Discussion: Is spanking a child always abusive?

[Artistic Pancake]

I think hitting children is unnesessary. If parents need to hit children to get them to behave, then I think they're pretty incompetent as parents.
My parents have never hit me, not a single time. Yet I've become a behaving child. A previous classmate got hit by his father, and he'd behave like a monkey at school.

Don't you think that if parents spank their children, they will maybe think that hitting people is fine?

And noone's hitting adults either when they've done something wrong. If you hit them, then you're going into jail. ;o  

[yuintakie_yuki]

well in my opinion
when a parent spanks his/her child
it has to be when the child has done a really bad thing
or sumthing extreme
but if its just a simple thing
the child should only be scold not spank  

[Elinin]

In my opinion, it depends. If the child is truly being unruly and and three are no other alternatives, then yes, I will spank. But I'll make sure that I make it up to my child later, with lots of explanations on why he or she deserved it. I'll only use my hand though, because that will be painful for me as well, so it will remind me to use it only when necessary. If it's completely undeserved by the child, then yes, I'll definitely consider it as abuse.

And, with the way children behave these days, I honestly think they don't get spanked enough these days. When I have children, I'll make sure I don't make the same mistake.  

[Dark Mistress Rissa]

ℓαяιѕѕαяєρℓιєѕ;;

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Wow guys! A lot of good points. I can understand both sides, but I still believe it depends on what they did, and how the parent handles the situation, how they spank the child. A couple swats to the butt with a hand is not abusive so long as no marks are left, in my opinion.

╚══════════════╝

./єη∂яєρℓу

 

[Ravynne Sidhe]

Adorable Crayon

I think hitting children is unnesessary. If parents need to hit children to get them to behave, then I think they're pretty incompetent as parents.
My parents have never hit me, not a single time. Yet I've become a behaving child. A previous classmate got hit by his father, and he'd behave like a monkey at school.

Don't you think that if parents spank their children, they will maybe think that hitting people is fine?

And noone's hitting adults either when they've done something wrong. If you hit them, then you're going into jail. ;o

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

That's a bit extreme.

Hitting a child with an open palm doesn't make you incompetent. Trying to get your 2 year old to understand the concept of no when they're unable to comprehend what they mean is actually incompetent. Certain punishments only work at certain ages.

Children don't begin to comprehend right from wrong up until 6 years old. And from there punishments have to evolve as their brains evolve. Besides telling a kid no you can't do something is only going to encourage them to do it more. Whereas a slight smack on the a** stops the behavior because they associate the pain they feel with the action they did as wrong.

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

 

[Ravynne Sidhe]

DOMOs Kender child

Vanna1994

Spanking a child is not abuse at all, its caring. Parents NEED to spank their children especially if timeouts arent doing the trick. Ive recieved spankings as a kid, Im not that bad of a person. Now days spanking a child could be considered child abuse, yeah and they wonder why there are so many rebellious teenagers.

Spankings are disicpline, not abuse.

I disagree with you. Research does not correlate a lack of spankings to rebellious teenagers, but it does correlate spankings with violence outside the home. Corporal punishment is also, technically, not considered a form of abuse unless the marks of it remain on the child for more than 48 hours.

My dad spanked me, usually with a belt and not always on the rear; he went too far more than once while doing so. He crossed the line between discipline and abuse and I still wear the scars from it. It's funny because I'm not rebellious around anyone except him and when I fought him I was justified almost each and every time.

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

Just because your dad spanked you with a belt doesn't mean that every parent is doing the same. Just because you were abused and became rebellious doesn't mean it happens to everyone.

Most of the rebellious teens I went to school with had a very good relationship with their parents, were never spanked nor even abused. They were spoiled little shits.

Whereas for me I was spanked when I did something wrong like refuse to share a kickboard with a kid. Or lied about plugging up the toilet. However I was also sometimes shaken at 17 over the internet ******** up, smacked in the back a few months ago because I snapped at my mom, pushed against the wall (almost hit my head against said wall and floor, thank God I have the natural reflex to just grab a wall when I'm about to fall) over having 7 ******** donuts, oh and my mom being verbally and emotionally abusive.

But when I have kids, I'm still going to spank my children during necessary times at certain ages when they misbehave. neutral

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

 

[Artistic Pancake]

Ravynne Sidhe

Adorable Crayon

I think hitting children is unnesessary. If parents need to hit children to get them to behave, then I think they're pretty incompetent as parents.
My parents have never hit me, not a single time. Yet I've become a behaving child. A previous classmate got hit by his father, and he'd behave like a monkey at school.

Don't you think that if parents spank their children, they will maybe think that hitting people is fine?

And noone's hitting adults either when they've done something wrong. If you hit them, then you're going into jail. ;o

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

That's a bit extreme.

Hitting a child with an open palm doesn't make you incompetent. Trying to get your 2 year old to understand the concept of no when they're unable to comprehend what they mean is actually incompetent. Certain punishments only work at certain ages.

Children don't begin to comprehend right from wrong up until 6 years old. And from there punishments have to evolve as their brains evolve. Besides telling a kid no you can't do something is only going to encourage them to do it more. Whereas a slight smack on the a** stops the behavior because they associate the pain they feel with the action they did as wrong.

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

I was actually more meaning more severe abuse and/or when they're older, and I admit that I think you have a good point there. :]  

[Ravynne Sidhe]

Adorable Crayon

Ravynne Sidhe

Adorable Crayon

I think hitting children is unnesessary. If parents need to hit children to get them to behave, then I think they're pretty incompetent as parents.
My parents have never hit me, not a single time. Yet I've become a behaving child. A previous classmate got hit by his father, and he'd behave like a monkey at school.

Don't you think that if parents spank their children, they will maybe think that hitting people is fine?

And noone's hitting adults either when they've done something wrong. If you hit them, then you're going into jail. ;o

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

That's a bit extreme.

Hitting a child with an open palm doesn't make you incompetent. Trying to get your 2 year old to understand the concept of no when they're unable to comprehend what they mean is actually incompetent. Certain punishments only work at certain ages.

Children don't begin to comprehend right from wrong up until 6 years old. And from there punishments have to evolve as their brains evolve. Besides telling a kid no you can't do something is only going to encourage them to do it more. Whereas a slight smack on the a** stops the behavior because they associate the pain they feel with the action they did as wrong.

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

I was actually more meaning more severe abuse and/or when they're older, and I admit that I think you have a good point there. :]

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

I was in psychology for 2 years so I have for the most part, Piagets development stages for children sort of imprinted on my brain. And it is true, children don't development the knowledge of right and wrong until they're at least six, some it's younger than that, others may be older. But generally from birth to age 5, kids are still learning about their world so while taking keys might be bad, or even flushing them down the toilet, they're not going to know it's wrong just because you said so.

In the same perspective teenagers entering a rebellious stage will only do the certain bad behavior more if you just tell them no. You have to in a way sit down and explain WHY it's wrong.

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

 

[Nyikosis]

I believe that wether it is abusive or not depends on two things: point of view, and your reason for spanking.

Point Of View:

if you are a child, then of course its a bad thing, because your'e the one getting spanked. My dad did this to me when i was young, but not using a belt. he would kind of smack my behind as i walked away. so i knew i deserved it, but i didn't like it. if you're the adult, then no, because they 'deserve it'.

Reason:

If the child did something bad, then yes, they probably deserve it.if you are spanking a child for no particular reason, then of course its wrong. its just like hitting hte child. its abuse. and even if the ydo deserve it, then it shouldnt be done accesively. ((srry cant spell)) if it leaves large bruises, or marks, then its done too much.  

[Ravynne Sidhe]

xXAlex_The_StrangeXx

I believe that wether it is abusive or not depends on two things: point of view, and your reason for spanking.

Point Of View:

if you are a child, then of course its a bad thing, because your'e the one getting spanked. My dad did this to me when i was young, but not using a belt. he would kind of smack my behind as i walked away. so i knew i deserved it, but i didn't like it. if you're the adult, then no, because they 'deserve it'.

Reason:

If the child did something bad, then yes, they probably deserve it.if you are spanking a child for no particular reason, then of course its wrong. its just like hitting hte child. its abuse. and even if the ydo deserve it, then it shouldnt be done accesively. ((srry cant spell)) if it leaves large bruises, or marks, then its done too much.

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

Um like I told a few other people, just because your parents hit you with a belt doesn't mean everyone else who spanks their kid will do the same. If you use the open palm technique, a spanking will NOT give the child a bruise.

And spanking during certain ages is acceptable because a child doesn't comprehend right from wrong up until they're 6 years old. talk2hand

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

 

[Nyikosis]

Ravynne Sidhe

xXAlex_The_StrangeXx

I believe that wether it is abusive or not depends on two things: point of view, and your reason for spanking.

Point Of View:

if you are a child, then of course its a bad thing, because your'e the one getting spanked. My dad did this to me when i was young, but not using a belt. he would kind of smack my behind as i walked away. so i knew i deserved it, but i didn't like it. if you're the adult, then no, because they 'deserve it'.

Reason:

If the child did something bad, then yes, they probably deserve it.if you are spanking a child for no particular reason, then of course its wrong. its just like hitting hte child. its abuse. and even if the ydo deserve it, then it shouldnt be done accesively. ((srry cant spell)) if it leaves large bruises, or marks, then its done too much.

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

Um like I told a few other people, just because your parents hit you with a belt doesn't mean everyone else who spanks their kid will do the same. If you use the open palm technique, a spanking will NOT give the child a bruise.

And spanking during certain ages is acceptable because a child doesn't comprehend right from wrong up until they're 6 years old. talk2hand

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Exactly. I totally agree. I'm just saying that spanking to the extent that it DOES leave a bruise is wrong. I also have a younger sister that just turned 6 and my parents stopped spanking her when she was three. Even then it wasnt really spanking. It was more like a slight, quick (although painful, as I have learned from experience) smack on the behind.  

[Sawahxo]

Hopefully I don't rant. you wanted my opinion. XD

I don't believe its abuse, as long as what the parents are doing they DO NOT bring harm to the kids, A few smacks are fine, but if they are bring out some strap or some heavily to there child's bottom,or they are doing over the top spankings all the time, and with out them being called for. Then its abuse, and its not called for, and I personally believe the parents need to check themselves into the setting they've put themselves in. I know a lot of people who are pro spanking is because that's what they are used to when they where younger so they believe it solves ever issue, When sometimes TALKING does. Spanking is the finally thing i'd do. I don't believe it does. I wouldnt spank my kid to prove hitting is bad.
'-spanks- HITTING IS BAD DON'T YOU DARE DO IT' It just screams stupid. but i've seen parents that do just that. They will hit there kid to prove hitting is wrong.

I do believe it should stop after some age, probably around the age
that people's bodies tend to change. grounding, take away something. There are other ways to get your kid to listen at age 9-teen years.
No need to hit them. -shrugs- There really isn't. also with that I think the 'real' groundings is what is 'needed' not the:

'oh Jimmy! your grounded. You aren't allowed outside after dark. And you must call me if you go somewheres, and you can' ignore my texts, No going to peoples houses for sleep overs but they can come here, cellphone has to be off at like 12, and computer will be turned off at 12 also! I'LL TURN OFF THE INTERNET IF I HAVE TO! and this goes with your games'

It doesn't really scream 'punishment' Its not that bad of a thing. Maybe that's the reason why kids don't learn, and are bratty. I've had friends
parents that do just that. lol And then they complain, its unfair and s**t. Probably the main reason why people DON'T punish there kids, is because everyone is so godamn scared of it being called abused, so they... give there kids an easy cakewalk through life. There kids learn nothing. but then again your kids can also pull out the 'will i'll just tell teh school your abusing me' My sister said that when my mom tried to take away her phone. Kids are idiots. and alot don't even know what abuse is. :/

But back to the age thing, I think if your kid is in there teen years and they still need spankings to listen. There is an issues. No spanking your kid isn't going to fix everything. and parents should probably find out there reason on why there kid is acting out more then 'will there just being a kid.' Because there could be a reason behind it.

But if they are younger, I think first it should, at least what
i'm going to do, is. time outs and then tell them why, take away
something fav toy, and then warn them if they don't stop they are
going to get a spanking, more so if they are acting totally bratty out in public. and then probably. That's probably what i'm doing with my kids.

I also believe that spankings shouldn't bring some great harm to the kids. bruises and other stuff is unnecessary. if your noticing they are screaming, in great pain and there a** is going a red color, and it starts to bruise. You've taken it to far. and all your doing is teaching your kids its okay to hit, and its okay to hit someone with something if they do something you think its bad/finds annoying.

and with that i think a person shouldn't be PISSED OFF when they do it. People seem to think sometimes its okay to go off and hit your kids when your mad because of what ever they did. Because it shows the kid your sooo upset. No its not. shows your anger and scary, Its wrong, its stupid, and you sometimes loose your judgement. Just because it was okay to hit someone out of rage in a fight doesn't mean it works with a setting with your child.

my parents both use to when they where pissed, no time outs, or anything it was just '******** YOU STUPID b***h' and then off it went. I was emotially and verbal abused by them, and then my dad when he did it. he'd use his belt, that's all and when he was done he'd storm out of the room, coming back later to say sorry, and tell me his reason why, and often it ended up like that. at least he didn't insult me when I was younger. And where still pretty good. I mean most of the time for him, it was over things that could harm me. there as a few times that was just a questioning of why he even did it.

But my mom was the worst, she use to scream at me, call me a b***h, stupid, and everything else, and that went on till i was 16. && i'm 19 now.. My mom, She used to get mad about anything and everything, big or small, doesn't matter. If its something that would call for a spanking or a simple 'No hun. Don't touch that' Doesn't matter. She didn't care. She just put her anger out there. I once got in trouble because I broke a cup not meaning to. It was on the counter and i was filling up my glass and i hit the other one with the juice jug, and it fill, and it was glass I tried to pick it up/put it in the trash, and my mom flipped s**t because i broke her *cup* called me a bunch of names ran over screamed at the fact that i didn't pick up all the pieces, and grabbed a spoon and then hit me in front of everyone. Everyone in the other room could hear. Same when i didn't mean to break a window. :/ She spanked me for a week. Ever night, while I was grounded.

I think parents need to think about it, put themselves on a time out if they have to before spanking there kids if they feel like its a *must*. And to explain why, my mom never did, which is probably where all her angry came from. and I also believe that if they choose that 'punishment' they should do it to everyone. Because other wise its not right, for the kid that got it, because they tend to look around and end up turning out like me, angry at the world at some point, and not to add it confuses the parents. I mean you choose one punishment i would assume you, do it to everyone else. Its not a 'Oh will... hmmm.. i remember sarah cried alot. meh. ******** this plan'

No one else if my family has ever had to go through it besides once, my sister did because she was being a brat, and my dad gave her a swat, with his hand, ONE and my mom freak out. Which confused my dad. he ended up talking to me. and he was all like ':/ I don't get your mom. She was fine with hitting you. and now everyone else she acts like they are holy and angels. Its really.. kinda stupid.' Agreed dad, it is.

Also with that i believe they should use there hand more then anything, better off that way. and do it in private. Its embarrassing enough. No need to show everyone else, and let everyone else listen in.

 

[DOMOs Kender child]

Ravynne Sidhe

`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

Just because your dad spanked you with a belt doesn't mean that every parent is doing the same. Just because you were abused and became rebellious doesn't mean it happens to everyone.

Most of the rebellious teens I went to school with had a very good relationship with their parents, were never spanked nor even abused. They were spoiled little shits.

Whereas for me I was spanked when I did something wrong like refuse to share a kickboard with a kid. Or lied about plugging up the toilet. However I was also sometimes shaken at 17 over the internet ******** up, smacked in the back a few months ago because I snapped at my mom, pushed against the wall (almost hit my head against said wall and floor, thank God I have the natural reflex to just grab a wall when I'm about to fall) over having 7 ******** donuts, oh and my mom being verbally and emotionally abusive.

But when I have kids, I'm still going to spank my children during necessary times at certain ages when they misbehave. neutral

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

No offense, but if you're going to quote me, please take into account the entirety of what I had to say. I know that all parents do things differently and actually am not rebellious so you insult me in calling me such.

The primary information in my comment was the first paragraph which you bypassed. Please read it over carefully before using my words to give your speech; which was a little repetitive, by the way. Thank you.  

[Tsukuyomi25021]

I'm not against spanking, but there is a line to where it becomes abuse.
But discipline is only to be used if they did something wrong.
The strap/belt is too extreme, I've only been spanked by open palm, and I never got bruises from them.

When they can learn right from wrong (age 6) then there may not be need for it anymore, the Terrible Twos however should establish 'no' and they don't really know too many words yet.

I find the lack of respect from children now comes from not punishing them or showing authority, those two are close to a direct relationship.

The spanking would be more of a last resort thing though, like if timeouts or taking things away is effective enough, then theres no need for spanking.  

[Tuba Toothpaste]

I am now 19 years old, and I was spanked as a child. I was only spanked with a hand, never with a paddle or belt or anything, and I was only spanked if I did something seriously wrong. Thing like a child running across a street without looking, or playing with knives or something. I don't have a problem with spanking as long as it doesn't go too far.

Edit: And just to add to my post, I think it goes too far if a parent does it just because they are angry. Some parents spank their kids to relieve their own frustrations with them instead of a way to teach them. That is when it is wrong.