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 Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:08 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:21 am
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Well let me give you a bit of history on myself.
My father was a jack of all trades, He had his own business and a day job. His business was called R&J Sound and Computer systems, He did recording, supplied music equipment for musician, he was a di and and a musician himself and he did pc sales, repars and upgrades, which all together just paid the debt, expenses and kept us going. We moved just outside of our hime town to a farm when I was 10 years old, at 12 my mom stopped working because of depression and stress. Living out of town meant that if my father had a function or job to do Me and my 4 year older brother HAD to tag along, so despite school we had to stay with till early ours of the morning. As time passed we moved even further away from Town/City, 80km (49.7miles) from my school to be exsact. I missed at least 50 days of school a year because of fatigue or because of not having enough money for fuel.
So at a point of my senior year in high school I had relatively average grades and poor attendance. On April 6th 2005, My father Died of a heart attack. Our family members were generous and helped alot, so did my Fathers MANY friends, the whole thing cost us nothing and we had money to spare. So the next 4 months I lived with my bf at the time (Current ex) So that I could finish school and graduate. The bank took the only working car back because of a ******** clause in the life insurance. My mom couldn't find a job so she moved to her sister in another town 200km (124.3miles) away. My brother, became a leech on one of his girlfriends. After I wrote my last exam, I went to stay with my mom (and broke up with that bf), for the summer december holidays and my birthday.
I was planning to go to my grandmother or my fairly rich cousin in January so that I could get a job and start my life, But the I got an SMS (Ceelphone msg) on my birthday from an old friend that I had a crush on that had transfered to another school and we hit it off and he sugested that I go and stay with him for a few months before making any deffinite plans.
The day before new years We drove through back to my old home town, to live with him. Long story short, I'm still with him and I'm dependant on him.
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:35 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:10 am
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:23 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:24 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:08 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 6:06 pm
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That's a self serving lie. Don't fall for it. Of course your family is a bad influence, they might just find out what a jerk he is and above all else he doesn't want that! So it's better to make them the bad guys so you won't even think of going to them.
Your bf's behavior is typical of a serial abuser. They have tons of justifications for their abusive behavior and wave a carrot of eternal love, if YOU will just go along with their behavior. After all, he has reasons. The reasons are complete BS. He's lying and he's beaten you down emotionally to the place where you believe his sh!t.
If you continue with him, your future as an occupant of a coroner's slab is in the making. He is dangerous. We are not just trying to be melodramatic. There's thousands of stories of people just like you ending up beaten to death by boyfriends who have terrific reasons/excuses for their behavior. Or perhaps you'll luck out and only recieve brain damage. Broken bones, broken teeth, internal injuries, those will soon be yours to treasure. Abusers take things in steps and he is marching right along a well worn path into beating you to a pulp. And you are marching along the same path hundreds of thousands of women around the world have tread before you.
I join the chorus. GET OUT OF THERE NOW! AND DO NOT MARRY HIM!!
Get off that path now. Being in such a situation isn't exciting. It doesn't make you some wonderful, forgiving, loved person. It just makes you a fool for staying and not getting out.
I think your grandmother is the key. You said she is over the hill and that you are a housekeeper. Why not ask if you can live with her and you will be her housekeeper for room and board? You won't be leeching off anyone. You'll be pulling your own weight.
Churches are not places that you leech off. They are places that serve. It's their job. It's pretty much the same as if someone hired you to clean their house and they clean it before you so you wouldn't have to do it because they didn't want you to think they were taking advantage of you. It's your job to do that cleaning; it's their job to help people that need help. You pay them back by offering help to the next person that needs it.
Don't believe his self serving BS. Call a member of your family and tell them your boyfriend is abusing you (he is) and that you need to get out now. If you don't want to confess that, call grandmother and ask if you can be her housekeeper until you get back on your feet and if she doesn't have a way to get you to her house, call another relative and say you want to go help with your grandmother since she's getting so old. If you have to, WALK. Even if it is a long, long way away.
We are not kidding. You are in danger and all your posts just seem justifications why you are still hanging around a dangerous animal. There is no justification. You have to leave. No more talking to him about things, leave. He doesn't deserve an explaination. Don't hook up with him again. Don't talk to him over the phone. Don't read any letters, e-mail, text messages from him, and if you do, remember, abusers promise the world then take it away from you once you are in their power.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 7:13 am
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You did not make him the way he is.
He is the way he is.
He will not change.
You can not change him.
It will get worse, not better, no matter what words he uses now.
He knows exactly which words will keep you under his thumb.
Please listen to those who have been where you are. This IS the exact path of an abuser.
Has he hit you yet?
If not, expect it to start with a single slap or punch, which he will make you believe you forced him to, followed by abject apologies and a promise that it will never happen again.
Followed by it happening again, only maybe more than one slap or punch, and even more apologies and promises, perhaps even tears as he begs you to forgive him.
Each time, he will make you believe you made him hurt you.
Each time, he will make you believe he is truly sorry, and that it will never happen again.
And each time it will get worse and worse, from bruises to broken bones, ever increasing, never decreasing.
This path only goes one way.
If you are not willing to walk out now, as so many wise people have advised, at the very least start preparing. On your next payday, open up a new bank account he knows nothing about, and put some or all of your money where he can't touch it. If you can, discreetly start carrying a backpack or larger purse with you, with a toothbrush and a few important items you would need if you had to suddenly leave. Tuck your ID, and other important papers, things you couldn't do without, in an inside zippered compartment. Start creating a state of preparedness within yourself, so that if you had to, you could just walk out with that purse or backpack and get yourself to safety.
All these people who have advised you to get out, are caring about you and want your safety and well-being.
Please take their words to heart.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:34 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:40 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 6:17 am
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 7:57 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:17 am
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