Sexual Assault - A Safe Haven

[winxgirl21]

I just wanted to say that all of you are very brave for sharing your stories. I feel like my story is hardly anything compared to what all of you have been through, and that I shouldn't complain about it, but I feel like it might be good for me to tell someone everything that happened.

I've always been a shy person, and had a hard time making new friends, and meeting people outside of my already existing group of people. My junior year of high school, one of my friends introduced me to a guy through myspace- we talked a lot on myspace, and eventually moved to texting. My friend knew him, and he was really nice, and really smart. Two weeks after we first started talking, we met for the first time, and a few days later, we went on our first date. When he kissed me for the first time, things moved really quickly, more quickly than I was comfortable with. My first kiss wasn't sweet- he shoved his tongue down my throat. But I told myself that's what couples do, even though I wasn't comfortable with it. Fast forward to three weeks after becoming an official couple. We had made out some, and I had given him some boundaries with what I was comfortable doing, which at this point was just kissing.
We had been out at the fair, but decided to go back to my house. When we got there, my parents weren't home, but my little sister was. My boyfriend insisted we go upstairs to my room. I told him we couldn't be in my room, but we could go in the play room next door to mine. So we did. We started kissing, but he started taking things further once again, and finally pushed up my shirt. I wasn't comfortable with it, and he knew I had avoided him doing that before, but I didn't really know what to say, so I just let him do it. He started kissing me lower and lower, lingering just above my jeans, and I was really uncomfortable. I pulled away from him, but he pulled me back towards him before I could stand up. I pulled away again, and mumbled something about having to go to the bathroom. I ran down the hall and tried to calm myself down, and told myself that he was a guy, and that guys have trouble being in control of themselves all the time. I heard my little sister calling me to help her on the computer, so I left the bathroom, and my boyfriend was standing at the top of the stairs. He told me he had to leave, and left rather quickly.

I thought over what happened all that weekend, and thought that maybe I should sleep with him, since that's what he seemed to really want. I was really uncomfortable with the idea, but considered it anyway. He broke up with me two days after it happened, so it didn't really matter. Now, I'm afraid to think of what he might have done if my little sister hadn't been home. I know it could have been so much worse, but it wasn't, because he was afraid my sister would find us and tell my parents. Only two of my friends know what happened, and they don't even know as much as I'm telling here, though some of my friends have a rough idea of what happened. My sister has no clue what she did for me that day, but I'm so grateful to her for calling up the stairs to ask for help- I really think that's what made my ex remember we weren't home alone.

I have a really hard time trusting guys now, and I hate it. I have some great guys in my circle of friends, but I'm afraid to hang out with them. I hate that that one incident has scared me so much, and I'm trying really hard to move past it.

I feel like I shouldn't be so afraid/ashamed of what happened, because other people have had it so much worse than me.  

[Giggles-kun]

Wow. I would like to say that all of you are SO strong with dealing with these things. Thankfully, I have never been sexually assaulted or anyways even close. I decided to post, to tell you all that you are very strong, for telling people this, and for saying that it happened. I can't even picture how hard it must have been, But I'd like to say that everyone who has been through it, and even people like me, who haven't; stand up for you and with you. All of you didn't deserve it and you should all realize that none of you did anything wrong, anything bad. I look up to all of you for getting through it or trying your hardest to.  

[Opalena]

It does suck even if it's something minor. I am a photography student, and I take pictures of families, weddings, ext... Anyways, one of my clients, a married man for whom I've know for years, came to my house to talk about rescheduling a photo session. Next thing I know, he took his pants and boxers off, suggesting that I give him a hand job!! I was disgusted, mainly because I considered this person a friend and it hurt my feelings that he would think I'm that kind of person. I didn't tell his wife, I don't want to cause a fuss, but men can be such pigs!  

[xX_Destiny_XxX]

Wow.. I shall say your very lucky youm broke up with him.  

[xX_Destiny_XxX]

Wow reading these storys I felt like we all have the same problems almost like us girls have a special connection.  

[Camo Ninja]

I'm new to this guild and have several stories on this topic to share.

When I was young, before kindergarten I had a neighbor 3 or so years older than me. We didn't really hang out that often but her older brother babysat the kids across the street from me so I knew her somewhat. One day we were playing and she convinced me to play "doctor." Now there was no penetration that I remember and obviously as 2 female children we are lacking certain anatomy; but I remember being very uncomfortable with the idea. I'd played doctor before, but never to the point where somebody was touching my "private parts." After awhile of that she told me it was her turn to be the patient and we switched. I honestly have no idea why I went along with it; I remember thinking it was weird and even feeling embarrassed, both as I laid there and let her touch me and in the reverse situation.

In between then and when I was17 there had been random incidents of guys grabbing me and such, typically my thighs, a**, and boobs but nothing scary.

When I was seventeen I had a boyfriend 2 years younger than me but quite bigger than me. He was on the football team and to be honest; really cute. At one point I showed him this random place I had found in the woods; my friends and I referred to it as the hobo convention camp because there were all sorts of things there; a mattress, a washing machine, pots, pans, ect, Everything was housed under this massive tarp tent. We were making out on that mattress and he pinned me down on it. He humped me there; not giving me the slightest chance to escape him.
Thankfully he was a good enough guy to stop before things got out of hand. It took some whining on my part and consistent: "Really stop this now"
On other instances he would rub the crotch of my pants, grab my boobs, a**, slap my a**, once he even bit my n****e thru my shirt in school.
I assume that we didn't work out because hew as childish and had a crazy desire to lose his virginity with me AND take mine. I eventually grew tired of his shenanigans and ended it. I don't resent him, because he never really hurt me.

The last one i'm going to talk about now was probably the most traumatic. I work as a teller at a credit union. The manager where I work was put in charge of hiring 2 new managers, then training them at our branch. One of them, Michael (I'm saying his name because it is a common one) took an interest in me. And even though I was 20 at the time I was naive to his advances. He had a very strong accent; I believe he was from South America/The Caribean area. Anyways; 2 things should have tipped me off of his interest in me.
The first was when I helped him make coffee. For some reason he didn't understand how our coffee maker worked. It's a standard coffee maker thing. Add water. Put the paper lining in, put in coffee grounds. Close lid, hit the big button. Wait 5-8 minutes, Enjoy! I don't know what part he didn't understand but I real quick showed him how to do it. On my way out of the back area he caught up with me and hugged me, then kissed me on the forehead.
I feel so dumb for this now; but I assumed it was just a cultural difference the kiss on my forehead. This man was known as a hugger so that didn't startle me.
A few weeks later I was in another room without cameras with him. It's where we store the paper stuff in the office. I don't know what we were looking for, but it was something that he really should have been able to do by himself. Whatever it was we were looking for I found it, and he wanted to hug me again. So again I hugged him. It was a bit awkward for me though; I was afraid if somebody walked in on this they would misinterpret it.
Eventually he went off to his own branch and began to manage it. i seriously didn't think anything of it. A month or so later they were short staffed over there so everyday one person from our branch would get scheduled to work over there. I was excited for a change of pace! Going to a new place, meeting new people, a new clientele to work with. I went there 3 or so times before anything happened.
As I left one night he met up with me in back- where there were no cameras. (Notice a pattern?) He proceeded to hug me long. Uncomfortably long, his hands held onto my a** firmly that whole time and he again kissed my forehead and stared into my eyes. This man had a considerable amount of muscle and at that point in time I realized the full extent of it. I felt utterly trapped and terrified. The stupidest thing was I didn't say anything. I simply hugged him back as my mind ran wild with fear. Literally that is the best way I can explain what was going on in my head.
When he finally let me go he asked for my number; saying that we should hang out outside of work and talking about going to a nightclub or something (I don't really live in a major nightclub city either) He kept asking for my number and I told him to head back to his office and I'd bring it to him before I left. I don't know why but I honestly did give him my number. I walked back to his office with a piece of paper and my number written on it.
Once I was out of the building I started crying and shaking more. I got into my car and just stared at my eyes in the mirror for a minute. I was so mad at myself, and scared, and I felt helpless. Worthless. I didn't understand why I couldn't stand up for myself when that had happened. I told my boyfriend and he pushed for me to report the guy to HR. Which I did...
First I went to my branch on my day off (which was the next day) I went into the assistant manager's office closed her door and sat down. It was obvious that something was wrong. She told me later I look terrified and pale, which I don't doubt. Anyways I told her what happened, explained to her I was scared to report it to HR because I didn't want to lose my job. I really thought they would pick that guy over me because it's harder to find a qualified manager than a teller. She told me that I would be safe, and to definitely head over there and report it. She told me who I would talk to and everything.
After talking to her I went to a class, took my test, then skipped the rest of the day of school so I could talk to HR. When I was at the main office and getting into the elevator he, another employee, and another branch manager stepped into the elevator with me. That was so scary to me. One of them, not Michael, saw my dog tags and asked me about them, so for the whole half a minute I rambled on about my boyfriend thankful for a topic that I could talk about without thinking. I was here to report the man in the elevator with me. When we got to the top floor I got out and had to wait for a moment to talk to the HR person; that whole time I pretended to be texting. Simply to avoid the introduction of a conversation from anybody particularly Michael.
HR took care of the issue very effectively, even calling me when they fired him, I didn't lie to them about anything, so they knew he had my phone number and they told me if he began to stalk me to follow up with legal action. They gave me information on assault counseling (which I decided against)
Anyways this experience left a mild amount of damage. For about the first week after it happened having sex with my boyfriend was horrible. I didn't want to; I honestly hated men. It was like a silent hatred he had no clue. He wanted sex I laid there and let him do it to me. Over and over, the whole time my mind would be somewhere else. Hating myself for not standing up for myself and hating men for putting me in these situations.
Eventually I got over it. Sex became enjoyable with my boyfriend again. I tried explaining to him months later how I felt afterwards and how sex had been nearly unbearable for me after that, but I don't think he quite understood that.  

[Moxcella]

I don't remember if i was raped or not. I just remember feeling violated.
My mom's boyfriend came to watch me and my bro while she worked. Most of the time he just played video games. Every time he lost i would laugh or giggle,i don't know why i did it..it was such a stupid thing to do. I think it was because he said bad words..bad words used to make me laugh.
A while after doing this he started coming after me and i ran to my room or something. He came in my room and picked me up and threw me down on my bed. I bounced back up and my head hit the wooden part of the bed,i think i might have blacked out,i came around one time and he was on top of me. I remember him saying ' you like that huh? '
I don't know where my brother was,but i didn't see my mother's boyfriend much after that.
I'm sixteen years old now. It had to have been at least eleven years ago.

 

[x-TeaseMe]

Hey girls, I told my parents about this.. But they didn't believe me. Maybe you girls will?
Anyways, about a year ago I was riding home on the bus from my classes when a guy from behind me reached over and grabbed my breasts. Of course, I felt violated but I wasn't about to make a big scene about it. So I Delt with it... Anyways, I got home and was relaxing when I got a knock on the door. It was my friend Alex (a girl) and Nick and Zion. (Nick being the one who grabbed my breasts). They brough me outside and Nick said "Why don't we show Zion what you let me do to you on the bus?" I couldn't say no, I was scared. I told him we should go to the woods where no one can see. So we did. On The way to the woods I overheard Nick say to Zion "You got them?" and Zion saying "Yea man. In my pocket." They were talking about condoms, I later found out.
So we got to the woods and Zion turned Alex around we she couldn't see what Nick was doing to me. He told her to go home because she didn't belong there. So she walked home and left me there. That's when I began to get scared. Before I knew it, Zion grabbed my legs and tripped me, and Nick got on top of me. Nothing happened because I tried to scream. He got off and we sat up, he grabbed my hand and made me give him a hand job while they pulled my shirt off and took my bra off and were grabbing and biting and licking my breasts. I was shaking and Nick said "Why are you shaking?" And I said "I always shake" which I don't but I told him anyways.. I said I have to go and he told me he had a switchblade, he showed it to me. That's when things really started to hit me, I was in trouble and I couldn't get out no matter how hard I tried. After giving him a handjob and fighting not to give him a b*****b,He let me get my shirt and bra back on and go home. I took my shoes off and walked barefoot, hair, makeup, and clothes a mess and completely oblivious to what just happened.
A while later I was walking home with my best guy friend Austin, I told him everything and he held me and told me everything was going to be okay. I told him it wasn't rape because there was no penetration, but he flat out said it was rape. I still don't think it was though..
Anyways, now I ride the bus home with Zion every day and it kills me more and more each day... And it hurts even more because no one can hear my screams.. Thanks for listening.  

[tai-lerr--x]

@xDiCheyanneixD: We believe you. Thats horrible what those guys did to you, and its totally understandable that it hurts so much getting on the bus. Keep telling your parents, vent it out with Austin, and if your parents dont do anything about what those guys did to you, Id urge you to tell a teacher, or even the call the cops about it. When he first grabbed you, you shouldnt have just "dealt with it", that guy shouldve just dealt with your fist! (jk?)

But anyways, Im glad that you are open and trying to tell people about it. Many are scared to share and thats what keeps horrible people like that free. I wish you the best in doing whatever you decide to do, and then moving on. (:  

[Jesswii]

I was 8 years old. I don't think it would have happened had my father not dated that atrocious cow of a girlfriend. When they were dating we all lived in the same two-bedroom apartment, and my father had told us to think of her children as "almost-step brothers and sister". Her youngest son was in the local gang. When I refused to "experiment" with him, he got a few of his buddies with him, and lured me into the basement laundry room under the pretense of playing hide and seek. I never told my family, because he threatened to kill them all if I did. Being 9 and having just experienced what I did, I didn't for a second doubt what they threatened me with. I still wake up from night terrors every now and then,  

[Iz-a-good-Kitty-Kitty]

If anyone would be able to be a listening ear for me PM me please I don't feel comfortable to post my story on line I am not ready for that but if some kind person could PM me and talk to me about it I would be very thankful I am just not ready to spill my guts to everyone this is really hard for me to post right now  

[Abraham The Mage]

I'm reading all these posts and crying cry
It's so sad what you girls have went through and it scares me to know that its still happening out there and that the ones who it happened to don't really have anybody to talk to about it.

Thank God that this guild exists and you all offer so wonderful advice heart  

[M i n i R e d S t a r s]

So, I wasn't assaulted, but I think I can classify this as harassment.

Okay. So a friend of mine likes me right? He starts telling me I'm attractive and stuff, and then says he would *cough* root *cough* me.. I told him no.. But he said it again.... HELP!

 

[SailorHoneyMoon]

Well I was assaulted two years ago two weeks before Christmas. It was this guy I met on the local city chat site. I've chatted with him for four years before I ever decided to meet him and try to make him my friend. It was December and winter break had just started my friends all had job except for me, my boyfriend was busy working for the local tv station too. Everyone was too busy to hang out with me except for this guy. So I decided to go to Starbucks with him since I had been craving coffee from there. I picked him up from his house and we headed to Starbucks to my dismay they were closed and he offered to make coffee for me at his house. Being so naive and believing most people have good intentions, I agreed to go over. When we got to his house everything was going great until he started getting too close to me and smelling me. He started talking about how my smell was so intoxicating to him. I told him that he was making me uncomfortable and that he should stop. I kept reminding him that I had been with my boyfriend for three years already and that his actions were starting to seriously bother me. Instead he grabs my neck and starts feeling me up. I tried fighting him off as best as I could but he overpowered me. I tried leaving but instead he dragged me back to his room by my hair, where undressed me and violated me. The only reason why he stopped was because I threw up on him and punched him straight in the face. After that I got dressed and ran out of his house as fast as I could. I got into my car and drove straight home.

The next day my boyfriend kept questioning me as to where I was and I told him the truth since I don't like to keep secrets from him and he said that I cheated on him and that I deserved everything I got for hanging out with other men. He had been acting weird since his co-worker began tutoring and thought it was him I was with when in reality it wasn't. I told his co-worker, who had become my friend what happened and he felt so bad for me. I remember after the break up and the assault being extremely depressed. I didn't eat for about two weeks. All I did was take a shower, cry, and go back to sleep. I never told my family either since my aunt got arrested for trafficking people and I didn't want to bother or worry them more than they already were.
But if it wasn't for my new friend I'd never would've gotten through it. He's now my boyfriend and I am very grateful for him. My ex still calls and tries making me feel bad for the rape and telling me I'm a slut. Then he calls other nights saying how he wants me back. Truth is I am glad my ex and I aren't together anymore, it was an abusive relationship filled with lies, drugs, and his constant cheating.  

[ShadOBabe]

M i n i R e d S t a r s

So, I wasn't assaulted, but I think I can classify this as harassment.

Okay. So a friend of mine likes me right? He starts telling me I'm attractive and stuff, and then says he would *cough* root *cough* me.. I told him no.. But he said it again.... HELP!

You need to report his actions to someone. If it makes you uncomfortable and they won't stop when you say stop, then you need to get someone else to help.