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 Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:20 pm
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ne of the hard truths of parenting is knowing that child care may not always be readily available.
Not only did many child care locations close down or seriously limit their traffic during the pandemic, but some friends and family are simply less available, or willing, to provide care.
One brother found that out recently when he asked his sister for help, though with little warning, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor LowIce4769 was not interested in babysitting her niece and nephew, despite an emergency that came up, and created new arrangements for babysitting.
But when she heard of her brother’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to look after my brother’s children?”
The OP and her boyfriend weren’t interested in children.
“So my boyfriend and I live together in a fairly large rented house, despite the fact that neither of us wants children.”
“The house has 4 decently sized bedrooms, one of which is our bedroom, while one is an office. The other two are empty.”
“Despite the fact that that we don’t have kids, we are avid pet lovers, and we own a 3-year-old Rottweiler, a one-year-old Bulldog, as well as a 7-year-old cat.”
The OP’s brother asked her to watch his kids due to an emergency.
“Yesterday, my brother asked me to watch his children, since he had to go to the hospital due to his wife breaking her leg.”
“I was the only one available at the time, so my brother dropped his children (a 9-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl) off at our house.”
“As a side note, I didn’t really have a chance to respond [to whether I would watch the kids or not].”
“My brother phoned me while en route to the hospital to tell me that he needs someone to watch his kids due to his wife breaking her leg. Around 5 minutes later, he turned up at my house with the kids, before saying he has to go to the hospital.”
Due to plans of her own, the OP made other arrangements.
“Unfortunately, this arrangement wasn’t suitable for us, since we’d made plans to drop our dogs off at a doggy spa while we went to the mall.”
“I called my friend, who agreed to look after the kids (I compensated her monetarily, even though she told me there was no need to).”
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“My brother has never met this friend, but I’d never leave any child in a dangerous position.”
The OP’s brother was furious.
“While we were at the mall, my brother called me to ask me where we were.”
“I told him that his kids were at my friend’s house. He was furious with me and hung up on the phone soon after.”
“Around 30 minutes later, my friend called to say that my brother has picked the kids up and that he was irate, to say the least.”
“My brother has tried to call me since, but I haven’t picked up the phone, since I know he likely only wants to have an argument with me.”
The OP’s father spoke up, as well.
“Today, my dad called me to ask me why I’d chosen my ‘dumb dogs’ over my nephew and niece, which irritated me.”
“I told my dad that while I feel sorry for his wife, it isn’t my responsibility to drop everything and look after children that aren’t even mine.”
“I also told him that if he’s going to insult my family, then he shouldn’t expect to walk me down the aisle.”
“I know my choice of words could have been kinder; however, I don’t think it’s fair to impose the responsibility of looking after kids on me when I’ve made the decision to not have any.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some child-free Redditors chimed in to say YTA.
“I have no desire to ever have children and would rather do a whole lot of other things than babysit.”
“HOWEVER, my sister and mom are both elementary school teachers and have always loved children. My sister definitely wants kids and if she or her husband were in a MEDICAL emergency, I’d be there for them.”
“They’d probably be bored outta their mind because all I have is crossword/jigsaw puzzles at my apartment, but at least they’d be safe and I know how to cook grilled cheeses for them.”
“It’s not like they were like, ‘Hey, we are going to a concert, take these kids for a few hours.’ SHE BROKE HER LEG AND WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. NO ONE PLANS THAT. OMG. YTA.” – planethoney
“YTA – I live a child-free, Pet full lifestyle and I’m disgusted with what you did.”
“This is a medical emergency, not a casual night out, and then to drop your brother’s kids off with someone they don’t know can be outright dangerous.”
“Why you focused on the size of your house also doesn’t play into this at all, he wasn’t asking you to take them in, just watch them a few hours.”
“Your lack of empathy is outstanding, then to yell at your dad and tell him he won’t be able to walk you down the aisle because he confronted you shows your level of immaturity.”
“I really hope you are not planning on getting married anytime soon because the minute something doesn’t go your way, you will be out the door. Grow up and act like a human.” – Roadgoddess
“YTA. Sorry your sister-in-law didn’t plan her leg break around your schedule?”
“I don’t like kids, I don’t like watching kids. But if I was the ONLY person available to watch them because of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY, you bet your bippity I would. And pawning your brother’s kids off to someone he’s never met before? Big nope.”
“I’d get your reaction if he and his wife wanted a spur-of-the-moment date night, but you’ve basically told your whole family that you care more for the mall than you do for them during their time of need. Nice.” – PoisonOfKings
“100% child-free. Don’t like kids and actively avoid them. OP is absolutely the AH here. OP is unbelievably immature and self-centered.”
“It also wouldn’t have been difficult to take the kids to the mall with them. It would have been a good distraction for them instead of being shuffled off to a stranger.” – Smecterbice
“I’m loving all us ‘evil’ child-free people voting very firmly YTA on this one.”
“Like yeah, I don’t have kids, don’t want kids, don’t even really like kids.”
“But FFS (for f**k’s sake), obviously in a medical emergency, 99.9% of us would happily cancel our plans and look after the kids, because it’s the godd**n right thing to do!” – whitewallpaper76
Others agreed and described what the OP could have done instead.
“They didn’t even have to reschedule [the dog spa]. Load everyone in the car, drop the dogs off at the spa, and take the kids to go get ice cream or McDonald’s and, I dunno, some other activity like a game arcade, bowling, a movie, whatever.”
“Still a spa day for the dogs, still a mall day, and kids are watched and maybe taken a mind off their mother breaking a leg. Like, geez.” – Habitat-Green
“Why couldn’t BF take the dogs to the spa by himself? Is he not able to do things on his own? I’m not a huge fan of kids either, but even I know better than to leave them with someone the parent has never met.”
“WTF, OP? Where is your head? YTA.” – cutelittleh**lbeast
“I am childfree too.”
“I would have gotten a friend to help me with the dogs while we take them and the kids to the dogs’ spa appointment. And then do something nice at the mall together. Like: ‘Auntie has to take the doggies to the Spa. We will have ice cream after, ok? My good friend is also coming.'”
Our Community
2,662
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“Or get someone to help me get the dogs to the appointment while I watch the kids.”
“(Paying the friend for it or taking them out to a meal as a thank you).”
“I would never leave the kids with other adults that my brother doesn’t know.”
“YTA OP.” – MarucaMCA
“I recently had to look after my nieces when their dad was hospitalized (he’s fine now), and we did a whole day of activities – baked cookies, made popcorn and watched a movie, ordered pizza. It took their minds off the whole scary situation.” – D-Jewelled
“If my mom had just broken her leg and I was an upset small child, I would have LOVED the distraction of a trip to the mall. Look around the dollar store and get them a little something, then get them a nice snack at the food court. It could have been a really nice moment for family bonding and helping a couple of worried and upset kids through a difficult event.” – MillieTheDestroyer
Some couldn’t believe how self-centered the OP was.
“She’s not even mature enough to answer her brother’s calls and talk about the situation. And then threatened not to let her father walk her down the aisle.”
“OP knows she’s in the wrong and can’t handle being called out for it. She’s being manipulative and I hope her whole family just cuts her off.” – StrwbrryKiwis
“When she began with the description of her huge house, I fully expected to read that her brother had gone for a two weeks vacation, dumping the kids at her place beforehand. But nope, irrelevant unless she wanted to show off her selfishness.” – Bleu_Cerise
“This shows that OP is extremely egocentric, selfish, and immature. I get that you see your pets as your kids, but this is over the line… How difficult would it be to just take the kids to the mall with you and maybe help them get their mind off the fact that their mom is injured?”
“YTA.” – spacegal777
“OP, YTA. You made a really bad choice here and I wouldn’t be surprised if it follows you forever.” – LakeLov3r
“YTA. You don’t leave children that aren’t yours with someone who the parent doesn’t even know. You accepted responsibility for these children and then acted in a most irresponsible manner.”
“Somehow I think you, your bf, and your doggies would have survived not going to the mall and doggy spa.”
“Can you imagine how scary and confusing it was for the children, first being rushed to your house because their mother was hurt and then having you dump them with a stranger?”
“If I was your brother, I would be going NC (no contact) with you. Permanently.” – Janetaz18
The day her brother needed her, the OP had other plans that she really did not want to cancel. While we’ve all been there, the subReddit did not agree that the OP was right to keep her plans over watching her brother’s children during a time of need. Not only did the children need her, but with a little creativity, she probably could have helped out and enjoyed her day, too.
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:28 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:28 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:28 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:28 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:31 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:31 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:32 pm
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Redditor Called Out For Swearing In Front Of A Woman’s Young Child After Car Crash
by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
Westend61/Getty Images
For those of us who have been in some form of a car accident, we know that it’s a terrible rush of emotions, damages, and worse, injuries.
We’re surely not at a calmest when an accident happens, assured the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and sometimes we say things we don’t mean.
Redditor ConfusedAutist found themselves in such a situation where they started using swear words on the scene.
But when the woman at fault reported them for swearing, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were wrong for not holding their temper better.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for swearing in front of a random woman’s child after she hit my car?”
The OP was recently in a car accident.
“I (nonbinary, they/them) was on my way home from work earlier, driving straight in the far right lane on a four-lane road with a green light.”
“Some lady made a right turn at the intersection and slammed right into me, hard enough to push me into the next lane and almost hit the car next to me if he wasn’t speeding.”
“She didn’t even stop at her red light, she just went for it.”
The OP did not agree with the woman’s reasoning.
“She came out of her car with her toddler son, saying he’s in pull-ups and needs to go potty, and that’s why she was in a rush.”
“I get it, I work as an infant teacher at a daycare, but I was obviously enraged because she’s driving so recklessly with a small child in the car, endangering his life (and hers, and mine) just so he can go on the toilet instead of in his pull-up.”
“I said something along the lines of, ‘I don’t give a s**t about a pull-up, you could’ve f**king killed him!'”
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The woman did not appreciate the OP’s language.
“So she made a big deal of this and demanded that it was included in the police report.”
“The police officer interviewing me asked me about it, and I didn’t deny it, but he was giving me a look of disapproval, and now I’m confused.”
“I later heard the officer talking about it with two other officers, and it seemed that I just generally am not a good person.”
The OP was worried after that.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think it’s illegal to swear in front of kids, nor did that even need to be brought up with the authorities.”
“Am I really such a bad person for displaying anger in such a way when I was so angry?”
“Like, I obviously don’t normally swear in front of kids during my work, and I’d be kind of upset if someone randomly said those words in front of my young child, but she p**sed me off, so… I’m just confused about how I’m suddenly the bad guy.”
“The police said it’s not my fault btw (by the way), so why did they treat me like it was my fault during the interview?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was right to be upset, swearing and all.
“NTA, it’s one thing to curse out loud casually when you’re in public, say a park or at a grocery store (still legal just frowned upon), and another thing to curse out of frustration and anger after being an actual car accident.”
“I don’t know what reason the police officer has to give whatever look of disappointment, but you cursing doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.” – ThatBrownGuy120
“NTA, you shouldn’t routinely swear in front of kids, but this is far from a routine situation.” – andylovestokyo
“NTA – so the lady endangered her own kid life just to avoid having to clean up after him… and somehow you are the a**hole for swearing in front of the child?”
“I would very much think that crashing your car because you were running a red light is way worst.”
“Policeman are often grumpy and they are mostly there not to be your friend, so don’t mind too much their reaction.” – MaybeAWalrus
“NTA – You were right. She could’ve f**king killed him. Although you could’ve been calmer, the stress of the situation justifies it to me.”
“Also, did she take her toddler out of the car when going to talk to you? Because it sounds like she was using him as a guilt trip so you wouldn’t be mad.” – ghostcraft33
Others agreed and criticized the mother’s reasoning skills.
“NTA. My 1st thought was how she was BLAMING her child for her driving. What else is he at fault for? That is a level of parentification that is next level child abuse….” – KSknitter
“… He’s in pull-ups. As in, pull-up nappies.”
“My son is in those too, and the reason we find pull-ups a good halfway point between nappies and undies is that it literally doesn’t matter if they have an oopsie.”
“I reckon she told the cops something else to make you sound worse.”
“Obviously NTA.” – ATreeInKiwiLand
“NTA. She made a dangerous choice and could have killed or caused permanent harm to you, her child, and herself. She deserved to get yelled at for that.”
“Not only did she apparently not care that she had done that, but she also wanted to make you out to be the bad guy to shift the blame from her. What an awful person.” – LefthandedLemur
“NTA. This woman was being very selfish and there is never a good reason for reckless driving, especially with a child in the car. The Police would hear swear words all the time – you would have been in shock and I don’t blame you!” – xponential31
Our Community
2,662
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“NTA. I’m a mom and if I pulled that line on someone, I would expect them to react the same.”
“I personally would have said something similar. Now, swearing in front of a child isn’t illegal. But reckless driving with a child in the vehicle actually is.”
“Failure to stop at the red light? Yep. It’s a whole thing. And she knows it, the cop knows it.”
“Like…there was an actual law broken here, that resulted in a car accident…they really should focus on that.” – Shaneaux
Some, however, pointed out some of the issues of swearing, even in this situation.
“NTA. Should you probably have controlled your temper better? Definitely. Especially in front of a child (a stranger yelling bad words at your mom is probably pretty scary).”
“However, it sounds like it was very much a heat of the moment thing and that the mom needed a wake-up call.”
“But, assuming you’re in the US, many states do have laws against swearing in front of women and children and some have them against swearing in public in general. So depending on where you live, they potentially could have cited you for it.” – mcolt8504
“NTA but to answer your question many places in the Midwest have morality laws on the books that make it illegal for males to swear/curse in front of women and children.” – JadedSlayer
“It’s understandable to be upset after being hit by somebody else. Inappropriate language may not be good for kids, but I would argue a parent who crashes into other drivers while they’re in the car is worse.”
“Did you overreact? Maybe. Does that make you TA? No. NTA.” – DrWhoop87
“People are allowed to not like swearing and to ask others to avoid it around them or their children. But it is an ETIQUETTE issue, not a MORAL one. And etiquette (unlike morality) is just plain less important when people’s lives are at stake.” – dreadedwheat
The OP may have been worried after a gruff engagement with the police and the mother pushing for the OP’s swearing to be included in the report, but the subReddit didn’t think they had anything to worry about. They may have overreacted in the heat of the moment, but since swearing is far less offensive than causing an accident, the OP really shouldn’t be seen as the one at fault.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:32 pm
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Redditor Called Out For Swearing In Front Of A Woman’s Young Child After Car Crash
by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
Westend61/Getty Images
For those of us who have been in some form of a car accident, we know that it’s a terrible rush of emotions, damages, and worse, injuries.
We’re surely not at a calmest when an accident happens, assured the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and sometimes we say things we don’t mean.
Redditor ConfusedAutist found themselves in such a situation where they started using swear words on the scene.
But when the woman at fault reported them for swearing, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were wrong for not holding their temper better.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for swearing in front of a random woman’s child after she hit my car?”
The OP was recently in a car accident.
“I (nonbinary, they/them) was on my way home from work earlier, driving straight in the far right lane on a four-lane road with a green light.”
“Some lady made a right turn at the intersection and slammed right into me, hard enough to push me into the next lane and almost hit the car next to me if he wasn’t speeding.”
“She didn’t even stop at her red light, she just went for it.”
The OP did not agree with the woman’s reasoning.
“She came out of her car with her toddler son, saying he’s in pull-ups and needs to go potty, and that’s why she was in a rush.”
“I get it, I work as an infant teacher at a daycare, but I was obviously enraged because she’s driving so recklessly with a small child in the car, endangering his life (and hers, and mine) just so he can go on the toilet instead of in his pull-up.”
“I said something along the lines of, ‘I don’t give a s**t about a pull-up, you could’ve f**king killed him!'”
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Health Insight
The woman did not appreciate the OP’s language.
“So she made a big deal of this and demanded that it was included in the police report.”
“The police officer interviewing me asked me about it, and I didn’t deny it, but he was giving me a look of disapproval, and now I’m confused.”
“I later heard the officer talking about it with two other officers, and it seemed that I just generally am not a good person.”
The OP was worried after that.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think it’s illegal to swear in front of kids, nor did that even need to be brought up with the authorities.”
“Am I really such a bad person for displaying anger in such a way when I was so angry?”
“Like, I obviously don’t normally swear in front of kids during my work, and I’d be kind of upset if someone randomly said those words in front of my young child, but she p**sed me off, so… I’m just confused about how I’m suddenly the bad guy.”
“The police said it’s not my fault btw (by the way), so why did they treat me like it was my fault during the interview?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was right to be upset, swearing and all.
“NTA, it’s one thing to curse out loud casually when you’re in public, say a park or at a grocery store (still legal just frowned upon), and another thing to curse out of frustration and anger after being an actual car accident.”
“I don’t know what reason the police officer has to give whatever look of disappointment, but you cursing doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.” – ThatBrownGuy120
“NTA, you shouldn’t routinely swear in front of kids, but this is far from a routine situation.” – andylovestokyo
“NTA – so the lady endangered her own kid life just to avoid having to clean up after him… and somehow you are the a**hole for swearing in front of the child?”
“I would very much think that crashing your car because you were running a red light is way worst.”
“Policeman are often grumpy and they are mostly there not to be your friend, so don’t mind too much their reaction.” – MaybeAWalrus
“NTA – You were right. She could’ve f**king killed him. Although you could’ve been calmer, the stress of the situation justifies it to me.”
“Also, did she take her toddler out of the car when going to talk to you? Because it sounds like she was using him as a guilt trip so you wouldn’t be mad.” – ghostcraft33
Others agreed and criticized the mother’s reasoning skills.
“NTA. My 1st thought was how she was BLAMING her child for her driving. What else is he at fault for? That is a level of parentification that is next level child abuse….” – KSknitter
“… He’s in pull-ups. As in, pull-up nappies.”
“My son is in those too, and the reason we find pull-ups a good halfway point between nappies and undies is that it literally doesn’t matter if they have an oopsie.”
“I reckon she told the cops something else to make you sound worse.”
“Obviously NTA.” – ATreeInKiwiLand
“NTA. She made a dangerous choice and could have killed or caused permanent harm to you, her child, and herself. She deserved to get yelled at for that.”
“Not only did she apparently not care that she had done that, but she also wanted to make you out to be the bad guy to shift the blame from her. What an awful person.” – LefthandedLemur
“NTA. This woman was being very selfish and there is never a good reason for reckless driving, especially with a child in the car. The Police would hear swear words all the time – you would have been in shock and I don’t blame you!” – xponential31
Our Community
2,662
Comments posted on Percolately this month
“NTA. I’m a mom and if I pulled that line on someone, I would expect them to react the same.”
“I personally would have said something similar. Now, swearing in front of a child isn’t illegal. But reckless driving with a child in the vehicle actually is.”
“Failure to stop at the red light? Yep. It’s a whole thing. And she knows it, the cop knows it.”
“Like…there was an actual law broken here, that resulted in a car accident…they really should focus on that.” – Shaneaux
Some, however, pointed out some of the issues of swearing, even in this situation.
“NTA. Should you probably have controlled your temper better? Definitely. Especially in front of a child (a stranger yelling bad words at your mom is probably pretty scary).”
“However, it sounds like it was very much a heat of the moment thing and that the mom needed a wake-up call.”
“But, assuming you’re in the US, many states do have laws against swearing in front of women and children and some have them against swearing in public in general. So depending on where you live, they potentially could have cited you for it.” – mcolt8504
“NTA but to answer your question many places in the Midwest have morality laws on the books that make it illegal for males to swear/curse in front of women and children.” – JadedSlayer
“It’s understandable to be upset after being hit by somebody else. Inappropriate language may not be good for kids, but I would argue a parent who crashes into other drivers while they’re in the car is worse.”
“Did you overreact? Maybe. Does that make you TA? No. NTA.” – DrWhoop87
“People are allowed to not like swearing and to ask others to avoid it around them or their children. But it is an ETIQUETTE issue, not a MORAL one. And etiquette (unlike morality) is just plain less important when people’s lives are at stake.” – dreadedwheat
The OP may have been worried after a gruff engagement with the police and the mother pushing for the OP’s swearing to be included in the report, but the subReddit didn’t think they had anything to worry about. They may have overreacted in the heat of the moment, but since swearing is far less offensive than causing an accident, the OP really shouldn’t be seen as the one at fault.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:32 pm
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Redditor Called Out For Swearing In Front Of A Woman’s Young Child After Car Crash
by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
Westend61/Getty Images
For those of us who have been in some form of a car accident, we know that it’s a terrible rush of emotions, damages, and worse, injuries.
We’re surely not at a calmest when an accident happens, assured the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and sometimes we say things we don’t mean.
Redditor ConfusedAutist found themselves in such a situation where they started using swear words on the scene.
But when the woman at fault reported them for swearing, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were wrong for not holding their temper better.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for swearing in front of a random woman’s child after she hit my car?”
The OP was recently in a car accident.
“I (nonbinary, they/them) was on my way home from work earlier, driving straight in the far right lane on a four-lane road with a green light.”
“Some lady made a right turn at the intersection and slammed right into me, hard enough to push me into the next lane and almost hit the car next to me if he wasn’t speeding.”
“She didn’t even stop at her red light, she just went for it.”
The OP did not agree with the woman’s reasoning.
“She came out of her car with her toddler son, saying he’s in pull-ups and needs to go potty, and that’s why she was in a rush.”
“I get it, I work as an infant teacher at a daycare, but I was obviously enraged because she’s driving so recklessly with a small child in the car, endangering his life (and hers, and mine) just so he can go on the toilet instead of in his pull-up.”
“I said something along the lines of, ‘I don’t give a s**t about a pull-up, you could’ve f**king killed him!'”
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The woman did not appreciate the OP’s language.
“So she made a big deal of this and demanded that it was included in the police report.”
“The police officer interviewing me asked me about it, and I didn’t deny it, but he was giving me a look of disapproval, and now I’m confused.”
“I later heard the officer talking about it with two other officers, and it seemed that I just generally am not a good person.”
The OP was worried after that.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think it’s illegal to swear in front of kids, nor did that even need to be brought up with the authorities.”
“Am I really such a bad person for displaying anger in such a way when I was so angry?”
“Like, I obviously don’t normally swear in front of kids during my work, and I’d be kind of upset if someone randomly said those words in front of my young child, but she p**sed me off, so… I’m just confused about how I’m suddenly the bad guy.”
“The police said it’s not my fault btw (by the way), so why did they treat me like it was my fault during the interview?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
NTA: Not the A**hole
YTA: You’re the A**hole
ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was right to be upset, swearing and all.
“NTA, it’s one thing to curse out loud casually when you’re in public, say a park or at a grocery store (still legal just frowned upon), and another thing to curse out of frustration and anger after being an actual car accident.”
“I don’t know what reason the police officer has to give whatever look of disappointment, but you cursing doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.” – ThatBrownGuy120
“NTA, you shouldn’t routinely swear in front of kids, but this is far from a routine situation.” – andylovestokyo
“NTA – so the lady endangered her own kid life just to avoid having to clean up after him… and somehow you are the a**hole for swearing in front of the child?”
“I would very much think that crashing your car because you were running a red light is way worst.”
“Policeman are often grumpy and they are mostly there not to be your friend, so don’t mind too much their reaction.” – MaybeAWalrus
“NTA – You were right. She could’ve f**king killed him. Although you could’ve been calmer, the stress of the situation justifies it to me.”
“Also, did she take her toddler out of the car when going to talk to you? Because it sounds like she was using him as a guilt trip so you wouldn’t be mad.” – ghostcraft33
Others agreed and criticized the mother’s reasoning skills.
“NTA. My 1st thought was how she was BLAMING her child for her driving. What else is he at fault for? That is a level of parentification that is next level child abuse….” – KSknitter
“… He’s in pull-ups. As in, pull-up nappies.”
“My son is in those too, and the reason we find pull-ups a good halfway point between nappies and undies is that it literally doesn’t matter if they have an oopsie.”
“I reckon she told the cops something else to make you sound worse.”
“Obviously NTA.” – ATreeInKiwiLand
“NTA. She made a dangerous choice and could have killed or caused permanent harm to you, her child, and herself. She deserved to get yelled at for that.”
“Not only did she apparently not care that she had done that, but she also wanted to make you out to be the bad guy to shift the blame from her. What an awful person.” – LefthandedLemur
“NTA. This woman was being very selfish and there is never a good reason for reckless driving, especially with a child in the car. The Police would hear swear words all the time – you would have been in shock and I don’t blame you!” – xponential31
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“NTA. I’m a mom and if I pulled that line on someone, I would expect them to react the same.”
“I personally would have said something similar. Now, swearing in front of a child isn’t illegal. But reckless driving with a child in the vehicle actually is.”
“Failure to stop at the red light? Yep. It’s a whole thing. And she knows it, the cop knows it.”
“Like…there was an actual law broken here, that resulted in a car accident…they really should focus on that.” – Shaneaux
Some, however, pointed out some of the issues of swearing, even in this situation.
“NTA. Should you probably have controlled your temper better? Definitely. Especially in front of a child (a stranger yelling bad words at your mom is probably pretty scary).”
“However, it sounds like it was very much a heat of the moment thing and that the mom needed a wake-up call.”
“But, assuming you’re in the US, many states do have laws against swearing in front of women and children and some have them against swearing in public in general. So depending on where you live, they potentially could have cited you for it.” – mcolt8504
“NTA but to answer your question many places in the Midwest have morality laws on the books that make it illegal for males to swear/curse in front of women and children.” – JadedSlayer
“It’s understandable to be upset after being hit by somebody else. Inappropriate language may not be good for kids, but I would argue a parent who crashes into other drivers while they’re in the car is worse.”
“Did you overreact? Maybe. Does that make you TA? No. NTA.” – DrWhoop87
“People are allowed to not like swearing and to ask others to avoid it around them or their children. But it is an ETIQUETTE issue, not a MORAL one. And etiquette (unlike morality) is just plain less important when people’s lives are at stake.” – dreadedwheat
The OP may have been worried after a gruff engagement with the police and the mother pushing for the OP’s swearing to be included in the report, but the subReddit didn’t think they had anything to worry about. They may have overreacted in the heat of the moment, but since swearing is far less offensive than causing an accident, the OP really shouldn’t be seen as the one at fault.
Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan
McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.
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