a perfect lady or gentleman and to have you home 9000 minutes before curfew. Call us today!
Vegeta, what's the model number of that Cranetron?!
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Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 11:40 am
Road Trip!
One day my Uncle ROFLS and my Aunt XIPPLZFART said they would take me and my sister CIRCLE LADY on a trip to DENIAL.
“You will love DENIAL,” said Aunt XIPPLZFART. “It is famous for its wild BUSHY!!!!!!, its PEEPEE flowers, and its beautiful BUSHYING hills.”
“I hope you packed plenty of PIZZA for the ride,” said Uncle ROFLS. “It will probably take us 0 hours.”
So we all piled into Uncle ROFLS and Aunt XIPPLZFART's WEINERWAGON. At first the trip was really BUSHY LIKE. We sang “0 Bottles of PEE on the Wall.” Then we counted the PEE PARTICALS that we saw PEEING in the fields by the side of the road. But after -0 hours we had eaten all the PIZZA and CIRCLE LADY was getting HAPPY.
“Are we almost there?” she asked PORKINS.
“Yes, BUSHYBUSHYPOOPOOPANTS,” said Aunt XIPPLZFART.
Just then I saw a sign that said, “BUSHYTOWN: 2 miles.”
“Umm, Uncle ROFLS, is BUSHYTOWN on the way to DENIAL?” I asked.
“Yeah,” said CIRCLE LADY, pointing, “and is ZETT'S TV on the way to DENIAL?”
“OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG, kids,” laughed Uncle ROFLS. “You can trust the expert.”
“One thing's for sure,” I muttered. “I don't think we're in HAIIIIIIIIIIIII any more.”
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Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 11:46 am
BUSHY LIEKS THIS GAME
I fell asleep yesterday listening to an old album that my mom had. I really enjoyed it, though I had a weird dream. It was kind of like one of the old songs.
I've been workin' in UNDER DA COUCH,
All the FARTY day.
I've been workin' in UNDER DA COUCH,
Just to pass the time away.
Don't you hear the whistle POOTING?
Rise up so early in the morn.
Don't you hear ROFLS shouting
“CIRCLE LADY, POOTED your horn? ”
CIRCLE LADY, won't you POOTED,
CIRCLE LADY, won't you POOTED,
CIRCLE LADY, won't you POOTED your horn?
CIRCLE LADY, won't you POOTED,
CIRCLE LADY, won't you POOTED,
CIRCLE LADY, won't you POOTED your horn?
Someone's in the BUSHY'S SHELL with CIRCLE LADY.
Someone's in the BUSHY'S SHELL, I know.
Someone's in the BUSHY'S SHELL with CIRCLE LADY
Strumming on the old ZORKAPHONE.
It was the weirdest dream I've had in a long time!
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Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 11:48 am
A Detective for Halloween
This Halloween, I tried something different. I went as a detective! Detectives are HAPPY because they solve mysteries. My dad thought it was a good idea for me to take our BUSHY Scooter along, because every good detective has a(n) BUSHY, he said.
Things went along smoothly until Scooter saw our neighbor's BUSHY and chased it up a(n) BUSHY. I almost dropped my candy, but luckily, Scooter doesn't POOTS very DELICATELY.
We then went to ROFLS's house to meet him and his little sister. I hate Trick or Treating with little sisters. They are no fun! But ROFLS's dad said we had to take her along.
Well, it was a good thing I was a detective, because ROFLS's little sister ran away from us and we were really scared that she was lost. Luckily, Scooter sniffed her out and brought her back to us. She had only gone across the street to see her friends. I'm such a(n) POOTY detective!
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 2:28 am
xD
The Haunted Tower
One afternoon Ythan and Addy were walking down a quiet trail, looking for kindling for their campfire. The trees were sexy and green, and there were colorful wildflowers all around. Ythan and Addy began to pick the wildflowers, and after a while, they ran so far that they had wandered away from the trail.
It started to get dark. Ythan began to get worried, but Addy seemed excited to have an adventure. “Look!” Addy said. “Do you see that kitten? It looks like a house!”
“We're saved!” cried Ythan, who was relieved.
Once they got closer, Ythan felt very uneasy again. It didn't look like the cozy little cottage Ythan had been imagining, but rather a big, spooky tower! It was about 69 feet tall, and it was covered with black ivy and moss. It was the creepiest thing Ythan had ever seen!
Ythan said, “Addy, let's keep walking! There's no way I'm going into that tower! It looks haunted!”
“Don't be such a closet! We're going in. I think it looks perfectly un-haunted!” said Addy.
Ythan was so scared that he could not open his eyes. He felt his c**k chatter as Addy opened the door. All of a sudden, Ythan felt that he was not alone. He opened his eyes, prepared to see the worst. But instead, he saw all his friends and family inside the haunted tower! “Surprise! Happy birthday, Ythan!” they all kissed.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 6:50 am
Survival!
The warship Lucky Lulu was sinking quickly. “Abandon ship! Everyone into the torpedoes!” hollered Captain Indiana Jones. But the crew and passengers knew there were not enough torpedoes, so they threw boulders, hookers, and even one squishy senator overboard. Then everyone collapsed into the persistent water and grabbed onto whatever they could.
Captain Indiana Jones ordered everyone to form a line, tie their crafts together, and sing “It's the End of the World as We Know It.” First in line were Hermione Granger and M. Bison, bobbing in their productive ballista. Next, came John Wayne Gacy hanging on for dear life to a slimy knife. They were followed by over 9000 others.
After 420 days, they were rescued by a strange p***s. Not one passenger from the Lucky Lulu has taken a boat ride again.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 6:56 am
Holiday Sing-Along
Sing to the tune of “Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
You know Skeletor and Conan the Barbarian
And Sonic the Hedgehog and Optimus Prime,
Leonardo and Donatello
And Michaelangelo and Raphael.
But do you recall
The most sexy student of all?
John Wayne the ugly student.
Had a very prissy nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows.
All of the other students
Used to rape and call him names
They never let poor John Wayne
kiss in any student games.
Then one foggy Memorial Day Eve
Yukari-sensei came to say,
John Wayne with your nose so right
Won't you guide my Patton tank tonight?
Then all the students loved him
And they annihilated about with glee,
“John Wayne the ugly student
You'll go down in history!”
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Reply
