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 Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:43 am
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Taeryyn Considering your experiences, I can certainly see why you feel the way you do; once burned, twice shy, so it's easy to imagine the result of being burned over and over and over. Regarding transphobic comments you've seen, in signatures and elsewhere, I would guess that ignorance is a large part of the problem. People are pretty aware of what kind of language is homophobic, but there is a great deal less awareness about transphobia. The solution to that is obviously education, and (as with any issue), I'd encourage any of our members to talk about it. Make a thread about it, make a journal and vent about it, post in threads where it's relevant. If you have ideas for threads, but don't feel comfortable posting them yourself, send a PM to me or another crew-member, and we can post it instead. 3nodding The majority of the folks here are cisgender, so I do feel like that contributes to the lack of threads that are relevant to the trans* community. We can offer our empathy, but can't really relate, so I would hope that the trans* members that we do have would reach out and share their experiences as often as possible. I believe there are some other guilds that cater specifically to the "T" folks in the LGBT community, as well, so I would guess that those would be worth looking into.
-not sure what to say- v.v; .......
I think maybe I shouldn't have come here now, I feel like I messed up and should have gone somewhere else.
But then it seems like if tranny people only stay in their own private little group separated from the rest of the world, we'll always only be that little group separated from the rest of the world. If we stay off in a corner where normal people don't have to deal with us, nothing is ever going to change.
I don't want to be isolated from all the normal people in some dark corner where I'm only allowed to associate with "people like me." If I am with people like me, I meet people who DID have the operation, or they're going to, and therefore can't comprehend the idea that they're leaving me behind and I'll have to stay like this forever while they have a way out. I can't handle the jealousy when that happens, or when others like me are more manly than I am. Or you meet someone who is opposite of you, they HAVE what you WANT and they're getting it chopped off. It's not as easy as it sounds to hang out with other trans people.
So what if you do hang out in a transgendered club, then what? You separate it further and have to go to the FTM trans club and not the MTF trans club? Then in my section, they're all gonna date girls and be straight guys. Once you start segregating people into groups, you end up breaking it down into smaller and smaller minorities until there's nobody left but you. To avoid that, I came here instead.
I just don't know what to do, I don't belong anywhere. Sometimes I hate gay people because they finally got the world to accept them, then they do the exact same thing as the straight people who put them down. It's like a hierarchy: The whites ruled the blacks. Blacks finally got equal rights, but damn those queers! Then gays finally got a little social acceptance, but damn those trannies! And under me I guess is the furries and the *****. After that is Hitler.
People act the same way they're treated, even though they know exactly how it feels.
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:49 am
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:40 pm
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Masamune Breaker Because he never fit in with other people and decided to go out and prove the world wrong, then it completely blew up in his face and he spent the rest of his life trying to hide it. He hated himself so much that he tried to be somebody else. And he's completely shitbad with people, everything he says comes out wrong, people think he's weird, he tries to be tough/strong/cool and just looks like an a**, he doesn't know how to act around anybody. And he's little. Not as little as me but little enough to relate to when he has to stand on his toes to tell someone off.
I know, it was embarrassingly long. ;A; But when people would ask about something and I'd only say part of it, they wouldn't understand so I'd have to explain the next and the next until they finally saw the big picture, and that would take hours. After going through that several times with several different people, I finally just decided it's best to go ahead and put everything at once.
I could probably deal with people and stuff better if I just had somebody to support me and whatever. But it's really hard to do anything on your own by yourself, especially when you're small. If I go out to see doctors and lawyers, they're gonna be NICE and say ma'am this, ma'am that. It makes me feel awful, like I try and try and try to be a guy and everyone just still only sees a girl, no matter what I do. And sometimes people do say "sir" first, until I talk with my damnd stupid shitass fail voice, and then they switch to ma'am and you can tell it embarrassed them because they made a mistake and it's just awful, I hate it, it's hard to do stuff around strangers. Everything they say will be ma'am ma'am ma'am. I feel like I'm made out of glass when that happens. I can't focus on whatever the point of the meeting is because they keep reminding me of what I am every two minutes. I flat out hate polite people.
I've had my name changed, but since I go by Danny everyone is like "For Danielle, right?" I could scream. I even have a guy's name and people still just ignore that too. I should have changed it to Fred or something obnoxious. Then they would say "Your real name is Fredrika, right?" If I was Bob then it must be for Bobby Jo... I just hate the world sometimes, people don't do this if a guy named Sarah walks up to you. I called on the phone once about picking up a ring for my sister and was like "Well it's bought in my name, do I have to come get it or can she get it?" and the lady is like "Well Daniel has to be the one to get it." And I'm like "Yeah, so I have to be there myself, right?" "...........DANIEL has to pick up the ring." "....okay. Thanks." There is never a non-awkward moment when I have to deal with strangers.
One of the worst things is every time you try to work on your lawn mower or something, some real guy comes over to "help" and takes everything away from you because you're not strong enough or fast enough, or just simply and only because "you're a girl" so you must not know what you're doing. Even when I'm just pumping up a tire for crying out loud, something I can actually do by myself. I could just crawl in a hole. v.v
At least if you're a drag queen you're big and you can beat people up. When you're tiny and wimpy it's just horrible because you can't do anything. Everything is scary.
I did actually go to the dentist a few weeks ago for the first time since I was a little kid. The last time I was at a dentist, my 12-year molars were the last teeth in my mouth. I'd never been in after I got my wisdom teeth. I was quite proud of myself for going because that was really hard for me and they were really nice. But once you start getting "better" people start pushing you. One small good thing and all the sudden "Okay lets get disability! You'll have to keep fighting for it for 2 or 3 years and go to lots and lots of doctors and have to be in court again!" I just, I can't do that yet.
As far as accepting myself physically goes, I've resigned to the fact I won't ever be able to do it. First of all, we don't have a vehicle suitable to drive all the way to Florida, and once we get there we'll have to stay at a hotel and eat out all the time. That part is expensive, as well as all the places you'll have to stay at along the way, and I can't use the bathroom in public unless it's a unisex restroom. I'm NOT going in the girl's room (the last time I did so out of absolute emergency necessity, I got some very strange looks), and I've heard too many stories about transgenders getting beat up for going in the guy's room to ever even dare going in there. And then the actual surgery, even if you only have part of it done, is expensive. They do it in sections, so to do the whole thing you'll have to keep driving BACK to Florida again and do the whole road trip thing over again. I understand it's not logically possible. It's other people who don't understand. People think that if I don't have it done then I'm not serious about it.
I'm small-chested which is nice, if I use duct tape I can make them completely disappear (some people aren't that lucky, but it's funny how heavy people in BRAS look more manly than I do in an Ace). I don't mind the broad hips because some guys have hips like that (and they are my heroes) and it has some degree of aesthetic quality to it. I did have some nice abs for a while even if I couldn't get my biceps to do anything. My a** is all right. It's other people that I'm afraid of. v.v I have to live with this, so I have to try and find some middle ground that I can accept and try to focus on my best aspects, but other people don't. They can just find a real guy that they don't have to pretend with. They say you have to love yourself before you can love somebody else. Maybe it's true, but also sometimes, you can't love yourself until somebody else does. I'm afraid that, in edition to not being able to do the surgery, if I stop hating myself and find something about myself that I like and learn to have some self-pride and so on, that people will take that as a sign that I'm content to just be a girl. But if I sit around hating everything about myself, I end up going crazy and I can't take it. I don't know what to do.
Oh gosh I did it again. I just don't know how to say things in small ways. The problem isn't small so you can't say it small. ;^; -stays under couch-
Being able to relate to someone's situation, even if it is a fictional one, doesn't make you the incarnation of said someone. razz But yeah, I think I understand what you mean...
It's okay, I don't mind reading long posts! It's a lot less work for me, I don't have to ask that many questions then. whee Thank you for being so open to us!
I'm always trying to be polite, I hope you won't hate me for that... sweatdrop Anyway, it's awful that most people won't be aware of your suffering or won't even take you seriously as a man, but that's not your responsibility alone! It can be very difficult to change the opinion of a single person, not to mention most of society. That's an effort that we all who are or try to be aware and understanding must contribute to, that's almost impossible for a single person to accomplish.
One simply can't force people to accept you as a man, most don't even attempt to try to understand you. That's why it's important that you accept yourself as a man first!
I know a lot of situations will still feel somehow degrading and you'll still feel small and weak at times, but you know it better, don't you? You are a man and nobody can prove you otherwise! Biological gender is only important to matters of procreation, otherwise it's meaningless. I mean humanity only came so far, because we managed to overcome most barriers nature set for us. Sooner or later our oldfashioned definition of gender and gender roles will become entirely obsolete, it may take some more decades maybe, but it will be eventually.
Maybe you could start working out and/or learn a combat sport to increase your self-confidence?
Small accomplishments naturally make people who care about you motivate you to try bigger things next (just my experience), like getting your disability status. I'd do the same in their place, even if it's just to check if you feel ready yet.
Well, you can't afford all of that... yet. It may take long and it's definitely going to be damn hard, but it's not entirely impossible to get there! You are 25 years old, right? You are still young, it's not too late to start a career! 3nodding
Come on dude, that couch'll do you no good! *eats couch* emotion_omnomnom There, it's gone. You won't need to hide anymore, you're with the cool crowd now. cool |
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:32 pm
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Masamune Breaker -not sure what to say- v.v; .......
I think maybe I shouldn't have come here now, I feel like I messed up and should have gone somewhere else.
I feel terrible. ._. That wasn't what I was trying to get across at all. Quite the opposite, actually.
Quote: But then it seems like if tranny people only stay in their own private little group separated from the rest of the world, we'll always only be that little group separated from the rest of the world. If we stay off in a corner where normal people don't have to deal with us, nothing is ever going to change.
Exactly, which is precisely why, as I said in my last post, that I feel it's important for the trans* members of our guild to share their experiences here. 3nodding
Quote: I don't want to be isolated from all the normal people in some dark corner where I'm only allowed to associate with "people like me." If I am with people like me, I meet people who DID have the operation, or they're going to, and therefore can't comprehend the idea that they're leaving me behind and I'll have to stay like this forever while they have a way out. I can't handle the jealousy when that happens, or when others like me are more manly than I am. Or you meet someone who is opposite of you, they HAVE what you WANT and they're getting it chopped off. It's not as easy as it sounds to hang out with other trans people. So what if you do hang out in a transgendered club, then what? You separate it further and have to go to the FTM trans club and not the MTF trans club? Then in my section, they're all gonna date girls and be straight guys. Once you start segregating people into groups, you end up breaking it down into smaller and smaller minorities until there's nobody left but you. To avoid that, I came here instead.
I mentioned the trans guilds because you had commented on the lack of trans-related content here; it was meant as a simple FYI in case you weren't aware of them. It wasn't meant as a suggestion that you should only hang out with other trans folks or that there should be any sort of segregation. Just trying to be helpful, not shove you out the door. sweatdrop
Quote: I just don't know what to do, I don't belong anywhere. Sometimes I hate gay people because they finally got the world to accept them, then they do the exact same thing as the straight people who put them down. It's like a hierarchy: The whites ruled the blacks. Blacks finally got equal rights, but damn those queers! Then gays finally got a little social acceptance, but damn those trannies! And under me I guess is the furries and the *****. After that is Hitler. People act the same way they're treated, even though they know exactly how it feels.
The attitude you're talking about doesn't apply to the entire gay community, though.
It's true that the queer community has more than its fair share of bigotry and back-biting. Speaking from my own experience, while our heterosexual peers are starting to accept us, there's still an incredible amount of venom directed at those who identify as bisexual or who have flip-flopped about their sexual identity...from within the gay community! Ugh.
I mean, you may think you hate gay people (although I'm assuming you're exaggerating and speaking out of frustration), but I doubt it comes close to how much gay people seem to hate gay people. razz It's a real shame, and unfortunately it's also why I'm not surprised when I hear about how terribly trans guys and gals are still often treated.
Still, we won't ever move forward if we generalize and lump the good in with the bad. Not all of us cis folks are against you. You are welcome here. I am really sorry if I gave the wrong impression, and it wasn't intentional. |
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:13 pm
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MadPad Being able to relate to someone's situation, even if it is a fictional one, doesn't make you the incarnation of said someone. razz But yeah, I think I understand what you mean... Come on dude, that couch'll do you no good! *eats couch* emotion_omnomnom There, it's gone. You won't need to hide anymore, you're with the cool crowd now. cool
The comment was was added afterward to soften the mood of that long and bitchtastic rant, which to me seemed angry and bitter in most parts. Don't take it literally, derpus.
-runs around couchless- ;A; -hides in flower pot- v.v
Thanks for the comments. |
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:33 pm
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Taeryyn The attitude you're talking about doesn't apply to the entire gay community, though.
That's why I'm here. This was my dramatic leap of faith for humanity because I had really just given up on it completely. It's hard to keep telling yourself "not everyone is like that, not everyone is like that" when you don't know anyone who isn't like that. So I decided to try and find these mythical wonderful people who aren't like that.
And yes it was an exaggeration, it's the kind of hate of wanting to be friends with people and wanting to be part of how they live but always being rejected and pushed away. When you want something so bad and can't have it, you start despising it. But no, it wasn't really true when I said it. I'm just so sick of my life.
I think what originally brought all this on (I was doing good for a while then recently I completely broke down and couldn't deal with it anymore) is my sis gave me her Netflix password and I raided the gay movies on there. One of them was actually really good, but it took place around Halloween, and one of characters dressed up as a chick as a joke. There was this ongoing plot of people always avoiding him and giving him weird looks and hit on him until they realized he was really a guy and no one wanted anything to do with him and it was all done in a comical kind of way, it was supposed to be funny. But that's how it is for me in real life and there's nothing funny about it. In the end he finally ripped the wig off and was like "I'm never doing drag again!" and it's like yeah, try being stuck that way forever.
They were hanging out in one of those like, "gay part of town" places where they have gay clubs and stuff but things like that don't exist where I live, it's no more real to me than castles and dragons. And they were able to just walk up to other guys and wink and exchange numbers, except of course for the guy in the tranny Halloween outfit. He got the sort of reaction I would get.
It was a really good movie, but ever since I watched it was when I started crying all the time and whatever. I can't even imagine just meeting somebody and talking and you like them and they like you and you start going out. That's just, unimaginable for me. Impossible.
This guild kept coming up every time I visited mine and my friend's guild. I picked it because it was public. I don't mess with private guilds. I decided maybe I should come say something and made this avatar for it, but then when I came I ended up curled up in a ball sobbing like a sissy afraid to type anything for about an hour before I finally manged "Hi." It's just really hard for me to believe "not everyone is like that" after everything I've been through. I'm trying to give people a chance. Maybe those "people who aren't like that" are hiding here and that's why I never see them anywhere else.
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:38 am
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:21 am
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:16 am
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:37 am
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MadPad It's a damn serious thing we're talking about here, of course that means that I'm going to take you serious, including everything you say. Sorry for taking it literally... :c I'm going to take you home, water and groom you until you bloom! 4laugh *steals flower pot*
I've had people before who could relate to me better if they knew the character. They don't know me but they know him, so it goes smoother. If it didn't come off as randomly humorous or help in understanding things then don't worry about it.
The main point (for this particular case) was that he wanted friends more than anything else in the world, but he couldn't act right around people so he ended up unintentionally pushing people away with his attitude and was always alone. He would get shy around someone and try to hide it by looking tough but it ended up just looking mean. I'm like that and was afraid that humongous post had that effect.
The fact he dressed up like a girl once is an ironic touch but it's not one of the things I was referring to.
The other character I relate to most is Jr. from Xenosaga, because he stopped aging when he was 12 but has the mind of an adult. That's gotta be about the closest a normal guy can ever come to relating to a guy stuck as a girl, because he's tiny, his voice hasn't changed or anything, people treat him like a kid, etc. People make comments like "You can't like that character unless you're a *****!" and I'm like uh, no, he's still an adult on the inside. It must be the same kind of situation for him, if he ever asked anybody out they wouldn't be able to get past his appearance. They'd rather have a real adult guy than one who looked like a kid.
Cloud is 50% like me and 50% like someone I would date. Jr. is a lot more like me because of his personality and of course the physical issue, but most people have never heard of that game so he doesn't make a very good reference. And Cloud's the one with the psychological damage and people issues.
But no, nobody is exactly like any particular person, fictional or otherwise. It was just an example.
-peeks out from under leaf while being stolen- .3.;
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:13 am
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Masamune Breaker I've had people before who could relate to me better if they knew the character. They don't know me but they know him, so it goes smoother. If it didn't come off as randomly humorous or help in understanding things then don't worry about it.
The main point (for this particular case) was that he wanted friends more than anything else in the world, but he couldn't act right around people so he ended up unintentionally pushing people away with his attitude and was always alone. He would get shy around someone and try to hide it by looking tough but it ended up just looking mean. I'm like that and was afraid that humongous post had that effect.
The fact he dressed up like a girl once is an ironic touch but it's not one of the things I was referring to.
The other character I relate to most is Jr. from Xenosaga, because he stopped aging when he was 12 but has the mind of an adult. That's gotta be about the closest a normal guy can ever come to relating to a guy stuck as a girl, because he's tiny, his voice hasn't changed or anything, people treat him like a kid, etc. People make comments like "You can't like that character unless you're a *****!" and I'm like uh, no, he's still an adult on the inside. It must be the same kind of situation for him, if he ever asked anybody out they wouldn't be able to get past his appearance. They'd rather have a real adult guy than one who looked like a kid.
Cloud is 50% like me and 50% like someone I would date. Jr. is a lot more like me because of his personality and of course the physical issue, but most people have never heard of that game so he doesn't make a very good reference. And Cloud's the one with the psychological damage and people issues.
But no, nobody is exactly like any particular person, fictional or otherwise. It was just an example.
-peeks out from under leaf while being stolen- .3.;
That post of yours didn't make you look mean or anything like that. You gave me the impression that you are really frustrated and tired of the way people treat you. You seem to feel powerless, unimportant and like a bad joke in the eyes of those who refuse to empathize. You must feel really hurt.
I understand that it feels preferable to shut yourself in and let nobody get close to you because of the possible risk of being hurt even worse.
I haven't played Xenosaga yet (NOOO, the spoilers! ;3; ), but Jr.'s situation actually sounds similar to yours... You both being stuck with an inconvinient body and all... While it might be true that most people can't get past appearances (I believe nobody can up to a certain degree), there are exceptions.
Anyway, I think I was just overwhelmed by my personal love-hate-feelings for FFVII... Luckily nobody's mentioning that other guy... You are a unique characters yourself, so why even compare to any fictional crap? I believe you are really more interesting than any Cloud or Jr. could ever be, every real person is.
You're going to be my personal man-plant! emotion_dowant |
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:54 am
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MadPad That post of yours didn't make you look mean or anything like that. You gave me the impression that you are really frustrated and tired of the way people treat you. You seem to feel powerless, unimportant and like a bad joke in the eyes of those who refuse to empathize. You must feel really hurt. I understand that it feels preferable to shut yourself in and let nobody get close to you because of the possible risk of being hurt even worse. I haven't played Xenosaga yet (NOOO, the spoilers! ;3; ), but Jr.'s situation actually sounds similar to yours... You both being stuck with an inconvinient body and all... While it might be true that most people can't get past appearances (I believe nobody can up to a certain degree), there are exceptions. Anyway, I think I was just overwhelmed by my personal love-hate-feelings for FFVII... Luckily nobody's mentioning that other guy... You are a unique characters yourself, so why even compare to any fictional crap? I believe you are really more interesting than any Cloud or Jr. could ever be, every real person is. You're going to be my personal man-plant! emotion_dowant
Jr.'s age isn't a spoiler. o3o?
If it irritates you then never mind. Posting here has worn me out too much mentally to hold any sort of fan-based argument. I'm used to the anti-FF7 hate comments (my main account was a Cloud cosplay for a while) as much as I'm used to the anti-trans stuff and it really doesn't matter who likes what or why. I'm tired of arguing about how it's overrated and whatever and blah blah. If people have a reason for disliking it, that's great, but people who just snub it ONLY because it's popular get on my nerves. And same goes for Twilight, if you hate it because it's a stupid story, great, but hating it only because it's popular or only because it's cool to hate it, that's annoying.
If it's going to start an argument or irritate you then just pretend I never said anything. It was supposed to be funny, not a controversial topic.
Fiction is a part of who I am. I'm a writer. I relate better to fictional people than real people. I'm only attracted to fictional people. Fictional people will never give you weird looks or avoid you or admit they're not attracted to you or think you're weird or whatever. They'll never agree to go out with you then want to see your boobs or try to touch you in places you don't like because they think of you as a girl and want to see your girl stuff. I have intense, passionate crushes on people who aren't real because they're not real.
I thought I was asexual for a while because real people just don't turn me on, but now I think it may have actually been a very powerful psychological defense. A couple months ago I wandered into the live-action side of YouTube and got introduced to real guy actors instead of CG and anime characters. I fell for a few of them, but there is always that protection of knowing I will never, EVER meet them, and if I did I wouldn't understand a damn thing that came out of their mouth. They're "not real" just like the characters are and come with all the same benefits as long as you don't start snooping around at their personal lives. That's when you find out about their girlfriend or how they're actually a butt off-camera, etc.
When I see people in real life at Wal-Mart or something that I'm actually attracted to, I usually go home and cry.
I'm used to people looking down on me for it and I'm too tried inside to argue about it anymore. All these clubs and gay bars and stuff people talk about, all that's fake to me. It doesn't exist in the small town where I live. I've never seen them, just like I've never seen a Chocobo. Meeting a real person and liking them and then just start going out, that's fake. None of that is real for me. Only happens in movies, or to other people. Not me. Even if I did meet some rare guy who ISN'T straight, he's not gonna be into trans people, just like the few guys in school who were gay didn't want anything to do with me either. Only straight guys like me. So people telling me to go out and meet real people is just as silly as me dating my fictional characters. Neither of it is going to happen.
And when I write about my fictional people in first-person point of view, I'm a real guy and nothing is missing and they don't have to pretend and try to accept me even though I'm not what they want. And I don't have to sit around wondering exactly how a strap-on works.
Man-plant? ;^; That's it. I'm officially a pansy.
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:53 pm
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Masamune Breaker Jr.'s age isn't a spoiler. o3o?
If it irritates you then never mind. Posting here has worn me out too much mentally to hold any sort of fan-based argument. I'm used to the anti-FF7 hate comments (my main account was a Cloud cosplay for a while) as much as I'm used to the anti-trans stuff and it really doesn't matter who likes what or why. I'm tired of arguing about how it's overrated and whatever and blah blah. If people have a reason for disliking it, that's great, but people who just snub it ONLY because it's popular get on my nerves. And same goes for Twilight, if you hate it because it's a stupid story, great, but hating it only because it's popular or only because it's cool to hate it, that's annoying.
If it's going to start an argument or irritate you then just pretend I never said anything. It was supposed to be funny, not a controversial topic.
Fiction is a part of who I am. I'm a writer. I relate better to fictional people than real people. I'm only attracted to fictional people. Fictional people will never give you weird looks or avoid you or admit they're not attracted to you or think you're weird or whatever. They'll never agree to go out with you then want to see your boobs or try to touch you in places you don't like because they think of you as a girl and want to see your girl stuff. I have intense, passionate crushes on people who aren't real because they're not real.
I thought I was asexual for a while because real people just don't turn me on, but now I think it may have actually been a very powerful psychological defense. A couple months ago I wandered into the live-action side of YouTube and got introduced to real guy actors instead of CG and anime characters. I fell for a few of them, but there is always that protection of knowing I will never, EVER meet them, and if I did I wouldn't understand a damn thing that came out of their mouth. They're "not real" just like the characters are and come with all the same benefits as long as you don't start snooping around at their personal lives. That's when you find out about their girlfriend or how they're actually a butt off-camera, etc.
When I see people in real life at Wal-Mart or something that I'm actually attracted to, I usually go home and cry.
I'm used to people looking down on me for it and I'm too tried inside to argue about it anymore. All these clubs and gay bars and stuff people talk about, all that's fake to me. It doesn't exist in the small town where I live. I've never seen them, just like I've never seen a Chocobo. Meeting a real person and liking them and then just start going out, that's fake. None of that is real for me. Only happens in movies, or to other people. Not me. Even if I did meet some rare guy who ISN'T straight, he's not gonna be into trans people, just like the few guys in school who were gay didn't want anything to do with me either. Only straight guys like me. So people telling me to go out and meet real people is just as silly as me dating my fictional characters. Neither of it is going to happen.
And when I write about my fictional people in first-person point of view, I'm a real guy and nothing is missing and they don't have to pretend and try to accept me even though I'm not what they want. And I don't have to sit around wondering exactly how a strap-on works.
Man-plant? ;^; That's it. I'm officially a pansy.
I know nothing of Xenosaga, it was recommended a lot to me and I don't want to know anything about it until I get to play it myself. whee
I wouldn't say it's irritating, it's always just baffling me a little. I'm with you on not wanting to start an argument about that, there are better things to discuss. :3
Fiction is also a very important part of my life too. I've been such an introverted loner most of my life, I kept fleeing from my real life problems to made up fantasy realms, be it through videogames, movies, or whatever. And what you say about fictional people may be right for those you come up with, but it's not concerning most other characters. What I learned in all these years dealing with fiction and it's relation to reality and whatnot, that a lot of fictional characters are either jerks and/or far too idealized. They are mostly unreal images of what someone aspires to be or what someone sees as good and beautiful. Compared to real people, fictional characters are just too convinient. You may feel more comfortable with people that are only real inside your head, but that's because they are part of you, you just trick yourself into loving yourself. It's making one vurnerable, lonely and maybe even ignorant towards others, because one has been dealing with nobody but himself/herself.
On the other hand dealing with real persons can inspire you to come up with much more unique and deep characters. I don't mean dating alone, I also mean just talking to all kinds of persons, hanging out with those you like and so on. Social interaction let's you learn more about what kind of problems people are dealing with, what they desire and aspire to be. Talking to other people also helps you to forget about your own problems once in a while and I'm sure you could use a break from your own worrying thoughts.
I'm very fond of pansies. emotion_dowant |
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:04 pm
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MadPad I know nothing of Xenosaga, it was recommended a lot to me and I don't want to know anything about it until I get to play it myself. whee I wouldn't say it's irritating, it's always just baffling me a little. I'm with you on not wanting to start an argument about that, there are better things to discuss. :3 Fiction is also a very important part of my life too. I've been such an introverted loner most of my life, I kept fleeing from my real life problems to made up fantasy realms, be it through videogames, movies, or whatever. And what you say about fictional people may be right for those you come up with, but it's not concerning most other characters. What I learned in all these years dealing with fiction and it's relation to reality and whatnot, that a lot of fictional characters are either jerks and/or far too idealized. They are mostly unreal images of what someone aspires to be or what someone sees as good and beautiful. Compared to real people, fictional characters are just too convinient. You may feel more comfortable with people that are only real inside your head, but that's because they are part of you, you just trick yourself into loving yourself. It's making one vurnerable, lonely and maybe even ignorant towards others, because one has been dealing with nobody but himself/herself. On the other hand dealing with real persons can inspire you to come up with much more unique and deep characters. I don't mean dating alone, I also mean just talking to all kinds of persons, hanging out with those you like and so on. Social interaction let's you learn more about what kind of problems people are dealing with, what they desire and aspire to be. Talking to other people also helps you to forget about your own problems once in a while and I'm sure you could use a break from your own worrying thoughts. I'm very fond of pansies. emotion_dowant
-erases post and gives up trying to explain-
Xenosaga gets a lot of criticism because it's 90% cutscenes. A lot of people complain that there's too much story and not enough gameplay. I'm more of a movie fan than a game fan, I suck at games, I'm not very competitive, I'm easily frustrated, etc. So I liked it because it was all movies.
The other thing is they lost a lot of money on it when they messed up Episode II, so they cut the series short. They skipped over some important stuff and left out a lot of key things in the story, which made Episode III a little confusing and weird.
Aside from that though, the game universe is very massive and detailed. It has a lot of philosophical stuff in it also, about how people think and all about the fear of rejection and will power and so on. It's not perfect but it's pretty interesting.
I'm doing a yaoi xeno comic on deviantArt. Some people looked the game up on YouTube only because of my story. Most people I meet have no idea what it is so I'm surprised anyone recommended it to you. A lot of people don't like it.
One of the things I liked about the game, I guess, is that several of the characters are immortal and stay 16 forever. They're small and sleek and graceful and pretty and it makes me feel better about myself or something. There are a few characters in Xenosaga that are extremely powerful even though they're little and not very masculine.
But then sometimes I feel bad for liking it because it's too "pretty" and seems like a girl's game. v.v I feel like if I don't only like muscle cars and Die Hard and whatever that people will say "Well you're not really a transsexual" or something because I'm not guyish enough. But I'm a gay guy and gay guys are allowed to like sissy stuff. But it's okay for them because they have the equipment to back it up. They don't have to PROVE they're guys. But it doesn't matter if I do only like manly stuff because people in real life still ignore it anyway, like I said in the monster post earlier. So it really doesn't matter what I like or don't like. It's just frustrating trying to figure out what I'm "supposed to be" in order to get people to respect me. It's not enough to make me not adore the game anyway, but it does hurt my pride now and then when I seem to like girly games and all my tomboy friends are playing Silent Hill and whatever. Even girls are more manly than I am.
I'll have to sheepishly admit while hiding in my flower pot that sometimes I only play Devil May Cry because it's a "guy's game" and I feel all badass and manly and tough when I play it. v.v; And Dante is hot, but besides that.
I just don't tell people that when I'm playing it, I spend most of my time watching him walk. gonk emo |
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