The golden joke

[babyshinobi]

well little johnny sounds alot like another little boy i love... pls meet LITTLE MARK exclaim


LITTLE MARK ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little MARK.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little MARK says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little MARK replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'  

[Angelicphrase]

Why Parents Have Gray Hair
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.
Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, Chad
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!  

[wiccan j]

rofl Ahhhhhhh! That was hilarious Angelic!!! rofl I can't stop laughing, partly because my kids report cards came home today! rofl Ok this is a quick one to bump our number closer to 50 & make Darth give up that gold!!!

10 things men know about women:

1. They have a v****a
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Oh and tits!!  

[killafrog]

your momma so dumb she tried to drown a fish

Your so dumb that you heard someone say it was chilli outside so you ran and grabbed a bowl

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth!

What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
Is it mine?  

[killafrog]

how to get a one arm blonde out out of the tree wave


one dy 2 kids were in a cave in there back yard they made just for fun, when the one kid had to leave and go home. the other kid stayed so he can keep digg a few more feet and thats when he found a lamp, rubed the lamp with his shirt to clean it so he can take it home. when a geni came out and said who let me free? i did squeaked the little kid, well u will get one wish as i am not a normal geni. i will have to think about it said the kid. the next day on his way home he was walking and singing a song I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener That is what I'd really love to be 'Cause if I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener Everyone would be in love with me. your wish is my command....  

[Aurixisk]

Looks to me like killafrog gets some money, now for a lame joke kinda old to.

Whats the difference between a screwdriver and Bill Clinton?

One turns in screws the other screws interns.  

[babyshinobi]

LITTLE M ARK ON ENGLISH



Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'



MARK says 'Mas-tur-bate.'



Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful.'



Little MARK says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a b*****b.'  

[Angelicphrase]

For any med students has this ever happened to you?^^
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."  

[-Stumblefoot-]

!!Important news flash!!

Researchers have discovered that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia. Hwoeevr, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse.  

[WEST_DARK]

a guy wakes up to a hooker and tells a hooker I want a 68 instead of a 69? she ask what is a 68? guy says a 68 is you do me and I'll owe you one!' XD  

[Angelicphrase]

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your a**!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.  

[narutorocks96]

((no offence to all blondes out there))
Q:why did the blonde girl stare at the orange juice carton?
A:because it said "consentrate" on the carton  

[wiccan j]

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when placing a sponge between her legs. When the doctor was notified, he called the husband and asked him to report to the hospital immediately. Upon his arrival the doctor explained that the nurse had seen a reaction when her private parts were stimulated. He suggested that the husband should have oral sex with her because it might lead to improvement in her condition. After about 15 minutes the husband came out of her room and announced that she was dead!

"How did that happen?" asked the doctor.

"I think she choked to death," said the husband.