I lied to my bf, and now its eating me alive.Advice?

[Liisukas]

iiCookie Mokona

It kinda sounds like he just wants you all to himself and nobody else. o.o
And thats not fair that he does that to you,and frankly it's borderline emotional
abuse.
There's nothing wrong with seeing a friend that you haven't seen nor
spoken to a while.
Personally i think you should tell your boyfriend[i tell my boyfriend everything and in return he does the same with me there are def no secrets],and if he has a problem with it then
tell him to shove off. There is nothing wrong with seeing a friend[yeah,i bolded that again]
I admit,a little jealously is kinda cute,but not to the extent where it can cause emotional abuse[making you feel bad or guilty]
If he is making you feel like that,then he most likely might be insecure. Especially if he is more than three years older than you. He might be thinking
that you might someday connect with a guy your age and like that guy better.
~ Hope this helped ^-^

Thats kinda the case, if he could, he'd bottle me up and keep me in his pocket or something xD

I kinda think I should tell him too, but I'm afraid he wouldn't understand and that he'd get upset because I lied and told him I'm going with a certain girl classmate. :/

And I'm pretty sure he is insecure, because yeah, I am a bit younger than him (7 years, don't judge ._. ) and he is not the most handsome guy in the world, but I do love him for who he is, it would be suspicious if he'd have a lot of money and stuff, but he doesn't, so I don't get it, why doesn't he get that I love him for who he is and I'm not going looking for other guys to be with, stare .. uhh, relationships are hard.. especially when its your first one.. like mine..  

[Moxcella]

Liisukas

Thats kinda the case, if he could, he'd bottle me up and keep me in his pocket or something xD

I kinda think I should tell him too, but I'm afraid he wouldn't understand and that he'd get upset because I lied and told him I'm going with a certain girl classmate. :/

And I'm pretty sure he is insecure, because yeah, I am a bit younger than him (7 years, don't judge ._. ) and he is not the most handsome guy in the world, but I do love him for who he is, it would be suspicious if he'd have a lot of money and stuff, but he doesn't, so I don't get it, why doesn't he get that I love him for who he is and I'm not going looking for other guys to be with, stare .. uhh, relationships are hard.. especially when its your first one.. like mine..

c:
I understand completely. There might not be no easy way to tell him,but telling him
would clear your conscious,and if you should decide to tell,just remember that
you did not do anything wrong here.
I'm gonna tell it to ya straight,he probably would be majorly upset that you lied..
but for him not to get upset/mad you're gonna have to set him straight,and say
that you should be allowed to see friends,guy friends,and that you shouldn't
need his..approval so to speak ^o^
If either of you did drive,i would have suggested that you make the two of them meet..
The years between both of your ages do not matter,love is love right? c: My boyfriend is three years older than me xD
and two friends of mine that are dating have at least twelve years between them
and they are madly in love[it's very sweet actually,i've seen the two together and they are always together. Although they are 18+ ]
Be careful with intimacy,in some states it's illegal for an adult to be intimate with a minor,but there is nothing wrong with dating!
~ ~ ~
Sometimes you just have to remind him how much you love him,for who he is,and that there is no one else at the moment c:
Just little texts now and then with nice messages to remind him,and make him feel more secure
~ ~ ~
I feel your pain! I agree,relationships are definitely hard,they take effort on both
parts but it is all worth if you truly love who you are with~

 

[Liisukas]

iiCookie Mokona

c:
I understand completely. There might not be no easy way to tell him,but telling him
would clear your conscious,and if you should decide to tell,just remember that
you did not do anything wrong here.
I'm gonna tell it to ya straight,he probably would be majorly upset that you lied..
but for him not to get upset/mad you're gonna have to set him straight,and say
that you should be allowed to see friends,guy friends,and that you shouldn't
need his..approval so to speak ^o^
If either of you did drive,i would have suggested that you make the two of them meet..
The years between both of your ages do not matter,love is love right? c: My boyfriend is three years older than me xD
and two friends of mine that are dating have at least twelve years between them
and they are madly in love[it's very sweet actually,i've seen the two together and they are always together. Although they are 18+ ]
Be careful with intimacy,in some states it's illegal for an adult to be intimate with a minor,but there is nothing wrong with dating!
~ ~ ~
Sometimes you just have to remind him how much you love him,for who he is,and that there is no one else at the moment c:
Just little texts now and then with nice messages to remind him,and make him feel more secure
~ ~ ~
I feel your pain! I agree,relationships are definitely hard,they take effort on both
parts but it is all worth if you truly love who you are with~

I think I'm gonna tell him about it, but not any time soon, I need to get him ready for this news somehow and it might take some time. Or maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll forget that it even happened. Anyways, I have to get him to understand the fact that I'm allowed to get together with other people, even guys without his approval and then I can tell him.
And I don't think the 2 pf them meeting would be a good idea O.o ... it would bee too awkward and stuff...

And true, love is love, though, my friends were pretty shocked when they found out how old he is xD But we have been together for over 1,5 years for now whee

I know that, but if I'm correct and if the law hasn't changed, here, in Estonia the legal age to be intimate is 14 O_O

And I've done that, I've written him few notes with sweet stuff why and how much I love him and we text every day when we can't speak..sometimes I send him texts saying ''I love you'' when he's sleeping ad stuff, so yeah, he can't complain about me not showing I love him rolleyes

Thats true, the effort is worth it in the end. But sometimes if feels like one of us is making more effort than the other. I guess its part of the process sweatdrop

I can't believe the fact that its my first relationship and we've managed to stay together for so long, he's my first everything.. first kiss, first date.. all that heart
( there are pictures of me and him in the bf/gf picture forum on the last page if anyone cares ninja )  

[Pseudoyoyomi]

Liisukas

Here, getting a driver's licence is a bit more complicated and I don't think I could pass it that easily D: besides it takes a lot of money and time, and money is the reason my bf is not getting a driver's licence any time soon, he's trying to save up to get a place of his/our own also, he needs to see the dentist and get new glasses, which wont be cheap x_x

That's true, he is a male xD
I know right, first I thought it was cute, but now, it really is smothering me a bit, even his friend said it one time when he was drunk and visiting him O.o .. Oh wells, I've told him that the more he smothers me like this, the more I get distant of him, which is true, it backfires on him. .. And since I don't go out that much, I guess this jealousy thing doesn't bother me as much it could. wink

I had forgotten about the money part of driving. sweatdrop I can't remember how much driving school cost me or how much the permit cost me. I have to redo driving school because my records were lost and I have to redo the permit test because it expired. I took too long . crying

You are right the more jealous he acts the more likely you are to become distant.He needs to watch more Dr.Phil or something because that is a top reason women pull away from relationships.Either they are not getting enough attention or they are getting too much attention.He needs to find that balance of a healthy jealousy.

Someone said he might feel insecure and I think that could be true as well. I mean you are younger and you do have option but to him you may be his only option.My boyfriend is older than me by 4 years but we joke about it. I tell him you know I have options but I chose you. And he tells me other girls would hit on him and they would love to have him.(This makes me jealous and I tell him well then go scream )He never goes anywhere but I pout until he gives me something like soda...or a funnel cake...then he is forgiven. blaugh  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

You have the right to go and catch up with an old guy friend. You deserve a boyfriend who trusts you enough to let you do that. You are spot on in thinking he shouldn't make you feel bad when you go out with friends. You lied because you wanted to protect him and to avoid drama, and I know that might feel like the right thing to do at the time, but it's not. You know that deep down, and that's why it's eating at you.

I think you should tell your boyfriend the truth, even if it causes a lot of drama. You DID lie, and you have to face the consequences before you can start to feel better about it. Tell him that you lied because you thought he would try to control your behavior if you had told him who you were really going with, but don't act like that excuses your behavior. It does not.

If he wants to break up with you after he learns the truth, that's just more proof that this guy is all wrong for you. No one should be controlling who you are friends with. You should never feel like you have to lie to your boyfriend. You should be with someone who trusts you and isn't too insecure to even let you see your own grandmother.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Liisukas

Subliminal Aftermath

Why would you want to be with a controlling guy in the first place, tell him that he is your friend and if he doesn't like it then he may file a complaint in his own butt.

That made me lol, XD...too bad I don't have the balls to be so direct xD....
And he's not controlling, just over jealous -_-

Being overly jealous and then trying to make you feel guilty is a form of being controlling. Don't take that.  

[Liisukas]

Pseudoyoyomi

I had forgotten about the money part of driving. sweatdrop I can't remember how much driving school cost me or how much the permit cost me. I have to redo driving school because my records were lost and I have to redo the permit test because it expired. I took too long . crying

You are right the more jealous he acts the more likely you are to become distant.He needs to watch more Dr.Phil or something because that is a top reason women pull away from relationships.Either they are not getting enough attention or they are getting too much attention.He needs to find that balance of a healthy jealousy.

Someone said he might feel insecure and I think that could be true as well. I mean you are younger and you do have option but to him you may be his only option.My boyfriend is older than me by 4 years but we joke about it. I tell him you know I have options but I chose you. And he tells me other girls would hit on him and they would love to have him.(This makes me jealous and I tell him well then go scream )He never goes anywhere but I pout until he gives me something like soda...or a funnel cake...then he is forgiven. blaugh

It costs quite a lot here, school itself is around 300-500 Euros and I'm not sure about the permit :/ ..but it takes a lot of money :/

I don't think he'll ever watch something like that and even if he did, he still wouldn't get it. And that is so right, he needs to balance things.

Thats what I was thinking...I have options, but I'm not so sure that he has so many options, he's not exactly a ladies man, not that guys would be all over me or anything ..but still..
A
nd your bf is mean xD.. you both are mean to each other, but in a cute way mean ;D  

[Liisukas]

Kaiyle Brightblade

You have the right to go and catch up with an old guy friend. You deserve a boyfriend who trusts you enough to let you do that. You are spot on in thinking he shouldn't make you feel bad when you go out with friends. You lied because you wanted to protect him and to avoid drama, and I know that might feel like the right thing to do at the time, but it's not. You know that deep down, and that's why it's eating at you.

I think you should tell your boyfriend the truth, even if it causes a lot of drama. You DID lie, and you have to face the consequences before you can start to feel better about it. Tell him that you lied because you thought he would try to control your behavior if you had told him who you were really going with, but don't act like that excuses your behavior. It does not.

If he wants to break up with you after he learns the truth, that's just more proof that this guy is all wrong for you. No one should be controlling who you are friends with. You should never feel like you have to lie to your boyfriend. You should be with someone who trusts you and isn't too insecure to even let you see your own grandmother.

When I tell him that he should trust me, he says that he trusts me , but he doesn't trust the others.
And I know it was wrong, that's why I'm going through all this, but its not like I can find a good time to tell him as well, but I guess there really is no good time for that :/. But yeah, I kinda need to prepare him for that before I go and spill the beans. Right now its not a very good time. But I am planning to tell him at some point.

I don't think we'd break up. He'd just be really really hurt.
Well that is true, he doesn't have the right to control who my friends are, thankfully he's not like ''I order you not to be friends with him/her'', but thanks to his jealousy I haven't got together with my friends that often anymore.  

[Pseudoyoyomi]

Liisukas

It costs quite a lot here, school itself is around 300-500 Euros and I'm not sure about the permit :/ ..but it takes a lot of money :/

I don't think he'll ever watch something like that and even if he did, he still wouldn't get it. And that is so right, he needs to balance things.

Thats what I was thinking...I have options, but I'm not so sure that he has so many options, he's not exactly a ladies man, not that guys would be all over me or anything ..but still..
A
nd your bf is mean xD.. you both are mean to each other, but in a cute way mean ;D

That is messed up. Its bad enough you have to pay for a car but they want you to pay for school and a hard piece of plastic too. stressed

I don't even watch Dr.Phil lol he was the first person who came to mind with relationship advice on tv. rofl

Right so he is trying to hold onto you but he is squeezing a bit too tightly with his overpowering jealousy.I wish there were an easy way to tell him that because of his jealousy he is suffocating you.You have never given him reason to be jealous have you? Or maybe its just the way other guys look at you that he might have noticed. Honestly I dunno why men are the way they are...they are crazy. confused

And yes he is mean and I am mean in return but that works for us. mrgreen  

[Liisukas]

Pseudoyoyomi

That is messed up. Its bad enough you have to pay for a car but they want you to pay for school and a hard piece of plastic too. stressed

I don't even watch Dr.Phil lol he was the first person who came to mind with relationship advice on tv. rofl

Right so he is trying to hold onto you but he is squeezing a bit too tightly with his overpowering jealousy.I wish there were an easy way to tell him that because of his jealousy he is suffocating you.You have never given him reason to be jealous have you? Or maybe its just the way other guys look at you that he might have noticed. Honestly I dunno why men are the way they are...they are crazy. confused

And yes he is mean and I am mean in return but that works for us. mrgreen

It sure is messed up and after all that when you finally have a driver's licence and a car..all kind of other payments come...like gas and stuff x_x

Hahah, nice xD

That's the case. I have mentioned it to him, But I guess he hasn't taken it seriously or something. And nothing more than just talking to people..ONLINE...not even in person, had a guy friend from Hawaii, but can't talk to him because he gets jealous, if that qualifies as giving him a reason. Uhh, but there was one little incident like 2-3 weeks ago.. my fb was opened while I was in the sauna and he said he wanted to write to someone because he thought it was his and when he noticed he couldn't resist and read my conversations with me and that Hawaii guy.. -_-'' (Me and him ..well, we were kinda like best online friends, since I don't have any real best friends). He found out that I talked with him about us(some intimate stuff) and well yeah.. was kinda upset.. but I was more angry at that, that he didn't trust me and went through my conversations. -_-'' (oh my, it sounds like I was cheating or something, but seriously, we were just like best friends and I really needed someone to talk about sexual experience , OMG, I sound like a weirdo now, talking online with some guy about me and my bf having sex :burn: )
And I'm not even that pretty that other guys would look at me when I walk pass them, so it can't be that .
But I guess that conversation finding kinda got to him ..

Lol, as long as it works for you ;D  

[Pseudoyoyomi]

Liisukas

It sure is messed up and after all that when you finally have a driver's licence and a car..all kind of other payments come...like gas and stuff x_x

Hahah, nice xD

That's the case. I have mentioned it to him, But I guess he hasn't taken it seriously or something. And nothing more than just talking to people..ONLINE...not even in person, had a guy friend from Hawaii, but can't talk to him because he gets jealous, if that qualifies as giving him a reason. Uhh, but there was one little incident like 2-3 weeks ago.. my fb was opened while I was in the sauna and he said he wanted to write to someone because he thought it was his and when he noticed he couldn't resist and read my conversations with me and that Hawaii guy.. -_-'' (Me and him ..well, we were kinda like best online friends, since I don't have any real best friends). He found out that I talked with him about us(some intimate stuff) and well yeah.. was kinda upset.. but I was more angry at that, that he didn't trust me and went through my conversations. -_-'' (oh my, it sounds like I was cheating or something, but seriously, we were just like best friends and I really needed someone to talk about sexual experience , OMG, I sound like a weirdo now, talking online with some guy about me and my bf having sex :burn: )
And I'm not even that pretty that other guys would look at me when I walk pass them, so it can't be that .
But I guess that conversation finding kinda got to him ..

Lol, as long as it works for you ;D

Gas prices are crazy here. But if you get an eco friendly car then you have to pay a high electricity bill. Screwed either way. xp

Your boyfriend has trust issues. My sister had a boyfriend who went through her facebook conversations and her inboxed messages and he even stalked her page. It was too much for her and for the whole family she let him go eventually and I told her it was for the best because I was afraid he would do something to hurt my sister. She was even afraid he might hit her or something. So that was a relationship that could not work.You should not have to live in fear of that person you choose to be with.

This is not your case its just your bf has trust issues.Maybe someone in his past gave him reason to be jealous and not have his trust.Everyone you meet online is like a pen pal unless you make moves to actually meet in person then we are all just pen pals. I am sure everyone had a pen pal in another school or country at some point in time. xd I know I did.

I actually met my boyfriend on gaia and it just so happened that we lived in the same state.At some point in time I found out that he would rather rp with some other girl over me and I went postal on him. I told him you are wrong and to me that is cheating. He told his best friend(A guy) and his best friend actually sided with me. Because of the way we met(online) it seemed like he was trying to hook up with another girl in the same manner. Needless to say he cut that out because it made me uncomfortable.

And I am not judging you for talking about sex with a pen pal. Sex is an interesting topic if more people talked openly about it then the world might be a better place. whee  

[Liisukas]

Pseudoyoyomi

Gas prices are crazy here. But if you get an eco friendly car then you have to pay a high electricity bill. Screwed either way. xp

Your boyfriend has trust issues. My sister had a boyfriend who went through her facebook conversations and her inboxed messages and he even stalked her page. It was too much for her and for the whole family she let him go eventually and I told her it was for the best because I was afraid he would do something to hurt my sister. She was even afraid he might hit her or something. So that was a relationship that could not work.You should not have to live in fear of that person you choose to be with.

This is not your case its just your bf has trust issues.Maybe someone in his past gave him reason to be jealous and not have his trust.Everyone you meet online is like a pen pal unless you make moves to actually meet in person then we are all just pen pals. I am sure everyone had a pen pal in another school or country at some point in time. xd I know I did.

I actually met my boyfriend on gaia and it just so happened that we lived in the same state.At some point in time I found out that he would rather rp with some other girl over me and I went postal on him. I told him you are wrong and to me that is cheating. He told his best friend(A guy) and his best friend actually sided with me. Because of the way we met(online) it seemed like he was trying to hook up with another girl in the same manner. Needless to say he cut that out because it made me uncomfortable.

And I am not judging you for talking about sex with a pen pal. Sex is an interesting topic if more people talked openly about it then the world might be a better place. whee

Same here, x_x , haha, true, no matter what kind of car to get, still screwed XD

He sure does, but I haven't heard that someone has done something to him so that he's like that now. Though, it might be a reaction that his dad left his mom and him when he was little O.o
And thankfully my bf hasn't gone crazy like that O_O ...that guy sounds like crazy O_O, And also, thankfully, my bf hasn't shown any signs that he would be able to hit me.

I guess he doesn't get the pen pal thing, he doesn't get how can you get close with someone with just being online. Even though, we also met on gaia xp ...

Good to hear he cut it out, because yeah, that would be like weird if he'd still do it o.O

Thanks, XD I couldn't help it, I was really close him, told him about my problems and he was there for me, and I also agree, sex is one interesting topic =D , and since I didn't have anyone else to talk to, he was the perfect person for that.  

[omfg harry styles]

Oh my.
I've only dated a guy who was extremely jealous once- one week later I couldn't take it.
Hun, it seems like you've made a big sacrifice staying with him.
Do you really like him that much? Do you think he could be the one?
Think of it this way- if he doesn't turn out to be the one, you may be out of touch with most of your friends by then, noting how jealous he gets.
However, if he is the one, that's a totally different story.

Is their a reason for his jealousy? Did he have some kind of traumatic experience when he was younger? Possibly he has separation issues?
It's very likely something affected him and made him that way at a younger age.
Of course, it could just be his natural character.

I personally would tell him if it's eating you that bad.
Better to get it off your chest, and it's better he doesn't find out later and go ballistic.
Honestly, if he's not able to trust you with another guy, I would drop it. (That's just my opinion though)

 

[Pseudoyoyomi]

Liisukas

Same here, x_x , haha, true, no matter what kind of car to get, still screwed XD

He sure does, but I haven't heard that someone has done something to him so that he's like that now. Though, it might be a reaction that his dad left his mom and him when he was little O.o
And thankfully my bf hasn't gone crazy like that O_O ...that guy sounds like crazy O_O, And also, thankfully, my bf hasn't shown any signs that he would be able to hit me.

I guess he doesn't get the pen pal thing, he doesn't get how can you get close with someone with just being online. Even though, we also met on gaia xp ...

Good to hear he cut it out, because yeah, that would be like weird if he'd still do it o.O

Thanks, XD I couldn't help it, I was really close him, told him about my problems and he was there for me, and I also agree, sex is one interesting topic =D , and since I didn't have anyone else to talk to, he was the perfect person for that.

Yeah her boyfriend was a psycho...and he was the only one who did not know it. xd It's good that it does not seem your boyfriend wants to hurt you physically but emotionally he is kinda already hurting you. By keeping you isolated and making you feel bad for going out and enjoying yourself without him.

I think that it is quite possible that he has abandonment issues. Because his dad left he fears that in time you too will end up leaving him. And he only feels that way because his own father did that to him. It's a pretty hurtful blow that never goes away when a parent just decides to leave especially when the child is young.I don't think a fear like that ever goes away. sweatdrop I am not a sociologist or a psychologist but with everything you told me this is my best guess.

If my boyfriend had not quit then I would have had to broken up with him. Because his continuing to do what made me feel uncomfortable would mean that he did not care about me or my feelings. Actions speak louder than words and no matter how much he said I love you his actions would say otherwise.  

[Liisukas]

iiJava

Oh my.
I've only dated a guy who was extremely jealous once- one week later I couldn't take it.
Hun, it seems like you've made a big sacrifice staying with him.
Do you really like him that much? Do you think he could be the one?
Think of it this way- if he doesn't turn out to be the one, you may be out of touch with most of your friends by then, noting how jealous he gets.
However, if he is the one, that's a totally different story.

Is their a reason for his jealousy? Did he have some kind of traumatic experience when he was younger? Possibly he has separation issues?
It's very likely something affected him and made him that way at a younger age.
Of course, it could just be his natural character.

I personally would tell him if it's eating you that bad.
Better to get it off your chest, and it's better he doesn't find out later and go ballistic.
Honestly, if he's not able to trust you with another guy, I would drop it. (That's just my opinion though)

I really do like him that much, in every other way we click perfectly.

I'm not sure , but it might be due to the fact that his father left him and her mother when he was pretty young , not sure though, O.o

Well, yeah, its eating me, but the last 24 hours it hasn't eaten me this much. Getting it out in the open has helped I guess. And that's what I'm afraid of,that he'll find out and go ballistic :/

I can't just drop it, I do love him, heart