What is better? Going for looks or going for personality?

[SilntAngl5]

My fiance and I met on the internet. Back before match. com and eharmony. Back when it was a "taboo." We knew what we each looked like and talked online/on the phone for months before we met with a mutual group of friends around us. I knew the second I saw him that he was it. And 6 years later, I was right. He's not America's Top Model. He's heavy set and a bit nerdy, but very intelligent, caring, witty and even a bit of a smart @s$. While he doesn't have the best body, his eyes and smile are something I would never trade... and he gives the best snuggles and hugs of anyone wink (I'm a tad biased).

Anyway, my point? An echo of the echoed sentiments above: A little of both is the perfect mix! mrgreen  

[VodkaLeona]

In my case neither. I went for looks but he ended up being a posturing rooster that constantly had to have others love. Then for personality and he ended up being a drama queen who had to have others love. I'm still looking for that man with the inner beauty and the outer beauty that isn't superficial and I'm looking for that one man that is monogamous.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

"that one man that is monogamous" sounds like you're inferring that such a man is rare. I think men and women cheat about as much, and similarly there are about as many men and women who prefer committed relationships. You just have to be sure you're choosing the right person.

For your "personality" choice to have gone so badly, it seems you had been looking for the wrong personality traits to begin with, which is a common mistake. People often think they want someone with a certain type of personality but don't realize just what being with such a person would actually be like.

I do think that it's best to try to find some kind of balance of looks and personality instead of insisting on one or the other, though. While I don't think looks are as important, it is harder to take that extra step from "friend" to "lover" without some kind of physical attraction. A well matching personality will always make a better relationship than just a pretty face, though.  

[Sweet_lil_tomboy]

I think both play a part in the beginning. First, there has to be something that attracts you; be it a smile or the eyes or whatever you look at first. Second is pesonality, you have to be able to communicate with each other and be compatiable.
Let's face it, if you are drop dead gorgeous but dumb as a box of rocks and rude; you are the wrong dude for me.  

[Oshousama_Raistlin]

Taxi Mama

The most amazing thing about love... The person you love becomes beautiful to you! I am 40 pounds overweight, wear tank tops & men's shorts all the time, no makeup, with frizzy hair besides. And yet, my husband calls me Sexy, Gorgeous, Beautiful, etc... and I catch him staring at me googly eyed a couple of times a week, so I don't think he's fibbing. As I said, amazing!

I wish I could upvote this post.

I think the same must be happening with my perception of my boyfriend:
Everyone else is going "He's got acne, wears glasses, looks like a nerd, little fashion sense"

While I'm going "OMG, he's so awesome." *sighs over the sweet text message he just sent me*  

[FallenSammy]

ThisEmptySoul

When asked, most people will say personality because it sounds better and is the most logical answer. However, when it actually comes to picking a mate, many will throw all logic out the window and go for whoever looks better, and this isn't always because of the most obvious reasons.

Aside from the "eye-candy" aspect, some will choose a good looking person to impress friends, boost their ego, achieve a certain social status, or because they feel that's what they're supposed to do and that someone would find it strange if they turned down the good looking person to go with someone "plain" or "ugly"... or stay single.

For a long term relationship, I think everyone with any sort of common sense realizes that they need to find someone they can connect with, however, other things in our life may affect our decisions of who to be with.

And though I do believe personality is the most important factor, that does not mean that looks are not important at all. Actually, looks is often the thing that first draws a person in unless they meet by some other means {such as online}. So there often is some kind of physical attraction first that pulls you in. Personality is what keeps the relationship going. You can only enjoy a person solely for their looks for so long. If there is a connection, then their beauty does not fade, but rather increases over time.

Sammy finds!

 

[Maddie Pryor]

In reality it's a bit of both. I mean, if we only cared about personality over the physical then we'd all be bisexual, but what can I say? I love me some c**k. That's why I think bisexuals are so great though: they can find beauty in both physical forms.  

[Kinnei]

Personality. Keep in mind that someone can look good on the outside and be very ugly on the inside. Just because someone is "hot" doesn't mean they're going to be a good person.  

[Liada Trovaras]

A big portion of it is personality for me. As much as I wanna say that its all personality I would be lying to myself and hating myself more than I would admitting that I do go for looks the other portion of the time. Its no offense to anyone its just how it is for me. Fact is fact. I don't expect the same out of anyone else we're all cut into different forms and its truely the eye of the beholder to some.  

[Dark-Blue Zeus]

As much as I would like to comment on this I think it's best I keep how I really feel on this subject to myself lol . but personally, I prefer intelligence and personality. nothing more attractive than a smart woman.