DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

[lunaci]

killafrog

fr34x0r

I wish I hadn't fought so hard and for so long to be 'normal'

yea life is like that i wish i didnt do this so long or whatever, but just be yourself and ones who like what you are will stay

killafrog: good advice. I only have I sister-friend and 2 friends that I can talk to every now and then. My sister-friend now exactly how weird I can be, but she stayed friends with me for 11 years!

So fr34x0r, don't get discouraged if you lose a lot of associates (aka so-called friends). Think of it as God (or a Supreme Being) removing junk to make room for treasure.  

[Lady_Niqui]

Updates: I finally went off on my hubby lol. He's finally got some vacation time so he's been doing his best to be more helpful. I'm hoping it lasts but at least he's finally noticing that help is required. I can't tie my shoes anymore either lol. I started a nighttime ritual to help me keep housework simple. I spent one day 2 weeks ago washing all the laundry in the house til there was none. Since then as soon as we're ready for bed all the day's clothes go in the wash as soon as they get taken off and I do the dishes right after dinner. Its a pain in the a** doing it every night but at least its 30-45 mins every night vs. spending my precious "off-days" cleaning crap.

I miss laying on my stomach though and being able to drink a 20oz bottle of coke or a cup of coffee (even if its decaf) without someone staring at me and saying that I shouldnt be drinking it. sweatdrop  

[lunaci]

Lady_Niqui

Updates: I finally went off on my hubby lol. He's finally got some vacation time so he's been doing his best to be more helpful. I'm hoping it lasts but at least he's finally noticing that help is required. I can't tie my shoes anymore either lol. I started a nighttime ritual to help me keep housework simple. I spent one day 2 weeks ago washing all the laundry in the house til there was none. Since then as soon as we're ready for bed all the day's clothes go in the wash as soon as they get taken off and I do the dishes right after dinner. Its a pain in the a** doing it every night but at least its 30-45 mins every night vs. spending my precious "off-days" cleaning crap.

I miss laying on my stomach though and being able to drink a 20oz bottle of coke or a cup of coffee (even if its decaf) without someone staring at me and saying that I shouldnt be drinking it. sweatdrop

lol.

congrats and best wishes.  

[Chimaria]

lunaci

VENTING TIME! ^_^

I was answering another post when I realized that I started to vent about myself. I was about to make a thread about it, but I figured this place would be better (I find this thread somewhat therapeutic).

I remember being in Junior High, wondering to myself 'why am I so different?', not liking any bit of myself from how I interact with other children, and constantly wishing I was dead just to end a miserable life of loneliness because I felt like nobody really knew or understood me. Fast-froward to age 19, I was finally force into therapy for depression. I didn't think the meds helped (I still had outburst and I developed a stronger anxiety to dog droppings), but talking to a professional really did help put some things into perspective.

A lot of the problems I had (and still have, sadly sweatdrop ) were caused by other people (my folks could have did a better job rearing me and being sexually harassed by perverts did not help), but it is ultimately my fault if these problems ruin my life because I am the one who has to make the decisions. Only I chose to live my life and be happy (or at least try to) or to live in misery. It is my fault if I let someone hold me back from what I want (not encouraging being heartless). All in all, my life depends on me.

Good for you Lunaci...sometimes the hardest part in life is taking full responsibility for your own life.  

[Chris de Medich]

to all those who are wise and can help moi lol:

I got a problem, I recently made up with my fiancee/gf because things were really bad between us, we had a history of us getting in fights physical and verbally we've been together for 4 years, and although I dont like to admit it, It's been mostly my fault because I've been away for long periods of time, we've gone as far as cheating on each other but for some reason we have not been able to call it off even now. we're we are happier than ever, however I've been having these very uncomfortable thoughts, I dont make a lot of money from my job and yet I've been very responsible helping her out in every way, to the point Im almost peniless, I've neglected my family somewhat and I've gone to the point where, I've even said I wanted to break things up with her but in the very end she got me back together with her and I'm afraid things will go sour, I've invested so much time on her and sacrificed so many things in order to help her out. I just want a second opinion to see if I am doing the right thing I know anyone should get a second chance but I've put up with a lot of things on my behalf as well as her, however the only thing that she has really had trouble over me is being alone ( although no one likes to be alone I know that much...) and her being insecure of me ( her thinking that I might be cheating which of course I'm not) I just want someone to tell me or all of you out there to advice me and tell me If I am doing the right thing. I dont want to go back to the way things were before, and I want to know if this girl is really worth this whole effort.

thanks all.  

[lunaci]

Chimaria

lunaci

VENTING TIME! ^_^

I was answering another post when I realized that I started to vent about myself. I was about to make a thread about it, but I figured this place would be better (I find this thread somewhat therapeutic).

I remember being in Junior High, wondering to myself 'why am I so different?', not liking any bit of myself from how I interact with other children, and constantly wishing I was dead just to end a miserable life of loneliness because I felt like nobody really knew or understood me. Fast-froward to age 19, I was finally force into therapy for depression. I didn't think the meds helped (I still had outburst and I developed a stronger anxiety to dog droppings), but talking to a professional really did help put some things into perspective.

A lot of the problems I had (and still have, sadly sweatdrop ) were caused by other people (my folks could have did a better job rearing me and being sexually harassed by perverts did not help), but it is ultimately my fault if these problems ruin my life because I am the one who has to make the decisions. Only I chose to live my life and be happy (or at least try to) or to live in misery. It is my fault if I let someone hold me back from what I want (not encouraging being heartless). All in all, my life depends on me.

Good for you Lunaci...sometimes the hardest part in life is taking full responsibility for your own life.

Thank you for your words.  

[lunaci]

Chris de Medich

to all those who are wise and can help moi lol:

I got a problem, I recently made up with my fiancee/gf because things were really bad between us, we had a history of us getting in fights physical and verbally we've been together for 4 years, and although I dont like to admit it, It's been mostly my fault because I've been away for long periods of time, we've gone as far as cheating on each other but for some reason we have not been able to call it off even now. we're we are happier than ever, however I've been having these very uncomfortable thoughts, I dont make a lot of money from my job and yet I've been very responsible helping her out in every way, to the point Im almost peniless, I've neglected my family somewhat and I've gone to the point where, I've even said I wanted to break things up with her but in the very end she got me back together with her and I'm afraid things will go sour, I've invested so much time on her and sacrificed so many things in order to help her out. I just want a second opinion to see if I am doing the right thing I know anyone should get a second chance but I've put up with a lot of things on my behalf as well as her, however the only thing that she has really had trouble over me is being alone ( although no one likes to be alone I know that much...) and her being insecure of me ( her thinking that I might be cheating which of course I'm not) I just want someone to tell me or all of you out there to advice me and tell me If I am doing the right thing. I dont want to go back to the way things were before, and I want to know if this girl is really worth this whole effort.

thanks all.

I won't lie: I had a small venture in the on-off relationship thing. One of the main things I learned was that we would not have broken up if it was meant to be.

I will not say that is the case with you, but I do wonder:

1. When you blamed yourself for the cheating, you said that you were away for long periods of time. Were you away for personal reasons or for professional reasons?

2. How often do you communicate? By this I mean the both of you make your points and listen to each other. Have the both of you agreed to disagree on certain things? Do the both of you make compromises with each other?

3. Around what age are you and her? Sometimes young people need to get some things out of there system before settling down or you could already know what you want.

4. You also stated that you neglected your family for her and put a lot of money towards her. Has she done the same for you... or something similar?

I apologize for asking so many questions, but there were some gray areas in what you posted. If I left it at that, I would say that you should leave the girl alone on the strength that the relationship was not healthy. Cheating is bad enough, but physical altercations as well(btw, which one of you were dealing the blows, if it was not the both of you)? The both of you need space to grow and being together will not help. If one or both of you are insecure, a relationship will not help you figure out why you're insecure. If one or both of you do not trust each other, then there is a great chance that it may not be a good idea to come back together.

In any case, if you really want to work things out with the girl, I would suggest counseling, both individually and for a group. However, take time to think things over.  

[Lady_Niqui]

I have a new rant... sorry lol but I can't help it! I'll keep it short. sweatdrop

I HATE HATE HATE when people only call you when they want something or somethings wrong! If you trust me enough to be there for you when everything seems crappy, has it ever occurred to you that I might like to hear about a day that went good? Freaking emo bastids. I'll even settle for "things are going okay, not quite what I want but not that bad."
Please don't do this to people who care about you. It only makes them less likely to answer the phone when your name pops up in the caller ID. burning_eyes  

[killafrog]

Lady_Niqui

I have a new rant... sorry lol but I can't help it! I'll keep it short. sweatdrop

I HATE HATE HATE when people only call you when they want something or somethings wrong! If you trust me enough to be there for you when everything seems crappy, has it ever occurred to you that I might like to hear about a day that went good? Freaking emo bastids. I'll even settle for "things are going okay, not quite what I want but not that bad."
Please don't do this to people who care about you. It only makes them less likely to answer the phone when your name pops up in the caller ID. burning_eyes

oh its fine rant rant all you want its good to let it out thats what this is for ranting whats on your mind & help you out with any problems  

[Angelicphrase]

Lady_Niqui

I have a new rant... sorry lol but I can't help it! I'll keep it short. sweatdrop

I HATE HATE HATE when people only call you when they want something or somethings wrong! If you trust me enough to be there for you when everything seems crappy, has it ever occurred to you that I might like to hear about a day that went good? Freaking emo bastids. I'll even settle for "things are going okay, not quite what I want but not that bad."
Please don't do this to people who care about you. It only makes them less likely to answer the phone when your name pops up in the caller ID. burning_eyes

Oh I hear you sometimes it's like the only thing people want to do is complain all day to everyone, loved ones get hit up first because you'll actually listen. I've tried to ask about things I know are going positive for them just to get them talking about it. Or if merely desperate to get the topic changed cheer them but finding humor in the situation. Not always possible or easily done but if there laughing then it's not as hard to get them talking about the cheerier side. Guess that's obvious but just wanted to be helpful. 3nodding  

[Angelicphrase]

*Sigh* Ok everyone seams to be comfortable with this ranting area so I'm going to let some things out becuse I may scream otherwise.I'm not trying to outsob anyone or demand pity but I'm so miserable I just don't know what to do anymore. My mother has MS, she has since I was very little. Because of this I've taken care of her most of my life. When I was 12 I started doing the household choirs and all the legwork (she can not walk). Now it's to the point of total homecare. I feel like a nurse sometimes but however we can't afford one she's on disability and I work 2 jobs. (Again not saying this for pity) My friends all suggest I get homecare or put her in a home. SHE'S ONLY ^*%$ing 47! I WILL NOT DO THAT. I've thought of requesting assistance for a homecare but the professionals in my area are having funding and staffing issues. I wanted to go to school but I would not be able to leave her alone. Because of all this I have a LOT of resentment built up against my mother. I feel guilty as all sin for it because she's the one suffering and this certainly wasn't her idea. But I'm either soo angry or I shut off and feel nothing. (It's mildly frightening) The cherry on top is that she's in denial about her condition and so we never talk about "it". She doesn't take her meds, doesn't eat, doesn't try to help herself at all. I have to fight with her every step to try to just save her. Every day something new is wrong with her and I hate watching her waste away. I'm sorry if this was too weepy but I never tell these things to anybody here so I need to scream....lots.  

[Safire Waters]

Someone please tell me. Am I going Crazy has the world turned upside down or what. I am currently in the process of a divorce we have been to court I got sole Physical custody of the Children and he Got Very Liberal visitation.
Divorce is final in January. This week he bounced the Support check. I am disabled with a heart condition and can't work. So now I am over drafted by over 1000 dollars. because the check he wrote was no good. I feel that he should be responsible for the overdraft fee's as well as for making sure I get the full amount of the support payment. I had over 100 dollars in my account until his check bounced. he claims the overdraft fees are my fault for living outside my means?? I am just wondering if any sane human being would buy this idiocy?  

[killafrog]

Safire Waters

Someone please tell me. Am I going Crazy has the world turned upside down or what. I am currently in the process of a divorce we have been to court I got sole Physical custody of the Children and he Got Very Liberal visitation.
Divorce is final in January. This week he bounced the Support check. I am disabled with a heart condition and can't work. So now I am over drafted by over 1000 dollars. because the check he wrote was no good. I feel that he should be responsible for the overdraft fee's as well as for making sure I get the full amount of the support payment. I had over 100 dollars in my account until his check bounced. he claims the overdraft fees are my fault for living outside my means?? I am just wondering if any sane human being would buy this idiocy?

well u i had seen my mom divorce and her lawyer said when hes late or bounces yea he should pay so he learns. no i think its the check he gave fault he should pay. next time talk to ur banker about a safer way so if this happens again u ain't stuck with a over draft fee again. like go to his bank see if he has that much is an idea?  

[Angelicphrase]

@Safire: I agree with Killafrog that definitely sounds like your lawyer could nail his but for that one. If he continues that sort of action I think you can have a lean put on his income, but better ask the lawyer I'm not familiar with American law.  

[lunaci]

Angelicphrase

*Sigh* Ok everyone seams to be comfortable with this ranting area so I'm going to let some things out becuse I may scream otherwise.I'm not trying to outsob anyone or demand pity but I'm so miserable I just don't know what to do anymore. My mother has MS, she has since I was very little. Because of this I've taken care of her most of my life. When I was 12 I started doing the household choirs and all the legwork (she can not walk). Now it's to the point of total homecare. I feel like a nurse sometimes but however we can't afford one she's on disability and I work 2 jobs. (Again not saying this for pity) My friends all suggest I get homecare or put her in a home. SHE'S ONLY ^*%$ing 47! I WILL NOT DO THAT. I've thought of requesting assistance for a homecare but the professionals in my area are having funding and staffing issues. I wanted to go to school but I would not be able to leave her alone. Because of all this I have a LOT of resentment built up against my mother. I feel guilty as all sin for it because she's the one suffering and this certainly wasn't her idea. But I'm either soo angry or I shut off and feel nothing. (It's mildly frightening) The cherry on top is that she's in denial about her condition and so we never talk about "it". She doesn't take her meds, doesn't eat, doesn't try to help herself at all. I have to fight with her every step to try to just save her. Every day something new is wrong with her and I hate watching her waste away. I'm sorry if this was too weepy but I never tell these things to anybody here so I need to scream....lots.

I understand that you love your mom and I respect that you do take care of her. I'm not too sure how I could cope in your shoes, so I really do think you are a strong person.

As for your mom's denial, I don't know what to say to help. I actually had a different response to your rant, but I thought about it and how I would feel if I were your mom. Maybe she is in denial because deep down she really does not want to become over-reliant on other people. Maybe she wants to keep her independence or she does not want to be a burden. I don't know what her thought may be, but the denial could stem from and unwillingness to face something. I can only suggest having her attend a support group or seeing a counselor. If there are any activities that she feels she can do herself, then let her do it (a brief stint studying the whatnots of being a CNA taught me that a lot of patients prefer to be as independent as they can be. It's a good idea to not force your help, but to offer it). In the earlier post, another user suggested an adult day care. You could consider looking into it (if there is one in your state). Whatever you do, I wish you the best.