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 Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:49 pm
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September 13, 2007
I officially have the most complicated life. EVER. It all started with me returning a stuffed animal to Dyas so that I could spend time with her. I never would have thought that it could grow into something this... painful. When I showed up at her cave she was a teenager and beautiful. But it wasn't just that, I felt really wierd. But things never got awkward between us, and when we went under the waterfall I wanted to do something I've never done before. I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't. Then we sat down and when she was sitting behind me really close, I just turned my head and kissed her on the cheek. Things haven't been the same since. Raken saw or some bird told him, whatever. But I broke our agreement about me seeing Dyas by crossing that line. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done, but it felt so right. I didn't want to lose Dyas so me and Raken made another deal. And thats where things get really messy. I have to be Adora's boyfriend. I've never been anyone's boyfriend before. Its not that I don't like Adora, she's great. Or at least she was the last time I saw her when I was a child. But I don't know if I'd make her a very good boyfriend. Especially when I feel this way about her cousin Dyas. I think things might be awkward between me and Adora. I might have hurt Dyas, even though she's not showing it. She kissed me back. Doesn't that mean something? If you think things can't get any more complicated then that right there. You're wrong. Then Dyas kissed me, like a real kiss. She may have missed a little and got only the corner of my lips or she may have done that on purpose, but it was still a real kiss. And SHE started it. I feel alone more then ever right now because I have no one to tell me what I'm feeling or what I should do.  |
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 5:36 pm
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September 26, 2007
I went out with Adora for the first time yesterday. I saw her coming home from the forest, so it wasn't like either of us asked the other one out we just sort of hung out, but it'd probably still be called a date. Anyways... things were really awkward between us at first, and well I know why. Adora was my friend and I never really felt anything more for her like I did for Dyas. It felt wierd being all of a sudden pushed into something like this. Just so I can continue to see Dyas.
Eventually the awkwardness went away, I guess I finally accepted the fact that I'm going out with Adora and thats the way its going to be. I wasn't expecting to have that great of a time, but we did. We spent a lot of time in the kitchen trying to prepare a meal for us to go on a picnic. Then we went up to this really high mountain. She tried to teach me how to fly too. I'm not very good at it, but I might start practicing. Then we watched the sunset from this freezing cold, hard to get to spot, but at least Adora liked it.
Another thing, we kissed... a lot. I'm worried that we might be in to much of a physical relationship. I don't know maybe I'm just upset because I kissed Dyas too or I don't know. I still wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. I need to know if I'm doing everything right. Adora asked me if I loved Dyas. I still don't know, but I don't think I'll ever be able to face Dyas again after all that happened. I feel so guilty about it all. I still don't understand why. Hopefully I'll start to feel better about this all.
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 5:37 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 5:46 pm
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I'm Still Older, Right?
Journal Roleplay
All OOC edited out
Azure sat on the couch in the early morning reading a book, or at least trying to. It was hard to focus on anything with everything that was going on. Trager had grown into a teenager for one thing, though so far she hadn't given him any more angst then before thankfully. There was still the hovering guilt that consumed him about not visiting Dyas since he had started going out with Adora. Also the fact that Azure felt he had no one to guide him through anything. He was a teenager, not an adult, but he already felt pressured to be more grown up and he didn't know what he should be doing as a brother, as a boyfriend, or anything else since he didn't have guidance from a, preferably male, figure.
Trager brushed her long, gorgeous brown hair in the mirror, admiring her new figure. It felt so good to be a teenager: new moments to experience, new freedom to do whatever she wanted. Azure and her were now at the same stage so he couldn't boss her around anymore, or so she thought. Trager brushed on some eyeshadow so she could look her best, that was one of the best things about being a teenager. Boys. Trager couldn't wait to start doing all the fun things you could do with boys. Her mind would wander with fantasies of romantic dates and being spoiled with love and presents. Trager had secretly read Azure's journal about his times with Adora and Dyas. Despite his take on how miserable love was, Trager didn't think it would be that bad and couldn't wait to do what Azure had written so much about, kissing. All of this new adventure called dating sounded like so much fun. "Hmm..." Trager ran her hand down her soft face, "Perfect! Like always." Trager said enthusiastically to the mirror as she walked out of the bathroom and bounded towards the door to leave the headquarters.
Azure looked up from his book as Trager walked by. Her hair was straight and brushed out, she had makeup on... No, Azure was not feeling attraction to her, he was outraged that she even looked like that. It also looked like she was getting ready to leave. Where could she possibly be going to looking like that? "Trager, where are you going?" Azure asked in a stern voice.
Trager froze in her tracks and turned sideways to look at Azure. It wouldn't hurt to tell him since he couldn't tell her no anyways. She also hadn't planned on him being on that couch and telling him what she was going to do. To Trager it just seemed awkward to tell him stuff like that, and it wasn't like Azure had told her details from his personal life, she had to read them in his journal. "I'm not going anywhere, just out. You never cared about me going exploring when I was a child. I'm probably more suitable to protect myself now." Trager explained to him.
Azure sighed at Trager, he had expected an answer like that, and he had a comeback too. "Trager, when you were a child you didn't go 'just out' like that." Azure motioned to her appearance and shook his head. He really hoped that Trager wouldn't give him too much trouble with this issue.
Trager frowned at Azure, "Fine! I'm going to the bulletin board to post my ad in the personals and maybe look for a few guys to ask out." she spoke at a fast pace with a lot of words, hoping that Azure wouldn't catch them and just be happy that he told her. Trager turned away from Azure and continued to walk towards the door, she hadn't ever noticed such a long distance between the bathroom and the front door before.
Azure stood up off the couch and walked between Trager and the door out of HQ. "What makes you think you can just go there and go on dates with... guys?" Azure asked her with all seriousness. He already had enough trouble with the whole love affair, dating was not good at teenager at all. Azure did not want Trager going through what he was at all, and it wasn't like he could guide her through it. He'd have to watch her struggle like he was. "You're not going. Take off your stupid paints and go do something else. Maybe find a girl to play dolls with?" Azure suggested.
Trager was not very happy when Azure walked between her and the front door. "Hold on! You can't stop me from going. One, you're my brother. Two, we're both teenagers. Three, I'm not the one dating a girl he doesn't love and playing the girl he does love!" Trager told him off with a rising voice. There was not way he was going to stop her. "Dolls? I don't want to play dolls with a baby. I want to kiss boys!" Trager hadn't meant to say that last part, but she said it just like a spoiled brat.
Azure's eyes grew wide with shock and anger. How dare she be telling him off like that. "You've been reading my journal!" Azure yelled at her. That was his private journal, how could she have read it. That was the only way she could've known about any of that stuff since he hadn't even told her about Adora yet. "Kiss boys?" Azure was disgusted, she was to young to be kissing boys. "Whatever view you have on kissing is wrong. Its not as fun as it may appear to you. It only complicates things." Azure wasn't yelling anymore, his voice was actually quite calm since her outrage had caused him to get slightly depressed about his situation with Adora and Dyas.
Trager rolled her eyes at Azure and tried to walk around him a few times, each time she was blocked by Azure. "Yeah, so what? You left it lying around. Its not like you write a whole lot in it anyways." Trager spoke clearly annoyed that it was this hard to get out of HQ. She shook her head at Azure. "Whatever! Just because you have your issues doesn't mean you can let that effect me. You can't tell me what to do." Trager yelled at him rather childishly. This was so unfair. "Plus, I may be better at dating then you are. It wouldn't surprise me." Trager shot at him.
Azure frowned, "Yes I can! You were left in MY charge. Which means I can say what you can and can't do!" Azure argued back, although for being in charge of her, he was sinking to the same immature level as he fought with her.
Trager threw up her arms. "Fine then! I'm not your charge anymore. I'm old enough to take care of myself. You've been taking care of yourself!" Trager shouted back at Azure, she was tired of yelling and screaming, but she did not want Azure to get the idea that he could just push her around and tell her what she could and couldn't do.
Azure shook his head and took Trager's shoulder in his hands, though gently because he was not the violent type and moved her down to the couch. He knew it was time for them to cool it. This fighting was not a good thing for them. "Trager..." Azure said calmly. "Me and you are different. I've always been on my own, so I know how to take care of myself. You've always been cared for... and spoiled... by someone else. You wouldn't be able to take care of yourself." Azure was trying to use a soothing voice to calm her down, but it wasn't working.
Trager broke herself violently out of Azure's grip, she wasn't afraid to be a little violent with him, especially since this was so unfair. "I could do fine on my own, but I don't care. All I want is to just be able to do what I want. And what I want is to go out!" Trager yelled as she pulled away from Azure and moved away to the opposite side of the room.
Azure glared at Trager. "You're such a selfish brat!" He yelled at her, it had appeared that being calm didn't work with Trager. "You can't go out, you're too young. Maybe when you're older, though right now with the way you're acting I don't think you'll ever be old enough." Azure told Trager. "And you're not going to put an ad in the personals. I'll check to make sure you're not on it every day. And if I even see you talking to a boy..." Azure began to threaten her.
"You're the one who's being selfish by not letting me go out!" Trager retorted. "You don't have any good motive to not let me." Trager was fuming from the way Azure treated her. He was treating her like a child, but only he was acting like a child in her view. "You're so unfair! Well then I guess I can't talk to you!" Trager shouted as she ran off to her bedroom. She wasn't crying, she was angry. |
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 5:47 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 5:47 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 3:44 pm
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