✿ My Unpredictable Life~ [All are welcome]

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Clasela

You're not being the bully, you're being a friend by telling him his attitude stinks and he needs help to adjust it. Nobody does a 180 turn just like that.

If he starts raging at you, good, it means the message hit home. If he dismisses you in any way, I suggest you cut your losses and end the friendship, because how he treats other women is what he secretly thinks of you, too.  

[Clasela]

Gigi Deveraux

♥ I'll be sure to say something next time he is online. I never actually thought of it like that, thank you! Honestly, lately I'm starting to think I'm not meant to have male friends...  

[Clasela]

♥ Cancer and my dad~

October 22nd 2012, 10:31 AM

It started off so simple... My dad took himself to the hospital to get his bowels checked out as he had a blockage and it was causing him pain. Then the cancer happened again. The bowel cancer he had years ago has moved to his liver and taken over 80% of it. It's so scary waiting, not knowing if we'll have more than eighteen months or less to say our goodbyes and make memorable moments with him. But the worst part is knowing the memories we'll NEVER make; weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, grandchildren...

My father will never walk me down the aisle, never give me away and never shed a tear at my wedding. He will never share his 30th wedding anniversary with my mother; never attend my 10th wedding anniversary. Never see his 80th birthday. Never meet and hold his grandchildren. He's only 57 and it's not fair. Why my dad? Why not those pricks who abuse their wives and children? My dad's a good person, he works hard to pay off the farm and fix it up, he's always spoiled his three daughters and cared for his wife. He's not abusive and he doesn't waste his money on drugs. It's not fair.

I tend to look to the positives in the dark situations; like having my wonderful Matt by my side helping dad out with simple chores and holding me when I cry, or my strong sisters who manage to bring humour and kindness everywhere they go and the reason that we have the knowledge of what is coming and get to spend every day making memories instead of not knowing and regretting not spending enough time with him.

I don't know what will lie ahead, but I know it's going to be hard with the treatment and I am scared of losing him. I will never understand why this had to happen to him but I know that somewhere deep down I'd rather have him pass away than to see him suffer constantly.

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Clasela

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[Clasela]

Gigi Deveraux

♥ Thank you, Gigi. emotion_hug  

[Clasela]

♥ The car, a text and a rewarding opportunity.

November 8th 2012, 07:20 PM

I'm sure everyone knows how little things can set of big emotions. The past few weeks have been like a firework of emotions for me. It all started with trip to the trash-dump with my mother. Matt and I had a backyard clean up and so did mum so we decided to rid ourselves of the rubbish in one trip. Just being there sends a flood of memories back. The first time I ever went to the tip was with my dad... And that's how it started. When I got home Matt told me that dad had finished his will and when he goes, we'll get his car... It was the first time I had cried since we found out he has cancer. I don't want the car, I want my dad.

Two weeks later, my boss tells me over text message that she has replaced me because I missed two days of work. Ugh. It was bad enough the b***h said "it happens" when I told her my dad has cancer, but she didn't have enough guts to tell me face-to-face. "I have to feed my family," she whined. The place wasn't even open yet you ******** b***h! How are you supposed to make money when it's not open? You would have money if you didn't waste it on $300 metal horse statues! You aren't the only one who has to feed their family! Stop being selfish you old cow...

On a good note, I found out that I can apply as a carer for my father and I have. I'll get paid fortnightly by the government which will help my mother out and I'll get to spoil dad for Christmas and continue to buy little things for Matt's and my house. Hopefully it'll pass. I would like nothing more than to spend as much time with my dad as I can.  

[Clasela]

♥ Choosing a path and following my heart

November 11th 2012, 11:28 AM

The aftermath of the selfishness of my boss brought me closer to my half-sisters. I spoke to Emma on the phone when she called to check up on dad, telling her that I feel slightly relieved that I'm free from the pressure and stress that's been surrounding me ever since I started to see who my boss really was; her true, ugly face. Later that night, Beck messaged me telling me that we all go through bad bosses until we find a good one. "Stay strong and follow your heart, little sis."

And following my heart I plan to. Just not this year or the next until dad is either cured or at peace - scattered over the nearby mountain range when we used to go for weekend getaways. I've been looking into volunteering internationally. I would love to go to Africa or South America and work as a humanitarian and do my part to make the word a better place. I've grown up being taught to put others first and if I can convince Matt to go with me, we can both do good before we settle down and carry on with our life together. I'm scared about leaving mum by herself; I feel that it would be selfish on my part to leave her on my voyage to commit a selfless act.

 

[Clasela]

♥ Late

November 12th 2012, 06:55 PM

My period is late. I know I'm not pregnant, we're always very careful. It could be the stress of everything lately. The last time I had it was just before I found out dad had cancer and even then, there was hardly any blood due to the raw emotion I was going through and my super-duper strong BC pill. I just wish it would come and be as heavy as hell. They've been super light all year and it worries me, I don't think that's normal or healthy... Though being light sure does help my anaemia. Still, I always feel tired no matter what, even if I take the stupid vitamin supplements. I've also started to notice a lack of appetite. I'm a small person and I used to eat like a lot and never put it on. And now, I just don't feel hungry. Let’s look at today's meals; cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch and toast for dinner because I don't feel like cooking. I've been drinking a lot of water lately. What's wrong with me?  

[Clasela]

♥ The list

November 19th 2012, 11:37 AM

Firstly, two months to my birthday, yay! Anyway I've begun to make lists whilst I lay in bed waiting to fall to sleep. They normally consist of little things, like what we will have for dinner the next night, what direction should I take in my novel, or what type of plants I should put in the garden. It's my only time to think apart from weeding the garden which is always interrupted by hands around my waist. So lately, I've been thinking about my bucket list and I'm sure everyone has one, but I keep losing mine, so I'm going to start a new one in no particular order:
~ Get published.
~ Collaborate with someone.
~ Buy a house and renovate it.
~ Grow an established garden.
~ Fall in love.
~ Volunteer overseas.
~ Travel to New Zealand.
~ Chose a career and follow it.
~ Get married.
~ Start a family.
~ Raise that family.
~ Go on a cruise.
~ Raise money for cancer.
~ Make good friends and keep them.
~  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Clasela

♥ Late

November 12th 2012, 06:55 PM

My period is late. I know I'm not pregnant, we're always very careful. It could be the stress of everything lately. The last time I had it was just before I found out dad had cancer and even then, there was hardly any blood due to the raw emotion I was going through and my super-duper strong BC pill. I just wish it would come and be as heavy as hell. They've been super light all year and it worries me, I don't think that's normal or healthy... Though being light sure does help my anaemia. Still, I always feel tired no matter what, even if I take the stupid vitamin supplements. I've also started to notice a lack of appetite. I'm a small person and I used to eat like a lot and never put it on. And now, I just don't feel hungry. Let’s look at today's meals; cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch and toast for dinner because I don't feel like cooking. I've been drinking a lot of water lately. What's wrong with me?

Lack of period, loss of appetite, feeling tired... it seems like stress to me emotion_hug with good reasons! emotion_hug

Hang in there emotion_hug  

[Clasela]

Gigi Deveraux

♥ It came eventually, even though there was no point of it. I don't feel stressed though, I am quite calm with a tinge of moody. Thanks, I will, don't really have a choice. emotion_hug  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Clasela

Gigi Deveraux

♥ It came eventually, even though there was no point of it. I don't feel stressed though, I am quite calm with a tinge of moody. Thanks, I will, don't really have a choice. emotion_hug

Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean you aren't.

I'm glad it came. emotion_hug Mine was delayed quite a bit, too.  

[Clasela]

♥ A mess; I confess

November 21st 2012, 01:15 PM

Everyday I find that I am losing who I am. It's a slow process, I didn't even realise it until today, but it's happening. I've been constantly losing my patience and picking arguments with Matt. I feel so horrible about it. I don't even realise I'm doing it until both of us are crying. I just can't control myself. I cannot talk to anyone about it because I am so ashamed. I am not coping and I am sick of pretending that I am, saying that I am "fine" when all I want to do is lock myself in a dark room and just be alone.

The fight we had the day before last ended badly, I thought I ******** everything up. He left to go outside to calm down and I went to the bathroom and started to run a cold bath... I just wanted to stop feeling the pain; to feel numb for once. He came back in and stopped me though. I've decided to talk to my mother tonight since I need to get some of it off of my chest. Everything just builds up and then I explode and hurt the people around me. I'm such an awful person and I just keep on getting worse. It's so hard to try to move on with life when you know everything that made your life worth living is slowly falling to pieces.  

[Clasela]

♥ Bye-bye mistakes past

December 10th 2012, 03:28 PM

We all make mistakes, I know. But last year I made a terrible one. I befriended a guy on Gaia who was so negative towards everything and sure maybe he had a reason to be. It was before I met Matt and with this guy, Josh, I slowly fell for him, I put up with his nasty comments and slowly he was pulling me down, making me hate everything. And then I met Matt and I realised that he guy I was falling for was a terrible influence on me, so I stopped talking to him. Matt and I started to date and things were going well until I heard from Josh. I tried giving him a second chance as a friend again. He tried to break us up (earlier this year), but we pulled through and I stopped talking to him again. Now, with everything going on with my dad, I've realised yet again what a terrible friend he was, he didn't even bother sending me a message to see how I was after I wrote my status. So the other day I deleted him. I don't need a friend like that and I am so glad I didn't end up dating him because right now, I am as happy, given the circumstances, as I ever could be.  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

Clasela

I'm glad you saw the truth of what he was and broke it off. We don't need toxic people in our lives if we can help it!