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 Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 6:35 am
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 6:38 am
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 6:40 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 6:32 am
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August 2, 2012 9:25 PM
I am REALLY enjoying my job here in Gaia~! I dunno why, but for me, it's really fun. Kind of makes me remember my first job, which ended in a disaster. Up until now, that wicked old lady still hasn't paid me my salary. It's been over a year, but... well, there you have it. And she had the nerve to start another shop. I hate her, I really hate her.
I've also been having some really crazy story lines in my head. I haven't been able to write in my Little Notebook, so it's all stuck up there under the threat of being forgotten. Maybe I should write it here as well? But then, that wouldn't be such an active thread, since I don't regularly get good ideas... Nah, I'll just stick to the old notebook emotion_dowant
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 12:37 am
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August 6, 2012 3:21 PM
Okay, so the reason why I haven't been writing much in both my diaries is that all I could think off was him. Whatever topic that comes into my head, even the most mundane thing, it will always end up to him. Is that normal? Even now, the topic is still about him.
I dunno. Somehow, it exasperates me to the point of just not caring anymore if I write about him or not. Right now, I don't care if he's the only thing that's stuck in my head. Seriously, he's like a computer virus that attaches itself to all your files. Want an example? Okay, so lately, I've been watching a Korean show called Running Man. One of the participants in that show is Song Joong Ki, and I have this major crush on that guy. He has this innocent boy look, and when he smiles... argh~! My heart just melts. Anyway, lo and behold! While I was looking at one of Joong Ki's pictures, I thought to myself, "I wonder how Ding would look like if he poses like this?" It was so random and done unconsciously that I immediately closed Joong Ki's picture. Then another time, I heard my Dad cleaning the car early in the morning. I was still half asleep when I heard it, but the first thing in my mind was "I wonder if Ding helps out in cleaning their car". I couldn't react much to it, probably because sleep got in the way, but now every time I look at Ding's car, I can't help but wonder who does the cleaning...
I've had two notebooks already for my diary. The first one was filled with stuffs about Bunta. Then the second one's more of a combination. But I've had it! I don't want to read about them anymore when I read my diaries in the future, so I don't want to fill my third notebook with stuffs about Ding. Oh I dunno!! I've been at this reasoning for the past months in my life, sometimes I don't think it's worth thinking about it anymore.
Maybe I'm just crazy, maybe I'm just helpless when it comes to love, but for sure, I don't think there's any possibility between the two of us.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 3:51 am
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August 12, 2012 6:40 PM
Okay, so this time I'm going to rant about same sex marriage. What is it with loving people? Is it a sin to love someone who's of the same sex as you are? I just don't see the reason of the Catholic Church on that, and I'm a Catholic! I mean, they keep on saying that we should love one another. Right, so, there's this two people who are of the same sex who love one another... and they say that's a sin. What?! So it's a sin to love now?
I understand their point when they say that God made man for woman. He didn't delegate it to be man to man or woman to woman (or whatever else in between). But what's wrong with loving someone of the same sex as if he/she were your husband/wife? They pervert love by thinking only of sex when it comes to same sex marriage. I mean, is that the only thing a couple does?! I mean really, what's so wrong with people being with the person they love? Ain't sex the union of two loving couple? Does it always have to be perverted sex when it comes to two persons who are of the same sex??
I dunno, I just don't get it. I don't see a problem with gay marriage. As long as they love one another, then it's fine with me. I dunno, I'm just a bad Catholic I guess :p
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 7:27 am
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August 14, 2012 10:24 PM
Egad, I am itching to role play!! I tried joining the Annual Ball, but I just can't keep up with the flow of the story, mainly because they're on a different time zone and by time I get there, they're all starting to sleep rolleyes However, my creative juices have been teased, so I'm now overflowing with ideas, and I'm just itching to role play or start my own story or something. Hope this thing gets controlled right away, as it sometimes get in the way of my studies.
Argh~! This is TORTURE!!
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Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2012 4:51 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 12:41 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 2:47 am
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 10:04 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 10:43 pm
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August 22, 2012 1:08 PM
Okay, so I have to write this down because I think if I don't I'm going to go crazy. Yes, it's about Ding, and yes up 'till now I don't know what to do with him.
So you all know that I had planned to take the initiative to make friends with him, and that he suddenly vanished from my line of sight the moment I made that decision, and now, I don't have the guts (once again) in making that initiative. Then someone gave me the perfect reason to add him up in Facebook, at the same time, someone gave me the perfect reason NOT to add him up in Facebook. So now I'm back from the very beginning.
And here comes my dilemma. All this time, life continues. Along with it are the daily episodes that I see between my mom and dad, and my married brothers. I play with my niece, chat with my sisters-in-law, and basically... live the life of a family. Then, slowly and in the unconscious part of my brain, I wondered how it would be like when it's me who's introducing my boyfriend to the family. There's a big gap between the my other siblings and me, so the whole family treats me very protectively (particularly my dad), and it's always an inside joke whenever we think of the day when I have my own boyfriend.
At first, I didn't have a face for the guy. I just usually imagine someone drinking with my dad and brothers, having a laugh with the family, having dinner at our place, etc. It had always been like that, even when I had a crush on old Froggy. But then, Ding came. Now, whenever I imagine those things, it's his face I see. I imagine how he would fit into the family. But then, everything was done unconsciously... that is until yesterday.
My aunts took me out for shopping as a birthday present for me. We went to Uniqlo. It's kinda like Marks & Spencer, but without the food and all the other things, just clothes for all ages and sexes. So there we were, picking clothes and stuff, when we wandered into the male section. Well, to be exact, to the PJs section, which was a combination of male and female outfits for sleeping. There, I suddenly found myself looking at men's PJs, then I suddenly had the image of Ding wearing those clothes, and I said to myself, "He'd look nice in those." It wasn't the imagination or the comment that surprised me, but the fact that I imagined all those things in the context that we were married, and that I'd buy those things for him. Then I realized that from the moment that his face got the place of the shadow in my imaginations, it's always in the context of us married. Not as my boyfriend, but as my husband. I tell you that right then and there, I would have loved to scream.
Then I realized that I've been wondering how it would feel like driving with him, having dinner with him, lolling around at home with him, going on summer vacation with him, and (hell!) even having sex with him! It's like, he fits naturally with all the things I imagine him in. I don't know if that's normal, or if that's even love. Up until now, I haven't had a boyfriend, nor even experienced having someone ask me out to lunch. So I don't know what to do! My parents forbid me from having a boyfriend until I've finished studying and got myself a proper job. Even the thought of me having a crush is kind of abominable to them. I really want to try and just take that goddamned initiative, but I'm afraid that he might not like me and that all I've been telling you guys are just my imagination and that I've made a mountain out of a molehill, and in the end, he'll just find me weird. I hate being humiliated (who doesn't?), but not in this "love" area. You can call me old-fashioned or whatever, but I just can't do it. Now, it's just not the dilemma that's tormenting me, but also the fact that these imaginations of mine with him come as naturally as breathing. Everyone I turn to in real life ask me what the hell made me like him. Okay, I admit he's really not handsome. His picture in Twitter will really make you laugh because he really looks stupid. So I myself have no idea what made me like him. We haven't had one single conversation that would give me an idea as to what kind of person he is. Nor had I spent one single second with him alone. It's basically just the staring that we've been doing, and yet he's able to turn my world completely upside-down, without anyone noticing it or else they'll be after him like bloodhounds.
It's really insane. And oh, I forgot to mention that since it's been weeks since I last laid eyes on him, I'm actually missing him. I miss not seeing him in the library. I miss doing my best to see him, yet not be seen by him. I MISS HIS ******** UGLY FACE! I know this is tiring you guys out, as with the other people around me in real life. I mean, I myself am tired with it, but... what can I do?
I'm just an insane bookworm that has a liking for ugly guys.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:19 am
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