Sick of me yet?

[ThisEmptySoul]

Need city life? What about Denver? Sure it's not as highly populated as the biggest cities in California, but Denver is still very different from the rest of Colorado.

If you really want that badly to live outside of Colorado, then you should be researching areas that you can afford to move to that would be more like what you're looking for. Perhaps during your road trip {given you take an actual one and not just one to California}, you'll find other places that would also be to your liking.

Being born in a certain state doesn't mean anything, by the way. Just because you weren't born in a certain state doesn't mean "you don't belong there" or that you "need" to live elsewhere. If you just don't want to live there, then say that instead of making excuses to make it seem more tragic than it actually is. I was actually born in California and I would not be able to stand living there because I don't particularly care for highly populated areas. Of the places I've lived, I probably enjoyed Colorado most because of the clean air and water, and people were a little more polite.  

[The Last Chase]

I'm a person that needs change. I'm not trying to make it seem tragic, all I'm saying is that I'm not capable of being happy with Colorado for the rest of my life. My friend loves it, she loves the mountains, she loves the city, she snowboards all the time and owns a jeep, she loves Colorado and she always will. I am not that person. I need change, I need something new. It's not a 'poor me', its a 'I don't get it'.

I've been in Denver, I don't mind it, it's just not cheap to live in. Not to mention my flaky friend is terrible with money, has no credit and the place she's working at is slowly going out of buisness, though she has yet to see it. So with no roommate I can't afford a whole lot on my own.

We're headed to Florida, opposite direction. And in all honesty, I really would love to live anywhere else than here. I've lived in the same area since I was three years old, I could drive myself to work, to the mall, to any super market, with my eyes closed. The only thing I like about where I live is that I'm about ten mins from the greatest road in Colorado (that never has any cops on it). Aside from that I have no connection to this state.

I feel like a missfit here. I've seen people in so many other places that are more like me, that I could understand and that understand me. And maybe it's because you didn't stay here as long as I have, but from what I've seen in this state, the people here are more self absorbed than anywhere else I've been. When we were in Venice we could sit down somewhere for lunch and end up leaving with a new friend.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

True, I wasn't there all my life... and the kind of people you meet is also different depending on what area you live in. The same is true for every state {though more so for larger states}. For example, in southern Texas people are different than in northern Texas... it's almost like being in another state altogether because all the largest cities are in the south, plus the climate is quite different.

By saying "I'm not capable of being happy with Colorado" is what I was talking about when I mentioned you making your situation seem "tragic". You are capable... you just don't want to live there anymore. It's one thing to say "I don't like it here" and another to say "I don't belong here". You keep saying things like "I don't belong here" to make your situation sound worse... as if Colorado is some kind of prison for you or you're in a "bird cage" situation and "just need to be free". The more you think of your situation in this manner, the more depressing it will feel for you if you are unable to afford moving.

And how do you "connect" with a state anyway? It's just a piece of land. And if you don't like when people are "self absorbed", then good luck finding people unlike that in a big city... especially the big cities of California. As for Venice being an example, that's because it's a tourist spot. The guys you met last time you went to California and left as "friends", if you recall, weren't even from California.  

[Feevil]

(I haven't read any of the other replies because I don't want to be swayed by anything anyone else has said; I'm only replying to The Last Chase's original post.)

The main theme of my advice is: you're young. Twenty-two is NOT old; you shouldn't be worried about having anything to show for yourself. A lot of people don't even have jobs in this economy, so be glad you at least have your embarrassing job. And if you don't like it, look for another one.

And yes, a lot of people have it worse. If you're not hooked on heroin or meth or any other hard drugs, if you're not homeless, if you don't have a debilitating mental or physical ailment/illness/handicap, if you're not being held hostage by terrorists, if you didn't have an unwanted pregnancy as a teen, or so many other much worse things I can think of, then thank your lucky stars!! Whenever I feel like crap I think about all the ways life could be worse and it makes me appreciate what I have and my advice to you is to do the same.

There are some things in life you can change and some you can't. Know the difference between the two and do something about the ones you can and make the best of the others.

You're embarrassed of where you work, so either start looking for another job or be glad that you have a job at all, because in this economy there are plenty of people who would gladly take any job over no job.

You hate the state you live in? That's normal and nothing to want to commit suicide over. I used to hate where I live but the things I used to hate about it, I actually like about it now. One example is, when I was your age and younger, I always complained there was "nothing to do" but now I like it because every time I go to a busy area I'm glad to get back home to where there is less traffic, crime, etc.

Friends will come and go. A bunch of my friends got married, had kids, moved away, etc., but my life is meaningful with or without those people. It sounds like the real problem is that you're not happy with yourself; it's not everything around you. I don't say that to make you feel worse, but to learn to love and like yourself and then you will be much happier. Don't look to others to validate your ego/self-esteem; learn to enjoy being by yourself.

Again, you're only 22; I wouldn't worry about having "nothing to show" for yourself. (And you've already been to college and you have a job; don't call that nothing...it's more than my 40-year-old sister has!!) I also used to feel that way; things will get better. I changed my major in college like four times and I still didn't know what to do with my life. My advice for your career is this: what do you REALLY enjoy doing? I mean REALLY? And is it something you can get paid to do? If the answer is yes, then DO IT. You don't want to be my age (37) and stuck being an Administrative Assistant at a power plant when you'd much rather be doing graphic design for video games or something and look forward to going to work.

Lastly, if you have any kind of counselor you can see locally, please go get some real therapy. While internet message boards are a nice way to vent, you need some face time with a real therapist. And good luck! biggrin

The Last Chase

So dating and all that s**t aside I find myself in a really shitty place.
I know there are plenty of people on here with worse stuff, I'm just having a melt down and I seriously feel like jumping out a window.
I'm embarrassed of where I work, I have the state I live in, my friends are all abandoning me, I feel like I'm never happy, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I feel so stagnant and I spend most nights crying. I hate everything about my life, I have nothing to be proud of, nothing to show for being a twenty-two year old woman. I hated college and even if I went back I don't know what I'd go for. I am seriously breaking down. I have no direction, no motivation and there isn't a single day I don't cry.
I am so lost, so confused and I'm feeling so hopeless. I don't know what to do... crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying

 

[The Last Chase]

I want to make my parents proud, I want to do more with my life.
And the more comments I get back, the more pathetic I feel.
I don't know that there really is anything good about me...  

[ThisEmptySoul]

Nothing good about you? Seriously? I call B.S. It seems pretty obvious at this point that you're desperately clinging to your unhappiness instead of trying to get over it.

Though it seems ridiculous that anyone would -want- to be unhappy, it happens quite often, and usually the person doesn't fully realize that they are the source of their own misery. In a way, the feeling is kind of addictive, even though it isn't that pleasant of a feeling.. but something about it can compel a person to do everything they can to keep feeling that way.

I've been there {proof is in the username}... it was only after getting fed up with the feeling that I realized how much of it I was doing to myself. When something didn't go the way I had wanted it to and I started feeling bad about that, I would tack on additional unrelated things to make that feeling worse, and when the feeling would start to go away, I would think of other things to make myself feel bad to prolong the feeling as long as possible.

Here's an example of that thought process: if I had planed to go to the store but my sister decided she was going to take the van for a joy ride with her kids unexpectedly, I would initially feel bad about my plans being canceled. To make the feeling worse, I would think of all the times my sister did something that made me cancel my plans, then all the wrongs she has done me throughout life, and the times in my childhood in which my parents would hold her up as an example of how I should be. When I would start to get over things specifically related to her, I would then think of how I had to move half-way through high school partially because of her and how I lost contact with all the friends I had and would probably never speak to them again, about how bad I was with people and unlikely it was that I would make new friends to replace what I had, and think of how life would have been if I hadn't moved and feel depressed about it because I couldn't live that life. Eventually this always led to self-depreciation and somehow thinking that the entire world would be a better place without me in it and I would be able to keep my unhappiness for hours or sometimes days or weeks if I was that hooked on it.

And it all started with just not getting to go to the store right when I wanted. In that time, I could have easily made plans or done something more productive that would have been just as enjoyable if not more so, but instead I decided to wallow in my sadness.

The way you're going all over the place with excuses as to why you can't be happy sounds like the exact same kind of thought process in which you just want to stay unhappy. If that's the case, then there is no advice for you that will make you feel better because you have to make yourself feel better by breaking the cycle.  

[The Last Chase]

But it's not like I haven't tried.
I have heard that before, so I tried to change it. I tried to find things I liked about myself. I sat down with a blank piece of paper... and it stayed that way, which made me feel worse. I even asked my friend if she could find one thing and she said, "Well, it's a nice day out."
I bought tons of magazines that had cool places to go in Colorado, places I haven't been, but I still felt the same. I tried to look at things differently and everything was the same as it's always been. Not to mention I'm not looking forward to the fall or winter.
Like I said, I've heard that before, but I don't know what the hell to do about it. "You have to figure it out", that's always what I get.  

[Shinigami Unity]

Oh, I read this book the other day in this coffee shop while I was waiting for someone to show up. And this quote really struck me as odd and has sort of stayed with me the whole time.

It was something about how we're not afraid we'll fail, but that we'll succeed. Who are we to think we are beautiful, courageous, wonderful, etc? But in fact, who are we NOT to be these things?

I have found when sitting in front of a blank sheet of paper (supposing to be a list of my good qualities) that often times when I draw a blank it's because I'm feeling a very strong emotion of some sort in reference to myself.

Living in a nice little blanket of sadness and darkness is easy - once you're there. But crawling your way back to the light, that's something really worth being proud of.

I firmly believe there are good things about everyone - after spending many years trying to find a person without one.  

[KommandoKat]

Well Im 42 and I remember my 20's" How do You say" Those were the Best of Times and Yeah They were some of the worst times...It is a time of Discovery about yourself and I agree with The Lady above me It is easy to Lay within the Blanket of Darkness and depression ..But OHHHH To Rise perhaps to Succeed ...There are no Guarantees in Life if You Like Cali so Much Move Here Now that would Be scary " away from family and Friends" Trust Me I know I moved w/o Knowing a soul to New Jersey HaaaHaaa Now that was a ride ...Im a Native Californian and have felt Cali Never treated Me a Born Native as well as it treats Transplants ...or people that Move from other States ..Better Healthcare higher Loan approvals haaaHaaa programs to Help....But Truth Be told I luv My Cali as much as I have travelled Cali is Home ....Make a plan and stick to it..You seem put together well..Take a Leap and have some Faith in yourself..You Can Do IT!! heart  

[The Last Chase]

Well... I am facing a lot of things right now. A lot of things have suddenly been dropped into my lap...  

[Patron with a Mission]

The Last Chase

Well... I am facing a lot of things right now. A lot of things have suddenly been dropped into my lap...

You're not the only one, I can tell you that. Burned to a crisp from college work, tired of tutoring, want to have my own place, hate my parents even if I forgave them, I could go on, but I won't.

A book that helped me, and I strongly recommend it: Psychiatry can be Dangerous to Your Health by William Glasser. It talks about choice theory, and how people CHOOSE to stay unhappy, but they can truly be happy if they are able to look in themselves and others. It's not therapy, it's a look inside yourself and why you feel as you.  

[The Last Chase]

I don't know. I suddenly have some sort of drive in my life. Just got back from a road trip to Florida and thinking about moving there with a friend. Also going out looking for a new job on monday, or a second job if need be. Also might head back to college, thinking about it anyway. I dunno, we'll see.