So, Polygamy

[Shanna66]

Blackrose_Knight

Shanna66

Blackrose_Knight

Shanna66

ive always hated that phrase

Same. I am all "well, if I went all this way to attain cake you bet your a** I am gonna eat it."

yup, not much point in having cake if you cant eat it lol

As a weird tangent I looked up the actual phrase and what it meant. A better phrasing is "You cannot eat your cake and have it too." Meaning if you eat your cake you no longer "have" it in your possession, 'cause its in your tummy. blaugh

that makes so much more sense! its amazing how words and phrases get changed overtime  

[humble_gypsy_traveller]

GrecianPrincessNerd

Since I was raised by polyamorous parents, I never saw anything wrong with someone loving more than one person at once. I knew "normal," people stuck with one each, but, I had been assured that sometimes that's enough, sometimes it's not.
I was raised to think poly-amory is about trust and love, loving your partner(s) enough to share them so they can be as fulfilled (spiritually, emotionally, sexually), as they need to be in order to be happy. But I don't just like poly-amory because my parents live that way (All six of them). It's because I've never met anyone as happy in monogamy as even "unhappy" Poly people.
I honestly cannot see myself happy and fulfilled in a closed, monogamous relationship. I'm too bratty and need too much attention to be happy for one person to handle without saying I'm too clingy and annoying and getting rid of me. My idea of a dream life is having a wife and a husband I live with, in an open relationship, with a few kids and pets.

I would think that your upbringing is really cool. While I was growing up...my parents were always fighting because my dad was never pleased having one partner. I wish I would have known of the poly lifestyle long ago...cause the chaos of monogamy really jaded me. (for a description, see the intro). Though I can understand people in monogamous relationships...it's like their religion...they grew up to know of it...and were convinced it was best.  

[TasmanianTiger]

What's the best way to get a (currently) monogamous partner properly educated about polyamory? My partner and I had ALMOST found a girl to join us, but everyone was very confused and I guess had no idea what they were getting into. I felt as if I was the coordinator, almost, and that is a very weird thing to feel when you are trying to become romantically involved with people.

I would love to have a husband and a wife and to share a family together, but it seems to be an extremely difficult thing to achieve at the moment. I've done a lot of googling and research, but I have no real experience, so I feel as if I still know nothing about it.  

[humble_gypsy_traveller]

TasmanianTiger

What's the best way to get a (currently) monogamous partner properly educated about polyamory? My partner and I had ALMOST found a girl to join us, but everyone was very confused and I guess had no idea what they were getting into. I felt as if I was the coordinator, almost, and that is a very weird thing to feel when you are trying to become romantically involved with people.

I would love to have a husband and a wife and to share a family together, but it seems to be an extremely difficult thing to achieve at the moment. I've done a lot of googling and research, but I have no real experience, so I feel as if I still know nothing about it.

I sort of know where you're coming from. Like I said before...I fell out and into the poly lifestyle...I was lucky enough that by chance...I found another woman...funny enough...on here that was willing to be poly with me. So, I don't really have any advice as to how to go about finding a poly partner. Hmm...there's Fetlife on facebook? Maybe that group could give you some pointers?  

[Blackrose_Knight]

TasmanianTiger

What's the best way to get a (currently) monogamous partner properly educated about polyamory? My partner and I had ALMOST found a girl to join us, but everyone was very confused and I guess had no idea what they were getting into. I felt as if I was the coordinator, almost, and that is a very weird thing to feel when you are trying to become romantically involved with people.

I would love to have a husband and a wife and to share a family together, but it seems to be an extremely difficult thing to achieve at the moment. I've done a lot of googling and research, but I have no real experience, so I feel as if I still know nothing about it.

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Opening Up by Tristan Taormino are awesome when used in tandem. I own both, have ear marked, highlighted and sticky noted both to death.  

[TasmanianTiger]

Blackrose_Knight

TasmanianTiger

What's the best way to get a (currently) monogamous partner properly educated about polyamory? My partner and I had ALMOST found a girl to join us, but everyone was very confused and I guess had no idea what they were getting into. I felt as if I was the coordinator, almost, and that is a very weird thing to feel when you are trying to become romantically involved with people.

I would love to have a husband and a wife and to share a family together, but it seems to be an extremely difficult thing to achieve at the moment. I've done a lot of googling and research, but I have no real experience, so I feel as if I still know nothing about it.

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Opening Up by Tristan Taormino are awesome when used in tandem. I own both, have ear marked, highlighted and sticky noted both to death.

Ahh! Books! Thank you! biggrin  

[Blackrose_Knight]

TasmanianTiger

Blackrose_Knight

TasmanianTiger

What's the best way to get a (currently) monogamous partner properly educated about polyamory? My partner and I had ALMOST found a girl to join us, but everyone was very confused and I guess had no idea what they were getting into. I felt as if I was the coordinator, almost, and that is a very weird thing to feel when you are trying to become romantically involved with people.

I would love to have a husband and a wife and to share a family together, but it seems to be an extremely difficult thing to achieve at the moment. I've done a lot of googling and research, but I have no real experience, so I feel as if I still know nothing about it.

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Opening Up by Tristan Taormino are awesome when used in tandem. I own both, have ear marked, highlighted and sticky noted both to death.

Ahh! Books! Thank you! biggrin

No worries. On general suggestions, talking honestly and openly really helps, The above books help give you verbiage, to talk effectively about non-monogamy. They are also required reading for any of my partners, if we have the same ground to stand on, the same ideas and language, communication is sooo much easier.

I think the "hardest" part of taking that leap into non-monogamy is changing how you think about love, and about the energies surrounding romantic love. It is a paradigm shift. Lots of folks consider romantic love a finite source (think cup of water) and that you give and take from each other's finite sources (I pour some from my glass to yours, and visa versa) But IMO the first step to non-monogamy is realizing romantic love has infinite energy, but other limiting factors that are finite (like time, space, physical energy levels) have deep impacts on it.

Anyway, my PM box is always open for questions. There is also a Polyamory Support Thread located in the Lifestyle Discussion Forum, but forums are down currently so I can't link you. sad  

[Pia Austin]

Wow this thread has gotten interesting  

[TasmanianTiger]

Blackrose_Knight

No worries. On general suggestions, talking honestly and openly really helps, The above books help give you verbiage, to talk effectively about non-monogamy. They are also required reading for any of my partners, if we have the same ground to stand on, the same ideas and language, communication is sooo much easier.

I think the "hardest" part of taking that leap into non-monogamy is changing how you think about love, and about the energies surrounding romantic love. It is a paradigm shift. Lots of folks consider romantic love a finite source (think cup of water) and that you give and take from each other's finite sources (I pour some from my glass to yours, and visa versa) But IMO the first step to non-monogamy is realizing romantic love has infinite energy, but other limiting factors that are finite (like time, space, physical energy levels) have deep impacts on it.

Anyway, my PM box is always open for questions. There is also a Polyamory Support Thread located in the Lifestyle Discussion Forum, but forums are down currently so I can't link you. sad

Thank you so much for all the advice! I definitely think about love and relationships a lot differently than other people already, but I am not nearly as good at explaining it as you are. I will be looking into the books and most likely PMing you when I've read up on it a little bit more.  

[DragonflyQueenOfHearts]

Blackrose_Knight

Vocab moment! 3nodding

Polygamy - multi-marriage and illegal in the USA.

Polyamory - multi-love not illegal.

I am poly, I have 3 romantic partners and a sex friend (too casual to be a boyfriend but not casual enough to be a ******** buddy) It works for me. On your general gist list, what if my other partners are straight and don't want to be shared? I sure my hubby does NOT want to have a relationship with my male bodied ******** buddy, nor would he. They are both very straight. Nor would one of my other partners want a relationship with my husband, they have an almost familial bond going on. And I certainly do not wish to have a relationship with my husband's girlfriend, nice girl, not my type. sweatdrop

I totes agree with the have fun thing and your other list points though.

I have been called all sorts of fun names here on Gaia, and here within this guild, slut, whore, greedy, loose, tramp, trash, c** bucket, std ridden filth, cheater, non-committal. I have been told my love is not real. Fun times. neutral

I can say I will never be monogamous again, its a whole paradigm shift. I am happy as I am, the happiest really. Each partner is another part of my support system. They all have my six, I have all theirs. Makes me feel safer.

OP: Have you read any poly literature?

I look up to you on this. My husband and I have always felt this way but never heard of poly until 6 months ago & were like "holy moly thats us!". I'd say we are in our baby stage. We are currently looking for a girlfriend now. Not interested in other men at all. Who knows what the future brings tho. I've never believed in monogamy and when we got together I told my husband this & he agreed. We have so much love to give and there are some things in a relationship that we cannot fill for each other. That doesn't change our feelings for each other in the least. In fact we love each other more and are happier because we are so honest & unconditional with each other. Now we just gotta find the right girl or girls Lol...  

[Blackrose_Knight]

DragonflyQueenOfHearts

Blackrose_Knight

Vocab moment! 3nodding

Polygamy - multi-marriage and illegal in the USA.

Polyamory - multi-love not illegal.

I am poly, I have 3 romantic partners and a sex friend (too casual to be a boyfriend but not casual enough to be a ******** buddy) It works for me. On your general gist list, what if my other partners are straight and don't want to be shared? I sure my hubby does NOT want to have a relationship with my male bodied ******** buddy, nor would he. They are both very straight. Nor would one of my other partners want a relationship with my husband, they have an almost familial bond going on. And I certainly do not wish to have a relationship with my husband's girlfriend, nice girl, not my type. sweatdrop

I totes agree with the have fun thing and your other list points though.

I have been called all sorts of fun names here on Gaia, and here within this guild, slut, whore, greedy, loose, tramp, trash, c** bucket, std ridden filth, cheater, non-committal. I have been told my love is not real. Fun times. neutral

I can say I will never be monogamous again, its a whole paradigm shift. I am happy as I am, the happiest really. Each partner is another part of my support system. They all have my six, I have all theirs. Makes me feel safer.

OP: Have you read any poly literature?

I look up to you on this. My husband and I have always felt this way but never heard of poly until 6 months ago & were like "holy moly thats us!". I'd say we are in our baby stage. We are currently looking for a girlfriend now. Not interested in other men at all. Who knows what the future brings tho. I've never believed in monogamy and when we got together I told my husband this & he agreed. We have so much love to give and there are some things in a relationship that we cannot fill for each other. That doesn't change our feelings for each other in the least. In fact we love each other more and are happier because we are so honest & unconditional with each other. Now we just gotta find the right girl or girls Lol...

Ah, so you are in the market for a unicorn (bi girl to fit in with you, and your SO). That is a great ideal, and mainly stays an ideal, hence why it is called you are hunting for a unicorn. More likely you will run into a few horses, maybe a zebra or two, even a one horned elk, but a unicorn is a rare thing.
Might I link you to The Care and Feeding of Unicorns before you done your hunting gear. Its a good primer on why and why not what your looking for most likely will not come to be.
Quite simply, it is really ******** hard to find a bi girl who loves you and your hubby at the same time.

Good luck, and keep an eye peeled for that unicorn, but don't reject the other folk who come your way simply because they aren't the mythic beast you search. Who knows, there could be a unicorn under the dun of a horse only time tells that. wink I know I wasn't planning on being a unicorn but I ended up that way. Or I like to call myself a zebra that ran into an icecream cone head first as I am not with a bi lady + het man couple.  

[DragonflyQueenOfHearts]

Blackrose_Knight

DragonflyQueenOfHearts

Blackrose_Knight

Vocab moment! 3nodding

Polygamy - multi-marriage and illegal in the USA.

Polyamory - multi-love not illegal.

I am poly, I have 3 romantic partners and a sex friend (too casual to be a boyfriend but not casual enough to be a ******** buddy) It works for me. On your general gist list, what if my other partners are straight and don't want to be shared? I sure my hubby does NOT want to have a relationship with my male bodied ******** buddy, nor would he. They are both very straight. Nor would one of my other partners want a relationship with my husband, they have an almost familial bond going on. And I certainly do not wish to have a relationship with my husband's girlfriend, nice girl, not my type. sweatdrop

I totes agree with the have fun thing and your other list points though.

I have been called all sorts of fun names here on Gaia, and here within this guild, slut, whore, greedy, loose, tramp, trash, c** bucket, std ridden filth, cheater, non-committal. I have been told my love is not real. Fun times. neutral

I can say I will never be monogamous again, its a whole paradigm shift. I am happy as I am, the happiest really. Each partner is another part of my support system. They all have my six, I have all theirs. Makes me feel safer.

OP: Have you read any poly literature?

I look up to you on this. My husband and I have always felt this way but never heard of poly until 6 months ago & were like "holy moly thats us!". I'd say we are in our baby stage. We are currently looking for a girlfriend now. Not interested in other men at all. Who knows what the future brings tho. I've never believed in monogamy and when we got together I told my husband this & he agreed. We have so much love to give and there are some things in a relationship that we cannot fill for each other. That doesn't change our feelings for each other in the least. In fact we love each other more and are happier because we are so honest & unconditional with each other. Now we just gotta find the right girl or girls Lol...

Ah, so you are in the market for a unicorn (bi girl to fit in with you, and your SO). That is a great ideal, and mainly stays an ideal, hence why it is called you are hunting for a unicorn. More likely you will run into a few horses, maybe a zebra or two, even a one horned elk, but a unicorn is a rare thing.
Might I link you to The Care and Feeding of Unicorns before you done your hunting gear. Its a good primer on why and why not what your looking for most likely will not come to be.
Quite simply, it is really ******** hard to find a bi girl who loves you and your hubby at the same time.

Good luck, and keep an eye peeled for that unicorn, but don't reject the other folk who come your way simply because they aren't the mythic beast you search. Who knows, there could be a unicorn under the dun of a horse only time tells that. wink I know I wasn't planning on being a unicorn but I ended up that way. Or I like to call myself a zebra that ran into an icecream cone head first as I am not with a bi lady + het man couple.

Wow, so much truth in there! Thank you for the article, I plan on sharing that with my husband. I think we have a lot to consider here. I think the hard part is my husband doesn't want to feel left out, like I'm the one with two relationships. We have had this happen before & thus the search for the unicorn. we've also been in a relationship where i've felt left out and confused. Its no wonder we've been so upset searching for someone so rare. I think it would be a good idea if we each decided to look for our own girlfriend separately but stay strong with communication and open minded. Its not like we havent thought of this before, I just don't think we've really realized it or maybe we are scared of hurting each other, by outright doing it. emotion_hug emotion_hug I also think maybe we need to educate ourselves more on polyamory to feel more comfortable with it. I'm going to educate myself no matter; to me its really heart opening.