blue-alien
http://czar-ino-kaze.deviantart.com/
Hey I just finished a couple of chapters of my story, I would appreciate it if you would read through it and tell me what you think. Just a quick heads up: This is Czar's beginnings.
1.Czars story is always fun to read. a bit corny at times but fun to read...
The introduction of the first villian was perfect. just keep the gradual pace into the shitstorm and it should be a very fullfilling read for me.
but at times it becomes confusing to read. more then once I had to backtrack because I thought czar was saying or doing something but it turned out to be someone else who was saying/doing it(example)
2.I updated morters story. they arent drafts anymore its the final version of the last two chapters posted, tell me what you think. (I'm working on the next chapter now)
3.Now I will write this again since I Honestly need a second opinion on this.
I want Morter to fall in love with either Diana or Jessica.
Diana will have a split personality thing. whenever she holds a gun or weapon she becomes this master strategist on the battlefield but when she isn't she is a very kind and motherly women who is just infatuated with watermelons (originally it was blueberry's but after seeing my ex gf hug a watermelon I changed it out of funniness).
Diana may eventualy grow out of the little sister thing and start seeing morter as a guy rather then a brother.
Jessie already has a loveseed planted for Morter capable of growing into a relationship plant. She is strong, willful and capable enough to back her words with force. she is a tomboy who loves getting into mischief and picking on people she likes. She is a sickeningly expert shot with a sniper (able to shoot a pilot out of his jet without a scope)
Jessie has the childhood friend thing going on and they already have interesting chemistry.
Both bring good qualities to the table both are able to console him in their own different ways and both are more then capable of kicking his a** into shape if his character needs it.
I'm leaning towards Diana again but before I was leaning towards Jessica.