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Maybe I'm just saying this to light a fire under peoples asses but I don't think people are going to judge (besides me and raskel of course)

the fact that raskel and me try so hard for a dieing thread depresses me greatly...

JPiiYM
- Grammar, spelling, and format-2
- Interresting characters and use of pokemon-1
- Originality -0
I have a lot to work on. there was nothing interesting about my story at all. shure it sets up for the next chapter but how interesting could they possibly be after that crapfest.

dcme
- Grammar, spelling, and format- 5
- Interresting characters and use of pokemon- 3
- Originality -6
I would rather not judge because its obvious he isn't done...

missy
- Grammar, spelling, and format- 9
- Interresting characters and use of pokemon- 3
- Originality -2
Like I said before. you have A LOT of potential. but your characters just sat there mentaly having sex with each other.

contestisn't over until 12:00am tonight. if you have it saved on microsoft word. or got it memorized and are a fast typer go ahead.if not still post it I love bedtime story's.

Yeah go ahead and post something Blue. No one except for JPIIYM has posted scores and I'm sure he wouldn't mind editing his post to add one more.

I'll be posting later on to allow others the chance first.

Jpiiym
Grammer, spelling, and format: 5
Several times in your story you repeated yourself (i.e. "taken aback is used twice in a row). Some spelling mistakes were made, but over all it was ok. Pay attention to how your paragraphs are split up. Remember, a paragraph should express a new idea or new line of speech when started. Also write out numbers. Just typing the number 5 is lazy, unless it refers to a quotation of a document, address, or the number is simply too large.

Interesting characters and use of pokemon: 6
I want to see you breathe a little more life into your characters. Your dialog is ok but there needs to be more feeling, more insight into the character's mind or heart. Good use of pokemon, I enjoyed reading about the nearly dead Houndour. Try to put more description into your writing. Talk about how coarse its fur is or how perhaps the bone piece over its head was cracked and chipped in certain places. Small details like that add a lot to a story.

Originality: 7
I like where you're going with this. So far its off to a good start. Keep it up.

Missy Eevee
Grammer, spelling, and format: 7
Spelling was good however you moved back and forth from past to present tense a couple of times. Remember to keep your perspective the same. "A man and woman lay on a picnic blanket under a cherry blossom tree, gazing up into the sky. The day was perfect." Here you used the word lay which is the present form and in the next sentence you refer to the day in the past tense by using the word was. Keep this in mind next time, you have to remain cohesive in your writing or else you'll confuse the reader. Also try to use different adjectives. I noticed you like to repeat yourself sometimes so I suggest using a thesuarus if you're having trouble with that.

Interesting characters and use of pokemon: 5
Your characters were chosen because they are crucial to your main story character which is understandable. However as in the case of Jpiiym I'd still like to see more subtle emotion, facial expression for example. The mother was believable, but the father left me wondering. Perhaps you can use that to your advantage in the future thougth if you explain his reasons for acting the way he does. Also without any pokemon even referred too I can't give you many points, although I like how you stepped outside of the box and went with just human characters for this story. sometimes that is the right move to make for the sake of character development.

Originality: 4
I can't rate this too high because not much happened. It was original yes, but there was little action and nothing to get me really excited to read more. I want to see what you do with that mysterious phone call in your next installment though.

DCME
Grammer, spelling, and format: 4
Run on sentences and no paragraph breaks make hulk angry.

Interesting characters and use of pokemon: 3
I didn't get to know a single character and there was no mention of pokemon. You started to draw me into the anguish suffered by the mother-to-be but lost me again shortly after.

Originality: 8
You scored higher than anyone else in this department and here's why. You told your story from one character's perspective as though he/she was recounting a tale to another person. This is a really hard thing to do and you managed to pull it off relatively well. If you are to continue writing this way I have two words of advice. Don't break character (meaning using terms like "anyway back to the story") and don't repeat yourself unessesarily (we know what simultaneous means).

I return from the land of the dead ^_^
And geez I need to catch up eek

Congratulations Missy biggrin

ninja
emo