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 Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:58 pm
ninja feline Mord Alushar That was just uncalled for. Just because of his religion, it seems that he thinks hes better than you or so to speak, " Holier then thou" Personally, if it were me, I'd split and say that we are over because hes obviously not mature enough to look past both of your religions and love you for you. But in all honesty, I think that you two need a break from one another. I say, don't talk to each other for a few days so that you both can think about what you really want. Who knows, maybe its for the best. Maybe it will give him time to realize that he was a jerk and this experience will make him grow up. It really makes me sad though, I do love him and I know this seems like a bad impression of him but he really sweet guy. It frightens me to mention that it is our third time dating....I suppose I need to speak seriously with him next time I see him crying well, its obvious that he has alot of growing up to do. He may be the sweetest guy in the world but if hes capable of turning around and treating you like that, hes not worth it. But yes, you should have a serious conversation regarding that the next time you meet. Its just not okay for him to freak out about that. You have been respectful of his religion and its time that he did the same for you.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:00 am
I would say that he had the right to be upset because his religion is important to him and forms on how he lives his life from day to day. He has Catholicism values that he sticks by. His words may not have been the best thing to say, but he had the right to be angry.
As a Non-denominational Christian, if I went to someone's house thinking it was a simple Christmas event and that it'd all be okay and then I found out a pagan ritual was involved as well with a fast - I would be upset and would leave immediately. I would be upset and leave because I wasn't told completely about the events and would feel like someone tried to trick me into going so that they could convert my beliefs. In that instance, I would feel as if they didn't care about my feelings or my beliefs and that would hurt a lot - especially if that person was close to me or had been close to me before.
Giving blood to something is not a matter to joke about. As they say - blood runs thicker than water. Giving blood is giving part of yourself to something and that can also bind you to something. It's not a funny matter - it's a rather serious one.
Wouldn't you be upset if someone invited you over and was going to do something you hated, or something against your personal beliefs whatever they may be and didn't tell you because you may not show up or because they felt that you didn't need to know even though you were participating? It'd hurt, right? That wouldn't be a sincere thing for them to do.
Your options now are to talk to him, apologize, and forgive him no matter if he decides to continue to hang out with you or to leave for good - at least you know that you did the right thing. Get to know his feelings and why he was upset if you can and see where you stand in the relationship - whether it's time to call it quits or to continue on with him. You can also just leave it alone until he feels comfortable trying to talk to you. You could leave the issue completely and ignore it, but that doesn't bring a closure to anything. Relationships are all about communication, it's dead without it.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:01 pm
I'm sorry your boyfriend said that to you. I don't think you deserved to be told that. He could have just said he wasn't comfortable with what was going on and left it that. I do think it's a bit unfair for you to have him come over and not tell him at all about what you were going to do though. Does he do that to you? You said that you participated in his family's religious activities, did he tell you before inviting you to them? Or did he just have you over and made you participate? While it can be said that he wasn't respecting your religious choices by saying that to you and acting that way, the same can be said by you having him come over to a ritual he knew nothing about, that obviously upset him. The joke might have been in bad taste, blood is a serious matter to many people, religious or not. Though I think he could have lightened up just a little, considering you apologized, more than once. I can see you making a joke like that at your home, with your family in a familiar and comfortable setting and not realizing the affect it would have on him, he should be just as aware of that, and realize that you didn't say that to hurt him or anything.
But all of that aside, he still had no right to say that to you. If he is having any issues, he should have talked to you about them without being so insulting and demeaning. You don't have to talk to him just yet, but if he really thinks you're breaking up with him and you don't wish to do so yet, you probably should say something to calm him down for the time being. He's probably just as worried about your reaction as you are to what he said if he's constantly texting you. Just let him know you're not sure what to think of what he said and you need time for yourself and that you'll contact him when you're ready to talk.
Obviously this is going to take a lot of communicating to get through, as it's not just what he said, it's your religions and lives as whole, and you'll have to be sure to get him to fully explain what he meant by what he said. Like another lady mentioned before, that could have been taken as him calling you stupid. Whether or not that's really what he meant, we don't know, maybe he just said it wrong. Of course you'll have to accept that he could have very well called you stupid, or he quite literally could have meant that you're just not smart enough for him in his opinion (since just because you're not smart enough for him doesn't necessarily mean he thinks you're "stupid").
Either way, like I said before, he shouldn't have said that. No matter how sweet a guy is, he shouldn't just say something like that knowing full well that it would hurt you (I mean, who could honestly believe that wouldn't hurt someone?). Focus on you for now, get yourself to stop crying at the thought of it, get calm and collected. It'll be really hard to speak with him if you're still emotionally riled up from this, so take time out for yourself. I hope things get better for you.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:19 pm
Well theres a few differences here. Sometimes you just have to avoid jokes like that. I'm pagan and I have a few Christian friends. They understand the jokes, and they laugh, but thats because I rarely talk about it. I was in your situation once. But it was with a Wiccan. I didn't know I was Pagan in tell AFTER the relationship, but we had arguments all the time. We ended up splitting apart because of his stupidity. (He cheated on me with my best friend. Lovely aint it?) Yes there are some Christian nut balls out there that claims "Their speaking for god!" And stuff, and when that happens you look those idiots in the face and say, "I'm to fancy for you" Then slap them and run lol kidding. But no. My mother was told to burn in hell and almost had a cross shoved into her chest by my great grandma. Creepy ain't it? I tend not to tell anyone about my religion. You can plainly see the religious issues in the relationship. If I we're you I would tell him not to take it so harshly. And that it was a joke. If worse comes to worse, and he's not accepting you like he was before, then tell him to leave because he's being very rude to you for being who you are. And if he's being a jerk still tell him to look up Pagan and read that. THEN come back to you.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:32 pm
So you're ok with him saying she's not smart enough for him? Because that's what I'm getting from your post. Also, you seem to be taking the whole "blood" thing way too seriously, too. It was obviously a joke based on the misperceptions people have of Wiccans... y'know what, I'm gonna stop right here.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:36 pm
Gigi Deveraux So you're ok with him saying she's not smart enough for him? Because that's what I'm getting from your post. Also, you seem to be taking the whole "blood" thing way too seriously, too. It was obviously a joke based on the misperceptions people have of Wiccans... y'know what, I'm gonna stop right here. As I said in my previous post, "His words may not have been the best thing to say, but he had the right to be angry." His word choice wasn't the best and he could've said something different, and he did have a right to be angry. Blood is a serious matter to me as well as many other people. Blood is a serious matter if you're giving it to something because it's kinda like saying, "Here is my life source. Do whatever you want with it," to what you're giving it to. Some people may see it as a joke and think of it as a joke. To me, it's not a joke because people do give blood to things that they shouldn't. It may be a joke based on "misconceptions" people have about Wiccans. Although, the blood thing is strongly used in things such as Satanism as well.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:39 pm
Aquatic_blue Gigi Deveraux So you're ok with him saying she's not smart enough for him? Because that's what I'm getting from your post. Also, you seem to be taking the whole "blood" thing way too seriously, too. It was obviously a joke based on the misperceptions people have of Wiccans... y'know what, I'm gonna stop right here. As I said in my previous post, "His words may not have been the best thing to say, but he had the right to be angry." His word choice wasn't the best and he could've said something different, and he did have a right to be angry. Blood is a serious matter to me as well as many other people. Blood is a serious matter if you're giving it to something because it's kinda like saying, "Here is my life source. Do whatever you want with it," to what you're giving it to. Some people may see it as a joke and think of it as a joke. To me, it's not a joke because people do give blood to things that they shouldn't. It may be a joke based on "misconceptions" people have about Wiccans. Although, the blood thing is strongly used in things such as Satanism as well. Lighten up, will you? Are you a Jehovah's Witness or something?
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:42 pm
Gigi Deveraux Aquatic_blue Gigi Deveraux So you're ok with him saying she's not smart enough for him? Because that's what I'm getting from your post. Also, you seem to be taking the whole "blood" thing way too seriously, too. It was obviously a joke based on the misperceptions people have of Wiccans... y'know what, I'm gonna stop right here. As I said in my previous post, "His words may not have been the best thing to say, but he had the right to be angry." His word choice wasn't the best and he could've said something different, and he did have a right to be angry. Blood is a serious matter to me as well as many other people. Blood is a serious matter if you're giving it to something because it's kinda like saying, "Here is my life source. Do whatever you want with it," to what you're giving it to. Some people may see it as a joke and think of it as a joke. To me, it's not a joke because people do give blood to things that they shouldn't. It may be a joke based on "misconceptions" people have about Wiccans. Although, the blood thing is strongly used in things such as Satanism as well. Lighten up, will you? Are you a Jehovah's Witness or something? No, as I said earlier: Non-denominational Christian. It's an advice board - it's okay to have different bits of advice 3nodding everyone is different like that.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:53 pm
Aquatic_blue No, as I said earlier: Non-denominational Christian. It's an advice board - it's okay to have different bits of advice 3nodding everyone is different like that. Yes, that's fine, it's just that you seemed to be focusing a wee bit much on the whole issue about the "blood" joke. Same as Ninja Feline's BF, whom I really want to punch in the teeth. Triggers, issues... *sigh* I apologize. I don't want to turn this thread into a flame war, it's just that some things just really set me off, y'know? Back to the real issue here: I find his actions dubious at best, but his words? Inexcusable. Ninja Feline: I had a sudden (equally unpleasant) thought: Since your relationship has become a LDR, maybe he's trying to make you break up with him and this was the excuse he's been looking for?
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 3:23 pm
Gigi Deveraux Aquatic_blue No, as I said earlier: Non-denominational Christian. It's an advice board - it's okay to have different bits of advice 3nodding everyone is different like that. Yes, that's fine, it's just that you seemed to be focusing a wee bit much on the whole issue about the "blood" joke. Same as Ninja Feline's BF, whom I really want to punch in the teeth. Triggers, issues... *sigh* I apologize. I don't want to turn this thread into a flame war, it's just that some things just really set me off, y'know? Back to the real issue here: I find his actions dubious at best, but his words? Inexcusable. Ninja Feline: I had a sudden (equally unpleasant) thought: Since your relationship has become a LDR, maybe he's trying to make you break up with him and this was the excuse he's been looking for?
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 3:35 pm
I am sorry you guys have not talked since, but if you guys are close you two should talk again.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 3:40 pm
I don't want to distress you, hon, but LDRs are hard. Some people start aving second and third thoughts out of fear that the other person will cheat or want out. emotion_hug I hope you guys can work things out.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 3:46 pm
Aquatic_blue I would say that he had the right to be upset because his religion is important to him and forms on how he lives his life from day to day. He has Catholicism values that he sticks by. His words may not have been the best thing to say, but he had the right to be angry. As a Non-denominational Christian, if I went to someone's house thinking it was a simple Christmas event and that it'd all be okay and then I found out a pagan ritual was involved as well with a fast - I would be upset and would leave immediately. I would be upset and leave because I wasn't told completely about the events and would feel like someone tried to trick me into going so that they could convert my beliefs. In that instance, I would feel as if they didn't care about my feelings or my beliefs and that would hurt a lot - especially if that person was close to me or had been close to me before. Giving blood to something is not a matter to joke about. As they say - blood runs thicker than water. Giving blood is giving part of yourself to something and that can also bind you to something. It's not a funny matter - it's a rather serious one. Wouldn't you be upset if someone invited you over and was going to do something you hated, or something against your personal beliefs whatever they may be and didn't tell you because you may not show up or because they felt that you didn't need to know even though you were participating? It'd hurt, right? That wouldn't be a sincere thing for them to do. Your options now are to talk to him, apologize, and forgive him no matter if he decides to continue to hang out with you or to leave for good - at least you know that you did the right thing. Get to know his feelings and why he was upset if you can and see where you stand in the relationship - whether it's time to call it quits or to continue on with him. You can also just leave it alone until he feels comfortable trying to talk to you. You could leave the issue completely and ignore it, but that doesn't bring a closure to anything. Relationships are all about communication, it's dead without it. I'm sorry I just have to say this. Like Gigi Deveraux said. Your taking the blood thing to far. In my opinion, just because someone didn't get the joke, doesn't mean he/she could say these things. She's aware of the situation of the joke, but that doesn't mean she is one of those people who thinks beliefs don't matter. No I don't ACTUALLY know her, but I understand where she's coming from. I know this has already been addressed but I just wanted to get my point acrossed to, mainly because I'm also Pagan. I understand how this could affect a relationship.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:56 pm
Gigi Deveraux Aquatic_blue No, as I said earlier: Non-denominational Christian. It's an advice board - it's okay to have different bits of advice 3nodding everyone is different like that. Yes, that's fine, it's just that you seemed to be focusing a wee bit much on the whole issue about the "blood" joke. Same as Ninja Feline's BF, whom I really want to punch in the teeth. Triggers, issues... *sigh* I apologize. I don't want to turn this thread into a flame war, it's just that some things just really set me off, y'know? Back to the real issue here: I find his actions dubious at best, but his words? Inexcusable. Ninja Feline: I had a sudden (equally unpleasant) thought: Since your relationship has become a LDR, maybe he's trying to make you break up with him and this was the excuse he's been looking for? On an advice board, we all see things differently. Therefore, we will all have different opinions on subject matters. Although, wouldn't that help the one asking for advice see multiple sides of the scenario? Isn't that the true point here? So that they can see multiple responses from different lights so that they can help make their own decision about the situation? Once again, I said that he should not have used the words that he did. Although those words were used and they did hurt, they cannot be unsaid so they are still there because they were said. No, this does not make his words right. He should've said, "You need to be honest with me. I am disappointed that I wasn't aware of the events taking place." and then excuse himself to head home. We all say things out of anger because we are human and yes, it's a great thing to be able to control those words, but sometimes we are so disappointed they come jumbling out and cannot be unsaid.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:03 pm
Kumiko Fujiwa Aquatic_blue I would say that he had the right to be upset because his religion is important to him and forms on how he lives his life from day to day. He has Catholicism values that he sticks by. His words may not have been the best thing to say, but he had the right to be angry. As a Non-denominational Christian, if I went to someone's house thinking it was a simple Christmas event and that it'd all be okay and then I found out a pagan ritual was involved as well with a fast - I would be upset and would leave immediately. I would be upset and leave because I wasn't told completely about the events and would feel like someone tried to trick me into going so that they could convert my beliefs. In that instance, I would feel as if they didn't care about my feelings or my beliefs and that would hurt a lot - especially if that person was close to me or had been close to me before. Giving blood to something is not a matter to joke about. As they say - blood runs thicker than water. Giving blood is giving part of yourself to something and that can also bind you to something. It's not a funny matter - it's a rather serious one. Wouldn't you be upset if someone invited you over and was going to do something you hated, or something against your personal beliefs whatever they may be and didn't tell you because you may not show up or because they felt that you didn't need to know even though you were participating? It'd hurt, right? That wouldn't be a sincere thing for them to do. Your options now are to talk to him, apologize, and forgive him no matter if he decides to continue to hang out with you or to leave for good - at least you know that you did the right thing. Get to know his feelings and why he was upset if you can and see where you stand in the relationship - whether it's time to call it quits or to continue on with him. You can also just leave it alone until he feels comfortable trying to talk to you. You could leave the issue completely and ignore it, but that doesn't bring a closure to anything. Relationships are all about communication, it's dead without it. I'm sorry I just have to say this. Like Gigi Deveraux said. Your taking the blood thing to far. In my opinion, just because someone didn't get the joke, doesn't mean he/she could say these things. She's aware of the situation of the joke, but that doesn't mean she is one of those people who thinks beliefs don't matter. No I don't ACTUALLY know her, but I understand where she's coming from. I know this has already been addressed but I just wanted to get my point acrossed to, mainly because I'm also Pagan. I understand how this could affect a relationship. You see, jokes are a thing where some people will take as funny and others won't appreciate the effort. If everybody liked every joke that everybody told - we'd all like the same comedians and the same sense of humor. Either way, I am not saying that he didn't get the joke or understand the joke, but rather that he didn't find it funny and instead found it to be rather offensive. Yes, she is aware of the joke she was told, and maybe her type of joke wasn't his type of joke. I don't see it as something that is funny to joke about because I feel that it's a matter that shouldn't be taken lightly. Just as you can connect on the joke issue with her, I can connect with a religious standpoint that Christians or Catholics may not find that exactly funny. It was simply a joke that didn't settle well and perhaps shouldn't have been told. We are entitled to our own opinion so I don't see why this is such a big deal o.o
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